Question: I am a junior rider boarding at a show barn that has many junior and adult riders. I own two horses and show much of the year. I know that I am fortunate to have parents that can support my riding, but I often get asked questions by other riders—adults and juniors—that I’m not comfortable answering. I’ve been asked: “How do you afford to show so much?” “What do your parents do for a living that they can pay for two horses?” “How much did you pay for that horse?” and more. I think this is rude. How should I respond?

Answer: You’re right; it’s rude to ask nosy questions. Some people just can’t seem to help themselves from digging into the private affairs of others. Barn gossip is about as common as eating the whole pint of ice cream. We know we shouldn’t do it, but look it’s gone!

Seriously, how do your parents afford it? Wait, what were we talking about? Sorry, sorry. This is an expensive sport. Riders are curious about how each person makes the financial piece work. But, that doesn’t give anyone permission to break the bonds of common courtesy and press for classified info.  

There are several strategies for responding to questions you don’t want to answer:

1. Honest redirection. Say, “I’m not comfortable answering that question. It’s private.” Or “You’ll have to ask my parents. They’ve asked me not to talk about our personal finances.” If pressed about your lengthy show season say, “My trainer recommend this schedule based on our goals for the season.”
2. Use humor or sarcasm. If asked how much your new horse cost, respond with: “My mother says he cost more than her new kitchen, and she’s not happy about it.” Just keep your comments polite.
3. What’s it to you? There’s nothing wrong with a direct response that puts the nosy person on notice. Say, “Why do you ask?” This one-size-fits-all response turns the tables and usually stops a nosy Nelly dead in her tracks. Try to always respond in a respectful tone, even though the people you are responding to have committed the faux pas.

What the rudest nosy question you’ve ever been asked? Do tell!

Elizabeth Howell grew up riding on the hunter/jumper circuit in Massachusetts. Now she is a horse show mom. She holds a day job at The Emily Post Institute and slings horse manure on the weekends.  Her web site is www.sheridesIpay.com.