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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug. 23, 2006
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    295

    Default Horses AND a Full-time Job...and Dating? HOW???

    For real...those of you who manage to be really serious riders, work a full-time job AND have time to date/have a boyfriend...HOW DO YOU DO IT?? As the title of my thread states, I am obviously not having any success in this area. I have a full-time job (must have to support the critters/pay the mortgage/etc.) and live on my little farm in the boonies with my five horses. I teach some lessons, work 3 of my 5 beasties (2 are retired) and when I'm done with all that, I basically just take a shower, crash, and start all over the next day. My social life is something to behold...there's a four-letter word for it! I'm not asking for much...it would just be nice for once to meet someone who won't get pissed and leave when he realizes I have approximately 30 minutes a week (on a good week) for him! And that's if he comes to visit me because I sure don't have time to drive 40 miles into town at 11 pm when I finally get finished with everything on the farm! Gah! You'd think I was being unreasonable or something... Sometimes I think I'd like to have some companionship out here...and then, after pondering for a while, I realize that I really do like things the way they are. I'm old and cranky and set in my ways, I'm afraid. I'm destined to become a crazy little ol' horselady hermit. Oh wait, I already am! I'm only half-joking here, guys... Am I doomed?

    Katja



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar. 20, 2001
    Location
    Colorado, a suburb of Los Angeles
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    6,660

    Default

    You have to find someone who has a life, interests and is as busy as you are so he isn't sitting around feeling neglected.
    There are some out there....you may have to take a little time off from your schedule to find one.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep. 15, 2006
    Posts
    1,509

    Default I'm a man, but IF you figure it out let me know...

    Right this min I only have one horse adding 1 or 2 more soon, have a teenage daughter to take care of (her mom ran off 11 years ago, but thats a diff story), Have my own business, and you know when you have your own business, people want their stuff yesterday, but forgot to order it till tomorrow. And no prospects of dating. So far, the people are just crazy, jealous like you said about the horses, or think I should quit riding YEAH RIGHT!!!!!
    -
    -
    So if you figure it out, PLEASE LET ME KNOW....
    " iCOTH " window/bumper stickers.
    http://bluemoongrafixva.webs.com



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar. 11, 2004
    Location
    Collegeville, PA
    Posts
    3,303

    Default

    I date my boss, who lives on a farm. Problem solved
    My CANTER cutie Chip and IHSA shows!
    http://www.youtube.com/kheit86



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar. 13, 2005
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    Nor-Cal
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    1,737

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    Oh I feel your pain! I figure if I don't meet a guy at the feed store, or on the job (work for an equine vet as a tech) I too am doomed to be the "old crazy horse lady"! And the only time I ever get to go to a "real" store,(usually grocery) I am usually covered in dust and horse spittle. A picture of lovelyness!
    "To my Gub... Godspeed my friend, till we meet again." 1996-2007.
    Runway (Sasha) 2009 Zweibrucker filly by Redwine.

    "Silence is golden...and duct tape is silver."



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar. 13, 2005
    Location
    Nor-Cal
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    1,737

    Default

    Hmmm... mybe we should start a CHRON dating site!
    "To my Gub... Godspeed my friend, till we meet again." 1996-2007.
    Runway (Sasha) 2009 Zweibrucker filly by Redwine.

    "Silence is golden...and duct tape is silver."



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep. 4, 2007
    Location
    Crossville, TN
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    1,146

    Default

    Hmmm...back in college I went to school full time, worked two part time jobs (one during the day, the other finished rather late at night), and had one horse that I boarded. I was also dating possibly three or four women's share of nice young men In retrospect I have NO idea how I managed all of this and my VERY active social life. However I think the real trick is you have to figure out a way to make it a priority. Obviously work and the horses are priorities but you have to find some time to carve out for finding nice men (or women). You can not expect him/her to fall in your lap. Without knowing your exact schedule and available potential significant other scouting opportunities I can't help you specifically figure it out. I can though recommend being very direct. I looked at it like hunting, schedule time for observing the potentials, pick one, and pounce (well not literally!). If that one fails to pass inspection move on the the next one! That and utmost honesty about the horses. I am now friends with a very nice guy that I dated briefly but when we realized his germ phobia conflicted with my love of animals we decided to nix the romance and be friends

    Good luck though I know it can be frustrating... and can suck at times but it can be done! (You just may not sleep alot...love the Sugar Free Red Bull!)



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug. 23, 2006
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    295

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by gubbyz View Post
    Hmmm... mybe we should start a CHRON dating site!
    ya know, you may be on to something here! LOL
    I might actually have a prayer of meeting a guy that isn't scared sh*tless of me! I tend to have that effect on non-horsey guys...I'm 5'10" and very no-nonsense (tend to get that way when spending the majority of time dealing with either 3 yr. old colts at home or teenagers at work) I seriously wonder if I would have to hook up with another horseperson that is as serious as I am, in order for it to work out...I have BTDT with the non-horsey guys who got downright mean and nasty when jealousy reared its ugly head...I had one actually tell me that I'm just not cute enough for him to justify "putting up with all my horse crap"...he actually said that if I were prettier, he'd be willing to put up with alot more! Needless to say, he's a big fat EX-bf...and I have enough self-esteem to know that he's just a jerk and it's not my problem!
    Still, finding a NICE guy who would stick around and not be a turd about the horses would be nice...

    Katja



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct. 3, 2002
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    it's not the edge of the earth, but you can see it from here
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    12,079

    Default

    I really, truly, honestly don't understand people who have to have 'another half' to feel whole. It's not sour grapes either.

    You can LIVE without another human. Yes, eventually, past the 4th decade or so, you get a little bit selfish and set in your ways and figure out it's much easier, cheaper and more fun without having to please another human... but it's not the worst state in the world to be in.

    Of course, I am a dinosaur who thinks that sex is NOT recreation.

    If I find the right mate, GREAT! If not, I am pretty darn thrilled with my life, and honestly, (NOT sour grapes, I promise!) have had others say how much they admire the self-sufficience and self-confidence...

    All a girl REALLY needs on a cold winter night is a big dog and an electric blanket.
    InnisFailte Pinto Sporthorses & Coloured Cobs
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Bits are like cats, what's one more? (Petstorejunkie)



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug. 23, 2006
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    295

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by pintopiaffe View Post
    I really, truly, honestly don't understand people who have to have 'another half' to feel whole. It's not sour grapes either.

    You can LIVE without another human. Yes, eventually, past the 4th decade or so, you get a little bit selfish and set in your ways and figure out it's much easier, cheaper and more fun without having to please another human... but it's not the worst state in the world to be in.

    Of course, I am a dinosaur who thinks that sex is NOT recreation.

    If I find the right mate, GREAT! If not, I am pretty darn thrilled with my life, and honestly, (NOT sour grapes, I promise!) have had others say how much they admire the self-sufficience and self-confidence...

    All a girl REALLY needs on a cold winter night is a big dog and an electric blanket.
    Hey, Girlfriend, I hear ya loud and clear! Really, I do! I am living proof that one can live without another human just fine, thankyouverymuch! I just sometimes wonder how the "other half" lives...I am 41 years old and I have never been married, and although I've dated sporadically here and there, I've never been in a relationship that lasted longer than a couple of years. I have dated a couple of abusive men and quickly came to the realization that not having a boyfriend at all is MUCH better than having a crappy one! I am an extremely serious horsewoman and have been all my life, and that has just never sat well with any of the guys in my life...they have just not been able to handle it. IF...and this is a BIG IF...I ever manage to meet a guy who's truly compatible with me, I'm very worried that I'll wind up doing something to run him off simply because I won't know how to act! I have been on my own for so long, dealing strictly with my animals and doing things my way, that my social skills (esp. in the dating dept.) probably leave alot to be desired! I'm a very strong individual...my parents died when I was barely out of college in my early 20's, and I've been self-sufficient by necessity for my entire adult life. That's all fine and good, but I'm not gonna be a martyr...I'm not afraid to admit that while 95% of the time I'm perfectly fine, once in a while it does get a little lonely. I'm basically a very happy person, but I've NEVER been in a happy, healthy long-term relationship with a man who truly enhances my life (and vice versa,) and I would like to at least have the opportunity to experience that before I die. I'm a herd animal...I don't necessarily want to be on individual turn-out for the rest of my life!



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2006
    Location
    Nashville, TN
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    4,024

    Default

    Man, I almost posted this SAME thread tonight.

    My roommate and I check craigslist every night for horses and houses for rent... our sad motto is "hey, we buy everything else on CL, maybe we can find men too!"



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
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    1,267

    Default

    relationships take time. seriously. SOME time. Not all the time, but the guy needs to feel you are in the game with him. I don't think it's fair to put the dating on the bottom of the list. Would YOU like to be number 5 on a guys list? (work, friends, hobby, house THEN you?) I'm ALL for being independent and all that, but this kind of life will make it really hard if you don't change. Dating is especially sensitive to this as it takes a great deal of effort to keep communication up as you get to know new people. I've seen a lot of career women with horses remain single because they won't make time. They expect a guy to fall into this pattern with out being flexible.
    At this point I am in grad school PT, work FT, train dressage but if I was single I wouldn't be at a point to nuture a new relationship. When I met my now fiance' I wasn't riding in the winter or going to school. I don't think he would have took it well if I kept being busy. Now he goes to the barn and is 110% supportive if I am busy, but I still make a lot of time for us to spend as a couple. It's like feeling a bank account, a little goes a long way.
    For you I would suggest online dating because you can be at the computer on your time and have a set time to spend on that.
    It all comes down to what your priorities are.

    GOOD LUCK!



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Sep. 15, 2006
    Posts
    1,509

    Default Don't know about this....

    Quote Originally Posted by eponacowgirl View Post
    Man, I almost posted this SAME thread tonight.

    My roommate and I check craigslist every night for horses and houses for rent... our sad motto is "hey, we buy everything else on CL, maybe we can find men too!"
    In CL around here (Asheville) all the womens ads, are ONLY for a good laugh. 99% of them are fake scammers trying to get you to their website. So GL..
    " iCOTH " window/bumper stickers.
    http://bluemoongrafixva.webs.com



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2006
    Location
    Nashville, TN
    Posts
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    Default

    Hey now, with the quality of horses available here in Middle TN on CL, I wouldn't be shocked to find the same quality level of MEN. I expect they'll be fed a little bit better, however.



  15. #15

    Default

    I soooo feel you on this! I love my life, and these past several years when I have been single have been the happiest of my entire life! I am disinclined to change much in order to accomodate a man.

    However, I keep remembering one of the strongest, most graphic lessons that King taught me. When I finally brought him home from the boarding barn, everyone thought he would be fine as a single guy. There are horses on all sides of my farm, and they told me at the barn that King was always a bit of a loner, anyway. As long as he could see other horses, they said, he would be fine.

    NOT!

    The old boy became apoplectic when I asked him to live alone! He absolutely, positively would not do it. He was going to have a friend, or die trying. He hollered, he wailed, he spun, he kicked, he worked himself into a absolutely "hissy fit." So -- a companion was found.

    Now, I am beyond sure that Elijah has lengthened King's projected lifespan by at least a decade. The mean old codger has a true best friend, and the sweetness, kindness and gentleness they share between them is a heart-warming sight.

    I have always felt like King was trying to tell me something. Like, sure, it's beautiful out here, and sure I loff you and you loff me. But it's not enough. I need a true companion of my own species. And so do you!

    So ... I am still single. And I will remain picky (yes, King taught me that, too, as he did not buddy up with just ANY horse, he has in Elijah perhaps the world's greatest best friend). But I won't give up. I am not wailing and hollering, spinning or kicking. But I am looking. I work on my appearance. I find time to shop for clothes. And I keep getting "out there." I own my own business, I run this farm, I am training for a half-marathon, I take care of my aging mother, I keep up with my friendships, and I have a brand new granddaughter. So ... yes ... finding the time requires an effort.

    And, when the guy is just so-so, it's too much effort. But, I have discovered that when the guys is pretty danged cool, it doesn't seem like so much effort! So ... you know the old saying, When the student is ready, the teacher appears. Maybe it applies to dating, too.

    I guess I'm just saying, don't give up. Keep yourself up -- physically and emotionally -- and keep yourself open to a new relationship. Those horses, they know a few things. And it is a rare one who lives happily alone.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Feb. 1, 2001
    Location
    Finally...back in civilization, more or less
    Posts
    11,492

    Default

    Let me get this straight.

    Are you really asking if you can expect to find a great relationship if you are willing to invest 30 minutes once a week? And to get that 30 minutes, that person will have to drive 80 miles (40 to and from town) to spend that time with you?

    If the shoe were on the other foot, would YOU do that for someone else?

    I agree with cuatx55 and King's Ransom. If you are willing to make some adjustments, I think it is more than possible to find a great relationship even if you have horses and a full time job. I wouldn't suggest starting with a chip on your shoulder - being defensive about the horses. You have a job and a hobby; it's time consuming, but not all-consuming (one hopes)... not really much different than someone who loves golf or any other time-intensive pursuit.

    When I was single, I had a very active social life, two horses in training, a job as a VP marketing at a fairly large company, and also managed to do an almost total renovation of my house. I actually have LESS discretionary time now that I am (very happily) married - but I still keep a horse in training, spend time at the barn every day, and can show pretty much whenever I like. And I wouldn't trade my current situation for the world. My hubby isn't horsey but is very supportive of my riding; in turn, I am happy to support his passion, which is cycling.

    It all depends on your priorities, I think.
    **********
    We move pretty fast for some rabid garden snails.
    -PaulaEdwina



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Jul. 16, 2003
    Posts
    2,987

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    Quote Originally Posted by gubbyz View Post
    Hmmm... mybe we should start a CHRON dating site!
    Since 90% of the posters are women, and most of the men are already in relationships or are married, I don't think that would be very useful unless the people in question want to date other horsewomen!

    Seriously, while I'm currently pretty much just riding on weekends, I was riding 5-6 days/week for most of the time I've been dating my boyfriend. Frequently, we'd schedule our dates around the barn, and (once I got to know him better, of course), if I got sweaty and icky, I'd take a shower once I got to his apartment, then we'd go out to dinner/etc. He's not at all horsey, and he's only come to two shows (one HT, and one vaulting competition). He has never complained about my riding, has made a point of saying he knows that the horses are important to me, and to go ahead and ride when I was concerned about a scheduling conflict on Valentine's day, and when I had to give up the part-lease, he was concerned that the horse would have someone to take care of him!

    I've had 6 other boyfriends before him, and none of them, even the one who was severely allergic to horses, has had a problem with me riding, or given any hint of "it's me or the horse." A couple of them have tried riding, or were willing to be my show/lesson photographer, but none of them are particularly interested in horses. They have their own interests, and I have tried to be supportive.
    Stay me with coffee, comfort me with chocolate, for I am sick of love.



  18. #18
    Join Date
    May. 24, 2007
    Posts
    243

    Default

    Don't have a problem making the time to date someone! Somehow you can fit it in if you really want to. I find the biggest problem is where and how to meet someone! Now that is a problem I haven't figured out! I also don't make the time to meet someone, since I find the trying to find them so frustrating...but once I meet someone, I always find I can fit them in. I just sleep a little less!



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Dec. 12, 2005
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    Myrtle Beach, SC
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    Horses AND a Full-time Job...and Dating? HOW???


    Sleep ALOT Less.

    Seriously, I worked a fulltime job, rode 5 days a week and slept very little. My now hubby was finishing up his masters degree, working evenings which was the opposite of what I worked. We'd meet after he got off Usually around 11, go out and eat and sit on the beach or "somewhere" untill the wee hours of the morning.. wander home, get 3 hours of sleep and then start all over again.

    Our familys thought we were nuts. FOr a while he moved his horse to the same barn that I boarded at so we could ride together. Then we got married. I haven't looked back once.

    FOr the right man, it's definatly worth it.
    Last edited by Catersun; Jul. 27, 2008 at 02:14 PM.
    If i'm posting on Coth, it's either raining so I can't ride or it's night time and I can't sleep.



  20. #20
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    Sep. 25, 2007
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    TN
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    724

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    My ex-fiance complained about me not being abke to travel and goung ti the barn daily. I tried to accommodate him and spent endless hours driving a golf cart around and trying to learn the stupid game. Then I was diagnoised with a progressive neurologucal condution. He bolted. Is they can't work with you, cut your losses, they will leave you over something else later.



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