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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar. 26, 2005
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    Back to Normal.. or as close as I'll ever get
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    9,819

    Default Sympathy a year later? - UPDATE: did it : )

    I just found out some friends lost their 34yo son about a year ago.

    "Friends" may not be exactly right - the family owned the barn DH & I boarded at for 3yrs about 15yrs ago.
    But we did socialize a lot when our horses were there, it was a family-oriented barn with grandparents, parents & kids all involved.

    Even though we no longer boarded there, when my DH died they came to the memorial service.

    Over the years we have seen each other - usually I find them at the County Fair & we catch up.
    So last night was the same & in talking to the Mom I asked about her son & that's when she told me.
    I spoke my condolences but now I'm wondering if it would be out of place to send a sympathy card so much after the fact.

    I Googled the obit & it mentioned in lieu of flowers a contribution for his 2 young sons' education.
    Right now I'm considering stopping by the parents' house & asking where I can make that contribution, so I could bring a card to enclose a check.

    Any thoughts?
    Last edited by 2DogsFarm; Aug. 4, 2014 at 02:27 PM.
    *friend of bar.ka*RIP all my lovely boys, gone too soon:
    Steppin' Out 1988-2004
    Hey Vern! 1982-2009
    Cash's Bay Threat 1994-2009



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb. 28, 2006
    Location
    The rocky part of KY
    Posts
    9,538

    Default

    I'd do it. I might try to locate the site of the custodial account via some other means first, I put the information for making memorial contributions to the MS Society for my mother in the funeral home website obituary which I think will go to Legacy .com after a year, maybe if you are in contact with other former barn mates they might know.

    The only reason approaching the parents wouldn't be my first option is because I think although they would be grateful it would probably come along with an evening of crying all over again. But if that were the only option I'd do it.
    Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
    Incredible Invisible


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb. 25, 2012
    Location
    Montana
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    3,068

    Default

    Oh I say totally do it!
    Cards, thoughts, caring are all appreciated, no matter when they come. Sure, they may cry, but still, to know that others have thought of you feels very good. You could stop by to get the address, you could write the check and let them fill in the recipient; I don't think that matters as much as the fact that you thinking of them, recognize what a traumatic loss they have endured and are kind enough to reach out.
    Genuine expressions of caring I think are never inappropriate!


    6 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar. 26, 2005
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    Default

    I'm going to recheck the online obits to see if anything is mentioned re: where to send contributions.
    The one I read did not appear to say.

    And I can always stop by the house with card & check in hand.
    I know about reopening grief, but sometimes it helps to talk about the one you've lost.
    *friend of bar.ka*RIP all my lovely boys, gone too soon:
    Steppin' Out 1988-2004
    Hey Vern! 1982-2009
    Cash's Bay Threat 1994-2009



  5. #5
    Join Date
    May. 7, 2004
    Posts
    354

    Default

    Totally do it. They'd love it.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar. 14, 2004
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    Left coast, left wing, left field
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    Default

    Do it! Look at it this way. Everyone else has probably stopped outward shows of support. It's human nature, people move on. You won't be reopening a wound – it hasn't closed.
    Arrange whatever pieces come your way. - Virginia Woolf

    Did you know that if you say the word "GULLIBLE" really softly, it sounds like "ORANGES"?


    6 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar. 27, 2011
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    The Land of Buggies and Black Bumpers
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    Default

    I think it is very kind and thoughtful for you to do that and perfectly acceptable since you just learned of the son's passing. Make me feel good to know there are kind people like you out there!



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb. 9, 2006
    Posts
    1,780

    Default

    Do it. There's no time-over on grief, sadly, and I'm sure they'd really appreciate your friendly gesture.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul. 7, 2013
    Posts
    118

    Default

    Absolutely do it! That is very sweet of you.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar. 11, 2007
    Location
    Montana
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    5,876

    Default

    You could always do a "thinking of you" sort of card to blur the edges a bit, if you think that might be a little easier...along with everything else you said.
    “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jul. 3, 2012
    Posts
    2,461

    Default

    The funeral home might have a record of the request.
    Ride like you mean it.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Mar. 26, 2005
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    I picked up a blank card and wrote a sentence or two about how I remembered their son.
    Dropped it at the barn with a check inside. Mom was there along with grandparents.
    Although she did tear up a bit, from my own experience those are "good" tears.

    We chatted for quite a while, got more caught up and who knows - I may end up moving my 2 back there when I get too old to do this on my own.
    What is that saying about a door closing and another opening?
    *friend of bar.ka*RIP all my lovely boys, gone too soon:
    Steppin' Out 1988-2004
    Hey Vern! 1982-2009
    Cash's Bay Threat 1994-2009


    11 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    May. 7, 2004
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    Default

    How very, very nice. You probably made their day. What a gift to have someone remember their son so warmly.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Aug. 1, 2007
    Location
    West Palm Beach, FL
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    I like that you did this, 2df. Really sweet.
    People call themselves animal lovers, then let their dogs chase the squirrels. You're scaring the shit out of the squirrels, you schmuck!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Aug. 30, 2001
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    Tennessee
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    Default

    Just wanted to give you a virtual hug for being a nice person 2Dogs.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Mar. 14, 2004
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    Left coast, left wing, left field
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    Default

    Good on ya!
    Arrange whatever pieces come your way. - Virginia Woolf

    Did you know that if you say the word "GULLIBLE" really softly, it sounds like "ORANGES"?


    1 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Apr. 13, 2008
    Posts
    1,195

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    MOre people like you 2dogs and less fence sitters like me. A coworker passed away that I really liked. I was on vacation and noone told me! (JERKS) so when I came back I wrote a letter to his wife, and meant to drop it off, saying how great Bill was to work with and some remembrances of him (he loved to talk about these mini trains he collected and so on) but I just never delivered, and time has passed and the letter is still in my file... I think perhaps I still should but just feel so akward, since I never knew the wife- only of her, from Bill.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Mar. 27, 2011
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    Go do it Griffyn and I would put money on the fact you won't regret it!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
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    Default

    Yes, do it.

    By year one, everybody has gone on with their lives, while the family is still grieving.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bristol Bay View Post
    Try setting your broomstick to fly at a lower altitude.



  20. #20
    Join Date
    May. 4, 2003
    Location
    Canada
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    Default

    Absolutely reach out... you know they think of their son every single minute of every day...they will appreciate that you think of them, too. Guaranteed.
    Proud member of People Who Hate to Kill Wildlife clique



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