The most impactful figure in my life in my early years of eventing was my coach and mentor, Packy McGaughan. He very sadly died in 2020. With his guidance, I climbed the levels of eventing from novice to advanced. Gregarious, funny and smart, he was deeply committed to training horses and riders. He was also gay.

I worked for Packy for about five years, and trained with him for almost 10. I never told him that I was gay. I remember helping him drive some horses back from Florida to Maryland at the end of one winter when I was about 18 years old. I was supposed to keep him company on the long journey and help take care of the horses at the rest stops. It was a long drive, and before we departed, I decided that my goal during the drive was to come out to him. Eighteen hours passed, and I never did.

This is rather funny to me now, because I am much more confident in myself and in my own skin. But the fact that I was trepidatious about coming out to my own coach—my own coach who was himself gay, and so obviously would have been totally fine with it—is telling. Particularly as I look back on it, I am not entirely sure why it was so hard for me to outwardly be myself. He probably knew, and he surely understood that it was not easy for anyone to come out. We never talked about it, but I imagined that it had been hard for him to come out to friends and family as well. 

I have become a lot more confident in myself since then. I recently married an amazing woman with whom I am excited to share the rest of my life. We are just like pretty much any straight couple you know: We have jobs, we go to the grocery store, we try to do fun things on weekends, we share holidays with family, and we have a cute little dog. The fact that we are both women instead of being individuals of opposite sexes isn’t all that radical or crazy; it’s just who we are. 

June is recognized as Pride month in many countries around the world, including the United States. It is a celebration of the LGBTQ community and a chance for us to be visible to the world. It is also a recognition that, for a long time, we had no choice but to be closeted. We couldn’t go to bars without being worried about being beaten up by police. Until 2003, when the U.S. Supreme Court decided Lawrence v. Texas, homosexuality itself was criminalized in many states. So until not that long ago, it was not just unpopular to be gay; it was illegal. Pride month is a recognition of our community and the allies who support us. It’s a way of saying “we’re here.” 

You should know that I’m still scared to be gay sometimes, both in the horse world and in the world more broadly. When I recently inquired about renting a house, I worried that the landlord might decide not to rent to us if they found out that I’m married to a woman. I have worried that sponsors and owners will not support the horses and me because I’m gay. I have also been apprehensive about holding my wife’s hand as we walk around a horse show in case we run into someone nasty. 

These fears are probably largely unfounded; I am lucky that I have never experienced outright discrimination or hatred on account of my sexuality. Sometimes I wonder why I have what feel like these illogical thoughts or fears. But, on the other hand, it is true that I grew up hearing “that’s so gay” thrown around as an insult at school. I grew up being a bit scared about who I was. And it is also true that until just a decade ago, when the U.S. Supreme Court decided Obergefell v. Hodges, the marriage I just began with my wife was not legally recognized in every state. 

My overwhelming experience has been positive in the horse world. I do not think I have been denied opportunities because I am gay. I do not think sponsors have decided against partnering with me because my partner is a woman. It’s hard to know, of course—people walk away for what they say is one reason, but that reason could be pretextual. But on all accounts, I feel accepted for who I am in the horse world, and I’m grateful for that. 

So why do we have Pride month at all, you might ask? All Pride month does is recognize that we are visible; it allows us be seen when for so many years we’ve had to hide. It’s nothing all that intrusive on others: It’s really just visibility.

Trust me, we read the comments on social media. We read the, “Why can’t we have straight month?” the, “We don’t care what your sexuality is, just keep it to yourself,” and the, “Why can’t we just focus on horses?” kinds of comments. The First Amendment protects free speech in this country, including on the internet. Everyone is entitled to, and permitted to share, their own opinion. But I ask those who think that Pride is a waste of time or has nothing to do with the horse world to put yourselves in the shoes of someone like me. Being a five-star rider is undeniably part of my identity. Being gay is also, undeniably, a part of who I am. Both can be true and celebrated. 

Does my ability to train and compete horses have anything to do with my sexuality? Not really. But horse sports, like any other high-level sport, require such mental strength that it’s important for athletes to feel supported and comfortable in all areas of their lives in order for them to perform as athletes. Feeling accepted and settled in my personal life allows me to compete with confidence. Feeling scared or alone or not fully yourself makes competing—which is hard enough already!— really feel like an uphill battle. 

I hope that by sharing who I am, I can help other people see that LGBTQ people are welcome in the equestrian community, and the world at large. Happy Pride. 

Ema Klugman is a five-star eventer based in Clarksburg, Maryland. She trains and competes a group of upper level horses and has been named to the Australian High Performance Squad for the past five years. Outside of horses, Ema is an attorney and works in Washington, D.C.