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wow, dh suggets giving it all up!

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  • wow, dh suggets giving it all up!

    we've been struggling to keep our farm fenced and maintained and are ready to throw in the towel some days.
    it's just too big, the mortgage is too big, work is great but dh and i need more time togther.
    he's 20 years older, past retirement and has been ill for a long time.
    he's got a few years left according to the docs.
    last night he suggested we sell and move to a mortgage free place with just us and the critters.
    we have four horses!
    i'm going to need six to ten acres at least. as long as the water and fencing is in excellent shape i can see us doing that.
    but when he dies i'll have only half of his pension so i will have to go back to work.
    we could sell, place the money in savings and live off oh his pensions--barelybut somewhat comfortably.
    when necessary i can use the savings to buy again.
    would you do it?
    or should i continue to look for a place with an easier to manage land component and take on another huge mortgage?

  • #2
    You both need to talk to a reputable financial advisor.
    Go see it with all your figures on hand.
    They know what all kinds of arrangements will fit your situation and give you different options that make sense.

    We can't even guess what you need to do.

    I will say, there is a time you have to cut down, better to do it while you can enjoy a quieter, less stressful life.
    You also don't know that something else may not come up with your health also, although don't count yourself short either.

    When someone is getting very old or very sick, the expenses become much greater than you could have thought, so get some good advice now on what to do, before you may have a crisis.

    Too bad that we don't live long enough to make all the mistakes, is it, better learn from others.
    Get someone in the business of managing money to look at where you are now.


    • #3
      Bluey's given great advice. Definitely talk to a financial advisor, you have more than one choice.
      Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/peonyvodka/


      • #4
        It sounds like he's trying to get you set up to be happy and safe once he's gone.

        You can't afford the farm, once he's dead, you'll have less money and will be horse poor(er). If you need to go back to work (If you CAN find a job to go back to work) just how much will you be able to enjoy your horses? Not much,you'll be doing all the farm grunt work and horsekeeping.

        Do you really "need" 4 horses? How many can you ride and enjoy? Time to cull your herd (an unpopular suggestion, I know).

        It might be time to board. Let someone else worry about the day-to-day maintenance and heavy work. Enjoy your horse(s), one of the nicest gifts you can give your husband is his not having to worry about you after he's gone. You'll not be horseless, but you will be able to enjoy the time remaining as a couple without having to worry about your horses daily care.

        Good luck, transitions stink!
        "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"


        • #5
          You didn't mention insurance ?
          ... _. ._ .._. .._


          • Original Poster

            he is absolutely trying his best to make sure i am safe and happy when he dies.

            we have four horses, one is his lease horse who will go back someday.
            the other three are mine; my old timer who is with me forever, and two mares i love deeply, but given the right home may sell or lease either one.

            anyway, i can work almost anywhere, as i care for the elderly and disabled and have done so for years. we can either continue to do so or live on a very slim budget with just our critters. that sounds heavenly on days like today!

            am meeting with a financial advisor who is also a horse person, and a friend.
            meeting with the listing agent tomorrow.
            something will happen, just not sure what yet!


            • #7
              I am so sorry your DHs health is failing and you are facing so many hard choices and struggles.

              Having a reputable financial advisor help draw up a five year and long-term plan might help make decision-making more manageable and clarify what options are available.

              Best wishes to your and your family.


              • #8
                Suz, just gotta say how sorry I am that you're in that situation. It sounds like maybe he wants to take it easy and spend more time with you NOW while he's here. I second a financial planner and the idea of culling the herd and possibly boarding. You may end up with less time than you think, but that I mean, as in if you are caring for him, you don't want to be tied to the horses at home if you're running to doctors and/or helping him at home. It would be one less stress in your life. Also maybe lease the horses?
                Again, financial planner is your first stop, but I'm thinking that I would consider selling the place and boarding, and maybe renting a cheap place that you probably won't stay in after your husband passes on. THEN you will know how much money you truly have to spend in order to purchase a new place. Unless the market picks up, selling a home is not a simple task.


                • Original Poster

                  what's amazing is hat he is still here and feeling great at the moment.
                  living here meant i could take care of him while he was sick, and the clients. i do have a wonderful live in assistant, i couldn't do it without her.

                  i cannot wait to meet with the planner on friday.
                  i feel pretty good about my position, i am owner of another small home free and clear, and y land is mine free and clear. i think the real exercise for me is to determine what i want to do and where i want to do it.

                  i can always go back to my plan, which is intentional community. i can see myself caring for people in my home again with an assistant like the one i have now. heck, it could even be her again someday.
                  i can rent a barn apt, caretake a farm, whatever.

                  but yes, i am investing in my mares' training right now to make sure they have the best possible futures. at least one the barn owner would take in a heartbeat.
                  i wonder--is it a moon thing?