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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Apr. 7, 2004
    Location
    NoVa
    Posts
    5,299

    Default

    Lulabelle, your post reminded me of another one for this "trainer."

    Kid was in the indoor and thought the horse had taken off with her (he didn't--he was just having a happy canter). Kid starts crying and getting scared. Does the trainer say, "relax" or "sit back" or "ask him to trot"? No, she stands in the MIDDLE of the ring and yells, "LOOK AT ME!!" ACK, NO!! There were 3 of us standing watching and we all gasped and said, "NO! Don't look at her!" as the trainer was now over the kid's right shoulder and even those with the best balance would've lost it....


    1 members found this post helpful.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Aug. 31, 2004
    Location
    The Cave of Caerbannog in summer, Castle Aaaargh in winter
    Posts
    1,028

    Default

    Not a trainer, but a BO who thought he knew it all....the indoor was cold, so he went out and bought a heater that shot FLAMES up out of it, and put it in the CENTER of the ring. Oh yeah, the horses just really loved that one. He also refused to give the horses two buckets of water because "it's common knowledge they only drink from one at a time." Well duh, they don't have two mouths, but they still need more water and since you only check the buckets once a day....

    Of course, this is the same guy whose wife, when she found out my son was a "test-tube baby", said--"how did they find test-tubes big enough to hold him for nine whole months?"

    I like logical people---they provide a nice contrast to the real world.


    14 members found this post helpful.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Apr. 24, 2006
    Location
    In the SOUTH
    Posts
    357

    Default

    So....if we all lose weight we can get more suspension??? Is that IT??? Wow...I wish I had know this years ago! WTF??? Some of these had me laughing, and I wish I could think of some b/c I have really heard a lot of these!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Dec. 11, 2005
    Posts
    908

    Default

    I was working for a BNT many years ago and someone was having a lesson while I was tacking up..... This very loud direction came from the arena...... "More Forward, More Forward, More Forward..... AHhhhh Honey your running him off his feet"
    I about peed my pants I laughed so hard!
    "The well being of a horse should never be compromised for the ego of a human" dlg 06

    http://qualitytack4sale.webs.com/



  5. #25
    Join Date
    Dec. 28, 2003
    Location
    Canada where all hell has broke free
    Posts
    2,509

    Default

    This is something I have heard many times.

    "Lunge him at a run that way he will be quite when you get on."

    "If you kick him really hard he will go forward."
    My life motto now is "You can't fix stupid!"

    Are you going to cowboy up, or lie there and bleed



  6. #26
    Join Date
    Apr. 10, 2002
    Location
    vancouver, wa
    Posts
    1,009

    Default

    we had a wp/4-h trainer at my barn who was actually quite successful (i think) and whose students did well at the shows.

    i don't know how bad this advice is (for wp) but i swore i could have tape recorded one lesson and given it to all of the other students on repeat for a lot less money than they were giving her:

    kick his head down!
    not so fast! pull back!
    now kick his head down!
    he's speeding up, pull back!
    now kick his head down!
    slower, slower..
    look where his head is! kick it DOWN!



  7. #27
    Join Date
    Oct. 24, 2002
    Location
    NW IL
    Posts
    703

    Default

    Had a "trainer" tell me the reason I was having "trouble" with my mare was because I "spoiled" her by letting her graze on grass. It was her opinion that allowing horses to graze made them lazy. Then I had to try to explain that I wasn't having trouble, I was just taking it slow and easy with a 17 yr old mare who hadn't been ridden in 4 or 5 years. I was then told I just needed to take her on a "good all day trail ride" and "whip her into shape."

    A "trainer" a good friend knows told me that the "trainer" sat her down to have a talk about my friend having her colt gelded. The "trainer" very seriously told her she'd made a huge mistake as it's a waste of time and money to geld a colt before he's 3 years old because his testicles will just grow back!!!


    14 members found this post helpful.

  8. #28
    Join Date
    May. 16, 2001
    Location
    Alaska. Not in an Igloo.
    Posts
    8,993

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by VivaBaby View Post
    \

    A "trainer" a good friend knows told me that the "trainer" sat her down to have a talk about my friend having her colt gelded. The "trainer" very seriously told her she'd made a huge mistake as it's a waste of time and money to geld a colt before he's 3 years old because his testicles will just grow back!!!
    Oh good, someone tell Alysheba so she can tell her friend
    Seig Heil Polo Shirt!


    3 members found this post helpful.

  9. #29
    Join Date
    May. 26, 2005
    Posts
    411

    Default

    A trainer very dear to me yelled this upon coming to a jump (3'-3'6).

    "Just run at it, babes!!!"
    Thoroughbreds: classic

    Turn. N. Burn.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Jul. 13, 2006
    Posts
    1,902

    Default

    "Smack her with the whip everytime she grinds her teeth (and makes that awful noise); she'll stop.
    *** 4 More Years ***
    *** 4 More Years ***



  11. #31
    Join Date
    Jul. 13, 2006
    Posts
    1,902

    Default

    From a long-time barn staffer (mucker) of a very large barn; "Hay is Hay" as I pointed out the moldy hay she was throwing the beast.
    *** 4 More Years ***
    *** 4 More Years ***


    1 members found this post helpful.

  12. #32
    Join Date
    Jan. 23, 2000
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    8,024

    Default

    kick his head down!
    How does that work?

    Originally Posted by VivaBaby
    \

    A "trainer" a good friend knows told me that the "trainer" sat her down to have a talk about my friend having her colt gelded. The "trainer" very seriously told her she'd made a huge mistake as it's a waste of time and money to geld a colt before he's 3 years old because his testicles will just grow back!!!


    Oh good, someone tell Alysheba so she can tell her friend
    OMG, I'm so glad I wasn't drinking anything...



  13. #33
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2002
    Location
    Alpharetta, GA
    Posts
    2,326

    Default

    Well this one always gets me:

    "Breathe!"

    Huh? Like if you don't remind the kid, they'll stop breathing? Really, you don't have something more constructive to offer?

    But seriously, here's the most "interesting" thing I've heard a trainer say:
    Last year I was in Ocala. I watched a very BNT give a morning lesson to his Equitation riders. Very interesting. I then followed him over to the Maclay ring to watch the class. I stood near enough to hear his comments to his riders. One (very good) rider went in and had a very minor "miss" to one jump. Like, not a really big deal. She came out and I sidled over to hear what he would tell her. You know what he said? I quote, "(Name), what you really need to focus on....... is not advertising that you're a COMPLETE beginner." I winced and sidled away. But to her credit, she nodded and said, "Yes sir."



  14. #34
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2005
    Location
    Washington State
    Posts
    1,522

    Default

    Back in Murphy's wild, bad boy days, I was told by my friend's "trainer" that the devil was using Murphy as his tool to get my soul.


    8 members found this post helpful.

  15. #35
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 2006
    Posts
    128

    Talking

    A "trainer" a good friend knows told me that the "trainer" sat her down to have a talk about my friend having her colt gelded. The "trainer" very seriously told her she'd made a huge mistake as it's a waste of time and money to geld a colt before he's 3 years old because his testicles will just grow back!!!

    After thinking WTF?????? I ROTF and LMAO


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #36
    Join Date
    Oct. 24, 2002
    Location
    NW IL
    Posts
    703

    Red face Oh good grief!

    Quote Originally Posted by VivaBaby View Post
    A "trainer" a good friend knows told me that the "trainer" sat her down to have a talk about my friend having her colt gelded. The "trainer" very seriously told her she'd made a huge mistake as it's a waste of time and money to geld a colt before he's 3 years old because his testicles will just grow back!!!
    I just realized my brain must have still been frozen from below freezing wind chills all day! The way I typed that is almost incoherent! And it's been quoted repeatedly! Waaaahhhh!

    Anyway, what I intended to say was my friend had her colt gelded and a "trainer" she knows sat her down and uttered that gem! I'll add that said "trainer" is 20-ish years old but really, truly believes that a colt's testicles can grow back if he's gelded too young. Truly frightening!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  17. #37
    Join Date
    Aug. 7, 2006
    Posts
    162

    Default

    My friend asked me to video her in a lesson with her "BNT" dressage trainer. She was trying to get a piroutte out her gelding and the trainer shouts: "half halt! half halt! That means pull harder!" He then turns to me and goes "can you edit the audio out of that? It won't be good for my business." The sad part was he was completly serious..
    Every man's life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and not how he died that distinguish one man from another. Ernest Hemingway


    2 members found this post helpful.

  18. #38
    Join Date
    Mar. 19, 2003
    Location
    Palestine, TX
    Posts
    2,566

    Default

    She must watch too much TV... Hello, the phrase "grow a pair" is just a touch sarcastic...
    *#~*#~*#~*#~*
    Proud Momma of *Capital Kiss* and Bottle Rocket!



  19. #39
    Join Date
    Feb. 5, 2006
    Location
    Kansas
    Posts
    1,404

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jsalem View Post
    Well this one always gets me:

    "Breathe!"

    Huh? Like if you don't remind the kid, they'll stop breathing? Really, you don't have something more constructive to offer?

    Um - not a good example, JSalem. An adult in my group lesson often does NOT breathe as she goes down a line when she's worried about it. Trainer is truely concerned when she says "Breathe! That was fine! Breathe!"
    Incredible Invisible


    3 members found this post helpful.

  20. #40

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by hiddenlake View Post
    Of course, this is the same guy whose wife, when she found out my son was a "test-tube baby", said--"how did they find test-tubes big enough to hold him for nine whole months?"
    Would have served the lady right had you told her they used one of those Culligan water bottles...But then she probably would have asked how they got him out of it.


    3 members found this post helpful.

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