Funny, mean, or combination...quotes/sayings

[A Horse of Course]

You know how colorful our wonderful top riders and trainers can be?!?! Well, I need the best quotes/saying/stories that have happened during clinics, lessons, shows, working student/assistant stories and so on that are dramatic.

As an example, the one where George Morris threw dirt in a girl's mouth because she yawned on her horse while listening to him during one of his clinics. And his response afterwards.
I have some other ones but I need a lot more.

I need these for a story I'm writing and I would like to use as many crazy events and sayings that have happened in real life. Again I need quotes/dialogue and/or action, the George Morris example would be action.

Help me out guys!! Thank You!!

[billiebob]

At the only clinic I went to, Melvin Dutton threatened to beat me with a crop if I didn't get my horse on his left lead. To be fair, this was after my trainer suggested it

[Abbeyroad1791]

Haha one of the trainers at our barn... Do you know how to count to 5??? after a girl got a 4 1/2 down a line time after time...Lol

Another from my trainer after a particulary (cough) horrible (cough) ride: Were you TRYING to kill yourself??... OH gee yea thats EXACTLY what I was going for Haha

[gg4918]

"Hey my thunder thighs darling! When are you going to go for a run?" ---in response to my LARGE thighs....(im a size 4/6 and 5'8")
when students come to visit them in their 20s and after their eq years, "Why couldnt you have been this skinny when you were doing the equitation?"
"GET YOUR DIAGONAL YOU STUPID GIRL" -hissed from the sidelines during a under saddle junior hunter class loud enough for the judge and the crowd to hear.
"Do Sex" -said when, at a party that he was throwing, he made the drag queens and Go Go boys get up on dancing blocks.
"EQUITATION GODDESS!"
I have many more, better ones, but i cant think of them, it takes a little while.

[RumoursFollow]

I was just reading Little Indian's facebook page today (sorry Hali, if that makes me sound like a stalker- but I'd been looking at some of your fabulous pictures!) and read this one from George Morris:

"I am going to teach you about men. Distances are like men. Never grab the first one you see; it's never the best one, and more will come along."-God himself, George Morris

(that is literally a direct copy from her page.)

GM is also famous in my original area for making a girl get off her horse and roll in the dirt while in the initial lineup at his clinic because her horse wasnt as clean as she was and she was picking nits off her sweater. That was a long time ago.. 15 years? or almost that many.. but I remember it like it was yesterday and its something I'll never forget!!

[billiebob]

Do all of our trainers know each other or do we just like the abuse?

[gg4918]

"Did Ross get his Adequan today?"
"No he doesnt get Adequan."
"Well, uh, did he get his Legend?"
"No, he doesnt get Legend?"
"Whats that stuff that he gets?"
"The estrogen shots?"
"CRAP I must have taken them instead!"
----Exchange between student and gay trainer.

[Tini Sea Soldier]

Carol Thompson after a student got SEVERELY left in an element in gymnastic:

"hold on, horse.. I'm right behind you!"

[A Horse of Course]

Wow! And another great one from George.
gg4918, that is hilarious!!!
Great guys!! Keep 'em coming!!

[mg]

Originally Posted by RumoursFollow

GM is also famous in my original area for making a girl get off her horse and roll in the dirt while in the initial lineup at his clinic because her horse wasnt as clean as she was and she was picking nits off her sweater. That was a long time ago.. 15 years? or almost that many.. but I remember it like it was yesterday and its something I'll never forget!!

A friend of mine took at clinic with GM and she kept looking down at the jump, so he made her get off and roll around in the dirt since she liked looking at it so much.

[counttheroses]

College instructor's comment while I was trying to navigate an unruly, 4 yr old over a course - "leaning forward and praying will not get you over the jump"! That was 16 years ago and I'll never forget it. And leaning forward and praying was exactly what I was doing! LOL

[Tini Sea Soldier]

Group lesson when I was a kid...

Instructor going around commenting on each rider @ trot w/o stirrups:

"Rider #1... nice leg position & soft post"

"Rider #2... pick up your hands and try not to lean forward so much"

"Rider #3... stop pinching with your knee"

"Rider #4... take up tennis"

"Ok... now everyone sit and ask their horses to canter..."

I seriously almost fell off laughing.

[gloryeyes]

In a clinic with Joe Fargis:

"Your whip hand looks like it has polio!"

[Abbeyroad1791]

Thought of another great one.. Not sure who it was b/c I was sitting at a show watching the schooling ring..BUT...

"Did you know that trying the same thing over and over even though it doesn't work and hoping for a different outcome is a sign of retardation??"
Not exactly the most endearing, but HALARIOUS none the less

[Moli]

You know, something must seriously be wrong with me....I find none of this stuff funny

[tidy rabbit]

"Why this saddle is a ball crusher!" - GM in reference to my Butet.

my reply...

"I wouldn't know."

[Moli]

I was clinicing with GM and watched while MY horse tossed him off.....NOW, THAT WAS FUNNY!

[rideforthelaurels16]

I cannot even PICTURE GM speaking of his manly bits! Oh dear!

[rideforthelaurels16]

And on that note, I have a good one from my trainer when I was learning to turn through the waist and be more supple;
It was something to the effect of, "stick your boobies out; there's a hot guy at C!"
I had to stop and regain my composure for a minute

[kashmere]

the old pony club coach around here was a former BHS instructor; tiny little English woman with huge glasses and the most cutting remarks ever heard. when a friend of mine was quite young, maybe 10 or so, she was getting a lesson from this lady, and when she couldn't get her leg quite right, instructor picked up a rock, and with absolutely precise aim, smacks child on the leg, tears her jods and everything. "now, can you get that leg back!?" (picture this tiny lady with a bright pink windbreaker on, huge glasses glinting in the sun, posh brittish accent)

probably not funny when you're 10, but 10 years later it's a hoot!