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Dear Pocket Trainer:

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  • Dear Pocket Trainer,

    A few items have come to our attention and we would like a quote from the source before we publish blatant rumors.

    We have it on good authority several of your 'versions' will be 'vactioning' this winter.

    'Grand Prix Rider'-hot and straight verson (If you like the type)

    'Horse Show Manager'-just like WEF only at a different location version

    'Old Virginia Gentleman Trainer'-If you lay down with dogs version

    'Crooked Trainer'-caught too many times and the above mentioned dog version

    'It Was My Vet Trainer'-Maryland, Florida and New Jersey versions

    'Second Generation Trainer'- with Cruelty 4.0 added

    'In the Closet Trainer'- With 'Come Close to Killing 'em with Calcium at Capitol Challenge' version

    Please advise us soonest as we hate to publish untruths unless we know they are untrue in advance.

    ****
    What Hildegard Wouldn't Dare.

    Comment


    • Oh where oh where can our Pockets be,
      Oh where oh where can she be?

      With her Rolodex open
      and her cell phone on,

      Oh where oh where can she be??

      ***** I muck, therefore I am. *****
      Congratulate me! My CANTER cutie is an honor student at Goofball University!

      Comment


      • Knows a thing or three!

        _\\]
        -- * > hoopoe
        The ancient Greeks did not write obituaries. They only wanted to know if you had a passion.
        _\\]
        -- * > hoopoe
        Procrastinate NOW
        Introverted Since 1957

        Comment


        • Where the h-e-double toothpicks is POCKETS!?!?!?!?!

          ***** I muck, therefore I am. *****
          Congratulate me! My CANTER cutie is an honor student at Goofball University!

          Comment


          • Wellington National, dear. Wellington National...
            *****
            You will not rise to the occasion, you will default to your level of training.

            Comment


            • Dear Rarin' to Go and Should Maybe Slow Down!


              It goes without saying that your Primary Sin was that you purchased ANY animal without the express consent, involvement, bequeathal of commi$$ion$ or other various and sundry perks that are a BNT's God Given Right. I suggest that you start with a '66 Rothschild and beg forgiveness. This should put him into a mellow enough mood to not kick you out of the barn. Then move to tequila shots, so he has no memory of the finer details of your conversation.

              We also suggest trying to pass off your new mount as some sort of TB influenced European bred like the much coveted Selle Francais. This will require removal of the tattoo, but for $495 you can purchase the Pocket Trainer Tattoo Removal Kit (also useful for teenagers who go away for the year with a BNT!). For an additional $79.95 per month Pocket Trainer will apply our confidentiality clause to your purchase, thereby ensuring nobody learns of your dirty little secret.

              And of course your new mount can be ready for Indio! As long as you aspire to the jumper ring and are not terribly fond of control (or not shy about the hardware your horse wears), a winter circuit is in your immediate future!

              As always, Pocket Trainer recommends a '94 Ravenswood Merlot when thinking about donating large sums of money to a horse show manager.

              Yours in a Pocket!

              Pocket Trainer

              See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
              Yours in a Pocket!

              Pocket Trainer

              See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

              Comment


              • Dear Rack On!

                Never let it be said that Pocket Trainer does not appreciate saddlebreds! Indeed, Pocket Trainer appreciateS any di$cipline that cater$ to the highe$t pinnacle the $port can offer. However Pocket Trainer has a firm committment to only working with the best of the best, and in the Saddlebred world, truly the best belong in the gaited ring.

                And Pocket Trainer confesses a degree of longing and wistfulness when she sees the sheer excess of tack, clothing, jog carts, show vehicles and (confession time) sparkly stuff. Pocket Trainer has long felt she is a closet shaky tail fan. In fact, Pocket Trainer thinks it would be just the thing to get snockered on a few bottles of Fat Bastard Syrah and do some drive bys at the hunter ring with a roadster pony!

                Yours in a Pocket!

                Pocket Trainer

                See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
                Yours in a Pocket!

                Pocket Trainer

                See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

                Comment


                • Dear Bob (who Should be Very) Concerned Equine!

                  Pocket Trainer can only say that your owner should immediately purchase the Pocket Trainer system, complete with Pocket Groom and Pocket Junior. Someone needs to stop the madness!

                  As you are an equine, communication is limited, but we have found that the time honored "headfirst into an oxer" move works well for prompting a trainer upgrade. Your best bet is to do this near one of our many Pocket Trainer banners at a show near you!

                  Yours in a Pocket!

                  Pocket Trainer

                  See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
                  Yours in a Pocket!

                  Pocket Trainer

                  See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

                  Comment


                  • Dear Big Lick!

                    Let us just reconfirm that this is a rumor, and Pocket Trainer, for all her secret love of sparkly browbands, will not be making any marketing forays into Tennessee Walker land.

                    Why we needed to crack open a bottle of '95 Te Kairanga Reserve Chardonnay just thinking about it!

                    Yours in a Pocket!

                    Pocket Trainer

                    See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
                    Yours in a Pocket!

                    Pocket Trainer

                    See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

                    Comment


                    • Dear Frostbyte!

                      You are a person after our own heart. We can never stress enough how important skilled gossip is, and that was an excellent rendition of it! Treat yourself to a '94 Storrs Aaron Michael Cuvee Merlot to celebrate your wit!

                      All Pocket Trainer can add is that Pocket Trainer does not and will not lie down in a flea infested bed. We were most shocked when that fine old hound first hooked up with that particular flea infested bed, and we can only say that we hope that the delightful rumor regarding the lifetime professional demise of the flea is not a rumor...

                      We would also hope that certain managers would take note of the fate of Enron, HealthSouth, Tyco and other people who tried a shell game with money that was not theirs to play with. Pocket Trainer thinks this is a good time to point out that people far more savvy in the business world have been caught with their hand in the till.

                      Pocket Trainer expects to raise a glass of Ravenswood Merlot in honor of some well deserved punishment. And naturally, Pocket Trainer would like to offerour services to any client left standing in the cold this winter, so to speak.

                      Pocket Trainer regrets to announce that there will be a 15% surcharge on any services purchased by new clients after December 1, 2003 as the holidays/timeframe will require extra hours to process!

                      Yours in a Pocket!

                      Pocket Trainer

                      See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
                      Yours in a Pocket!

                      Pocket Trainer

                      See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

                      Comment


                      • Erin - and all the moderators.

                        I want to lodge a formal complaint about this thread. I think it should be closed immediately.

                        You folks have stated OVER and OVER and OVER again that there is to be NO ADVERTISING on this BB. I think it's a disgrace that Pocket Trainer See the light! (Light available - $99.95) is allowed to "flaunt her wares" indiscriminately.

                        As for you Pocket Trainer, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, breaking the rules like this. Shame, shame, shame.

                        Signed,

                        Follow the rules!

                        The adventure has begun...
                        KT

                        P.S. In case you were wondering, the more people I get to know, the more I loff my horsie.
                        "For God hates utterly
                        The bray of bragging tongues."
                        Sophocles, Antigone Spoken by the Leader of the Chorus of Theban Elders

                        Comment


                        • Dear Pocket Trainer,

                          I heard that you were coming out with an earpiece attachment for riders whose BNTs can no longer be at the rail. Is this true? What a wonderful marketing brain you have!

                          Yours,

                          B2B Gal

                          Comment


                          • Dear Pocket Trainer,

                            I, like my chere amie, Coreene have heard you will be coming out with an earpiece attachement. Is it true there will be an optional video interface with a 5 miles transmission radius for BNTs, who for whatever reason , are not on the showgrounds?

                            Sincerely,

                            Inconvienced by Rule IV
                            See those flying monkeys? They work for me.

                            Comment


                            • Pocket Trainer;
                              Please advise me on how to survive this holiday!! It is too much to decide what to drink with the meal, what to drink with pie, the best way to "dispose" of all those unwanted calories after eating so I will still fit into my color coordinated riding wardrobe(s) for each horse. Do you offer a telepone turkey trainer for a day??????????? Or the family feud facilitator???!!!!!

                              Comment


                              • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by sweetnlo:
                                Pocket Trainer;
                                Please advise me on how to survive this holiday!! It is too much to decide what to drink with the meal, what to drink with pie, the best way to "dispose" of all those unwanted calories after eating so I will still fit into my color coordinated riding wardrobe(s) for each horse. Do you offer a telepone turkey trainer for a day??????????? Or the family feud facilitator???!!!!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Shouldn't this be in the "Dear Pocket Turkey" thread?
                                The Evil Chem Prof

                                Comment


                                • Dearest PT,

                                  Just WHAT does one give one's trainer for Xmas when he (or she) will be "vacationing" for, er, quite some time? Any suggestions from the PT sleigh?

                                  Comment


                                  • Dear Lovers of all things in a Pocket!

                                    We are so sorry we have not been able to respond as quickly as we should, but quite frankly, Pocket Trainer has simply been swamped with requests for assistance this year! And all this on top of Fall shows, our annual buying trip to Europe and our Holiday Shopping List. More on that soon, but I must address a question that has come up regarding the unexpected sabbatical that some of your trainers are faced with in the upcoming months...

                                    Many of you have been plaguing Pocket Trainer for remote assistance. It's not that Pocket Trainer does not empathize wtih your plight and misfortune, but Pocket Trainer has no intention of helping out our competition. Rather Pocket Trainer plans to profit from their misfortune in a manner that would make even Kenneth Lay proud. Yes, as usual, Pocket Trainer is a full replacement product, not merely an add on to your existing system and software.

                                    We at Pocket Trainer feel that is only in your best interest. You are too important and too busy tending to the business of an appropriate wine to accompany your mount, Compensatesforrider to the ring to be bothered with trying to sort out things between Joe Offsite and Pocket Trainer, when everyone knows Pocket Trainer is a far superior product! So we must inform our potential clients that we cannot accomodate these requests, but we urge all of you who are still in the dark about the merits of the Pocket Trainer system to see the light (Light available, $99.95)

                                    But enough of that, what about the holiday shopping season?

                                    We would like to take this opportunity to mention a few of our products that might just be just the perfect stocking stuffer for your loved one:

                                    Pocket Attorney - $2395 installation plus $395 monthly retainer. Know someone with some upcoming legal issues? Here's a gift that says "I Care").

                                    Whoop Whoop Upgrade - $1595 plus $19.95 per class surcharge. We understand some of you are facing a Whoopless Winter - save a friend from a serious case of WW withdrawal - get him or her a Whoop Whoop Upgrade!!

                                    Dart Gun and Doping Kit (for XXL WBs) Upgrade $295 plus $49.95 per medicated dart. For the rider with everytihng... except her pharmacist, er, trainer...

                                    Pocket Trainer European Experience Upgrade - $5995. Yes, you will still have to purchase the complete PT package, but for the rider loyal enough to stay with their trainer, may we suggest the European Sabbatical?

                                    And most of all, we strongly suggest the appropriate wine when on an enforced sabbatical. If you know someone in this situation, we find that a 2000 Fat Bastard Syrah says it all...

                                    Yours in a Pocket!

                                    Pocket Trainer

                                    See the light! (Light available - $99.95)
                                    Yours in a Pocket!

                                    Pocket Trainer

                                    See the light! (Light available - $99.95)

                                    Comment


                                    • Ah. Now THAT was worth the wait!

                                      ***** Dear Santa: All I want for Christmas is two good knees. *****
                                      Congratulate me! My CANTER cutie is an honor student at Goofball University!

                                      Comment


                                      • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Beezer:
                                        Ah. Now _THAT_ was worth the wait!
                                        <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
                                        Definitely a Double-Weight Depends P.T. post!

                                        Comment


                                        • Dear Pocket Trainer,

                                          I am having a crisis. Everyone at $pendforth $howbarn has perfectly matched top-of-the-line custome Warner's Tack Trunks. But Warner's is no more, and alas I am unable to find a tack trunk identical to everone else's, so that I might be perfectly matched. I daren't be...*gasp*... different...dare I?

                                          Signed,
                                          Standing Out

                                          ~&lt;&gt;~ COTHBB Leather Care Guru~&lt;&gt;~
                                          ~Member of the *Horse Vans* clique~

                                          "Learn the rules so you may break them effectively"~Dalai Lama

                                          Comment

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