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Dear Pocket Trainer:

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  • #21
    Dear Educated!

    Pocket Trainer shares your horror at such situations! We at Pocket Trainer have always felt that education or lack thereof is no criteria by which to judge someone, and overselling the point can be considerd crass. Anyone in the know understands that your quality as a person can only be judged by the quality of your mount and the ribbons on your banner. Can education bring about this? No! MONEY makes this happen, and we all know it.

    That's why the Pocket Trainer Experience! is available to people of all educational backgrounds. As long as they have money, they can have Pocket Trainer. That is as it should be!

    Yours in a Pocket!

    Pocket Trainer

    See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
    Yours in a Pocket!

    Pocket Trainer

    See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

    Comment


    • #22
      Dear Pocket Change!

      Many, many, many BIG pockets! Remember: Quality costs, and you deserve quality!

      Yours in a Pocket!

      Pocket Trainer

      See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
      Yours in a Pocket!

      Pocket Trainer

      See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

      Comment


      • #23
        Dear Pocket Trainer,

        I have a problem with my two almost all white horses Joe and Skip. I can never keep them clean. They instist on rolling in the mud once let out in their turn outs. How can I avoid them from getting dirty? Also I am having trouble keeping my tack clean is there a seperate device for this. My horses must alway look as if they are lawn ornaments.

        Your truly

        Knee Deep in Mud

        Member of the Western Clique, Quarter Horse Clique and Stallion Clique

        Owner of and slave to a small herd - Indio Joe (Paint Stallion), Im A Skip (AppY Gelding), You Cant Imagine (QH mare), and Miss Orphanannie Two (QH mare)

        Comment


        • #24
          Dear (HA!) Pocket Trainer:

          Pardon the hostility, but Midge and I know for a fact that you have zipped up the Lead Change Fairy in your own dang pocket and won't set her free to sprinkle her magic fairy lead change dust on the rest of us!

          We demand that you release her. Either that, or send us the Pocket Changer, which I believe retails on your Web site for $1999.99 (less if you need only one direction).

          Signed, Time for a Change

          ***** I muck, therefore I am. *****
          Congratulate me! My CANTER cutie is an honor student at Goofball University!

          Comment


          • #25
            Dear Pocket Trainer:

            Do you come in the soft version for those days (or shows) when I am in need of being scraped off the ground?

            Signed bruised and battered.

            Comment


            • #26
              Dear Pocket Trainer -

              I am quite interested in your products "Pocket Groom" and "Pocket Junior". I have had my attorney read over the fine print carefully and it seems to be an appropriate purchase and tax deductable. However I have some concerns that these services may not offer the quite personalized care I am accustomed to. I'll need some assurances that I will receive all the attention I require. I am used to paying far more for these kinds of services and am wondering how you are able to "pull this off" (in the vernacular) at these inexepensive fees. Do your girls have experience?

              Must run now. I am supervising the painting of the shutters on my house. I am insisting that the painters use the tiniest of brushes so that no green paint splatters on the white house.

              Sincerely,

              Spoiled rotten in Chagrin Falls

              ***
              check out www.biscuithillfarm.com

              Comment


              • #27
                Is Pocket Trainer ASTM/SEI approved, or an Item Of Apparel Only?

                ~AJ~
                I've been there...that's why I'm here.
                “A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it.”
                ? Albert Einstein

                ~AJ~

                Comment

                • Original Poster

                  #28
                  I happen to know that Pocket Trainer is ASTM approved only (GPA or Charles Owens, of course).

                  While highly respectful of the need to look pretty at all times, those at Pocket Trainer recognize the importance of keeping their clients' heads in one piece so that they remain capable of signing checks and do not waste funds that could otherwise be productively used with Pocket Trainer on such things as hospitalization, brain surgery, and rehabilitation.

                  ~~~~~~~~~~~~
                  "Put simply, the necessary ammunition wasn't there - and no balls means no awards."
                  Robert Hamilton, president of the Clydesdale Horse Society of Scotland, quoted in Ananova, Sept. 29, 2003
                  "I don't want to sound like a broken record here, but why is it that a woman will forgive homicidal behavior in a horse, yet be highly critical of a man for leaving the toilet seat up?" Dave Barry

                  Comment


                  • #29
                    Dear Pocket Trainer -

                    Sometimes I require a little Rx Pocket Pacifier to calm my nerves. But it seems to effect my ability to remember a dressage test.

                    Any tips?

                    Thank you,

                    Xanax Daddy

                    Take me to the river, drop me in the water
                    http://community.webshots.com/user/rbjohnsonii
                    When blood is the beverage of choice, the sharpest fangs feed first.

                    Comment


                    • #30
                      Dear Pocket Trainer:

                      Do you have a model that will help me go to the bathrooms? I get so nervous at shows, but am afraid to go to the porta-potties by myself. Oh, & I would also really like to know if you have a model that would hold my horse while I disappear to "chat" with my friends so I don't have to be stuck holding a set of reins all day?

                      Sincerely,
                      Miss Prissypants.

                      "My head's not empty, it's just full of crap"
                      Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

                      Comment


                      • #31
                        Dear Pocket Trainer,

                        Do you have a model with a white sound feature so that my horse won't be spooked at the gasps of admiration and applause we invariably cause by merely entering the ring? This would also be helpful when the plebs bring their unruly children and dogs to dressage shows and allow them to make noise.

                        If you don't have a such model, please feel free to make one. And no, don't thank me for my generocity, that is just how I am.

                        I have to go now .

                        Kisses darling,

                        Dressage Regina
                        See those flying monkeys? They work for me.

                        Comment


                        • #32
                          (sung to the tune of "Oh Where, Oh Where has my little dog gone")
                          ----------------------
                          Verse 1.

                          Oh where, oh where is the Pock-et Trainer?
                          Oh where owhere can he beeeee?
                          He's got all these posts, and we need some an-swers,
                          Oh where oh where can he beeee?

                          Verse 2.

                          He's giv-en us some-thing to help us out,
                          Whenever we're in a fixxxxx,
                          Dirty grey horses with big brown poop stains,
                          We never have to think twice.

                          Verse 3

                          Oh Where oh Where is the Pocket Trainer,
                          We're lost without his advice!
                          Robby and Xanax and DQ's white noise,
                          He'll solve them all for a price.

                          The adventure has begun...
                          KT

                          P.S. In case you were wondering, the more people I get to know, the more I loff my horsie.
                          "For God hates utterly
                          The bray of bragging tongues."
                          Sophocles, Antigone Spoken by the Leader of the Chorus of Theban Elders

                          Comment


                          • #33
                            Dear Pocket Trainer:

                            Does you employ any knowledgeable consultants who are environmental design experts in order to create a calmer and more beautiful horse show experience?

                            I'm not exactly thinking Feng-Shui consulting or anything, but here's my problem: after a long day of showing, what with all the stresses of figuring out how to set up an empty tack stall to accomodate my personal hot stone massage therapist (I have to do SOMETHING while waiting between classes), I am at the end of my rope.

                            I want to settle down with a nice glass of cabernet, either a lovely Cuvaison or even that delightful Jordan cabernet, and I am so worried that the color of my favorite wines will clash with the motif/color palette of my tack room drapes.

                            Can you help me, Pocket Trainer?

                            Sincerely,

                            Drooped About Drapes

                            Comment


                            • #34
                              I would have to suspect that Pocket Trainer is lurking around our periphery in the form of a chestnut mare...

                              ______________
                              The TB body slave formerly known as Lizviola.
                              "The standard you walk by is the standard you accept."--Lt. Gen. David Morrison, Austalian Army Chief

                              Comment


                              • #35
                                <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by War Admiral:
                                I would have to suspect that Pocket Trainer is lurking around our periphery in the form of a chestnut mare...

                                ______________
                                The TB body slave formerly known as Lizviola.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                                Be more specific so we can find him. What do I have to do, wave 100 dollar bills in the air.

                                Oh. Here I've got 10 I'm waving.

                                Yooooohoooooo. Pocket Trainer. Yoooooohoooooo.

                                The adventure has begun...
                                KT

                                P.S. In case you were wondering, the more people I get to know, the more I loff my horsie.
                                "For God hates utterly
                                The bray of bragging tongues."
                                Sophocles, Antigone Spoken by the Leader of the Chorus of Theban Elders

                                Comment


                                • #36
                                  I suspect there will be a really good excuse why the Pocket Trainer product line does NOT include a Pocket Pager!

                                  ______________
                                  The TB body slave formerly known as Lizviola.
                                  "The standard you walk by is the standard you accept."--Lt. Gen. David Morrison, Austalian Army Chief

                                  Comment


                                  • #37
                                    Dear Pocket trainer;

                                    Does Pocket groomer cover tack cleaning and repair functions? Also. is there an upgrade available for assorted drinks according to ride schedule. Like mimosa or bloody's for the 8:37am ride time? Finally is there a significant storage function for the tack and equipment (ie panty hose and long johns) associated with flipping and drinking at your local event?

                                    Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina!
                                    Sweet home

                                    Comment


                                    • #38
                                      <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by War Admiral:
                                      I suspect there will be a really good excuse why the Pocket Trainer product line does NOT include a Pocket Pager!

                                      ______________
                                      The TB body slave formerly known as Lizviola.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


                                      ROTFLMAO.

                                      The adventure has begun...
                                      KT

                                      P.S. In case you were wondering, the more people I get to know, the more I loff my horsie.
                                      "For God hates utterly
                                      The bray of bragging tongues."
                                      Sophocles, Antigone Spoken by the Leader of the Chorus of Theban Elders

                                      Comment


                                      • #39
                                        Dear Knee Deep in Mud!

                                        Naturally Pocket Groom ($495 installation fee, $79.95 monthly subscription plus tips!) does include a tack cleaning function, but first you have to ask yourself why you were handling your tack? You could not possibly be enjoying the full Pocket Trainer Experience! if you were tacking up your own horse.

                                        Pocket Trainer also recommends that horses be allowed to be horses. However, we require that they do so every Monday between 7:30AM and 8:15 AM, after which Pocket Groom will take them back in to be groomed within an inch of their life. Your horse is a reflection of you, and you are a reflection of your bank account. We at Pocket Trainer like to keep everything looking healthy.

                                        But Pocket Trainer does recommend that you sip a Bloody Mary while your mounts are being groomed in the morning.

                                        Yours in a Pocket!

                                        Pocket Trainer

                                        See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
                                        Yours in a Pocket!

                                        Pocket Trainer

                                        See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

                                        Comment


                                        • #40
                                          Dear Time for a Change!

                                          Pocket Trainer deeply regrets your latent hostility and understands it comes from a failure to find a lead change. And Pocket Trainer would be the first to admit that we succesfully negotiated a hostile takeover of Lead Change Fairy, Inc. thereby cornering the market (see our recent press release). But as we have explained to you in our letter dated September 23, 2003, the Lead Change Option is ONLY available to customers who have the full Pocket Trainer Super Premium Package (Pocket Trainer, Pocket Junior and Pocket Groom along with at least one of the 4 Premium Packages). Also you must sign the Lead Change Confidentiality Agreement and Buck Through Change Liability Waiver (applicable during installation process).

                                          We eagerly await your bank routing numbers before we ship this upgrade and thought you might like to know that Ms. Midge's check arrived yesterday.

                                          Pocket Trainer recommends a hearty belt of 25 year old Whiskey when one realizes one's partner in misery (Midge) is about to get those lead changes...

                                          Yours in a Pocket!

                                          Pocket Trainer

                                          See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
                                          Yours in a Pocket!

                                          Pocket Trainer

                                          See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

                                          Comment

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