"I swear to God, If you don't stop, I WILL beat you!!" at which point everyone around me laughs, because they know I would never do it, but the gelding gets the look of fear in his eyes, and quits whatever he was doing.
A friend of mine still reminds me of one time I was threatening my TB mare, who was a handfull and a drama queen. "I'm gonna beat the living sh** out of ....oh my God, you poor baby! look at that cut on your leg!" The mare, who had not yet noticed she was injured, looked down, saw the blood, and practically swooned!
The house next door to the farm where I boarded my high-strung TWH was owned by a Peruvian family. A couple of times a year they have big festivals with music and a pit pig-roast. I once decided to ride Idiot Boy during one of these events. He hadn't been ridden in awhile and behaved predictably idiotic, spinning and threatening to rear and generally being a jerk. At one point we passing by the pig-roast pit, and I told Cy he'd end up as Peruvian Barbeque if he didn't straighten up. 'Peruvian Barbeque' soon became my standard threat of choice.
To the horses that are broke to ride but never are- "You CAN be ridden!"
To the horses that were broke to ride by an Amishman- "I'll send you back to be Amished." Although that's not much of a threat- they actually liked it there!
To the stallion that rears up in his stall (before I get a lead on) when he knows we're going to breed- "Quit or you won't get any." Same stallion when he thinks about not listening or attempts to rush the mare- "I'll put you back in your stall." These are NOT idle threats, and he knows it.
My horse was freaking out over a small pile of sticks on the ground so I shouted, "I'm going to jump off you and beat you with those @$%%*ing sticks if you don't settle down!"
I jumped off and he proceeded to pull back and was out of there, I never did get to hit him with those sticks
When Murphy was younger and a real PITA (daily basis) I used to shout "If I had a gun I'd shoot you!". Then one day the BO's little boy asked me if I'd play with him. He told me that I could be Murphy and he would shoot me. I watched what I said after that! These days I just tell Murph that I'll send him to solitary (pasture by himself) if he doesn't behave. He loves his harem of mares so that's quite a threat.
I have been threatening to blindfold Ami for awhile now. Theoretically, if she was blindfolded, she really wouldn't need to look where she was going so she would bend very well. In reality, she'd freak, rear, walk backwards, and we'd go off of a cliffe.
Also the "I'm going to sell you!" When she won't let me catch her.
What threats do you make?
"Back to the track!!!!"
"Off to the AMISH!"
"Truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it and ignorance may deride it, but, in the end, there it is." Sir Winston Churchhill
Used to tell my old guy, Fudgeman, that I was gonna call 1-800-Alpo. Continually asked him if he wasn't part mule and got the short end of the stock in the ears department. Finally just resorted to bribery.
Working a Showmanship pattern somewhere in the great Northeast...
We are about an hour away from Unadilla where they have an auction every other week...so a standard threat is that they'll get dropped off there and tied to the mailbox, the next sale is never more than 13 days away...usually it just gets shortened down to muttering "13 days you know..." at them.
Another at shows is "do you want everyone on the show grounds to know your name?"...to get the attention of a horse my trainer tends to kind of growl their names at them...usually snaps them right back into place!
Where am I and what am I doing in this handbasket?
My long time standard is "If you keep this up, you aren't even going to make it to Alpo - it'll be a GENERIC can for you!"
And when they are being supremely annoying, but it's really important I have a "nice" voice because no matter how much I would actually like to hurt them, they are technically improving, I say "oh you are such a horrid little [insert appropriate descriptive swear word here], my goodness I'm gonna just kill you, bit by bit, slowly and painfully and feed you to stray dogs, and I'm going to laugh all the while you useless piece of [insert description of offending animal]"
And in the ongoing lethal threats, I've been known to mention it is perfectly legal to kill a horse as long as I don't make an insurance claim. That usually straightens them right up.
Definition of "Horse": a 4 legged mammal looking for an inconvenient place and expensive way to die. Any day they choose not to execute the Master Plan is just more time to perfect it. Be Very Afraid.