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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 2005
    Location
    The Prairie
    Posts
    5,646

    Default Grass is always greener....

    I live on a farm with DH and 2 kids and commute to the city to work. Like Ambitious Kate, I too really like my own company! Trying to keep all the balls in the air can get exhausting. Riding, chores and maintenance are always juggled around boring house stuff and kids activities. Fortunately one of them rides so at least I get an additional vicarious horse fix. Sometimes though...alone sounds deliciously wonderful. Ride when I want, not 9:30 at night. Cook...or not Have a glass of wine and read or watch PVR'd stuff after night chores, instead of folding laundry and making lunches and then collapsing exhausted into bed. In which DH has been soundly sleeping for a couple of hours already.... Thanks for the reminder that the grass is not always greener.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Apr. 1, 2012
    Posts
    415

    Default

    Thanks all...I feel fine today. I think it was just one of those days. I have lots of 4 legged company on the farm. 2 dogs whom i do agility with, a bunch of cats and the 3 horses. its all good most of the time. Just sometimes it gets to me.

    For the most part I do enjoy not having to answer to anyone, but I think the combination of things and the fact that I joined match and not making any headways wiht anyone decent got me down for a day.

    I have lots of toys at home too. tractor, riding mower, bunches of power equipment and the one friend who comes by does help with the bigger stuff. Recently he helped with a chainsaw so I could get some big branches and a tree cut and he helped me build jumps too last weekend. So, I'm not totally alone. Great neighbors who occasionally help as well.

    I'm only 5 miles to town but this week I've just been drained for some reason. Time to work out again I guess...looking forward to tonights ride though.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Aug. 14, 2000
    Location
    Rochester,NY,USA
    Posts
    8,390

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by altermetoday View Post
    Thanks all...I feel fine today. I think it was just one of those days. I have lots of 4 legged company on the farm. 2 dogs whom i do agility with, a bunch of cats and the 3 horses. its all good most of the time. Just sometimes it gets to me.

    For the most part I do enjoy not having to answer to anyone, but I think the combination of things and the fact that I joined match and not making any headways wiht anyone decent got me down for a day.

    I have lots of toys at home too. tractor, riding mower, bunches of power equipment and the one friend who comes by does help with the bigger stuff. Recently he helped with a chainsaw so I could get some big branches and a tree cut and he helped me build jumps too last weekend. So, I'm not totally alone. Great neighbors who occasionally help as well.

    I'm only 5 miles to town but this week I've just been drained for some reason. Time to work out again I guess...looking forward to tonights ride though.
    Glad to read you're fine today. I think we single females all understand your vent. Sometimes it makes things seem better just typing it up and letting it all pour out!
    Sue

    I've got to stop saying "How stupid can you be?"
    Too many people are taking it as a challenge.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Jan. 16, 2006
    Location
    Oxford, NC
    Posts
    774

    Default

    I did the single girl purchase of a farm about 11 years ago. Yep, it did get lonely some nights. Usually didn't bother me one bit in the summer, but those cold winter nights got me down sometimes.
    After the first year of complete isolation and work on the farm, I decided to carve out some time to go be social. That helps a lot. A roommate can help a bit too. I did the match thing. Yep, you can go through some rough patches with that, I hit the point I was only doing it for entertainment, not even getting my hopes up that a decent guy was out there. I came really close to selling the place at one point, it was getting to me, lack of money, lack of equipment, permanently lame horse. Managed to drum up new determination when I tried to figure out what my alternatives were though and then suddenly life took a hard left turn and I met DH and had two kids and bought a bigger farm and another horse. Now I look back some nights and think...you know, I should have savored that quiet time. ....which teaches me the lesson that when I'm overwhelmed and over needed and want alone time again...savor the life you have, those moments, they will be gone soon enough, the only thing you can count on is change.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Apr. 14, 2006
    Posts
    4,152

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by altermetoday View Post
    no not essential to mine either... but everyone thinks its all roses when they buy a farm.. and it is not all the time. I do trailer out for my lessons and social trail rides and such...but sometimes it would be nice to not have to do everything by myself! haha
    Compared to MY life style on an 80 acre ranch...with dogs, horses, cats and a horsey, but no longer riding, DH,...you are a "social butterfly"!! We moved to NE Oklahoma from Southern Pines, NC (equine mecca of the mid east coast)....this is like living on a desert island!! We moved here to be closer to my life-long riding companion/daughter, but she has ridden with me twice in the past year!! There is NOTHING to do here, unless you rope cows or barrel race!! Our "local" foxhunt is/was a "hard" 65 miles away and disbanded when the H/W joint masters divorced. I haven't trailered a horse off the farm, except to the vet in almost three years!! Life is too short!! We just bought land in NE Texas - near a lovely foxhunt!! If you are so inclined...you should join a foxhunt...low key, lots of fun and nice people!! ...Or get yourself a "horsey/ country life-loving", significant other!!
    Last edited by crosscreeksh; Aug. 14, 2014 at 10:16 PM. Reason: Added thoughts.
    www.crosscreeksporthorses.com
    Breeders of Painted Thoroughbreds and Uniquely Painted Irish Sport Horses in Northeast Oklahoma


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Apr. 2, 2009
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    5,736

    Default

    Sorry to hear you are feeling bummed out. It shall pass & if one thing is a guarantee, it is change -- and horses inventing a new chore for you!

    I actually DIDN'T want to own a farm. http://bit.ly/1re21ck
    And here I am. I am rather an anti-social hermit though, and get my fill of people at work. I relish the quiet and space here so much, it's my oasis.

    I AM very lucky that I have the two best neighbours ever who both have horses and help me a lot. I do have a friend who comes over and rides one of my horses once a week or so.

    I'm also very handy and a power tool junkie, so I do all my own work -- but no one is born that way, I just watched and learned and googled. I had a wonderful partner for 7 years (pre-farm), but after his loss due to health issues, I'm quite done with "man maintenance." And VERY over the cultural nonsense that every woman needs a relationship to validate herself. But I'll climb off that soapbox.

    The best thing to have though, is a network. I'm an eventer and my Adult Riders network is amazing in my Area (about 6 states). Plus the local horse network, well, you know all horse people know each other and that really is the best resource a person can have!
    Life doesn't have perfect footing.

    Bloggily entertain yourself with our adventures (and disasters):
    We Are Flying Solo


    3 members found this post helpful.

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Sep. 21, 2001
    Location
    Parker, Colorado
    Posts
    2,842

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    I live on a farm with DH and 2 kids and commute to the city to work. Like Ambitious Kate, I too really like my own company! Trying to keep all the balls in the air can get exhausting. Riding, chores and maintenance are always juggled around boring house stuff and kids activities. Fortunately one of them rides so at least I get an additional vicarious horse fix. Sometimes though...alone sounds deliciously wonderful. Ride when I want, not 9:30 at night. Cook...or not Have a glass of wine and read or watch PVR'd stuff after night chores, instead of folding laundry and making lunches and then collapsing exhausted into bed. In which DH has been soundly sleeping for a couple of hours already.... Thanks for the reminder that the grass is not always greener.
    Are you my long long twin?
    This is my life too. Though with three kids instead

    I looooooong for quiet and solitary time. It is so rare, that it's a treasure, rejuvenating me for the craziness that is our household!
    where are we going, and why am I in this hand basket?



  8. #28
    Join Date
    Mar. 14, 2007
    Posts
    2,458

    Default

    I'm right there...and yet, I'm not. I'm still finalizing the farmette and getting ready for the lifestyle change and move in. But I am getting depressed. My situation is : my mom is 80. Wants to stay in her home for as long as possible. Is willing and encouraging about establishing the farmette so I can bring them here and live here. My husband is not a farm boy, or a horse person, and has never been unkind about it, but has made it clear .....this is not his dream and not something he's to be relied on for. that's ok. But now, I've hurt my back...nasty MRI showing spine degeneration....already had one back surgery years earlier (lumbar) , this one up in the cervical and thoraxic region....
    Contractors screwed us over and over, and the process never ends, and I have no help. I have 3 ponies in 3 different areas paying board and waiting this out and it seems my dream has turned to a nightmare and sadness. Please forgive me for joining the pity party.
    ayrabz
    "Indecision may or may not be my problem"
    --Jimmy Buffett



  9. #29
    Join Date
    Mar. 26, 2005
    Location
    Back to Normal.. or as close as I'll ever get
    Posts
    11,291

    Default

    ayrabz:
    Downs will happen long with the Ups.
    Sorry to her your road is getting rough.
    It sux to feel like you are in for this alone.

    Is there any way you can start lining up some help for the farm now?
    I have (stubbornly) turned down offers from neighbors, but always leaving the gate open for future.
    Your vet, shoer, feedstore can all be sources of finding help.
    Or the local HS, FFA or 4H might have some kids looking for work.
    Who knows, there may even be a willing COTHer in your part of the world.
    *friend of bar.ka*RIP all my lovely boys, gone too soon:
    Steppin' Out 1988-2004
    Hey Vern! 1982-2009, Cash's Bay Threat 1994-2009
    Sam(Jaybee Altair) 1994-2015



  10. #30
    Join Date
    Aug. 6, 2002
    Location
    NJ, USA
    Posts
    2,525

    Default

    OP you have no idea how grateful I am that you started this thread. I'm another forty something single lady who has recently sunk into the grind of lonely farm work and longing for something different. I've been here on my own for 23 years now and at first it was truly heaven. Then most of the last 2 decades I truly enjoyed having the horses here.

    But the last two years I've wished I could afford to board. There is a nice eventing facility with indoor arena between my office & home, it is beyond nice to be able to stop off there, ride, socialize, then come home to easy dog & kitty "chores", relax with that glass of wine on the porch, feel accomplished and had some nice horse people socializing...

    I'm at the point of trying to back down to one horse so I can afford to board her there. It *is* painful as this little 5 acre horse farm is my dream come true. But I'm coming to realize there are several factors that need to be lined up to make the bliss continue to outweigh the pain. In my twenties I could work full time, come home to train two event horses, get chores done & love it all. Nearing 50 this is just not happening, in spite of how many times this summer I've tried to plan a schedule & force myself to do it. It makes riding seem like just more work So working full time + job is one factor making this not work. Another factor is I feel slightly overmounted on one of my mares. She is still green and although has a very good mind, she is a bold alpha mare & tests me. I have the skills to ride her but my nerve is weakening, I find excuses to put it off and that is killing me. When I had her at the trainers it seemed like it would work, with trainer rides & lessons it was working. But at home on my own we are a bad match. Just coming to grips with this over the last week, painful. Third factor in my case, I've always struggled with depression but this summer it has been deepening. Along with too much work at job & chores to squeeze in socializing, I find myself avoiding my horse friends as they will ask how I'm doing on my homebred & I fear bursting into tears if they do. Not fun LOL. So with those 3 factors, I'm trying to be a big girl & do what my brain is telling me to do - sell the young alpha mare, move the older, calmer mare back to the nice barn in between work & home, which will thrust me back in to an bustling equine community & assist with my depression & loneliness.

    But I'm not giving up the dream completely - my goal is to crunch through these hopefully final 2 years of full time corporate work, pay off this place, fix it up & sell, find something with more land, more privacy, and access to trails (my place *had* access to trails when I bought it, but all those options have been cut off one by one ) Then I may consider bringing 2-3 horses back home, if I have a nicer place to ride them, and I'm able to get by working 20-30 hours a week.

    Anyway, in conclusion I have to say this "single woman tackling small farmmette all on her own" dream is quite doable & can be worth it but you may go through phases where it is not ideal, and one should try to allow flexibility so they could move the horses to a boarding barn or go with no horses for a time, if needed.

    OP thanks so much for giving me a reason to type out all these struggles & thoughts I've been battling over the last month. I only just came to the decision to let the alpha mare go last week, but still it hurts - but typing it all out here again it totally makes sense for where I am in life right now. (Note, the "ideal" might be if I could move both mares to this barn but I just cannot afford that at this time -and might still feel stressed trying to keep both mares going anyway then).

    As far as those longing for "loneliness" I hear you gals! I'm as introverted as they come, and when I visit friends with families with everyone talking at once I almost become catatonic from shock LOL. The peace when I get home again is delicious. BUT I'm a great example that even introverted people need *some* socialization. Especially when depressed my tendency is to withdraw from everyone, make excuses to avoid get togethers. It's easy to avoid everyone when you live alone. But then I get depressed & have to force myself to come out of my shell, but feel better after doing something social. So I guess it's all on a continuum - you guys have too much socializing at the moment, I currently have way too little. We both need to move toward the center more LOL.



  11. #31
    Join Date
    Mar. 14, 2007
    Posts
    2,458

    Default

    Arcadien: you are DUE your second thoughts! 23 years? ok! I cannot even comment or share. I am a 'boarder' heading towards home horse keeping for the FIRST time at 56.
    2 dogs: Its hard because in addition to this being a lifestyle change for myself and my horses, its also unique in : my own injuries, and the fact the whole reason I'm here is: my mom's advanced age and all those lifestyle changes that come with and advanced age parent that you're commited to caring for.

    its something I thought would be a positive answer for most all points...now, not so sure.



    edited to add: in re: having that local network...knowing who can /will / won't be available to help: I am 2 hrs away 'literally' but living here to finalize building, etc. I've TRIED over and over again to reach out to the existing horse community, but it seems very close kept. Seems I'd have to be 'local' to get much feed back, so, that has made it hard, too.
    ayrabz
    "Indecision may or may not be my problem"
    --Jimmy Buffett


    1 members found this post helpful.

  12. #32
    Join Date
    Jan. 26, 2006
    Location
    Fort Worth, Texas
    Posts
    7,523

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mroades View Post
    It. Never. Ends......
    even small acreage .... it seems a horse's only job when turned out is to see how much stuff they can tear-up. Geldings love to play can you get my tongue with each other over fences... all grass on the other side of the fence is better than any grass on this side of the fence, and look if I push hard enough the fence will give


    2 members found this post helpful.

  13. #33
    Join Date
    Oct. 14, 2007
    Location
    California
    Posts
    4,415

    Default

    I live on a farm with my family and hubby.... I love it. I love the elbow room of having a lot of property. But saying that I too like my alone time. When hubby goes into LA and kids are at school. But I also like them to be around as well. To me it's about a balance. Time with hubby, time with kids, time with my animals and time to myself.

    I found myself lonelier when I lived in the city because the people around weren't very nice.... I have found a good balance that works for me. I found a local boarding stable so I can get my being around other horse people fix. My space at home to have my hermit time...

    You will find balance that works for you...
    Live in the sunshine.
    Swim in the sea.
    Drink the wild air.



  14. #34
    Join Date
    May. 10, 2013
    Location
    Washington State
    Posts
    1,747

    Default

    I second maybe getting a room mate. We have a renter who boards with us and we know when to leave each other alone and when to ride together. Mind you, I do have my husband and kids home, but as social as I am if they disappeared I'd have to have a roomie or renter.

    I love to share! Plus, more hands to help with the chores and watch the sunset.
    My herd for life:
    King: 21 year old Foxtrotter gelding
    Ruais: 8 year old Friesian/Arabian mare
    http://imgur.com/a/LSPiJ#0



  15. #35
    Join Date
    Jan. 9, 2003
    Location
    IN
    Posts
    4,252

    Default

    I'm single, in my 50's and on my second farm. Every time I thought about selling the first farm to take a job in a new state, I cried. So, I told the new employer that I needed to find a place to live before I could accept the job. Here I am, six months later, on a second (albiet smaller) farm and watching my two horses out my window again. Lots of work, sometimes lonely, but I can't imagine not doing it right now. Now I just need to sell the first farm.
    Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Goethe



  16. #36
    Join Date
    Apr. 1, 2012
    Posts
    415

    Default

    Haven't checked in for a bit because I've been pretty busy! I did a group lesson last night with one of my horses and had a friend to ride with last week. The weekend had some social activities..went out 2x! haha.

    I think whats really happening is that I'm not doing too much for other people ... I farm sit on the side and everyone needs help this summer or has given my name out. so, I'm doing everything and more. I'm amazed that my yard and place looks decent with the amount i've been doing.

    I really just need to learn to say no...so I can ride and take care of me. I can't exercise when I'm this busy and need / want to lose some weight. I think the time is coming soon where I can take that time and right now I'm doing everything I can to do something for me every day. And I feel much better.

    This week will be busy as I think I'll be trailering out 3x so will get some horsey social fixes... and this week I get my barn worked on so that will make me feel better too..things are getting done.

    I guess it is nice to hear i'm not the only one in this boat. So, its not sinking anytime soon! Thanks all!



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