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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct. 24, 2005
    Location
    Pullman, Washington
    Posts
    2,256

    Default Threats you make to your horse, perferably funny/sarcastic

    I have been threatening to blindfold Ami for awhile now. Theoretically, if she was blindfolded, she really wouldn't need to look where she was going so she would bend very well. In reality, she'd freak, rear, walk backwards, and we'd go off of a cliffe.

    Also the "I'm going to sell you!" When she won't let me catch her.

    What threats do you make?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb. 24, 2004
    Location
    TN/VA
    Posts
    415

    Default

    I knew someone that always threatened to put a can of Alpo in his horses stall after a bad ride so the horse could "think about it's options". Eeeeep.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2004
    Location
    Whidbey Is, Wash.
    Posts
    10,709

    Default

    "OMG if you weren't so cute and your dad didn't like you so much, I'D KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!" Said very loud, through gritted teeth, while trying to control two-year-old pissy chestnut filly in heat and apologize to farrier who is thinking basically the same thing.
    COTH's official mini-donk enabler

    "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
    Location
    washington state
    Posts
    10,142

    Default

    I'm getting your Auntie Cathy!!

    Auntie Cathy being the one who started him.
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec. 3, 2002
    Location
    stuck between the DQs and Hunter Hell
    Posts
    3,196

    Default

    To the stallions: "If you don't stop (insert whatever inappropriate behaviour), I'm going to cut one of your balls off. If you do it again, the other one can join it!"

    I can't say that's too original though, since I say the same thing to DH.
    Founder of the Olde Farte Clique



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov. 25, 2005
    Location
    Golden, Colorado
    Posts
    1,011

    Default

    To my old mare:

    "I'm going to sell you to the dumpling man down the road."

    "If you don't stop that, I'm washing your udders daily." (she hated that)

    "No candy canes for you!"

    To my gelding:

    "If you don't quit, you're back on stall rest for a week." (boy does he hate stall rest)

    "You're making me reconsider shipping you all this way!"

    Of course then they look at me cutely and I apologize.
    "The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." - Gandhi

    -my gelding is a ho clique-



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct. 20, 2005
    Posts
    2,813

    Default

    If you bite me, I'll bite you.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul. 26, 2003
    Location
    Unionville,Pa
    Posts
    1,955

    Default

    We are near Amish farmland, and I've been known to brandish a postcard of a hard-working horse pulling a buggy or a team plowing a field, and threatened "This could be your next job if you don't like the program here". I feel better then,and horse could care less as postcard is clearly neither treat nor toy!



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul. 15, 2003
    Posts
    2,675

    Default

    I threaten to sell him by the pound. He never listens, though...
    Don't tell me about what you can't do. That's boring. Show me what you can do. - Mom



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec. 13, 2004
    Posts
    1,710

    Default

    I whisper the name of the killer buyer in the area. I guess that makes me a horse whisperer.

    I also call them worthless mules.

    Kill pen rejects. Not even good enough to get slaughtered. (Ponies were both purchased out of the kill pen.)

    I tell them the next family to love them wll be French.

    LF



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Mar. 23, 2005
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    4,182

    Default

    I often threaten to smack them with nearby objects (pitchforks, shovels, saddle racks...).

    When my baby is trying to murder me, I tell her, "Sometimes I understand why people BEAT Arabs!"

    And as we stand in the barn waiting for the vet, I always remind her that the forthcoming encounter is just punishment for all her wrongdoings in the past few months...



  12. #12
    Join Date
    May. 16, 2001
    Location
    Alaska. Not in an Igloo.
    Posts
    8,994

    Default

    My very favorite....

    "I'm going to tell UNCLE PAUL to come have a talk with you!"

    (somehow they all know this is VERY serious!)
    Seig Heil Polo Shirt!



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Sep. 20, 2005
    Location
    Idaho
    Posts
    1,892

    Default shameless stolen from the Simpsons...

    "if you don't [insert desired behavior], we're taking a trip to the glue factory... and YOU'RE not invited."




  14. #14
    Join Date
    Oct. 19, 2005
    Posts
    7,320

    Default

    Your hiney is MINE

    Quote Originally Posted by Pirateer
    My very favorite....

    "I'm going to tell UNCLE PAUL to come have a talk with you!"

    (somehow they all know this is VERY serious!)



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jun. 23, 2004
    Location
    Fauquier County, VA
    Posts
    10,467

    Default

    To my filly:

    "That's it, no Black Stallion video for a month"
    "One more time and I am taking your cell phone away"

    To my gelding:
    "One more time and you are going to juvie" (meaning, 30-day sleep away camp at his trainer's farm)



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jun. 26, 2005
    Location
    Greytown, New Zealand (a blip on the landscape really :))
    Posts
    485

    Default

    "I stamp my feet at you!!" - actually, they listen to that one and look all sweet and sorry for themselves like little lost puppydogs.

    "Oh, are we having a Jellimeat moment, hmmmm?" - that one has my trainer rolling around the ground laughing - as I say it to (1) her son (2) her stallion (that I am riding) (3) any of the dogs and (4) any other horse that I am working... trouble is, I've started saying it at work as well



  17. #17
    Join Date
    May. 24, 2006
    Location
    Pittstown, New Jersey
    Posts
    1,162

    Default

    "Don't make me spank you!" is standard....

    So you're not tired? We can fix that... (Followed by a detour out of the ring and straight up the hills)

    My horse likes to wait until I JUST GET the straps of the noseband together and then pitch his head right as I'm trying to buckle it, pulling them out of my hands....Usually goes something like....

    Ty......STOP!
    (being still)
    (throws head)
    DAMMIT!
    (still)
    (head)
    DAMMIT TY, STOP IT!
    (still)
    (head)
    DAMMIT I SAID STOP! (followed by a whack on the nose)

    Then he rolls his eyes around and looks at me like I beat him and then I feel bad and rub his head.
    My boys...
    http://community.webshots.com/user/FirstStepBack
    RIP Gem...for you are the greatest...thank you for the inspiration...I will always remember you!
    Gem Twist (1979-2006)



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jun. 21, 1999
    Location
    Dela...where?
    Posts
    3,053

    Default

    While trying to give a horse Legend once.... "Stand still or I'm going to jam this #@**&^ needle into your eye!!!!!! And then the night watch guy walks by...
    Quote Originally Posted by JSwan View Post
    Prove it....Otherwise, you're just coming off as a whackjob.
    Founding member of the "Not too Klassy for Boxed Wine" Clique



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jan. 24, 2005
    Location
    Nottingham, PA
    Posts
    1,678

    Default

    my general threat to the horses are to sell them to the Amish...then when they're really bad, I threaten to just give them to the Amish.

    Recently - I moved next to a TB race farm - now I'm also threatening to send my young tb over there so he can learn "what real work is"

    for some reason, they never pay any real attention to my threats....I can't imagine why?!



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Nov. 29, 2005
    Posts
    2,625

    Default

    To my sister's gelding Java (to the tune of Jimmy Buffet) "Java Burgers in Paradise".

    To my crochety old mare it's a yell "MARE" and a growl or snort. Sometime she snorts back. There's no telling her what to do at this age- or so she thinks actually I think she *thinks* her name is mare.

    Most of the time it stomping feet and growling, it always gets their attention. Otherwise it's "You know there's an auction every Thursday night not to far from here!"



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