• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.

Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 1/26/16)
See more
See less

Dear Pocket Trainer:

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Beezer I hear that Pocket Trainer is coming out with a line of faux bottles. Decant chuck into on of these bottles.

    No one need know, they will think you had a drink in advance.

    _\\]
    -- * > hoopoe
    The ancient Greeks did not write obituaries. They only wanted to know if you had a passion.
    _\\]
    -- * > hoopoe
    Procrastinate NOW
    Introverted Since 1957

    Comment


    • Dear Powder Puff!

      While Pocket Trainer requires ALL her clients to discreetly flash some cash at opportune moments, Pocket Trainer requires a modicum of intelligence to be used in conjunction withthe cash flashing.

      If you insist upon using your cash in such a manner, far be it from Pocket Trainer to pass judgement (we have a firm policy of not passing judgement as long as Pocket Trainer's bills are paid!). But you might refrain from tipping Pocket Groom with that bill, especially after you made Pocket Groom run the 2 miles back to the barn (without the golf cart) to get your spurs, number, crop and helmet. Even better if you had remembered to tell Pocket Groom to get all those things at once instead of 4 seperate trips!

      Sometimes there is just a penalty to pay for our sins. Pocket Trainer regrets this, as Pocket Trainer feels that there should be no penalties in our lives except that which comes with failing to buy just the right horse (as ably assisted by Pocket Trainer).

      Yours in a Pocket!

      Pocket Trainer

      See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
      Yours in a Pocket!

      Pocket Trainer

      See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

      Comment


      • Dear Steeped!

        Forgive Pocket Trainer the oversight. We rarely mispeak, and when we do it causes us grave concern. Rather than imply that you wear the same coat every year, we were far more concerned with the idea that one might wear the same "colors" every year.

        How could we effectively guide our clients if we could not help them with such challenging decisions as exactly which shade of window pane fresh seafrost khaki goes best with their chestnut mount, and will that same decision hold true two weeks after body clipping?

        These are not trivial matters in our world, and we feel that we provide the best possible service in this regard. However, our team of research experts is looking into this sport as we do see many exciting opportunities. Unfortunately our current glitch is how to make a warmblood "effective" in a hunt field. This mount, so suprememly useful with the amateur, is proving to be a bit recalcitrant when it comes to the necessary boldness so vital when riding hell bent for leather over uncertain terrain. Our best mount (Counts For You) has turned into a stopper, flummoxed by his inability to count higher than 9! And while the TB is well suited for such endeavors, some degree of riding talent appears to be critical to survival.

        Alas, your quandary appears to be ours as well. We will get back to you as soon as we have solved the riddle. Genetic cloning may play a role.

        Yours in a Pocket!

        Pocket Trainer

        See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
        Yours in a Pocket!

        Pocket Trainer

        See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

        Comment


        • Dear Wishing You Were Charles!

          While normally Pocket Trainer would disdain all things along the lines of "Two Buck Chuck", we here at Pocket Trainer cannot deny the lure of a 5000% markup.

          While Pocket Trainer might see the value of charging six figures for that formerly unknown 4 figure pony with a cute step, up until now, Pocket Trainer hadn't seriously considered doing the same for wines. But while Pocket Trainer might be late to the party, never let it be said that Pocket Trainer is not AT the party!

          However, that all being said, there is a value in the 6 figure pony or the 90+ score wine. It usually delivers. Or it delivers more reliably than the cheap pony or wine. So if you go forth with this scheme, one can only hope that you are clever enough to find those rare bargain gems, or you have fools for friends/clients. Naturally it goes without saying that Pocket Trainer deals exclusively in the former.

          Yours in a Pocket!

          Pocket Trainer

          See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
          Yours in a Pocket!

          Pocket Trainer

          See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

          Comment


          • Dear No Longer Perpelexed!

            While the WSJ has not as yet retained our services, we cannot but admit our admiration for such a fine example of journalism.

            Why we just get giddy reading about CEOs dodging government bullets. Wealthy people everywhere know the WSJ cares about them, and champions them in their times of darkness. Naturally a fine wine and a quality show horse helps anyone through those moments.

            Yours in a Pocket!

            Pocket Trainer

            See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
            Yours in a Pocket!

            Pocket Trainer

            See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

            Comment


            • Dear Pocket Trainer,

              In a few weeks i am going to be making my debut in the Junior Jumpers, and to celabrate, i NEED a new hunt coat so i won't look out of place. then, even if i have a bad round, i will be remembered because of my smashing hunt coat.

              i found the perfect dark grey hunt coat with blue piping that would look wonderful with my dray brown horse. but there is a problem. My mother refuses to by me a new hunt coat! she says that i can wear one of my many hunt coats and that the coat that i want is too expensive. can you believe it?

              oh Pocket trainer, will you please help me?

              thanks so much, HuntCoat-less in OHIO

              ~Blaze~
              *Tucker*
              <kate the queen of leaning and of limestone>
              ~Tucker~Caliban~Blaze~

              Comment


              • Dear Pocket Trainer: As I am getting on in years I have had all the cosmetic surgery I can to stay pretty in the saddle. I am now concerned that "I am too pretty for my horse." Do you offer any cosmetic surgery for horses so that I can make sure my horse looks her best too? What nip and tucks for her would you suggest? Also, how about makeovers and beauty products for sale at the end of the makeover session for her.

                "The older I get the harder the ground hits."

                [This message was edited by TBMare on Feb. 23, 2004 at 07:24 AM.]

                Comment


                • Dear Pocket Trainer,

                  Once again, I am turning to you for advice on some tasty gossip I heard, before it hits my column.

                  A lovely Amateur bought a rather expensive horse from her new trainer. Upon hearing the results of her class, she turns to new trainer and asks, 'Why oh why did new horse not win a prize?'

                  I thought I might have found Pocket Trainer in the flesh (although I was certain you would be better looking!) when he replied, 'You are not well known enough and must contribute to some horse-worthy charities in order to win a prize at WEF.'

                  After the under saddle, her normally ribbon winning mount left the ring rosette-less and she asked again much the same question. He replied, (to the delight of the Bevel's sales clerk) 'You are wearing last years colors and need new clothes!'

                  Now I know fashion and worthy charities are all Pocket Trainer approved methods of ribbon winning, but this seems to go a bit far. So, in your much vaunted Pocket Trainer opinion, is this exchange for real, or is someone a...um...Storyteller?

                  ****
                  What Hildegard Wouldn't Dare.

                  Comment


                  • Dear Hunt Coatless!

                    I am afraidn you have nailed the proverbial problem right on the head, although if you have been spending as much time studying fashion notes as Pocket Trainer recommends, you should be confused about the use of the word "proverbial". We at Pocket Trainer can only hope...

                    Meanwhile, we suggest that you wisk your mother's credit card out of her purse and do her the enormous favor of purchasing Pocket Trainer's Fashion Guide for Parents ($695 plus $195 per consultation). This appears to be your (and her!) only hope for your junior jumper future! Think of it as a rather premature Mother's Day gift.

                    Meanwhile, have Dad get her a lovely bottle (or two) of Stags Leap 1995 Cask 23 Cabernet and I am sure her outlook on the world and all things Pocket will be much rosier.

                    Yours in a Pocket!

                    Pocket Trainer

                    See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
                    Yours in a Pocket!

                    Pocket Trainer

                    See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

                    Comment


                    • Dear Nipped and Tucked!

                      While Pocket Trainer applauds your dedication to being all that you can be, even if it involves Michael Jackson's dedicated team of plastic surgeons, we here at Pocket Trainer must draw the line at plastic surgery on your horse.

                      Please understand that there is NO problem with your horse that simply cannot be improved by a New and Improved Horse. To that end we direct you to the portion of your Pocket Trainer contract that discusses commi$$ions for your new hor$e. Normally we would schedule a European trip, but fortunately for you, you can save some travel expenses by purchasing at WEF this year. Naturally there will be added commi$$ions, but that is clarly laid out in Paragraph III.B.2.a.ii of your contract.

                      As always, we recommend gingerly sipping you St. Clements 1998 Oroppes Red while healing from your latest round of "improvements" and contemplating your new star A/O horse!

                      Yours in a Pocket!

                      Pocket Trainer

                      See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
                      Yours in a Pocket!

                      Pocket Trainer

                      See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

                      Comment


                      • Dearest sweet(ly acerbic) Frostbyte!

                        While you know you have no bigger fan than Pocket Trainer, please understand that we at Pocket Trainer would never be caught at the ingate explaining such obvious requirements to our clients! We pride ourselves on attending to such important details well in advance of our clients debut, especially if they are assuming the reins of a deadly accurate rider's former mount!

                        We find this lack of attention to detail to be somewhat typical of the carpetbagger trainer. Swoop in, abscond with the client, sell them another horse for who knows how much. Not that Pocket Trainer has any issues with the concept. But please, do it well or don't do it at all!

                        But sadly we at Pocket Trainer must agree that to win the hack one must surely have the proper lining in one's jacket. If this fails to set off even the rarest glint in one's mounts coat, then the gate should be one's reward!

                        As for worthy charities, Wellington is an ever fickle place, and while keeping Michael Jackson's nose from sliding off his face may well have been last month's viable cause, the same cannot be said for today. We currently are addressing the latest cause celebre: Sexually Abused Children. We anticipate considerable focus on this charity, althoug it has been known to puit you on the outs with juge A, while ensuring a championship with Judge B. It's all in knowing who the judges are.

                        As always, we recommend a Colgin '95 Herb Lamb Cabernet to top off the satisfaction of knowing you are wearing exactly yhe right coat and attending the "just so" benefit dinner.

                        Yours in a Pocket!

                        Pocket Trainer

                        See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
                        Yours in a Pocket!

                        Pocket Trainer

                        See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

                        Comment


                        • Dear Pocket Trainer,

                          A horrible thing just happened and your observation would be most meaningful.

                          While responding in another post on this board, I was not able to spell Trakehner or a specific brand of trailer correctly. To cover my error I put the universal sign for a lazy web surfer, (sp) beside the offending words.

                          My question is this; as an American, if I cannot correctly spell Trakehner, Hanoverian or Akhal-Teke without using spell check, does this mean I may only drink beer and watch NASCAR? Does this error mean I would not be allowed to show in Amateur Hunters over 40?

                          In advance, thank you for your gentle assistance and firm guidance in this potentially delicate international conflict.

                          SLW
                          "The horse stopped with a jerk, and the jerk fell off."

                          Comment


                          • Dear Home Schooled!

                            Can you spell your name on the signature line of your check or credit card receipt?

                            We at Pocket Trainer feel that this or signing over Power of Attorney is really all the spelling you should ever have to do in order to enjoy the finer things in life.

                            Yours in a Pocket!

                            Pocket Trainer

                            See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
                            Yours in a Pocket!

                            Pocket Trainer

                            See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

                            Comment


                            • Dear Pocket Trainer--

                              Excuse me if this has been asked before, but I certainly do not have time to read this thread and have no one to read it for me...perhaps there is program you might have for such a thing?

                              Now, to my problem...it was brought to my attention today that my horses mane needs to be pulled and it was suggested I do such a thing. I was appalled, and I think you would be as well. However, no one will do the task for me and it is coming to a point where I might have to do such a thing *gasp*

                              Might you have something to assist me in such grooming nonsense?

                              Signed,

                              Pulled about Pulling
                              Co-founder of White Trash Dressage (WTD)
                              http://www.lulu.com/mavw1971
                              also available on Amazon.com
                              http://www.cafepress.com/wtdressage

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X