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OT... depression help?

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  • #41
    Hmmm, InWhyCee - we must have been on the same wavelength there... [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif[/img]
    Your crazy is showing. You might want to tuck that back in.


    • #42
      Dear Sadalter: I have been in that bottomless pit, twice - when it is an effort to roll over in bed, let alone get up...when it seems that the whole world is painted in grey and black....when you feel you are hanging onto the wall of a deep, bottomless pit and you are loosing your grip...when it hurts to think, it hurts to LIVE, and you see no hope.... and I have something very, very important to tell you: I am here - I made it, and so can you...I'll help you - let me try to help you!!! I have been through two long, severe clinical depressions. Numerous medications, numerous combinations of medications, seemingly endless months of waiting for the meds to work, then changing meds, and waiting again....uncounted therapy sessions - and finally, each time I resorted to ECT (which worked), but the point here is that I made it back - I never thought I would...but I did. And I know that you feel no one can understand, but I can...hang on, hold tight, and please let me try to help you !


      • #43
        This is Pat again - I forgot to give you my e-mail address: patsducky@AOL.com Contact me if you want to "talk"!


        • #44
          gosh, everyone. i'm so touched by everyone's responses. i just got into work and saw how big the thread had gotten, and was amazed.

          I did get up and go to my lesson today (and stayed on a couple of HUGE bucks my horse threw at me for being so wobbly). So I am trying to have that be my accomplishment for the day... I will get through the work day, go home and have a bath, and try to be pleased with myself for that much. The rest can come later...

          thanks again, everyone.

          and to Another Alter, I agree with all the posters who say to try to get help. It's scary, but it will be OK...


          • #45
            Thought this was interesting, one more reason to wear an approved helmet.

            Tuesday January 15 10:27 AM ET

            Head Injury Linked to a Risk of Future Depression

            By Melissa Schorr

            NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - People who suffer a traumatic head injury may be at increased risk of developing bouts of depression over their life span, a team of researchers reports.

            ``The risk of depression does not end a year or two after head injury,'' senior author Dr. Brenda L. Plassman told Reuters Health. ``Clinicians need to be aware and watch for symptoms of depression,'' said Plassman, who is head of the program in epidemiology of dementia at Duke University Medical Center, Durham, North Carolina.

            Plassman and colleagues studied World War II veterans who had been hospitalized either for head injury, pneumonia or wounds during the war. The researchers compared 520 veterans with head injuries to nearly 1,200 veterans hospitalized for other reasons. Both groups were evaluated for their lifetime risk of depression 50 years after hospitalization.

            Head injury was defined as a trauma to the head that caused either a loss of consciousness or amnesia. The head injuries were caused by events such as car crashes, blasts, fights with peers, falls and sports injuries.

            The investigators found that the lifetime prevalence of major depression in veterans who had suffered a head injury was almost 19%, compared with about 13% of veterans who had not suffered a head injury.

            The researchers also found that the more severe the head injury, the greater the lifetime risk of depression. For example, those who had the most severe head injuries had nearly double the lifetime risk of depression, according to the report in the January issue of the Archives of General Psychiatry.

            ``It's possible there's either structural or functional changes caused by head injury in parts of our brain which may be associated with depression,'' Pressman explained.

            With more than 1.2 million Americans experiencing head injury each year, a possible link to long-term risk of depression would be a critical public health issue, Pressman said. ``Depression is a condition which has a great cost to individuals across a life span, a decreased quality of life and a medical cost,'' she noted.

            These findings also suggest that prevention and treatment of head injury needs to be taken more seriously. ``We may need to look at technologies for helmets when playing sports, or any situation where head injury is a risk,'' she said. ``Our findings should also encourage clinicians to look at ways of most effectively treating head injuries right away, to hopefully prevent these long-term effects.''

            In an accompanying editorial, Drs. Robert G. Robinson and Ricardo Jorge of the University of Iowa College of Medicine's psychiatry department suggest that a randomized treatment trial of depression in patients with acute traumatic brain injury (TBI) should be conducted. ``The growing evidence that depressive disorder plays an important role in the long-term course of TBI emphasizes the need for such a trial,'' they noted.

            SOURCE: Archives of General Psychiatry 2002;59:17-24.


            • #46
              <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Heidi:
              Sadalter, Another Alter, visit this most wonderful site -- and read the profile of William Styron, one of the best American writers (ever!!) and a survivor of depression.


              Heidi, thanks for posting that site.

              My parents are good friends with the (now-ex) president and his wife of a fairly prestigous college and they got to eat dinner (just my parents, Mr. Styron, and the president and his wife) with him.

              I don't know if this is public knowledge, but my father told me recently (this happenned years ago) Mr. Styron talked about attempting suicide.

              Other resources:


              **~~Emily~~** proud
              member of the junior clique!


              • #47
                In addition to your medication and therapy, you may also want to make sure your diet is nutritionally balanced. I would talk to your doctor or a nutritionist about taking a mineral supplement (preferably colloidal minerals or other readily bioavailable minerals), look into taking enzymes with meals to assist in digestion, look at taking a calcium magnesium supplement, look into taking blue-green algae as a supplement and perhaps do a colon cleanse. (Oh, and drink lots of water.) You are currently blocked and while you are treating your mind, it can't hurt to also focus on your body. All of these things will help free your body of toxins and help bring your ph levels back into balance. This can also go a long way in improving your mental state.

                Also, has your physician done a CBC? I had a bout of depression a few months ago (mainly b/c of stress at the job and also probably from the remnants of an ex-mistake that I broke up with a few months prior). I didn't get out of bed for a week. I had been so tired for a while too. The tests my doctor ran showed that I have iron-deficiency anemia, so now I'm working to replenish my depleted iron stores. Just an idea.

                Anyway, I wish you well. This too shall pass.


                • #48
                  Who's among the greatest living American writers, he wrote a book in '90 entitled Darkness Visible, which recounts his own experience with depression - a condition he compares to an overwhelming sense of 'suffocation or drowning'.


                  • #49
                    I was diagnosed in fourth or fifth grade, and I've been on drugs essentially since that time. I've seen numerous suicidal depressed friends, etc, etc, had plenty of my own issues too. If you ever want to talk, it's trixie@erols.com or editorial@georgetowner.com
                    They're small hearts.


                    • #50
                      I was depressed for a while right after I started high school, my problem was that I was switching from a private school to a public school and I knew absolutely no one!!! But we did go to a doctor and he recommended Zoloft, we never did try it b/c after a few weeks I actually started getting my perkiness up, that is after talking to various people and just telling them everything... what a great thing! I don't really know what to say, but talking to other people about it really helped me alot, and also doing things with my old friends helped a ton too

                      Catherine the former *bennet&bailey*
                      ~Unapproved Princess Clique~
                      The perfect hunt horse should" 'Ave the 'ead of a duchess an the arse of a cook"
                      Ridin Horses is what I love, that's why my Bailey is from heaven above!!
                      Rider and owner of the wonderful *Halo Effect*



                      • #51
                        I searched "Depression" and "Equine" and I found a list-serv on YahooGroups! for "equine enthusiasts who suffer from depression."

                        Here's the link: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/horses_depression/

                        I have no idea if it's good, but it's worth a try!

                        **~~Emily~~** proud
                        member of the junior clique!


                        • #52
                          I'll add my two cents worth here, sadalter - I have been thru the same thing. It was not until recently that I discovered that I was suffering from clinical depression and that I had in fact, been suffering from it all my life. At one time, I stopped eating - dropped down to 90 lbs. I was a walking talking stick. I was told to quit being stupid, get over it, that all I wanted was attention - ugh, it was awful. The last time I lost a job over it, could not get out of bed, could not see my horse, when I rode I cried - I was paralyzed. I got on meds and they helped. I still have panic and anxiety attacks - I find there is a difference between them. I get by, though.

                          What I have to say is that you will get past this - it will get better. Do what you have to do, whatever that may be. Take meds, talk to a therapist, stay in bed - whatever. Be a little self-indulgent, a little selfish and don't let anyone make you feel guilty. Keep in mind these two things - (1) the first step to solving the problem is recognizing that you have one and (2) Be here now. I am giving you a hug and a hankie and my thoughts are with you. If you want to talk, email me shilohsmom@yahoo.com

                          Robby, I totally connected with what you were saying. I went thru the same thing - less the expensive suit hee hee hee, but the same anyway. You speak the truth.....

                          Heelsdown - very interesting about the connection with head injuries and depression. In my life I have had several bad blows to the head and your information intrigues me and has certainly made me think about the tie between my injuries and when they occurred and when I got depressed. Thanks.

                          [This message was edited by shiloh on Jan. 16, 2002 at 07:56 AM.]
                          "Cats aren't clean; they're covered with cat spit."
                          - John S Nichols (1745-1846,writer/printer)

                          Don't come for me - I didn't send for you.


                          • #53
                            <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by shiloh:
                            I'll add my two cents worth here, sadalter - I have been thru the same thing. It was not until recently that I discovered that I was suffering from clinical depression and that I had in fact, been suffering from it all my life. At one time, I stopped eating - dropped down to 90 lbs. I was a walking talking stick. I was told to quit being stupid, get over it, that all I wanted was attention - ugh, it was awful. The last time I lost a job over it, could not get out of bed, could not see my horse, when I rode I cried - I was paralyzed. I got on meds and they helped. I still have panic and anxiety attacks - I find there is a difference between them. I get by, though.

                            What I have to say is that you will get past this - it will get better. Do what you have to do, whatever that may be. Take meds, talk to a therapist, stay in bed - whatever. Be a little self-indulgent, a little selfish and don't let anyone make you feel guilty. Keep in mind these two things - (1) the first step to solving the problem is recognizing that you have one and (2) Be here now. I am giving you a hug and a hankie and my thoughts are with you. If you want to talk, email me shilohsmom@yahoo.com

                            Robby, I totally connected with what you were saying. I went thru the same thing - less the expensive suit hee hee hee, but the same anyway. You speak the truth,sistah.

                            Heelsdown - very interesting about the connection with head injuries and depression. In my life I have had several bad blows to the head and your information intrigues me and has certainly made me think about the tie between my injuries and when they occurred and when I got depressed. Thanks.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                            This is very true, and probably the most important thing I can say ... if you want to get better, and you want to quit feeling like you feel, you WILL get better ... it will just take time. Everyone told me that when I was so messed up and it was so hard to believe. I couldn't see how I could ever feel better. But I did (with the help of a TB mare who'll go un-named here!) and it's true.

                            When blood is the beverage of choice, the sharpest fangs feed first.


                            • #54
                              i wrote this really long reply, telling my story and it was full of things that helped me...but i didn't have the nerve to post it bc i am sure someone on these boards knows me. actually i know for sure that my trainer posts here, and so do people i ride with. i deleted it right before i could press post now. i'm sorry. i will say that making yourself happy is a key thing that has helped me. don't wait around for other people to make you happy. for instance i sent myself on flowers, if someone else had sent me flowers then i would've been thrilled...but i was happy bc i got flowers(even if they were from myself). also, keep seeing your therapist. and you aren't a bad person for not going to the barn and wanting to see your horse (had i not deleted it i would've talked about that more specifically)...im sorry.
                              "While girls schools are notoriously wild, the true party-hearty girl attends Hollins" ~The Preppy Handbook


                              • #55
                                Feeling depressed, clinically depressed, is one of the loneliest feelings in the world and I'm SO sorry you're there. It's a pit I don't wish on anyone.

                                I've dealt with depression and a mild form of bi-polar disorder my whole life. I don't get really manic, but there have been times when my mood can swing in literally 30 seconds (try explaining to an acquaintance why you were happy and chatting one moment and changed the radio station and decided that song was too sad and burst into tears). And I've had very serious bouts of depression where not only was I not sure I'd come out, I wasn't sure I wanted to try.

                                For me, doing the "I'm not as bad as X is" comparisons are deadly. That just makes me feel like I have no right to feel depressed (uh, yeah, I do have other issues with oh, self esteem and such, too, thanks for noticing [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif[/img] ). But everyone is different.

                                I do think having a good therapist is important. And the drugs may help -- but you will need to keep discussing your reactions with your doctor to find the right one.

                                Some other things to try may be finding a place to explore or express your spiritual side, re-reading favorite comforting books or going to visit an old friend. I didn't want to see anyone in my darkest days, but the last time this happened (a car accident that resulted eventually in spine surgery - the pain, fear and drugs put me in a very dangerous place) I pulled on what nearly 20 years of therapy had given me and forced myself to reach out and let people know I was miserable, a b&tch to be around and I really needed them to come help me. And they did! I still don't believe it. And it helped so much.

                                If you can, go out or just be around those friends who are close and kind enough to handle it. They don't understand -- if you haven't been there, you can't -- but what you need from them is their acceptance and support. Just try to tell them that.

                                As to riding -- maybe you want to suspend lessons and just ride for fun, or talk to your trainer and tell him/her you're in a tough spot and need to work on familiar things that you can feel successful about. This is NOT giving up or giving in to the depression -- this is being smart and taking care of yourself.

                                And try to give yourself permission to both feel bad and to accept help. Let your hair down and rent the stupid movie; buy the National Enquirer; get a new box of crayons and a coloring book; visit your friend and do nothing but cry in your wineglass while you listen to sappy music by candlelight. It's ok. People won't think you're "weak" or "ill" if you do -- they'll feel proud that you chose them to help, and closer because of it.

                                Good luck as you go through this. And you WILL go through this. It only feels like it lasts forever.


                                • #56
                                  I went into a horrible tailspin of depression a couple of years ago. It was one of those things where everything just came crashing down at once and I didn't know where to turn. I didn't want to get out of bed, didn't want to face my days. (Sometimes I still don't, but now it's related to immediate stressors rather than serious depression.) I did therapy for a while, and that helped pull me through the darkest part, but therapy's darn hard work. I needed more than that to get me back on track.

                                  I hugged my cats alot. I watched a lot of sitcoms. When I could force myself to the barn, I cried into my horse's mane. I didn't make myself work him. But a large part of the problem was that my coursework was so demanding, I didn't have sufficient time to take care of myself. That was really tough. I just kept getting out of bed and forcing myself through the day. I excused myself for being a grump, and didn't pressure myself. If I just couldn't get an assignment done on time, I told the professor I was really struggling in my personal life and doing the best I could. They were remarkably understanding. I did my best each day, one day at a time, and accepted that that had to be good enough. My grades weren't great, but I pulled through. Part of the reason I made it through that year and a half was that I leaned heavily on a girlfriend of mine.

                                  My girlfriend was kind enough to tolerate my incessant unhappiness. She had been there herself years before me, when she ended her relationship with her fiance. She told me a story about a morning that she woke up and did not want to get out of bed and face her day. She literally went down the stairs on her butt because she could not find the strength to stand up. Know what? She's great now. She made it. And so will you. Her story inspired me to keep going. I just kept picturing her in her pjs, on her butt, going down those steps one at a time. I think rockstarr's advice regarding finding a support group is great. Find strength in others when you don't feel you have it in yourself. You need to talk to other people who know what you're going through.

                                  Another thing that helped me was forcing myself to go out and be social, even though my friends had never gone through what I was going through. It was so hard, but sometimes I forgot myself, and found myself laughing and having a good time. Even if only for a few moments. Those times increased little by little.

                                  Another person suggested re-reading a favorite book. I must have read Bridget Jones's Diary a hundred times; ditto for Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. It's light, easy reading, really funny, and reaffirms that we all have things we wish were different. When we're depressed, we are not alone, and I think it's really important to remember that. Rockstarr also said indulging in a silly TV show might help. When I was really depressed, I watched the Golden Girls as much as I could. I still do. It seems stupid, but that TV show always made me feel better, and still does. I think it's a reminder that there are people in your life who will always love you, no matter what. And that, whatever life hands you, you can deal with it. We don't have to be graceful and perfect all the time - we just have to do the best we can on any given day with whatever we're equipped with at the time.

                                  Forgive the rambling nature of the post. It's hard to organize my thoughts on this. I just wanted to share too. I think it's great that so many of us are willing to talk about our experiences. It always helps to know you are not alone. Best wishes.


                                  • #57
                                    (esp. rockstarr.... [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img])

                                    I was surprised, and glad, to see this thread resurface, because I wanted to thank everyone who took the time to be supportive and share their stories. It really, really helped me when I was feeling so awful. I printed out the thread and read it just about everyday for a while there.

                                    I went through a very rough two months, but am feeling much better. The antidepressants definitely kicked in, and I feel like a different person. Not everything in my life is great, but I can absolutely deal with it. Everyday stress, sadness, and insecurity are a whole different ball game than serious depression.

                                    I am afraid about a relapse, terrified that I will become undone again, but I think I have gained some strength and perspective from this. It's so lovely just to be able to enjoy simple things again... (like food; I've regained all the weight I lost on my depression diet, unfortunately, but I'd much rather be fat and happy, like my horse, than miserable and thin). I'm having a blast riding, and am planning a trip to the Yorkshire Riding Center next week.

                                    I posted this under "sadalter" so people would know that I was the thread starter, but wanted to come out as myself... I usually post as "stephanie." I was in such a state when I started the thread that anonymity felt crucial; being ashamed of what was happening to me was a big part of how I was feeling. But I don't feel any of that now, and want to do my part for the "anti-stigmatization" of depression.

                                    So, I will keep everyone posted, and thanks so much again. This board really is full of amazing people.


                                    • #58
                                      well said. This thread has been very touching - by the very fact that so many members have been willing to share the fact of their illness.
                                      Depression, because it is considered a 'mental' illness - when in fact it is as physical as diabetes - always gets pushed aside, shoved under the carpet, or dismissed.
                                      I have had bouts of depression for most of my adult life - probably earlier , just not diagnosed then.
                                      and so many people have given such good, heart-felt advice on this BB! All I can do is reiterate: find the meds that work for you, take them (this coming from me, the worst patient ever), look after your health, set small goals, and feel satisfaction in achieving them.
                                      When I am going through periods of not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to wash my hair, or get out my pyjamas having horses has always helped...at least I get out of bed!! (horses HAVE to be fed, turned out, stalls cleaned) .. even if I do it all in my pyjamas. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]
                                      Sometimes it helps to make a list. When you are depressed it's hard to accomplish anything, you often start many projects, finish nothing, feel all disorganized and disoriented - and then feel bad about yourself because you have accomplished nothing. I make a list, that sometimes starts, "get up" "and I check that off.
                                      I remind myself daily how very lucky I am (although I know full well that that has nothing to do with clinical depression) - but nonetheless I remind myself of that. What beautiful horses I have. That whatever has gone wrong, "is not Bosnia"... and "when they write the History of the Universe, this mistake, failure, whatever, won't be in it..." and sometimes I do sing myself stupid songs, like that "pick yourself up,dust yourself off" song - foolish, but at least it makes me laugh.
                                      and most important you are not alone. Often families, even when they love you dearly, are not a good source of comfort. I too had the British "stiff upper lip" kind of family. To them it was a failing, just not done, to be mentally ill. My aunt's suicide was a subject of shame and embarrassment to my parents. And when my illness first started to manifest itself, my mother told me "not to be so bloody foolish". So, you don't confide in your parents, and start to feel even more isolated and alone.
                                      Sometimes it helps to just have a really lovely hot bubbley bath,go to bed early with a good book, and try to be forgiving of yourself.
                                      ps re the Celexa - I found if I took it before bed, I could not sleep at all - and of course, that is not a good thing when you are depressed!
                                      If I took it in the morning on an empty stomach, it made me throw up... so after breakfast seems to work.
                                      pps: I think the line describing where I am from needs to be changed!! just too damn depressing!
                                      good luck.
                                      A Fine Romance. April 1991 - June 2016. Loved forever.


                                      • #59
                                        I've been there, am there and have erected the City limits and been elected mayor, Grand PooBah and General Care Practioner.

                                        I won't go into the whole story, but I've tried EVERY medication out there. Paxil, Wellbutrin, Serzone, Celexa, Prozac...They helped! They made it possoble for me to leave the house (i wouldn't do that for DAYS at a time), for me to get through and entire day without crying hystercly for no reason (a day did NOT pass that this didn't happen). However THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART, IF YOU IGNORE EVERYTHING ELSE READ THIS!!! [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img] they didn't make what was making me sad go away. They made it possible for me to be MEDICALLY (yes it IS a medical problem) healthy enough to face my problems head on...with thanks to Lynn the Wonder Shrink [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] .

                                        In the past 2 months, i've left my husband, moved and started a new job. Has it been hard? The hardest thing I've ever done. Have I been Sad? Unbelievably so. I wont go into all of my "issues" but i have a VERY good idea what you're going through. I'm getting better. I'm currently unmedicated and feeling great, so if you ever want to speak to someone who's currently on the lighter end of the long dark tunnel feel free to e-mail me. 8lisamarie@home.com

                                        LisaMarie [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]

                                        -- Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

                                        [This message was edited by lisamarie8 on Feb. 25, 2002 at 11:02 PM.]
                                        Life Goes On


                                        • #60
                                          WooHoo! Glad to hear you are feeling better! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other - you are making it! I had often wondered what happened to you and hoped to hear from you - I am so happy for you! Please tell us about your trip to the Yorkshire Riding Centre when you come back - I would love to hear about your adventures.

                                          LisaMarie - your signature line is great - it shows that you are feeling better! "Naked people have no influence..." ahahahahahaha - luv it!

                                          "Cats aren't clean; they're covered with cat spit."
                                          - John S Nichols (1745-1846,writer/printer)

                                          Don't come for me - I didn't send for you.