Those of you who know me via my COTH humor columns may not know that I am also a graphic artist who has done marketing and branding work in many industries. From this work was born one of my biggest peeves: Products that are poorly named.

Quite a few items I use at the barn fall in to this category. So this month I’m airing my personal grievances about horse-related things that I think need more accurate, or at least more descriptive, names. 

I was recently told that I needed to be careful what I post since I am a public figure. I would like you to know that this post may make you angry, and we may disagree on this topic. I am 100 percent OK with that.

For those of you who disagree, either ignore me or help me understand why I am wrong. For those of you who agree with me, please help our sport by sharing this post. We can use the Fabergé Organics model: I’ll tell two friends, and you tell two friends and so on and so on.

It’s officially “the holidays”—a time when people expect each other to clean up, go out, and socialize. That can make it a tough time of year for horse owners, as those three things are difficult for us to accomplish individually, let alone all on the same day.

After a day that begins at 5:30 a.m. and includes barn chores, working, barn chores, and riding followed by more barn chores, all we want to do is go home and stay there. Because of that, horse people can come of as being anti—or at least non—social. But really, we’re not unfriendly. We’re just tired.

Dear Santa Hoss,

For the fifth year in a row I am writing in hopes of catching you before you and your team of eight Thoroughbreds arrive at my Human’s house. We have long enjoyed a good working relationship, as I first came to you in order to set the record straight about my own behavior throughout the year and later began sending you my suggested Christmas lists for the Human.

Have you ever looked at the judge’s scorecard after the horse show?

It’s filled with little symbols, notations and abbreviations that describe the action with a form of visual shorthand (yes, the first emojis!).

Wouldn’t you love to know what all of them (or even some of them) mean? Wonder no more. Here’s a handy key to get you started ;-)