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Smoking in the Barn!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!

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  • Smoking in the Barn!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!

    I am highly embarassed to be posting this, and am therefore using my alter.

    My husband absolutely will NOT stop smoking in the barn, and I'm at my wits end. Tonight, I went out to bring horses in and feed, and he's in there dumping shavings with a lit cigarette hanging out of his mouth. I asked him what the hell he was doing and told him to get out of the barn. He asked me why and I just wanted to scream, but I just mentioned the lit cigarette he had hanging out of his mouth. His answer? So. SO?! REALLY?! He was like, "I'm right here, nothing is going to happen." What?! I just DO.NOT.GET.IT. I have told him time and time again NOT to smoke in the barn, and he'll either give me that crappy attitude or say something equally stupid like, "it's insured." I don't really give a flying flip if its insured. You don't smoke in the barn! I myself am a smoker. I would NEVER smoke in my barn. I don't know what to do, or say. I am so at a loss because he doesn't really seem to give a care. It boils down to a respect issue and short of divorcing him, I don't know how to convince him just how horrible this habit is and the devastation it could leave behind. Does any one else have any experience with something like this? Any suggestions on getting it through his thick skull that it is NOT appropriate behavior?


  • #2
    I have some ideas, some of them not so nice.
    How about talking about the possibility of it not being covered if it is blatant negligence?
    Or the magic sentence...

    When you smoke in the barn after being asked repeatedly not to,
    I feel disrespected and hurt.
    And I think _____________.
    I need you to know ______________.
    you can fill in the blanks with "you're an asshat" and it stops NOW. or whatever other thing you choose to put in...
    Me, I'd probably resort to printing full color graphic photos of consequences, and duct tape them across doorways at eye level in EVERY doorway with a sign saying absolutely no smoking in or near this barn.

    It was instilled in me at a young age by my instructor, that anyone caught smoking near or in the barn would be skinned alive. good luck.
    ....... pausing


    • #3
      Just hose him down every time you see him near the barn with a fire stick in his mouth. A couple of good drenchings ought to get the point across.


      • #4
        Force him to watch the black beauty fire scene. That was started by a lantern but same concept. That scene has ruined the appeal for flames near a barn.

        But really, I agree with sitting him down. He is giving you the pfinger when he continues smoking after you have asked him to stop.

        I personally don't know how deep you bed, but at my barn that end would fall into the deep shavings and never come out. Barn would be lit quick.
        I am on my phone 90% of the time. Please ignore typos, misplaced lower case letters, and the random word butchered by autocowreck.


        • #5
          I agree with hosing him down. Who cares how mad he gets? He obviously doesn't care about your feelings!
          Just another reason I didn't get remarried.
          Producing horses with gentle minds & brilliant movement!


          • #6
            Originally posted by fourmares View Post
            Just hose him down every time you see him near the barn with a fire stick in his mouth. A couple of good drenchings ought to get the point across.
            A fire extinguisher in the face would also do the trick. Honestly, if my husband showed this level of stupidity and blatant disregard of my feelings, the barn burning down would be the least of his worries.


            • #7
              Your cigarette costs this much $XX

              The barn and contents costs this much $XXX. Also the fire could move on to other dwellings, and properties. $XXXXX

              You do the math.

              JUST watched a Seinfeld where Krammer went to a cabin and left his still smoking cigar on the window sill, he left with a gal to go swimming in the lake, the door slams, and the still lit smoking cigar rolls and falls on some newspapers, and the whole cabin catches fire, burns down.

              Hmm, cigar worth $XX, cabin and its contents worth $XXX.

              BTW the cabin was not his.

              First and foremost, I would not be married to ANYbody who smoked.


              • #8
                First and foremost, I would not be married to ANYbody who smoked.
                That's really neither here nor there, isn't it?
                They're small hearts.


                • #9
                  From an electrical fire, but maybe he'll get the point




                  We lost three from the barn, Alex was injured (2 years work to get him back to be able to drive, but he'll never ride again)

                  The barn was a total loss as was the farm's horse trailer which was some distance away but damaged by the heat. Rapid action by the locals kept the other buildings and houses on the property from burning too.


                  • #10
                    OMG DriveNJ, poor ALex. I'm glad he survived, but how awful for him and for you.

                    OP, I would definitely sit your husband down and show him those photos.

                    Like most men, he's probably sure he's in control of the situation (his response that he's "right here") But an ember can linger for a long time before generating a flame.

                    I live in CT, and at Christmas there was a terrible fire in which a woman lost her three daughters and her parents. The fire was started because the woman & her boyfriend removed ashes from the fireplace and put them into a non-metal container....on the porch. Hours later, the fire started. So no matter how vigilant your husband thinks he is when he's there, it's not enough.

                    But I have to say, my first reaction was the same as others...hose him.


                    • #11
                      Time for one of those conversations.

                      Tell him you know he is right but it still makes you worry a ton and can he please not do it just because you would prefer he not do it.
                      You are never going to win a conversation where you try to convince him that he is wrong and you are right.


                      • #12
                        were there not a huge barn fire recently?

                        I know there are videos out on how fast a house goes up in flames, from cigarette to total loss in about 15 minutes...

                        Plus a little reminder that dust cand be explosive....

                        is DH the kind of guy who smokes at a gas station, too?


                        • #13
                          A local race barn had a "no smoking" policy IN the stalls. Workers who smoked carefully put their lit butts on the ledge of the stall wall prior to entering a stall. The place burned TWICE!

                          Good luck to you OP. My heart goes out to you. I think you have way worse problems than a hubby who does not care about your barn/horses. I would ban the hubby from the barn, to start with. You don't need his help. Do it all yourself. And the hosing down if you do catch him out there... if you see smoke, you will assume he is on fire and act accordingly.

                          And quit smoking yourself, entirely. Just to set an example. To do so will make you rich, healthy, and far more attractive. Good luck!


                          • #14

                            nice pictures....

                            Kind of morbid but


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by rmh_rider View Post

                              First and foremost, I would not be married to ANYbody who smoked.
                              And I wouldn't be married to anyone who puts a jacket on someone for a habit. We all have them


                              • #16
                                Can you ban him from the barn until he quits smoking in it? I'd show him the pictures, show him why...and then say, I understand that not smoking is tough on you, so you need to not do it in the barn. If that means you don't help with chores, you don't help with chores.

                                Say it and mean it.

                                Sorry you're going through this :-/


                                • #17
                                  I don't understand why he can't simply take a break and go somewhere to smoke that is NOT in the barn. Why is this such a difficult concept?
                                  What's wrong with you?? Your cheese done slid off its cracker?!?!


                                  • #18
                                    Originally posted by fourmares View Post
                                    Just hose him down every time you see him near the barn with a fire stick in his mouth. A couple of good drenchings ought to get the point across.

                                    I recently built a horse barn on my parents property (I am 25). I know how you feel because one day while I was in there, my dad walks in with a lit cigarette, stands there to talk to me, and I asked him what the hell he was doing smoking in my barn?! He never smoked in his barn when he had cows, he shouldn't be smoking in my barn either. He brushed it of like it was no big deal...I told him that he owns the house, he can smoke in that, but I just bought and paid for that horse barn, it was mine, and he was NOT smoking in it, and I literally left the stall I was cleaning and ushered him out of the building, and closed the door behind him.

                                    I dont' like cigarettes period...they stink. I don't want to be around the smoke, mainly because I'm allergic and it gives me headaces and makes me feel like I cannot breathe. On top of that, they should never be near a barn. Period.
                                    "If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple payments..."


                                    • #19
                                      It seems to me like he is willfully incapable of understanding why this is a bad idea. He's actively refusing to understand your point of view.

                                      In that case, the only way to solve this is to absolutely forbid him to set foot in the barn. Even if it created more work for me, I couldn't sleep at night knowing that someone was smoking in the barn. If he smokes, he doesn't go near the barn. Period.
                                      life + horses


                                      • #20
                                        I too am smoker but would never dream of smoking in or near a barn.

                                        Are all the horses yours? You could remind him that while the barn itself may be insured the animals in it are not (unless you have seperate coverage for them) and if there is a boarder or two he will have to pay for those horses on top of the heartbreak of lossing your own horses.