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Official "Dear Willem" Advice Thread

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  • #21
    Dear Willem,
    yesterday, I took two of my horses to a local show. They don't do a lot of locals, but we thought that it would be fun and there's a LONG break between old salem and fairfield, so we went. They were AWESOME, but the show was really poorly run. The poor things were woken up at 5:45 and put to bed at 10:00. I did the best I could, and they were taken care of really well, but I feel so guilty. What can I do to make it up to them? carrots? peppermints? they got scads of both and i still feel guilty. am I unduely guilty?
    BoR

    ------
    the price of three AP exams? $243
    sign up for two SATIIs? $26
    binders and office supplies for study guides? $53
    three horse shows through may? $ a lot
    NoDoz pills to manage it all? $4.99
    the sound of "pencils down" come last final exam? priceless.
    Um, I don\'t spell check. Deal with it.

    Comment


    • #22
      I have been very busy, punishing my Mom (whom I love very much) for letting the veterinarian float my teeth. Though I am an amazingly handsome and healthy fellow, I do admit that once in a while I feel my age. I put up such a magnificent fight, that I was quite worn out for the next couple of days. Why, I didn't even have enough energy to prance when my Mom took me out for grass! Such treatment must be punished, so I have been giving all humans the silent treatment!

      However, like all horses, I am a forgiving fellow, and so have decided to grace you all with my presence again.

      I think that it is quite all right to enjoy it when your Mom (whom you all love very much) cleans your schnitzel. I enjoy it very much and sometimes my Mom says she thinks thatI get it dirty on purpose so that she has to clean it. She gets pretty embarrassed sometimes with just how MUCH I enjoy it. (My Mom is a good and kind lady, but she is a bit of a prude [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif[/img] )

      I noticed Quincy's question and will answer it. I know that Willem won't mind because he is a good and courteous young man, who reminds me of myself in my younger days. Do not attempt to understand the mares, my friend Quincy. They are wonderful beings and I love them all, every one of them. I sweet talk them all, and they all bat those lovely long eyelashes at me. Enjoy your mare when she is in the mood to be nice to you, but remember that she is not the only mare in the pasture and that there will be times when they will enjoy your presence also. I know how pleasant it is to have all the ladies think you are wonderful, and I have every faith that they will feel this way about you too.

      However, if you see my special sweetheart, Promise, do not tell her that I have said this, as she would be sure to kick my fine red butt from here to next Sunday!

      I am Red Storm, and I am old and wise.

      Comment


      • #23
        Well yesterday I was very depressed because she was almost mounted by another gelding, whom is my "brother". I was very disappointed and now she only knickers to him when he passes her stall. She was sniffing him in places I dare not mention and she even put her head on his neck to rest while they were getting baths. As she left, he proceeded to follow her, and I heard through a friend of his intentions...
        I was not a witness to all this, I heard it through my friend Lani who was also getting a bath at the time, and now I am very depressed, but perhaps I will go back to my old girlfriend, Annie. What do you think I should do?

        -Quincy

        What does it take to be number one? Two is not a winner and three nobody remembers
        Someone has a crush on the starter...
        Don\'t get mad, get glad!

        Comment


        • #24
          Hi, Willem! This is Emmie, a most beautee-ous, intelligent and horse=related [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif[/img] Jack Russell Terror..er..Terrier.

          I'm signing in under my Mom's name because she won't get me my own computer. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif[/img]

          Here's the deal: I put up with lots of stuff, like sharing my bed and bisquits with the other dogs in the household--and allowing my humans barn-time with the horses. I don't even think about eating the cats--I have even been known to (gasp) sleep with the puddies! [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif[/img] But the latest wrinkle in the living arrangements is almost too much to bear! The new(ish) Lab puppy "Lucie" keeps stealing my stash of chewy-bones!

          I figured that what with you having an accent and all, you're the closest I'm gonna get to a Freudian shri--er--psychologist...soo, can you help me out here?? How do I get the message across to the Big Blondie Bone Borrower that what's mine is mine!? [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_mad.gif[/img]

          Love and xxx's, Emmie aka Gotta-Bone-To-Pick

          Comment

          • Original Poster

            #25
            Hmmm, that one sounds like a question for Miss Pinchy (who, as reported on another thread, is on a road trip this weekend). But, as said above, this is a thread for all knowledgeable horses and dogs to give advice. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif[/img]

            ******
            "I hold it that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing..." Thomas Jefferson
            "I don't want to sound like a broken record here, but why is it that a woman will forgive homicidal behavior in a horse, yet be highly critical of a man for leaving the toilet seat up?" Dave Barry

            Comment


            • #26
              You have truly been smitten by a fickle female! Sad to say, they exist. Your old girlfriend is probably missing you very much, so I would, in your shoes, go back to her and most humbly beg her forgiveness for casting your eyes in another's direction. If you are lucky, and whisper many sweet nothings in her ears, she may forgive you. Then all will be well again!

              I am Red Storm, and I am old and wise.

              Comment


              • #27
                Dem Lab-adores just put der mouths on ebryting don't they? You gotta make allowances for der fact deys be pupkins. But da secret is to train 'em wen deys still small so dat wen deys big, de still tink you're bigger n dem!

                Firstes, you must perfect the "I-am-ferocious-Alpha-bitch-who-must-be-obeyed" hard stare, raised upper lip and deep throated growl.

                Secondes, you gots to find places to hide yur bones dat are too small fer de Lab-adore to get to. Like behind or under de couch. Dis gets easier as da Lab-adore gets bigger [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif[/img] You score bonuss points if'n you hide it in a place dat da Momdogs (you luvluvluv her) will say, "NO Lucie! Bad dog!" wen she tries to get it [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] like in da trash can in da bathroomm. You might loose a bone or two dat way, but boy is it fun to get a puppy in trowble! arfarfarfarfarf

                If'n dis does not help der is one more stwategy dat ebry puppy respects. Dis is da peeing on da toys dat are yours. Dis is called "marking" YOu Momdogs (you luvluvluv her) will call it nasty and trow da bone out if'n she sees you do it, so don't let her see you! You are a Jack Russell and so it should be easy fer you to outfox your hoomans.

                Keep me posted on yer sityashun.
                Yur older wiser (and mother of 13) fwend,
                Pinchy

                ~Kryswyn~
                "Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo"
                ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
                Check out my Kryswyn JRTs on Facebook

                "Life is merrier with a terrier!"

                Comment


                • #28
                  I hop you all haff ein verrie nice week-end.

                  Mein haircut it haff beed ein verrie traumatic x-sperience aber now that it be done I bist even more handsome than I all ready vos. Yesterday I haff stared at meinself in die dressage mirror for hours, admiring meinself von all sides. It vos wondrous how verrie handsome I be.

                  Here they be mein answers, aber it don't nott to always be this verrie long list aber becose I don't nott to like to go on mein computer on die week-end this it be why it be verrie long.

                  MERRIE: I giff mein modder Coreene (I loff her) mannie kisses all off die time, aber I know better than to do this wenn I bist at der Shoe Store area. I haff called Hammie meinself a-bout this und he sayed he vos just kissing you becose he loff you so much. I haff telled him he don't nott to can do this wenn he be buying new shoes. He haff sayed he doed this not becose he be jealouse aber becose he vos loffing you for buying him new shoes. I hope that this it be enough information for you. He loff you verrie much.
                  THE BEST HORSE EVER: What ein funnie name you haff becose I haff always thinked that this it be me! Quincy, this mare she don't nott to be worth all this aggo-vation. She loff you verrie much aber she be ein scatterbrain wot don't nott to can make up her mind, so die best thing for you it be either to loff another schatzi oder you haff to be used to loffing ein slut. Mares they be VERRIE strange sometimes.

                  REDDDPONY: Mein schatzi, I am loffing you verrie much for die proposal! Aber I don't nott to can get married becose I don't nott to want to leave mein modder Coreene (I loff her). Aber you can be mein Girlfriend Filly Mare.

                  CRESEIDA: This thing mit die credito card it be VERRIE difficult! Mebbe wot you need to do is put ein big coffee can in die corner von your howse und keep cash there. Mein credit card it haff had ein problemo mit Pink Dot, this it beed ein grocery dot com wot haff goed out off business aber wenn it beed in business I haff karotten delivered every day to mein howse.

                  Die Silly Mommy she loff you verrie much aber this it be ein verrie long trip if you come all die way to California. Mebbe we be penpals und your other horsjes pferden friends on die Chronicle they be penpals und you go visit to der barns wot they be in walking distance von your howse. Otherwise wenn you foxhunt you can mebbe to visit friends wot they live farther a-way.

                  Box-Mit-Rox: Today you giff them extra day off und then you giff them TEN POUNDS OF KAROTTEN EACH. Wenn we go to shows most of der time we don't nott to spect them to run on time becose of rude peoples wot think the world it only spin a-round them. This it be why we think it be verrie importante that you bring us mannie buckets of water. Wenn we get bored we can blow bubbles.

                  EMMY: Puppies they always act like ein puppie for a verrie long time und mebbie this Lucie puppie she don't nott to know yet that die chewy-bones they belong to you und not to her. I be thinking that die best thing wot you can to do is tell her that these they be for you und you share them mit her sometimes. Aber puppies they still be daffy und so mebbe you haff to hide some of them under die cushions. Pinchy she sometimes want to get ein puppie in trouble aber most off die time they only be confused becose they don't nott to haff learned it yet.

                  PS: I be a German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.
                  ------------------------
                  I haff sayed this be fore, I be ein German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.

                  Comment


                  • #29
                    My new little brother is a pain in the haunches! He trotted into the palace like he owned the place and now everybody oohs and ahhs over him like he is the next Olympic Medalist. I mean, like, get over yourselves, people!

                    For example, yesterday he jumped his first gymnastic and the last jump was 3'3". Nobody could stop talking about how great he was, like jumping 3'3" is some big achievement. Meanwhile, I lead a group of horses on a grueling trail ride through the mountains and I didn't get anything but a cold bath afterwards. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_mad.gif[/img]

                    Why is he such a pain? How can I keep him from getting all the attention? Batting my pretty eyelashes an nickering seductively is just not working anymore. I am afraid I may actually have to WORK during my lessons. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif[/img] Don't they know pretty girls aren't supposed to sweat? HELP!

                    I am the Princess, and don't you know it!

                    Comment


                    • #30
                      Dear Willem,

                      I'm new to my farm and this weekend I jumped out of three different fields and got stitches...What can my mommy do to keep me from wanting to jump almost 5 feet into the field next to mine?????

                      He's here!!!
                      Can you stress-fracture your brain?

                      Comment


                      • #31
                        Jade, this little brudder wot you try to don't nott to tell me his name wot I KNOW it be Dekster, you haff to stop being so nasty a-bout him. He still be verrie little! He be a verrie little boy und mit litle boys you haff to giff mannie praises some times. Remember, you also haff to get over your selve too, all off this it don't nott to be none of your beeswax.

                        Any how, not mannie horsjes pferden they haff nice trails like wot you haff at your howse, missy. You haff to be more happie mit what you haff. This ride it don't nott to be grueling, it be tiresome und then wenn you haff getted home they haff giffed you a nice bath so you don't nott to be stinky. Mebbe you need to get over it if you don't nott to like die temperature.

                        I am loffing you verrie much Jade aber you need to remember that you don't nott to be Barbie! You modder she loffs you verrie much too und wenn you do good und you get your lines in der right amount of strides und you get them blue hair ribbons, this it be die best attention of all.

                        Hhytken, do your owie it still be hurting? This it will go a-way verrie soon. Mebbe you need to tell your modder that you be verrie sorrie that you haff had this ak-so-dent. Then she forgiff you und then she only be verrie happie that you can jump so high.

                        Aber you don't nott to can jump out of your field unless you turn a-round right a-way und jump back in! So this it be the way you can to jump high if you want to. Jump out und then jump in right after.

                        PS: I be a German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.
                        ------------------------
                        I haff sayed this be fore, I be ein German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.

                        Comment


                        • #32
                          Thanks Willem! I'll make sure I tell Perry(this is his mom writing now) tonight when I see him what you have suggested, that is very good advice! Hopefully when we turn him out tonight he will realize that you are older and wiser and know best!

                          He's here!!!
                          Can you stress-fracture your brain?

                          Comment


                          • #33
                            Dear Willem;
                            My mommy is going college in the fall and I've hear talk of "selling" and "leasing". What be these things? Will I like these things? What does this "college" mean for me and my mommy? I don't want a new mommy and I like my home! How do I let her know that I want things to stay the way they are?!

                            Tug

                            ______________________________
                            ______________________________

                            Comment


                            • #34
                              I can answer that one for you(this is Lego, hhytken's older and wiser gelding)...my mommy's parents were saying the same things when she went away to college(it's this BIG school far away but its lots of fun if you get to go like I did)...The first year she left me home and "leased" me, this very nice little girl took good care of me and mommy called a few days a week and they would let me listen to her voice. Then she came home for summer and I got to go with!!!! We moved to Radnor PA and foxhunted(fun stuff) and horse showed and trail rode! See if your mommy can get REALLY good grades her first year and then MAYBE they will let her bring you on her adventure!

                              -Lego

                              He's here!!!
                              Can you stress-fracture your brain?

                              Comment


                              • #35
                                Cher Willem,

                                My fwends zay I zpeek wit a Frrench accun. Iz zeet deefeecult to leev in zee United Ztates with un accent?

                                Pleez Elp!

                                Meny tanks, Frenchie

                                Comment


                                • #36
                                  Mon dieu! A-bout this mit ein Franglaise accent, I say NON it don't nott to be no problemo.

                                  Oppok, wot you haff just telled me you haff to tell this to your modder. Tell her you loff her und that you don't nott to want to live with no other modder ever. If she don't nott to get the hint, start to cry und stamp your feets. If this it don't nott to work, buck.

                                  PS: I be a German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.
                                  ------------------------
                                  I haff sayed this be fore, I be ein German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.

                                  Comment


                                  • #37
                                    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Willem:

                                    _CRESEIDA:_ This thing mit die credito card it be VERRIE difficult! Mebbe wot you need to do is put ein big coffee can in die corner von your howse und keep cash there. Mein credit card it haff had ein problemo mit Pink Dot, this it beed ein grocery dot com wot haff goed out off business aber wenn it beed in business I haff karotten delivered every day to mein howse.

                                    Die Silly Mommy she loff you verrie much aber this it be ein verrie long trip if you come all die way to California. Mebbe we be penpals und your other horsjes pferden friends on die Chronicle they be penpals und you go visit to der barns wot they be in walking distance von your howse. Otherwise wenn you foxhunt you can mebbe to visit friends wot they live farther a-way. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                                    Deerest Willem (I Loff You)
                                    I am be giving thanx for mein freund such as you. I am wanting to bees your penn Pal, und thinks dis would be gutt.

                                    I haff tried to go wilkommen to der oter barns, speshly vhere der UberStud be live. But my mudder (she's da bestestt) no want me to be makin little pferdletts mit der UberStud.

                                    UberStud be schweet talkin in mein ears, und I be listening, but my mudder (she's da bestestt) ist be draggin me away, und dis makes me und UberStud verrie sad.

                                    Oh vell.

                                    Cressie

                                    ~<>~ Daedalus built the Labyrinthe, so winding and complicated a structure that no man or beast, once shut inside, could ever find the exit~<>~

                                    Comment


                                    • #38
                                      Yes, I know I am The Best Horse Ever, my mommy tells me so every day. I have decided to leave Dascha and move on. She was in heat last week, so that explains for all of her googling other geldings, but I just can not deal with her, she is too high maintanence. But, I would like to ask a question for my "brother" Jobe (he is the one who stole Dascha away from me)
                                      Here is what Jobe said to ask you:
                                      Dear Willem,
                                      I have a problem. Okay, I admitted it, so now what? Well my problem is...well...this is kind of embarrassing...but...I see dead people. I honestly do. They are mostly under the jumps at horse shows but sometimes they are at home too. Every time I see them everyone gets mad at me because I am too scared to go near the jump. How do I stop seeing dead people under the jumps? They are very scary, and I really try to be a very good boy, I never buck or do anything bad other than seeing dead people. Everyone tells me I am a very handsome horse, but I don't know. I really like to jump but sometimes the dead people are too scary! Please help me, I can't stand this any longer!

                                      -Jobe

                                      Well there was Jobe's question. I personally think he is a big chicken and I don't like him very much. Why would you see dead people under a jump? Is he stupid or something? My mommy says I am jealous, but I am not because I get a lot more treats than he does! Please help him though, he is supposed to be my "brother".

                                      Thank you

                                      What does it take to be number one? Two is not a winner and three nobody remembers
                                      Someone has a crush on the starter...
                                      Don\'t get mad, get glad!

                                      Comment


                                      • #39
                                        Jerry Garcia he would haff sayed that you bist ein few leaves short von ein full bowl. I don't nott to know wot this means x-actly, but he vos daid before he could splain this to me.

                                        There don't nott to be no daid peeps under der jumps! Jumping it be VERRIE FUN und you haff to get over this scaredycatness. It don't nott to be becoming fur ein horse to be scared.

                                        Mebbe your modder she can use more leg wenn she be riding you to der jumps?

                                        Red Storm, wot do you think?

                                        PS: I be a German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.
                                        ------------------------
                                        I haff sayed this be fore, I be ein German horse und this it be straight from mein mouth.

                                        Comment


                                        • #40
                                          <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Willem:

                                          _REDDDPONY:_ Mein schatzi, I am loffing you verrie much for die proposal! Aber I don't nott to can get married becose I don't nott to want to leave mein modder Coreene (I loff her). Aber you can be mein Girlfriend Filly Mare.
                                          <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                                          I understand about you not wanting to leave your mother ( I know you loff her) . I would be honored to be your Girlfriend Filly Mare.

                                          I promise to tell you every hour that you are the most handsomest, virile, intelligent, computer literate, and did I say handsomest Horse EVER!!

                                          Love, your fetching chestnut girlfriend.
                                          ~Proudly \"bonked\" member of OMGiH I loff my mare clique!!~ and the Redheads with Redheads clique!!!!

                                          Comment

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