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Dear Pocket Trainer:

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  • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Pocket Trainer:
    Dear Lovers of all things in a Pocket!

    We are so sorry we have not been able to respond as quickly as we should, but quite frankly, Pocket Trainer has simply been _swamped_ with requests for assistance this year! And all this on top of Fall shows, our annual buying trip to Europe and our Holiday Shopping List. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    What about OUR needs? Do you EVER think of us? For GOODNESS SAKE I want to be treated ROYALLY as I'm sure the rest of your LOYAL clients who are in need do. I mean making these poor souls in need WAIT? How dare you? Fourtunatley I am too perfect to ever need your humble services, as your prices are too cheap for my blood. I shall now go and attempt to calm myself with some nice Gewurztraminer.

    Ta ta,
    ~ Royal Payne

    http://community.webshots.com/user/littlerainintheface

    "Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it."
    ~Douglas Adams

    Cliques: The Mighty TB, OTTB, Albertan, Canadian, Plain Bay TBs, I-Love-Flatwork, QH, Artist, 40's Muzak, Barn Troll,Horses at Home, Tack Hoarder, YCMH!
    Let us eat, drink, and be merry. For tomorrow we die.

    Comment


    • Bumping ...

      Pock-ets, where ARE you? *sheesh*

      It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. (T. Roosevelt)
      KT
      P.S. The more people I get to know, the more I love my horse.
      "For God hates utterly
      The bray of bragging tongues."
      Sophocles, Antigone Spoken by the Leader of the Chorus of Theban Elders

      Comment


      • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bluesy:

        What about _OUR_ needs? Do you EVER think of us? For GOODNESS SAKE I want to be treated ROYALLY as I'm sure the rest of your LOYAL clients who are in need do. I mean making these poor souls in need WAIT? How dare you? Fourtunatley I am too perfect to ever need your humble services, as your prices are too cheap for my blood. I shall now go and attempt to calm myself with some nice Gewurztraminer.

        Ta ta,
        ~ Royal Payne

        <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

        Tch, tch, tch. Considering as how Pocket Trainer tends to disdain Gewurztraminer except when on buying trips to Germany, this is highly unlikely to inspire her repentance.
        \"It is good to be fine.\"

        Comment


        • Perhaps I'll send PT a bottle of Shoffit 1997 and see if she's not singing a different Gewurztraminer tune.

          I gotta get rid of that stuff!! It's screwing up the M/D theme of my cellar!
          *****
          You will not rise to the occasion, you will default to your level of training.

          Comment


          • PT have you been nipping at that eggnog a wee too much?

            Comment


            • Dearest Devotees!

              Pocket Trainer is swamped shipping out last minute orders and prepping next year's crop of automatons for their riders!

              But just two quick observations. Bigbay is spot on with her wine observation! Second, exactly how much eggnog is too much eggnog? We confess confusion in that regard, as we have always subscribed to the theory that one cannot have too much nog in one's egg...

              Yours in a Pocket!

              Pocket Trainer

              See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
              Yours in a Pocket!

              Pocket Trainer

              See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

              Comment


              • Just what part of the egg is the nog, anyway? But, I digress...

                Pocket Trainer, I'm having a bit of an, um, issue with this whole "long-lining" thing. If I manage somehow not to get myself all tangled up in the dang things, something invariably spooks my horse and I'm suddenly off and dirt skiing. It is not pretty.

                Signed, All Wrapped Up and Really Unhappy About It.

                ***** Dear Santa: All I want for Christmas is two good knees. *****
                Congratulate me! My CANTER cutie is an honor student at Goofball University!

                Comment


                • Forgive me for jumping in, Pocket Trainer. But Velvet has been going on and on about this very subject on the dressage forum. (We finally got a muzzle on her though )

                  Beezer,

                  I think the problem is the rubber content of your equipment is too low. That and you must be dressed in black. Make sure your spurs are long and polished; that your whip is the proper length and has a really good thwack to it. The proper equipment is essential for minimizing problems of entanglement

                  Dressage Regina
                  See those flying monkeys? They work for me.

                  Comment


                  • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Pocket Trainer:

                    But just two quick observations. Bigbay is spot on with her wine observation!
                    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                    Hey, what can I say? When it's a thread about wine, I pay attention! D'oh- I mean horses! When it's a thread about HORSES!

                    \"It is good to be fine.\"

                    Comment


                    • Dear Pocket Trainer

                      I am SOOOOO distressed! As a long standing A/A hunter rider, I have been told that the A/O jumper ranks are not for me. Numerous trainers have told me that "you can't fake it at 4'6!" They also roll their eyes and mutter some condescending remark about the entire box of Keeblers that I must have given SeeingEyeDog before our last A/A hunter class, but they don't understand that I simply MUST compete on the big field at WEF.

                      Now if I hadn't successfully had my birth certificate, umm, revised, I might have been able to venture into the Senior's Division (always on the grass!), but a girl has to draw the line somewhere, don't you think?

                      Help me Pocket Trainer, help me!!

                      Sincerely,

                      Chipaholic

                      "I used to care, but things have changed..." Bob Dylan
                      Your crazy is showing. You might want to tuck that back in.

                      Comment


                      • Dear Wrapped Up and Unhappy About It!

                        We here at Pocket Trainer cannot express how strongly we disdain the practice of long lining, especially by one of our clients. Quite frankly, long lining has its place, and that place is in the hands of Chester Weber or some other Four-in-Hand superstar!

                        We trust you have heard the saying "We are professionals - Do NOT try this at home"? Please assume this applies to you!

                        Also, we would beg of you not to listen to Dressage Regina. While she is a lovely person, obviously she has inhaled just a tad too many nail polish remover fumes, and is confused about the use of "black" in the hunter/jumper world. May we remind you that when it comes to your mount, it is only suitable in polos. Naturally, when it comes to your person, you are only permitted to use it on your paddock boots, boots, half chaps, helmet and shadbelly. All other instances require an approved exception from the Fashion Police (please not that limited use of black in chaps is permissable, but it is far better to use it as a trim on your chaps).

                        We hope this clears up any confusion, and we strongly suggest a 1990 Schramsberg J. Schram Brut to celebrate the New Year and your freedom from long lines and goth clothing?

                        Yours in a Pocket!

                        Pocket Trainer

                        See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
                        Yours in a Pocket!

                        Pocket Trainer

                        See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

                        Comment


                        • Dear Chipaholic!

                          Pocket Trainer is so excited to hear from you! As we have all known, you can fake it with a good hunter mount up to 3'6, and quite possibly to 4'0 with a quality jumper. But high Juniors and A/O's? Up until this moment there has been no way to fake it, you had to have some riding ability. Sad but true...

                          Nothing upsets Pocket Trainer more than inequality, and we were most unwilling to accept that money could not be the great equalizer... However, we have worked hard to eliminate this last class distinction! We are so pleased and proud to annouce our newest product line: Pocket Trainer GPS Jumper Systems®!

                          With Pocket Trainer GPS Jumper Systems® your fancy Euro-Jumper can have a state of the art global positioning system installed on board. No more desperate guessing as your trainer screams FORWARD FORWARD PLEASE DEAR GOD DON'T LET HER LEAVE FROM THERE from 200 yards away! Pocket Trainer, from the comfort of the stands (or even the barn!), can coordinate your trip in real time to the nth detail with the help of satellite technology! And if you have a healthy sense of self preservation and have not dared the ranks of the high A/O jumpers, you can safely leave behind the humiliation of the low prestige rings, knowing Pocket Trainer will take care of you!

                          Truly, with all that this new product promises, the more than affordable price of $19,995 is practically a give away. Why you will probably win it back in one WEF season! We would also like to mention that we have a state of the art mobile scanner ($995 plus installation fee) in order to copy the course layout as well as the upgrade to the Pocket Trainer Earpiece System (required, $595 upgrade cost).

                          Why there is nothing Pocket Trainer could think to top this experience, except quite possibly opening a bottle of 1995 Moet et Chandon Cuvee Dom Perignon, and toasting both the new year and your future successes with some quality bubbly!

                          Happy New Year to All!!!!!!

                          Yours in a Pocket!

                          Pocket Trainer

                          See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
                          Yours in a Pocket!

                          Pocket Trainer

                          See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

                          Comment


                          • Dear Pocket Trainer,

                            I confess I am most interested in your Pocket Trainer GPS Jumper Systems®.

                            What is the geographical range of this product? Will it work if the Trainer is, for some inexplicable reason, not present on the show grounds?

                            Thanks!
                            Mathless

                            ______________

                            Thoroughbreds! Everything else is just a horse. :-)
                            "The standard you walk by is the standard you accept."--Lt. Gen. David Morrison, Austalian Army Chief

                            Comment


                            • Dear Pocket Trainer

                              I too was impressed by your new technological capabilities with the introduction of your new GPS system.

                              I have profound concerns however. Knowing the limitations of GPS when under heavy cover ( such as the woods or, say, an indoor arena) do you feel you will be able to overcome this flaw in GPS and provide your clientèle with the service they seek?

                              I would hate to see the system show this flaw when the chips are down at the indoor championships.

                              Geeky Pessimistic Scientist

                              _\\]
                              -- * &gt; hoopoe
                              The ancient Greeks did not write obituaries. They only wanted to know if you had a passion.
                              _\\]
                              -- * > hoopoe
                              Procrastinate NOW
                              Introverted Since 1957

                              Comment


                              • Dear Pocket Trainer,

                                Is your GPS System available for the other rings as well? My good friend Icky Sushi went off course in the pre adults at Raleigh. Will it overcome the fact that he is old and feeble?

                                Thanks!

                                signed,
                                Concerned Friend
                                *****
                                You will not rise to the occasion, you will default to your level of training.

                                Comment


                                • Dear Informed Pessimist!

                                  You have cleverly hit upon a snag with any quality GPS system! We here at Pocket Trainer have dedicated staff working on solutions as wide ranging as a teeny tiny satellite whirring around the indoor arena to a system of refractive mirrors strategically spaced to bounce whatever it is that GPS systems need bounced (we leave the technical stuff to the technical people). Curently we are leaning towards the mirrors, as they may serve double duty with optimized glare at just the right momeny. As in the moment your competitor opts for that tight turn to the triple combination...

                                  But truly, we thought that this advance needed to be available to the public, even with the indoor limitations. Such a small portion of one's quality shows occur indoors, so why skip all the Wellington and Lake Placid fun? Not to mention the Outdoors National! It just seemed unfair to deny our faithful customers this opportunity. I'm sure you can understand...

                                  At any rate, Pocket Trainer always recommends a 2001 Toad Hollow Merlot when contemplating what flowers to send to a fellow competitor mysteriously stricken by a ill timed glare...

                                  Yours in a Pocket!

                                  Pocket Trainer

                                  See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
                                  Yours in a Pocket!

                                  Pocket Trainer

                                  See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

                                  Comment


                                  • Dear Concerned Friend!

                                    Normally Pocket Trainer would think that we are up to the task of the most inept or ancient rider, but the Quandary of Icky Sushi is a sticky one. Almost as prickly as a sea urchin as it were...

                                    Sadly, we at Pocket Trainer have just about accepted defeat in this matter. We are still considering a well flung meat hook to drag this person back on course, prompt a decent lead change or quite possibly keep him from flinging himself about the ears of any poor beast, but one must understand this must be a very talented meat hook to do so much?

                                    And Pocket Trainer has absolutely despaired of convincing this person to upgrade to a wine with a cork. Personally, Pocket Trainer feels if only this misguided rider would see the light of a '94 Cakebread Reserve Chardonnay, much would improve. Unfortunately we understand that in spite of a dedicated intervention from close friends, the only change has been from boxed wine to screw top. It hurts, we tell you, it hurts to see one so promising stray so far from the fold...

                                    But it is riders like this that inspire even more dedication from all of us here at Pocket Trainer! Why if only we can save this rider, we just know we can save ANYONE!

                                    Yours in a Pocket!

                                    Pocket Trainer

                                    See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
                                    Yours in a Pocket!

                                    Pocket Trainer

                                    See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

                                    Comment


                                    • Um ... er ... Pocket Trainer?

                                      MY JACK RUSSELL ATE MY WHOLE SYSTEM! I mean, everything. Apparently, the little whispers and bells and lights and whistles were just ... too ... much for the little guy, and he destroyed the whole thing.

                                      Would it be possible to have a duplicate order of the whole system you so graciously and professionally put together for me overnighted to me before my lesson tomorrow? You still have my platinum card number, right?

                                      Oh ... and could you maybe include some earplugs for my JRT so he isn't quite so upset by my new system?

                                      TIA.

                                      ***** Yes, Dr. Laura, I am my horses' mom!*****
                                      Congratulate me! My CANTER cutie is an honor student at Goofball University!

                                      Comment


                                      • Dear Pocket Trainer:

                                        I have taken on-- with a mixture of trepidation and delight-- the task of restarting my sister's erstwhile CANTER horse, the creature she purchased (ahem!) off the Internet. I've decided to restart said horse western. I do the whole "Cowgirl Up" routine, including bitting him to one side, a few minutes at a time, by tying a split rein to the big dee that holds the flank cinch. I feel so very Texan that soon, I'm afraid, I'll be spouting George W. Bushisms... but that's another topic for discussion.

                                        At any rate, do you sell a westernized version of Pocket Trainer? Like, "Pocket Trainer: the Tooled Leather Version"? It might help me in my endeavor, as my sister's rather typey Thoroughbred is beginning to really enjoy his western schooling. He already has quite a nice jog, and backs like a reining horse.

                                        Signed,

                                        Yee-haw

                                        Comment


                                        • Dear Pocket Trainer,

                                          Recently, I came to the BB for advice about a "situation" that was causing me great distress...the root of the problem was my apparent failure to educate a pair of novice parents about a number of inconvenient truths of horse ownership; full understanding of the constant responsibility factor seemed to escape them. Fortunately the situation has resolved itself, but clearly I need a more dependable method of ensuring that parents will either develop good judgement of their own, or trust mine without question. Which modules do you reccommend for this problem...and how quickly can they be installed? Will they continue to function if parents are on vacation?

                                          sincerely,

                                          "Wishing They Would Get It"

                                          Comment

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