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  1. #101
    Join Date
    Sep. 12, 2001
    Location
    Hotlanta
    Posts
    5,896

    Default I have more...

    I once watched a "dressage trainer" halt a horse in the middle of the ring, and proceed to slowly see-saw on his mouth with her hands waaaay out to the sides. She did this for a solid 5 minutes while shooting the breeze with a client. The horse eventually wound up with his chin on his chest trying to avoid her hands, at which point "trainer" announced, "Ooh, he LIKES this opening-rein exercise!"

    I had to chomp on my tongue to keep from pointing out the difference between submission and evasion.



  2. #102
    Join Date
    Jan. 1, 2003
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    1,711

    Default

    Very, very early in my college career, during one of my first Western lessons, my coach was trying to get me out of my "hunter hover" (I coined that phrase myself, lol!) into a full seat position at the lope. I was NOT getting it. Finally, in frustration, she calls "Act like you're having *** on top!" I don't know what it was, but suddenly I GOT it. I thought my friend, who was lessoning with me, was going to fall off of her horse laughing. To this day, that goes through my head whenever I get perchy, and I get myself back in the saddle!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #103
    Join Date
    Apr. 13, 2000
    Location
    The OC
    Posts
    4,834

    Default

    I once had a "lesson" from a jumper trainer who spent the entire hour setting a course. Now I was on a 3 year old who had only jumped a few x's so i am already thinking WTF?

    So after a good amount of riding around, I trot on up to him and ask how I'm doing and for any feedback. His response, "Well, you're still on aren't you?" Needless to say, I walked out of the ring and that was the last time I had a "lesson" with him. I wasn't paying for him to set a course for his later lessons!



  4. #104
    Join Date
    Nov. 17, 2004
    Location
    SC
    Posts
    548

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JCS View Post
    Along the lines of boozies and knockers, I had an instructor who, with students who tended to round their shoulders or slouch, would make them say "Dolly Parton! Dolly Parton!" As they rode down to a line. Hey, it worked.

    My old trainer used to yell that at us!



  5. #105
    Join Date
    Sep. 6, 1999
    Location
    Phoenix, AZ
    Posts
    5,246

    Default

    From ONE instructor.
    I want to see air between the saddle and your knees!
    Toes OUT!
    Elbows in front of you! (They were square at my sides, hands in front of me)
    Look ABOVE the trees! Chin high!
    Imagine the visual!
    I went back to my instructor back home and tried to piece together what was once a winning dr. seat over the winter. Proceeded to go back to the intercollegiate team and win the next hack class. WITHOUT listening to the screwball!



  6. #106
    Join Date
    Aug. 17, 2006
    Location
    ONTARIO CANADA
    Posts
    1,386

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by abrant View Post
    "Pinkies up! Elbows out! Hold your arms like they're a basketball hoop!"

    What?

    This was in a lesson with a hunter trainer who was transitioning to eventing.

    More like lessons on how to look dumb on a horse <g>

    ~Adrienne
    really ?? i didnt realize that flying chicken arms was the way to go hmmmm should try that next time to help give the horse lift over a jummp or if all else fails try flying when being dumped
    Beyond the Ring-para dressage, training, coaching
    www.facebook.com/btrparadressage

    Proud Team Four Star Minion! Renegade for Life!



  7. #107
    Join Date
    Nov. 23, 2005
    Location
    Folsom, CA
    Posts
    1,462

    Default

    I had a lesson once where my instructor was off doing chores. I'm waiting and waiting, warming up and practicing. Finally I move on and start doing a regular workout. Eventually, she comes out to tell me that she's not out there with me because I have plenty to work on and standing there yelling at me isn't going to help. WTF...how am I supposed to know I'm doing things right??? What if I have questions??? Another time, I told her I was going to be there on Friday morning before it got hot. She said, "Come at 7:30[am] so I can help you before I go to my show." Well, I drag my *ss out there at 7:30 in the morning to ride and guess what? Never see her until I'm DONE and she's washing a horse. No mention of the lesson I was supposed to have. I'm not exactly sure where my spine is...don't think I was given one. I'm not there anymore, at least.
    Jennifer Walker
    Proud owner of Capt Han Solo+, Arabian stallion http://www.capthansolo.com
    Author, freelance writer http://www.authorjennwalker.com


    2 members found this post helpful.

  8. #108
    Join Date
    Mar. 6, 2003
    Posts
    437

    Default

    I have a boarder who once in awhile tells me things her former trainer told her, full of conviction:

    1. You only worm horses when there is a full moon
    2. You only do horse's teeth when it's cold out
    3. You don't ride a horse after it's had its feet trimmed

    WTF?
    Enough with the drama!



  9. #109
    Join Date
    Sep. 15, 2006
    Posts
    771

    Default I will use the term "trainer" loosely

    a few gems come to mind-
    "that horse's neck is too long, he can't drop his head into a frame like so and so can"....."you have no confidence"..."that kid can't ride, that's why that horse is acting up" (while on a fresh, green OTTB)...."gymnastics, you don't need gymnastics, trot poles are fine"...."that horse doesn't know how to lunge"...."i have no idea where that pony came from, it got dropped off in the middle of the night"...."that horse can't jump 3 foot"....."i don't like your attitude" (directed to student face down in the dirt)...."this mare is easy to ride, it's you that has the problem"..."safety is my primary concern"..."that horse is fine, it's just a runny nose"..."i told the girls they didn't have to come in to feed until 10 am"...."your problem is that you know too many people at too many barns"..."i can't afford a new water tank, they will just have to go without".

    and our personal favorites-"i am the most honest person there is"...."tell your mom to get off her wallet!"....and "get your head out of your ass!"

    this person has not shown over fences in quite a few years, while his/her peers are doing so on their client's horses and have sales prospects they are bringing along. hence, this person is not a trainer, simply an instructor that gets lucky from time to time.



  10. #110
    Join Date
    Apr. 29, 2006
    Posts
    3,368

    Default

    lmao - great thread!

    My favorite wtf lesson involved being taught that the trick to riding dressage is to "pull that inside rein!", "pull that inside rein harder!", and finally, in case I didn't get the picture, being yelled at to "pull that inside rein like a MAN!". ummm. All righty then.



  11. #111
    Join Date
    Oct. 29, 2005
    Location
    NJ
    Posts
    183

    Default

    "Knees tight! Heels down! Knees tight! Heels down!"

    I understand about the heels down, but do you think the 'knees tight' had anything to do with the fact that I popped off of the horse on a regular basis? (I stopped counting at 25 falls when I was about 12!) I was always a "chicken" rider as a kid, so I'm sure I tensed up, squeezed as tight as I could and popped off like a clothes pin!



  12. #112
    Join Date
    Nov. 25, 2005
    Location
    Golden, Colorado
    Posts
    999

    Default

    "The only way to get the right canter lead is to pull her head to the outside! Harder now!"

    Oddly enough, worked on that poor mare... who then proceeded to travel counterbent for the next hour after I complied.

    "An adult can ride a Shetland. It's just going to go slower."
    "The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." - Gandhi

    -my gelding is a ho clique-


    1 members found this post helpful.

  13. #113
    Join Date
    Aug. 30, 2005
    Location
    Up and down the west coast!
    Posts
    3,886

    Default

    Well, back in the days when I was taught to ride, outside rein to get the lead was the standard procedure!

    But I still marvel at the fact that the barn where I rode as a child came out with pronouncements like "horses only need to be wormed every six months." Lord. How those school horses stayed alive, I will never know.



  14. #114

    Default

    Met a "trainer" in a bar once. He tried to sell me a horse that was 16.4 hands.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  15. #115
    Join Date
    May. 12, 2005
    Location
    Oahu, Hawaii until we return to the Appling, Ga farm.
    Posts
    914

    Default Pee on your horse, you will bond! (maybe on cold day, on an iron horse??)

    Okay, I am not naming names, but there was a woman who used to come out to the barn, at fort_______, she wore these crazy pink sunglasses. Some of the homeschool barn moms swore by her (thats because the kids did not complain, because she had ammy's working over 2ft fences before they even knew how to hold the reins correctly).

    One of the barn moms told her i had a young yearling, that I was training myself. She came over to me, told me she could help me, gave me a bus. card...then asked me how I communicated to him (now she is a certified nutjob in my book). I looked dumbfounded. She asked me if I ever....get ready for this shocker:

    "do you ever pee on your horse??"" WHHHHAAAAAAAAAATT?"

    "Yeah, I get on my stallions and pee on them, it is how we bond"

    okay a few things are wrong with this theory:

    A: in most states, we call that beastiality
    B: In most states, that is illegal
    C: I don't pee on or in anything but a toilet, or a hole I dug
    D: Um, dude, my horse is a yearling, even if I wanted to get on him and Pee, I would break his back
    E. The fact that this is normal to her, really concerns me that moms would swear by her like Kix cereal.
    F: She is not locked up in a mental hospital?
    G: I still see her ads in equiery.

    Wow. Peeing on a horse. If only John Lyons knew. New age horse training. Sorry, not for me!
    "Lose your temper, lose your horse" -someone wise enough to know better than to pick a fight with a 1200 lb animal that could launch you to the moon.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  16. #116
    Join Date
    Apr. 29, 2006
    Posts
    3,368

    Talking Giant pony indeed!

    Quote Originally Posted by MyGiantPony View Post
    Met a "trainer" in a bar once. He tried to sell me a horse that was 16.4 hands.
    hmmm 16.4? That is some "giant pony"!



  17. #117
    Join Date
    Jun. 9, 2006
    Location
    Grand Junction, CO
    Posts
    1,776

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by MyGiantPony View Post
    Met a "trainer" in a bar once. He tried to sell me a horse that was 16.4 hands.

    Not exactly trainer related, but I met a man from Australia at a bar. He ran a huge sheep ranch in the middle of nowhere. We got onto the subject of horses and he said that he had 70, and he collected their blood while they were pregnant. He didn't know much about it--turns out someone else runs the operation for him. Said it was all very humane, as they just take a bit of blood from the horse's neck and then chemically abort the foal before it gets big. Sounds for all the world to me like he is mistaken, and is running a PMU operation without even knowing it, but has anyone ever heard of Pregnant Mare BLOOD?



  18. #118
    Join Date
    Mar. 19, 2003
    Location
    Palestine, TX
    Posts
    2,565

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Briggsie View Post
    "Yeah, I get on my stallions and pee on them, it is how we bond"
    OK, despite the weirdness of the statement, my real question is... if you're on the horse and pee... are you then SITTING in it? Or do you get in 2-point? Well then you have it running down your leg. No, I think the horses probably just felt sorry for her and then did their best to keep her safe... no bonding there.
    *#~*#~*#~*#~*
    Proud Momma of *Capital Kiss* and Bottle Rocket!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  19. #119
    Join Date
    Feb. 5, 2002
    Location
    Martinsburg, WV USA
    Posts
    1,075

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by catknsn View Post
    Well, back in the days when I was taught to ride, outside rein to get the lead was the standard procedure!
    Me too: outside rein, outside leg. Maybe it was a western thing?

    But I still marvel at the fact that the barn where I rode as a child came out with pronouncements like "horses only need to be wormed every six months." Lord. How those school horses stayed alive, I will never know.
    I don't know how old you are, but when I was a kid the vet "tube wormed" with liquid wormer every six months. I don't remember when paste wormers came out, but before they did, it was twice yearly (spring/fall) tubing.

    In fact, I can remember having to guard the wormer bucket because one of our barn cats thought the wormer was ambrosia. (We'd let him have three or four licks -- after all it was wormer and the vet said a tiny bit was ok -- but then shoo him off.) I was never brave enough to form my own opinion.

    Lorree
    Quote Originally Posted by King's Ransom
    "Now, did you really mean that I should half-pass to the right whilst turning on the haunches to the left? Or was that just you farting?"



  20. #120
    Join Date
    May. 28, 2006
    Location
    Central Mississippi
    Posts
    2,271

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jsalem View Post
    Well this one always gets me:

    "Breathe!"

    Huh? Like if you don't remind the kid, they'll stop breathing? Really, you don't have something more constructive to offer?
    Actually, that's something I quite often tell my students. Yes, there are quite a few people in the world who hold their breath when they are concentrating/tense/fearful. One of the first things I teach my students is breathing exercises, and I ask them to work to breathe into their legs to relax them.

    "Breathe" is one of the most constructive things you can tell people sometimes.


    2 members found this post helpful.

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