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Personality conflict

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  • Personality conflict

    I received notice today from the barn owner that my exercise rider is no longer welcome on the property. I'm recovering from neck surgery and my rider has been working do me do 2 months. She does an excellent job with my difficult jumper, takes immaculate care of him, cleans my tack after each rid and sensors me a daily report and is very reasonabl priced, other boarders have complained that she is loud...very friendly just with a loyd voice but butts into conversations. I find this very petty and feel like i am being bullied. I have given notice at the barn. Am I out of line? This barn is a grip of middle aged woman who at all petrified of their horss and run to the manager lke 5h graders with a hall monitor. I'm sick of the petty b.s

  • #2
    Well, I stumbled through the post and I think I got the gist of it... Your rider has been banned from the barn due to being loud and butting into everyone's conversation. You say this is due to being friendly. What did the BO say?

    It's your horse, you can leave if you want. Sounds like you don't like the group anyways. But what happens if your "uber-friendly loud" exercise rider gets 86ed from the next place?
    COTH's official mini-donk enabler

    "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl


    • Original Poster

      Th barn owner is passive aggressive and Saudi she had "complaints". While my ride would not be someone I would want to go to lunch with she des right by the horse and tries to be nice. I'm bitter that no one approached me about her and it sem to me they ate all being petty. I feel lke I'm on the playground. I'm also helpless because I had unexpected emergency surgery and can't rife until march.


      • #4
        OK, seriously, are you typing on a PHONE?? And she is Saudi? I'm going to stop there
        COTH's official mini-donk enabler

        "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl


        • #5
          OP please don't type on a phone because Saudi has me almost baffled too - but I'll bet it's that predictive spelling for said.

          Um, your BO has the right to ban your exercise rider if the other boarders have complained about her, enough times, and you have the right to leave the barn if your need to have that particular exercise rider is more important than the other aspects of the barn such as location/price/care. But telling us the other boarders are a bunch of candyasses isn't such a good idea because your exercise rider might be a real scary PITA when you aren't around, or maybe this barn is full of snobs who don't feel like being friendly to the "paid help".

          At any rate you really do need to get in touch with the BO, find out what is going on and instruct your exercise rider not to get you kicked out of the next barn.
          And I'm sorry you've had to have surgery, get all this organized and now this happens too. Best of luck.
          Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
          Incredible Invisible


          • #6
            I love Autocorrected posts. I was like, "Do Saudis have a reputation for being passive-aggressive or something?"

            Sorry OP but I have to say that if my boarders were complaining to me regularly about someone, I'd probably ask them to leave too especially if they weren't even the horse's owner. Paying customers trump annoying exercise riders. I have actually asked a boarder to leave because she was so obnoxious that she was interfering with other boarders' ability to enjoy their barn time. I couldn't blame them either since she would come in the evening after I was done working the barn horses and I'd hide in my house until I saw her drive out rather than go work my own horses while she was there.

            I don't think it's unreasonable to leave if having this rider work your horse is important to you, but I also don't think your BO is being unreasonable from the way you have described the situation. If you haven't managed a boarding barn you have no idea how much trouble a difficult person (even one who is trying to be nice) can cause.
            exploring the relationship between horse and human


            • #7
              Why didn't someone just approach the OP as owner 1st and ask her to censor the Ex rider lack of Emily Post skills...seriously this is just plain STUPID...


              • #8
                I do agree that it is best to address the issue with the rider in question and/or the owner of the horse, but it may not do any good. In the case I mentioned we did repeatedly ask the problem boarder to tone it down and she would for a week or two then go right back to being loud and obnoxious.

                If the BO had not tried that then I do think she should have done so before kicking the rider out. We don't know whether or not this has been tried though.
                exploring the relationship between horse and human


                • #9
                  You say that all the other riders are scared of their horses and presumably this woman isn't. Could she be taking chances that make the BO nervous from an insurance perspective?
                  Life would be infinitely better if pinatas suddenly appeared throughout the day.


                  • #10
                    My hat's off to the BO for looking out for the paying clients.

                    I've been at other barns where obnoxious people make everyone else's time miserable. We had one that was so bad that 2 other boarders and I were repeatedly getting into it with the PITA. Loud, constantly butting into conversations, letting kids run unattended, dangerous, and ALWAYS there.

                    She complained to the BO about us. This came up in conversation with the BO one day who said that the PITA wanted to move to another tack room, when I said great the BO laughed and said she wasn't going to move her because the three of us were the only ones that could keep PITA in line. The BO was concerned that PITA would run roughshod over anyone else.

                    I threw the "gone away" party when she left.


                    • #11
                      I was asked to leave once because I was "stirring up trouble." I was the ex rider for a woman who had had surgery, and was coming in and quietly riding the horse, leaving, and not saying boo to anyone. The "in" group at the barn pitched a fit and had me banned, saying I was "stirring up trouble," and everyone was mystifyed except for me. Because of course the "real" reason I was banned was because I knew about the head trainer's affair. They were so scared I'd say something that they had me banned. Of course I never said anything WHILE I was there, but that made me so mad that if anyone asked what happened, I'd just say "oh, I knew too much about so and so's affair." Served 'em right...


                      • #12
                        Have you had an in-person (or by phone) conversation with the BO about the situation, and been given no alternatives? If so, I'd say it's time to move. But unless you take the initiative to try and sort out the problem, you have to share the "passive aggressive" label.
                        Click here before you buy.


                        • #13
                          I'd be bummed too

                          Originally posted by TheJenners View Post
                          OK, seriously, are you typing on a PHONE?? And she is Saudi? I'm going to stop there
                          OP can't rife until March either.


                          • #14
                            If you already gave notice, what is your question?

                            You have a plan, right? Or is this a vent?

                            In any case, why not call your BO with a curt but professional request:

                            "I understand that Ex-rider is no longer welcome. I need my horse ridden while I'm recovering for surgery so here's my notice. Since I'm doing the best I can to solve the Ex Rider problem ASAP on my end, can you allow her to continue riding for the remainder of my horse's stay with you? Thanks."

                            If you feel that your BO is on somewhat friendly terms, ask if there are any reasonable instructions from her that you can relay to Ex Rider in order to make those last weeks "good enough" for everyone. Apologize to Ex Rider for the BO's PITA behavior. Let her know you are happy with what she's doing and that you are just trying to keep everyone happy.
                            The armchair saddler
                            Politically Pro-Cat


                            • #15
                              While typing on a phone is not ideal, maybe that is the OP's only choice at the moment, if they've just had neck surgery. They may not be in a position to sit at a computer/laptop.

                              On the flipside, I do hope the "Saudi" thing was an autocorrect moment.
                              We couldn't all be cowboys, so some of us are clowns.


                              • #16
                                Wow!! I'd never have thought so many of you could be so sarcastic & petty about having to deciper a post made from someone who was recovering from neck surgery. Are you her doctor? Do you know what her current limitations are physically &/or mentally? Are you all in junior high school?

                                Good grief. I had no problem understanding what she was saying, regardless of her errors. And I'm sure that NONE OF YOU DID EITHER. Grow up!!! If you don't have anything helpful to offer, go read some other thread that meets your high expectations.

                                Rant over.

                                And OP - since you've already decided to move your horse, I'd have a sit-down with your rider & ask her what she thinks the problem was. If it was her fault, maybe you mentioning it will give her a heads up not to repeat any untoward behavior she may have exhibited at your next barn.


                                • #17
                                  Wow!! I'd never have thought so many of you could be so sarcastic & petty about having to deciper a post made from someone who was recovering from neck surgery.
                                  Where have you been?

                                  Are you her doctor? Do you know what her current limitations are physically &/or mentally? Are you all in junior high school?
                                  Good grief. I had no problem understanding what she was saying, regardless of her errors. And I'm sure that NONE OF YOU DID EITHER. Grow up!!! If you don't have anything helpful to offer, go read some other thread that meets your high expectations.
                                  Pot meet kettle.

                                  Honestly, I find the whole autocorrect thing is usually pretty darn funny. I just read a performance review from one of my folks; he was talking about how he addressed "issues that aroused". I'm pretty sure he meant "arose", but I still giggled.


                                  • #18
                                    Exactly, I wasn't picking on the OP, I just found some of the substitutions to be pretty funny. Of course I can also waste a ton of time on sites like Damn You Autocorrect so maybe I'm just easily amused.
                                    exploring the relationship between horse and human


                                    • #19
                                      It's obviously not auto-correct if you read it.

                                      Like the other poster said, whether or not all the words are correct, you obviously did understand what she/he posted, so why nit-pick.

                                      OP - unfortunately you are not there so don't see what's happening. I would just, as the others say, ask the BO to help you understand the problem so that you can avoid running into it in future. And, if you speak with your rider about changing her behaviour, would they let her continue to ride through the remainder of your board.

                                      Question - did you give your notice before or after they asked for your rider to cease riding.


                                      • #20
                                        No, actually, it took me a little bit to get through it. So I did have a problem. Even if you are on a phone, you can stop to look through and make corrections.
                                        COTH's official mini-donk enabler

                                        "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl