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The $700 Pony Goes Christmas Shopping (part 4)

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  • #21
    RR...great, again!

    Thanks and Happy Holidays!

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    • #22
      Absolutely hilarious......just what I needed to lift my spirits this morning~
      Erica and Joe
      "We ride and never worry about the fall. I guess that's just the cowboy in us all" Tim McGraw-The Cowboy in Me

      http://community.webshots.com/user/eventer4ever

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      • #23
        RR... Lovely, fantastic and funny as always! I got funny looks from my students when they hear me laughing from behind my keyboard! (I'm a high school teacher)

        Have a wonderful holiday season!

        Cannot wait until the next installment!
        View my photographs at www.horsephotoguy.zenfolio.com

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        • #24
          RR,

          You have made my morning with that post!

          I am giggling uncontrollably and while I bet you are more timely than I am, you make me feel like a paragon of organization and a very timely person by reading your stories.

          And, Sarapony probably is going to post that she wasn't aware I had another child and a new horse...since that obviously could have been my story!

          Mel

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          • #25
            RR – your story cracked me up…and unfortunately reminded me of one of my more embarrassing moments with the truck, trailer and horse.

            Let me set the stage by saying at the time this occurred I was living on a shoe-string budget and had a rig that resembled something the Beverly Hillbillys would have been proud of. The truck was a 1969 Ford that had originally been turquoise and white but along the way had earned a new hood that was oxidized navy blue and had also acquired a silver’ish tailgate. I had managed to obtain a free canopy for it – and by looking at it you could tell why it was free. The truck was about 25 years old but through the fate of the Gods (or maybe the devil himself), the trailer I purchased matched the turquoise parts on the truck. Needless to say, you could see and hear me coming from a hundred miles away.

            So, I’m heading off for an event – one that I hadn’t been to before – with my girlfriend following behind me in her much more stylish and newer rig. Not surprisingly, I manage to miss the turn for the driveway which was the width of a toothpick with shrubbery on each side. Mild moment of panic ensues as I am really bad at backing up and since the truck doesn’t have power steering all of my turning has to take place while the rig is moving (unless you have the strength of Superman – then you can turn the wheel while the truck is still). So, I continue cruising on down the state highway and see a cemetery. I think to myself this is a WONDERFUL place to turn around because it will have the much appreciated loop driveway. And since we’re in no-mans land, nobody will be there to witness our brief trip around the loop – of course, I’m thinking that I’ll be appropriately solemn and reflective as I drive through.

            By now, I’m sure you can guess where this is headed. With the Beverly Hillbilly rig leading the way we head around the loop…and find the loop blocked by a funeral IN PROCESS. It appears that one of the town’s 50 residents has passed away. Crap and other similar words were the first words that sprang to mind – not exactly reflective and solemn or particularly appropriate for attendance at a funeral - nor was I dressed for the moment. So now, I have to back up which I am not the best at and certainly not in this particular truck. But not only do I have to back up, but I have to do it in a loop that was designed for one-way traffic, dodge headstones and graves all while under the watch of those attending the funeral…who suddenly found the appearance of two horse trailers to be much more interesting than the graveside services. Topping this all off, my nickname in elementary school was Tomato Face given my incredible ability to blush at the drop of a hat and between my red face and the bright turquoise rig, anyone that looked at me would need sunglasses or they would be risking permanent damage to their eyes.

            After multiple attempts, at jockeying back and forth a few of the attendees of the funeral took pity on us or perhaps got tired of listening to my rattling exhaust and breathing leaded gas fumes and guided us around the headstones and graves. I must say I was beet red and completely mortified and will never again use a cemetery to turn around in.

            Keep up the $700 pony stories - they always bring a smile to my face and I'm sure to many other faces as well!

            Comment

            • Original Poster

              #26
              Hoot!!!!!!!!! I LOVE that story!
              Chronicles of the $700 Pony
              The Further Adventures of the $700 Pony
              www.blithetraveler.com <-- My Blog

              Comment


              • #27
                So RR, I took your advice and decided to save time by trying to teach our cats to address the xmas cards that still haven't been mailed. Let me tell you I am not having much luck. They keep batting the pen around and chewing on the end. Plus, they seem to have no aptitude for reading the addresses.

                Love your stories. Keep them coming.

                Comment


                • #28
                  I have to come back another time to finish reading this. I totally lost it at the "quick bang" comment.
                  Donald Trump - proven liar, cheat, traitor and sexual predator! Hillary Clinton won in 2016, but we have all lost.

                  Comment


                  • #29
                    RR - I am here to tell you that it is entirely possible to be anal without be neat and timely. SaddlefitterVA is a living example of this contradictory creature. The only thing she will ever be on time for is lunch and the only thing that is ever clean is her tack.

                    Her truck, kitchen and car are disaster areas and I managed to ride 2 horses between her scheduled arrival and actual arrival time this past weekend However, if you want to see her anal retentiveness in action, ask her about designing her farm, saddlefitting, or researching any particular subject. She will spend hours becoming the newest expert in a given field, but considers it a miraculous feat to clean off her kitchen island.

                    So being anal will not help you on your quest for timeliness or neatness but at least the Ariat vest will make you well dressed for your fashionablly late arrival

                    Comment

                    • Original Poster

                      #30
                      Hhhhmmm. Maybe SaddlefitterVA is my secret twin! Maybe we were separated at BIRTH!! At least I don't feel quite so alone any more.
                      Chronicles of the $700 Pony
                      The Further Adventures of the $700 Pony
                      www.blithetraveler.com <-- My Blog

                      Comment


                      • #31
                        Aww, great story! It was very well written and really funny. Who do you train with? (I go to Del Val!) Oh, and even funnier because I know exactly the WalMart you did this at and what road you turned into..I'm sure you had fun with that one
                        My CANTER cutie Chip and IHSA shows!
                        http://www.youtube.com/kheit86

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                        • #32
                          Great story! Reminded me of my first experience trailering. My best friend and I were trailing our horse to be bred. We were going from Illinois to Ohio with a borrowed truck and trailer. It was a dark and stormy night; literally. Unfortunately, we didn't believe the "bridge out" signs until faced with the obvious. Namely, a physical barrier right before the bridge. (To our credit, we were expecting to reach our destination at any moment and had thought that the stud owner would not have failed to mention something quite so obvious. Turned out, we had made a wrong turn earlier, so we really were on the wrong road). Anyway, neither one of us had ever backed up a trailer. The only option was a very narrow dirt road heading into a field. Did I mention that it was a dark and stormy night? Did I mention that it was a dirt, now very muddy road? Did I mention that it was not our truck? Thank God for owner's manuals! I looked up instructions on putting the truck into 4 wheel drive, and even found instructions on how to back up with a trailer! We managed to get unstuck from the mud and turned around with no damage to the truck or occupants and with a new found belief in the power of prayer!

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                          • #33
                            While I'm not in the same category as RR, my long lost twin, when it comes to writing funny homilies....I will attempt to contribute to the humorous aspect of the thread.

                            One of the things I've learned while dealing with construction that some terms just have different meanings...you get along better if you can learn these terms. And better yet if you can say them with a straight face.

                            There are the common terms that everyone knows about. Such as male and female connections in plumbing and electrical. Males fit into females...guy talk eh?

                            First off, if you ever start talking about building a metal frame arena or barn, you get lots of "erection" talk. And this is from guys, said with a straight face.

                            Then, you get into plumbing parts. Ah, the vocabulary. When I started building the farm, I never would have imagined that guys would call me to tell me the nipples I ordered are in.

                            You see, I wanted to build blanket bars, like the ones that are at a barn I frequent. I like the bars, and realized that they were made from plumbing supplies. I also realized that there was little chance of finding those items at Lowe's or Home Depot, and this means going to the plumbing supply store to attempt to communicate in a foreign language.

                            I go, because I have to buy 4 new frost free yard hydrants to replace the POS ones that Tractor Supply sold me. But, this was a good chance to get my blanket bar supplies. I stammer my way through an attempt at describing what I want....

                            SF: "What I'm trying to do is find pipe, that has a wall mount and an elbow and is about &lt;this big&gt;, so that I can fit a closet rod sized dowel inside as a bar, I think it is cast iron or something"
                            Salesguy: "Are you sure it is cast iron?"
                            SF: "no, it has a bit of a pebbly texture though, like it could have been cast"
                            Salesguy: "probably steel pipe"
                            SF: "Sure, it could be steel"
                            Salesguy: "would pvc work?"
                            SF: "Oh no, that wouldn't be anywhere sturdy enough"
                            Salesguy: draws a picture, explaining that an elbow gives no clearance and I'd need a flange, a nipple and an elbow....
                            Salesguy: "Let me go into the back and see what I have"

                            So, Salesguy brings out stuff, I look and it is a 2 male end nipple, and a female end elbow. They have no flanges, but can get them in.

                            Salesguy: "Do you want 5" or 6" nipples?"
                            SF: &lt;who has mastered not snickering at female anatomy parts being used as names of hardware&gt; "I think the 5", how far does the flange stick out?"

                            So, today, I get a call. The cell phone is crackly and I hear "Hello, shsla;lkjf ;alsjasdfie shhshsh at adfasdf in Leesburg", I say "where?" I hear "from asshshsre, your akfsig, nipples and elbows are in".

                            Oh...nipples, must be the plumbing supply store! I ask "oh, my stuff is in? Thanks. I'll come by tomorrow morning to pick it up".

                            So, when you get ready to build, and are a petite, female acting as a general contractor, you must learn the poker face. Also, it is important to know how to nod, and repeat back so that you sound really more educated in such things than you are! Driving a cool, red dually is also going to get you some contractor brownie points. .

                            Mel

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                            • Original Poster

                              #34
                              ooooooo SaddleFitterVA, we ARE long lost twins (and you are tres funny, do not sell yourself short)...only my contractors are AMISH! Makes it EVEN FUNNIER!!

                              'Course, my Amish contractors were out running the skid steer and chainsaw, WHILE smoking, WHILE eating popcorn they popped in my microwave, WHILE knocking on my door to borrow TV and DVD player. What IS this world coming to??

                              SaddlefitterVA, glad to meet 'cha, long lost twin!
                              Chronicles of the $700 Pony
                              The Further Adventures of the $700 Pony
                              www.blithetraveler.com <-- My Blog

                              Comment

                              • Original Poster

                                #35
                                Ms Marley! You must know my old mare, Sally! Gosh, I miss her! The plan is to retire her back to my farm (assuming the Amish guys can get the barn done between cigarette breaks) when she has jumped her last jump!

                                I cannot divulge the identity of my trainer. She does not know about the tales of the $700 Pony. As she referred to me as "delusional" in her last email to me (and if you think I am kidding, I AM NOT!), so I fear this thread might be the last straw.

                                Interestingly, in the past few days I am starting to connect with people who either actually know me or live near me. These tales WILL come to and end, soon, alas, as I will at some point be outted for the tall taler that I am.
                                Chronicles of the $700 Pony
                                The Further Adventures of the $700 Pony
                                www.blithetraveler.com <-- My Blog

                                Comment


                                • #36
                                  What could be better than a $700 pony? 2 $700 ponies.

                                  Proud Owner of 2 $700 ponies.
                                  Lostfarming in Idaho
                                  http://i512.photobucket.com/albums/t...etPleasure.jpg

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                                  • #37
                                    I'm completely hooked on the adventures of the $700 Pony! Please keep em coming RR They're fantastic!
                                    Never regret something that once made you smile.

                                    Comment


                                    • #38


                                      Please, please, please keep the updates coming! I check every day to see if you have written another edition. I don't know when I have laughed so hard. My family thanks you for putting me in a better mood.
                                      There is a reason PONY is a four letter word!

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                                      • #39
                                        delightful as usual! THank you! Tall stories or not, I luv um!

                                        Comment


                                        • #40
                                          I have SOOO been there!

                                          I had to drop off dry cleaning last night. The dry cleaners we patronize (I don't think that's really the word I want to use...but it will do for now) are in the same small plaza as a Best Buy, PetSmart, Starbucks, and a Maggie Moos (the BEST ice cream around here I've found!) along with a few other "minor" stores. Needless to say the lot was quite full.

                                          I know exactly what you mean about turning left and seeing a Hummer blocking your path. I drive an F-350 crew cab long bed (not well, I will admit), and it took me over 15 min of cruising around a VERY small parking lot before I could find a spot that I could back into it. It had to be on the perimeter so that I could back in, an preferably without a car hugging the white lines so I could fit in. I held up traffic for only a short while to back the beast into the spot. Only had to pull forward once, I was so proud of myself! Drop off the drycleaning, pick some up, and back to the truck to leave.
                                          Getting out of said small parking lot only took 20 min. The $#*%(&^ mini cars kept going around me when I was trying to make a left turn into the exit lanes because I was actually waiting for enough room not to block 3 lanes of traffic. They (the &%$^ mini cars) couldn't wait that long, so cut around me and made me wait even longer. I finally had to say to hell with it and block both incoming lanes and the outgoing lane. I'm sure there were more than a few curses thrown my way!

                                          Best of luck with the $700 Pony! I love reading your stories!
                                          - Therese

                                          "I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." - Douglas Adams

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