Most "interesting" things you've heard "Trainers" say
Everyone knows that anybody can put up a sign claiming to be a "Trainer." We have one at our barn and some of the things that come out of her mouth are just....entertaining. Here are a few recent quotes: (DustInTime, please add!! or JustDandy, if you remember from your times at the barn)
Can anyone else out there add their own?
1. One of the horses sneezed during a lesson (in the dusty indoor), "trainer" said, "You see that sneezing thing he's doing right now? That's him being submissive to you."
2. The horse must be ridden from front to back.
3. To an up-down beginner who does not even know diagonals yet, "Well, no wonder she's not on the bit, you're not using enough leg!"
4. Drawreins teach you what it feels like to have the horse be round and on the bit.
5. To me when she overheard me talking about going to a dressage show, "Don't worry, you're an eventer, you won't be judged the same as the other dressage riders."
6. (My favorite) To one of her young students: "One of the things you're going to have a much easier time getting, that your dad won't be able to get, is suspension, because you're so much lighter."
Well shit, no wonder I can't get much suspension---better go on a diet! And this also proves to me that events need to be broken up not only by level but also by rider weight---how is it fair that my 138# butt is supposed to be able to get the same suspension as those 110# kids out there?!?
Ok, maybe this post was a bit snarky, but I couldn't help myself. It just amazes me how anybody can claim to be a "trainer" and all of her students are just beginners, so they don't realize how full of crap she is....
Amwrider: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their genitalia and may their arms be too short to scratch.
DAMN! I wish my brain would function today. I KNOW there have been a couple of things I overheard but just can't remember!!!! All I can say is I damn near fell of the ladder (more than once - while braiding) when I heard her "teaching" a lesson!!!!!! Poor Beau! The only way I could keep from saying something was to pull the braids a bit tighter than usual!!!
This isn't the same "trainer" (well, I doubt it is - I don't know the OP).
But at one barn I boarded at, we had a kid pretending to be a trainer. She was giving a "lesson" to an adult. The adult was trying to get the feeling of the canter, so the trainerkid says "I'll call out the beats to you so you can figure out where the feet are falling. 1... 2.... 3.... 4.... 1... 2... 3... 4..."
Ummm.. last time I checked, canter is a 3-beat gait...
She had a few other gems, but that's the only one I really remember right now!
I have one that's a bit "word of mouth" from a "trainer."
In reference to putting one of my guys on beet pulp to put some weight on him, a person at my barn said his "trainer" said that rescues use beet pulp because it's cheaper than feeding hay, thus it was not necessary for me to be using it.
repeatedly, in a VERY CROWDED, VERY LARGE warm up arena at a VERY LARGE, insanely competative "season opener" all breed show (technically an open "schooling" show, but I'd not be caught there without my A circuit game-seriously, this is like the 'get the lead out' of the national-caliber show horses from all breeds in my hometown, plus the major social event of the new year) anyway:
"Pick him up!" then "put him away!" then "Pick him up!" then "put him away!"
It reminded me of basic training and the 'sweat parties' we used to have-just when we'd get down (push up position) the DI would scream out "get up!" then when we were halfway standing he'd scream out "get down!" then halfway down he'd scream out "GETUP!" etc.
The poor horse was a nice horse but you could tell he was like "WTF?" and the rider was terribly confused. I'm convinced it's one of the reasons they did so poorly that show (and the rest of the season) Just because you have a fancypants new horse and the trainer that convinced you to buy him charges you an arm, leg, and firstborn child doesn't mean your trainer is any good!
"And remember-if it gets really bad, there's always tequila..." J.P.
Trainer yelling from in-gate during a jr flat class-"stick your boobies & booty out!". I can't believe a parent would pay for a trainer to tell their child that. But the adults are spoken to the same way too so I guess this trainer maybe just has a "different" vocabulary considering she was all of 18/19 YO herself.
And my personal all time fav:
"the laws of science won't allow you to miss using the 2 line approach to a single diagional jump". Yeah right Einstein.
Holy crap this thread is funny!!!! I cannot think of anything that I have heard, but I have seen a few off things. One trainer (as in training youngsters) thought that to teach a horse to give to the bit (older, stubborn, very well broke lesson horse to be exact) you had them stop and then hang on their mouth with both reins as tight as you can. Supposedly he was supposed to flex at the poll and be "on the bit" after this exercise. What really happened was they wandered bcakwards around the arena for 20 minutes until the "trainer" got off in frustration announcing that he was dumb. Another "trainer" (an instructor this time) taught a whole slew of students to post the canter. I understand that polo players post the canter but these were dressage lessons. Let me tell you, retraining all those kids to not pound on the horses backs at the canter was quite a challenge for the next instructor that came along.
I worked at a summer camp, and helped out with the riding program. We had a foxhunter who could get a bit happy when you picked up the canter, but you just had to sit his canter and not let him put his head down.
A decent riding kid is on him one morning, and he starts crow hopping and trying to buck her off when she picked up the canter. The instructor yells at the kid "Give him his head!" Seriously? That kid would have been the next county over. I yelled at her to yank his head up with one hand, and all was well. I've been rolling my eyes over that ever since it happened.