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  1. #21
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    Aug. 1, 2007
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    West Palm Beach, FL
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    Quote Originally Posted by SillyHorse View Post
    If you think that getting married in Vegas will make your wedding a high-class event, you are in for a surprise.

    Weddings do not have to be gross, tacky, classless affairs. I have been to many lovely weddings. I have even been to weddings where people did not bring gifts with them, but had enough sense to send their gifts to the bride and groom or to the parents.
    I meant it more along the lines of I would rather just quietly elope, not that it would make it a high-class event!
    People call themselves animal lovers, then let their dogs chase the squirrels. You're scaring the shit out of the squirrels, you schmuck!


    8 members found this post helpful.

  2. #22
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    Dec. 29, 1999
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    Harrisburg, PA USA
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    Quote Originally Posted by S1969 View Post
    I remember paying for "Dollar Dances" at my cousins wedding when I was a little kid.
    I think the dollar dances are fine, because a lot of the older folks at the wedding fondly remember them so it falls under tradition. And it was just a dollar. Back then the marriages were almost always young people leaving their parents' home to set up housekeeping for themselves, so that's why a little extra cash.

    But kissing for money? That's beyond tacky. There's a name for that, one I wouldn't think a ho & john, I mean a bride & groom, would care to imitate.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  3. #23
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    Jun. 18, 2007
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    Good grief.

    The last wedding I went to was wonderful, lots of music. The bride was musical - and I mean she really COULD sing. Semipro level. During the ceremony, she sang. She and her bridesmaids sang an ensemble. She and her sister sang. Beautiful, well-attended wedding. Good meal afterwards. They did ask for a head count for the meal, but they did not once ask for money for anything at all in the ceremony/reception.

    If I ever do find Mr. Firmly Kidless Right and get married, my wedding will:

    1. Be held in a church.
    2. Be put on without requiring a loan from any family member, myself included.
    3. Will not require four or even three figures from bridesmaids to participate.
    4. Will not request cash from anybody for anything during the ceremony/reception.
    5. Will have LOTS of music. I loved the music theme above. Of course, that bride was extremely good at it. I can see where the live music from the wedding party theme would not work for just anybody's wedding.

    I have learned a few things from COTH. I've learned that if I'm requested again to be a bridesmaid (have been one once decades ago), I will express my budget limitations up front. If they are offended, so be it. Better that than commit and then get hit with A, B, C, D, E, F, etc. I honestly had no idea bridesmaiding could be so expensive. The one I was in required I think $40 to a seamstress for the dress. That was it.

    P.S. Seamstress was a personal friend of the family, and the dresses were quite nice. I think that was materials. But it wasn't the bargain-basement who-care's look. She made the bride's dress, too. I imagine that one might have cost more than $40, but I doubt it cost $$$$.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Apr. 7, 2004
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    NoVa
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    5,330

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eleanor View Post
    Then at the bar there was two tip jars with a sign that read "Who's friends tip better" and each jars had the name of the bride or groom.
    I'm offended that they used "who's" instead of whose.


    30 members found this post helpful.

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Oct. 14, 2010
    Location
    Horse Heaven
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    1,924

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    NO! Raising money for charity at a wedding is just as bad as dragging home the loot.

    1) You have a captive audience that is trapped. And guests are made to feel bad for not coughing up money that YOU are asking for.
    2) YOU are requesting MONEY.
    3) Labeling it for charity does not get you off the hook. See # 1.
    4) This is YOUR justification, not your guests idea of a good reason for forking over money to someone else.
    Please. People lose all kinds of relatives to all kinds of terrible reasons. Does not mean raising money for the cancer poor dad died from is a way to remember dear dad at your wedding. There are SO many better, classier ways of remember your deceased family at an event.


    22 members found this post helpful.

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Oct. 26, 2007
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    San Jose, Ca
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    Quote Originally Posted by ybiaw View Post
    Adding this to the list of reasons why weddings are terrible and I'm just going to get married in Vegas. Or on the beach. OR NOT AT ALL!
    I have been engaged for TEN YEARS NOW!! I just, really really do not want to have a wedding. Its just not for me. Mr and I keep talking about running away to Vegas / Reno, or even just the City Hall - maybe we will actually do it some day.

    But a wedding? No thanks.
    APPSOLUTE CHOCKLATE - Photo by Kathy Colman


    2 members found this post helpful.

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
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    Alabama
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    I've known people to use the wedding chapels in Vegas or Reno for real weddings. But they kept the wedding small, and they are usually package deals with the minister, chapel, and also the reception at the venue, with catering involved if you want that included. Because it's a package, and because the venues are booked well in advance, and weddings are on time, short ceremonies, and less time for drama. Of course, there's always the quick ceremony at the stand alone wedding chapels, and some with an Elvis impersonator.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    1 members found this post helpful.

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Apr. 21, 2014
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    57

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    Quote Originally Posted by Justa Bob View Post
    NO! Raising money for charity at a wedding is just as bad as dragging home the loot.

    1) You have a captive audience that is trapped. And guests are made to feel bad for not coughing up money that YOU are asking for.
    2) YOU are requesting MONEY.
    3) Labeling it for charity does not get you off the hook. See # 1.
    4) This is YOUR justification, not your guests idea of a good reason for forking over money to someone else.
    Please. People lose all kinds of relatives to all kinds of terrible reasons. Does not mean raising money for the cancer poor dad died from is a way to remember dear dad at your wedding. There are SO many better, classier ways of remember your deceased family at an event.

    I still stand by *I* don't have to stand up and kiss my new husband during my meal/dance/cake/photos/visiting with out of town guests/talking to the dj/ talking to the venue staff/etc because *you* clink your glass. I find it very annoying when it gets over the 10th time. Yes we did do the cash thing to deter massive amounts of clinking and we sent money to a good cause. We did not *make* anyone donate. You didn't have to donate and we didn't have to eat cold meals.

    Also: "Does not mean raising money for the cancer poor dad died from is a way to remember dear dad at your wedding. There are SO many better, classier ways of remember your deceased family at an event" Who says it's not a way to remember him at our family's event?

    To each their own!


    10 members found this post helpful.

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Oct. 26, 2007
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    San Jose, Ca
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    Quote Originally Posted by JanM View Post
    some with an Elvis impersonator.
    My sister was married by Elvis - while girls danced in hula skirts - then the couple drove away in a pink convertible Cadillac

    They recently had their 15th anniversary
    APPSOLUTE CHOCKLATE - Photo by Kathy Colman


    8 members found this post helpful.

  10. #30
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    Mar. 4, 2010
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    My 23-year old niece just got married 2 months ago. She and her husband planned and paid for the wedding, although my sister, her mom, bought the dress. They were married in their college chapel, a nice sit-down dinner reception at a historic venue with a DJ, not a band. They even had a special small cake made for the flower girl because it was her 3rd birthday. Not a money grab in sight. Some people still know how to do things.

    StG


    17 members found this post helpful.

  11. #31
    Join Date
    Dec. 29, 1999
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    Harrisburg, PA USA
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    The bride's dance at the end, where people give a dollar, goes like this in my culture (Russian/Slovak/Eastern European).

    End of the reception. Bride sits on a chair and the older women come and take off her veil and replace it with a babushka, which at the wedding is an adorable little white lace-trimmed satin thing that ties at the back of her neck, not under her chin. This is all symbolism here, so not a real babushka. It's to symbolize her change from a young girl to a married woman with a house of her own to care for.

    Before this the cake has been cut up into little pieces and the Maid of Honor stands there with a tray of cake (each piece wrapped up in those little napkins so you can either eat it or take it home) next to her, held by a bridesmaid, and she puts on an apron that she holds out for the dollars to be put into. While the veil is coming off and the babushka being put on, the women doing it are singing a song about what's happening here.

    So the Maid of Honor has her apron and the cake, a piece of which is given to each woman after she dances with the bride. Next to the MoH stands the Best Man, and he has a tray of shot glasses. The women get the cake after dancing with the bride, the men get a shot of whiskey. The other bridesmaids and groomsmen keep replenishing the cake tray and the whiskey glasses and keep an eye on the line of partners, to keep it moving along, tactfully letting some have longer times where appropriate and some just a turn or two.

    So the band plays and everyone takes a turn with the bride. This is usually rather touching because it includes her relatives and her bosom friends and even the small children thrilled to take a turn with the pretty lady.

    As the dance goes on, the closer friends/family take their turn.

    By the end there's a circle of wedding guests around her and a ring of all the young men attending. The last one to dance is usually her father. Half the people are dabbing their eyes by this time.

    Then what's supposed to happen is the groom comes and takes a turn with her and sweeps her away - this is when the bride & groom leave the reception to go off on their honeymoon.

    But first! In order to carry off his bride, the groom has to break through that circle of young men and win his way to her. I suppose to show his strength and valor. His buddies all have linked arms and try to keep him out. It's all in fun, no brawling or punching, he just has to keep trying to break through the linked arms. Once he does off he goes with his bride.

    Yeah, I guess we're all a bunch of primitives but I loved the bride's dance ever since I was a little girl. All the women who sang for me at my own wedding are, all but one, - and she's 90 - gone now, and I no longer remember the song even in English, let alone Russian. Wish I did.


    28 members found this post helpful.

  12. #32
    Join Date
    Jun. 26, 2001
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    California
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    Anne FS, I went to a wedding like this years back. It was so lovely! I enjoyed the tradition very much. Everyone was involved and it was moving to see the bride with her family, friends and guests. The groom was having a very rough time getting through his buddies though. I think they were seriously messing with him! He did finally make it when the father of the bride told the guys that time was running out and to make it look good but still let him through!!

    It was probably the most memorable wedding reception I have ever attended. Love the old traditions!!
    Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my!!


    5 members found this post helpful.

  13. #33
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    Jan. 4, 2009
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    648

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    When DH and I got married, we had a low-key wedding, paid for everything ourselves, and our invitations politely requested that no one give us anything.

    A good time was had by all (or so they said), and we are still married 29 years later.

    I was only a bridesmaid (actually matron of honor) once, and I will NEVER do it again. The only reason I did it that time was because it was for my mother (which seemed odd, but whatever). Luckily, at my age, no one is asking any more.

    Rebecca


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #34
    Join Date
    Mar. 1, 2003
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    Happily in Canada
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    Quote Originally Posted by Appsolute View Post
    I have been engaged for TEN YEARS NOW!! I just, really really do not want to have a wedding. Its just not for me. Mr and I keep talking about running away to Vegas / Reno, or even just the City Hall - maybe we will actually do it some day.

    But a wedding? No thanks.
    My best friend's parents finally got married last year, the year before she retired - so that she could get her honeymoon days off.
    Blugal

    You never know what kind of obsessive compulsive crazy person you are until another person imitates your behaviour at a three-day. --Gry2Yng


    1 members found this post helpful.

  15. #35
    Join Date
    Dec. 28, 2003
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    Canada where all hell has broke free
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    I knew going in that it was going to be a redneck wedding. I knew that there would be some sort of money grab but to have that many was just over the top for me.
    My life motto now is "You can't fix stupid!"

    Are you going to cowboy up, or lie there and bleed


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #36
    Join Date
    Jan. 23, 2000
    Location
    Virginia
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    8,055

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    Oh yes indeedy. I think my favourite wedding etiquette fail was this. Has that worked? iPad novice attempting links...
    OMG. What a witch. I was always raised to write a polite thank you note for gifts, and never to complain about them, regardless of how peculiar they might be. And I think a nice basket full of fun things is a cute gift.

    I can't imagine planning a wedding assuming that everyone will give you enough money to pay for it. It's obvious that weddings are expensive, but you're supposed to be helping the bride and groom celebrate their marriage, not feel obligated to underwrite it.
    ---
    They're small hearts.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  17. #37
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2007
    Location
    Michigan
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    10,632

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trixie View Post
    OMG. What a witch. I was always raised to write a polite thank you note for gifts, and never to complain about them, regardless of how peculiar they might be. And I think a nice basket full of fun things is a cute gift.
    .
    Well, looking at the picture of the hamper, I'd probably be disappointed and throw 90% of the crap in it away (Jolly Ranchers? Gross. It's a wedding, not a six-year-old's birthday party.) But I wouldn't send passive-aggressive bitchy texts about it, either, just a generic thank-you note. I've gotten plenty of gifts I wasn't thrilled with, I still wrote a thank-you note.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  18. #38
    Join Date
    Jun. 2, 2002
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    Atlanta, GA
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    I went to a wedding that had a cash bar! Even for soft drinks. The groom was a family friend, and my dad came back to the table with my Coke and said "better drink slow!" I thought he was making a joke since I had ordered non-alcoholic, and he said "no, I am serious - unless you have $3 on you, that's your last one!" Because of course none of us thought we would need cash, lol. And the room was 1/2 the size it needed to be, so 11 of us rotated in at a small cocktail table. Good times! If you can't afford to host your guests, cut the guest list, don't make them pay for your party.


    8 members found this post helpful.

  19. #39
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    Mar. 9, 2004
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    2,848

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    Quote Originally Posted by Madison View Post
    I went to a wedding that had a cash bar! Even for soft drinks. The groom was a family friend, and my dad came back to the table with my Coke and said "better drink slow!" I thought he was making a joke since I had ordered non-alcoholic, and he said "no, I am serious - unless you have $3 on you, that's your last one!" Because of course none of us thought we would need cash, lol. And the room was 1/2 the size it needed to be, so 11 of us rotated in at a small cocktail table. Good times! If you can't afford to host your guests, cut the guest list, don't make them pay for your party.
    I assume that there were food and drinks at the sit down meal portion of the reception? There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with having a cash bar, especially in this day and age with all the liability issues and people who have absolutely NO sense. . For every 1 person drinking a coke..there's 10 wanting to get shitfaced. NO THANK YOU! When I got married, we paid for an hour cash bar, enough so our guests could all have a drink on us. An open extended bar would have been a liability we did not want. These are supposedly people who are your friends/family inviting you to share in their special occasion. ... I really don't get the "paying for your party" part? Was there not a reception?
    "You can't blame other people. You can't always say what happened wasn't my fault, and you know what? Even if you have an excuse, shut up. "Bruce Davidson Sr.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  20. #40
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    Dec. 29, 1999
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    Harrisburg, PA USA
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    Quote Originally Posted by danceronice View Post
    Well, looking at the picture of the hamper, I'd probably be disappointed and throw 90% of the crap in it away (Jolly Ranchers? Gross. It's a wedding, not a six-year-old's birthday party.) But I wouldn't send passive-aggressive bitchy texts about it, either, just a generic thank-you note. I've gotten plenty of gifts I wasn't thrilled with, I still wrote a thank-you note.
    Absolutely correct about writing a thank-you note no matter the gift. And explaining the cost of the wedding dinner - ugh, Unfriend me, please.

    I'm guessing the hamper itself was the gift, right? You can't really see the quality of it but the hamper was to be re-used by the couple and so as not to send it empty they put stuff in it. I do agree that it's not a kid's bday, so the choices were odd, but maybe the married couple liked those things.

    People don't seem to understand the definition of "gift" anymore.

    In my day - before gift registries, no one would be caught dead registering for things to be given - if you were already out on your own and not just starting out/leaving your parents house so people knew you already had dishes/pots & pans, kitchen stuff, you usually ended up with lots of silver or crystal candlesticks and, on average, three Crockpots. And wrote kind thank you notes for each and every one of them.

    You could regift the Crockpots or use them for parties, and the candlesticks were put to use because what newlyweds aren't super romantic for the first year. Candlelight everywhere every night!

    I do appreciate gift registries now, so I can get people something I know they'd like and avoid the 27 candlesticks problem.


    1 members found this post helpful.

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