“You look like you’re knitting a sweater!” 

Pretty sure in riding (especially dressage) that is one harsh insult, intended to invoke the image of someone who is overly busy—hands pulling left, right, left, right. It’s certainly not something we want. 

But as a rider, you do need to be creative with the contact, to communicate something to your horse. When I was a teenager, I had the wonderful opportunity to be a working student for Lilo Fore. I thought “good hands” meant hands that were perfectly still, doing absolutely nothing. So I strived every day to have a perfect, unmoving position. My hands were held with fist closed, thumb on top, fist width apart—perfect, right? Except they were stiff as a board, unfeeling, and doing nothing except going against the horse at times. Lilo tried and tried to explain to me what she wanted. And one day, completely exasperated, she yelled at top volume from the other end of the arena in her strong German accent, “Eliza!!! ‘Good hands’ doesn’t mean you do nothing! You must use your hands!” 

But I thought we weren’t supposed to use our hands? Only ride from the seat and leg, right? Well …

I gradually realized that if your hands are perfectly still (in relation to the ground), they are not moving with the horse, and they are not helping him in any way. And the horses need our help! Over time I got braver about learning to try things with my hands. And yep, I did it wrong a lot at the beginning—too strong, too wimpy, holding too much, giving for too long. But as my seat became more and more independent, I could actually “make” something with my contact. 

And the biggest thing of all is the elusive “feel”: Your hands must be feeling what is going on in the horse’s mouth, jaw, neck. Careful, creative and gentle use of the hands is a huge tool in good riding. The goal over time is riding with extremely limited use of the rein aids, but that will always still include the rein aids, albeit lighter and lighter. Remember, there are two ends to the horse, and we must ride them both. 

So the next big question is, how do I develop this mysterious feel that everyone is always talking about? And here’s the annoying answer: You develop it bit by bit, every day. Hopefully your trainer can help put you and your horse in places where you say, “Oh! That’s what it feels like when he’s soft/bending/reaching for the bit.” Or maybe you get to hop on a horse who knows more than you, and you finally feel self-carriage or real suppleness. 

And it will take some careful experimentation on your own. I recommend that people start on the ground, working gently with your horse just standing at a halt to feel if you can get a flexion, a chewing of the bit, a softening at the poll, etc. And then can you get it with the horse walking around you quietly on a small circle? See how little pressure you can use to get a reaction? How are the left and right sides different? 

When riding, the fist should be gently closed, with the rein deeper toward the palm of your hand, rather than out near the ends of your fingers. Your fist should be held upright, with your forearm bones stacked one on top of the other. When viewed from the side, ideally there should be a straight line from your elbow, through your fist, through the rein and to the snaffle. However, this is somewhat dependent on riders’ conformation; those with short arms may have to carry their hands a bit higher, for example. 

The reason this position is the ideal is because it increases the rider’s ability to feel their horse. When there’s a straight line from bit to elbow, there is a direct line of communication into your seat and back. When that line is broken either up or down, it’s like a kink in the hose. And when the hands are held flat—like playing the piano—that connection gets stopped at your fingers rather than flowing all the way into your seat. But more important than having the perfect position is learning to move with the horse and feel what is happening at the end of the rein. This is the hard lesson Lilo was desperately trying to teach me as I sat perfectly and was utterly ineffective. 

So maybe we should reframe the old insult of “knitting hands.” Knitting requires incredible dexterity. You cannot forcefully knit something of beauty. And the better you get at knitting, the smaller your movements will get. Knitting is creative and takes much skill. All of this sounds a bit like riding to me. 

Remember, it’s all about fostering a harmonious connection with our horses, one stitch at a time.

Eliza Sydnor Romm is an FEI rider and trainer from Chapel Hill, North Carolina. She is a USDF Certified Instructor and sought-after trainer and clinician. She teaches horses and riders of all levels, from starting under saddle to Grand Prix.

Susan DiFelice, a lifelong rider and award-winning equestrian illustrator, created Allpony, an educational website serving a global community with courses, games and printables on horsemanship. Her passion lies in fostering creative partnerships and producing illustrations for professionals and brands seeking to make an impact in the equestrian world.