The Florida Game

Feb 20, 2019 - 8:37 PM

I love coming to the Wellington area every winter, but there are some things about living here, and living in Florida in general, that are … unique. We’ve made a little game of some of the wackier things we’ve seen. First one to 1,000 points wins!

One point for each sighting of the following creatures: alligator, river otter, iguana. Five bonus points if they’re crossing a road. Ten points if they’re making sweet, sweet Florida critter love. (Best place for iguana sightings: Southern Boulevard.)

One point for every Olympian seen shopping at Publix. Ten for every Olympian seen dining at Agliolio, Kontiki or Oli’s. Twenty for every one seen dining at JoJo’s, Brooklyn Bagel or La Fogata. And 50 for every one seen at Boonies.

If you see an Olympian at any restaurant, 10 points if you get to sit in their chair when they leave.

Fifty points if you meet someone whose small dog was eaten by a gator.

Twenty-five points for every person seen fishing in a canal … in show clothes.

One point for every Publix key lime pie consumed. (So good.)

Five points for every time you meet your veterinarian in a parking lot to pick up medication for your horse. (But the opportunity for “parking lot drug deal” jokes is worth so much more than just 5 points!)

Twenty-five points if you find good timothy or orchard grass hay under $18/bale. (And then call me and tell me where you got it.)

Five points for every unusual domesticated animal as a pet. We’ve got peacocks, a mini cow and a pig named Stella in our neighborhood.

Stellaaaaaaa. (Five points!)
Stellaaaaaaa. (Five points!)

Ten points every time a friend tags you in a “Florida Man” article on Facebook. Fifty points if he’s naked at the time of the crime. Fifty more points if Florida Man is in Wellington or Loxahatchee. (My personal favorite: the guy who threw a live gator through the drive-thru window.)

Five points every time you have to purchase any of these items from the drug store to treat your horse: hemorrhoid treatment cream, athlete’s foot treatment cream, yeast infection treatment cream, acne shampoo (all of these are great, including sometimes in combination, for treating various fun skin things horses get down here), and tiny diapers (the perfect size to wrap around feet or fetlock wounds). Multiply by two if you have to buy two at once; multiply by three if you have to buy three at once, and include beer and/or ice cream if you have to buy four or more.

Snowbirds, what wacky Florida incidents have you encountered that deserve a point value in The Florida Game? Leave a comment!

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