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  1. #101
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    Sorry I truly don't see how anyone could forget they have a child in their car?????? I'm never left my horse in the trailer, the dog or the cat in the truck, heck I don't even leave my phone in there and none of those things even compares to forgetting your child.
    “While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.” Mark Twain


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  2. #102
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    Again- read that article.

    You'll learn how. It's awful.


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  3. #103
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    Quote Originally Posted by tabula rashah View Post
    Sorry I truly don't see how anyone could forget they have a child in their car?????? I'm never left my horse in the trailer, the dog or the cat in the truck, heck I don't even leave my phone in there and none of those things even compares to forgetting your child.
    Have you read the article posted?

    You wouldn't leave your horse in the trailer on accident as you wouldn't haul your horse to work. Likewise with the dog and the cat- you probably aren't ever driving them to work with you.

    It's when people are driving their normal route to work or home, when they normally DON'T have the kid in the car but happen to do so that one time because the other parent can't drop them off, that the vast majority of these cases happen. Your brain is on autopilot because it is what you normally do every.single.day.
    Last edited by ser42; Jun. 20, 2014 at 04:30 PM. Reason: Clarity


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  4. #104
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    You know, there's not understanding, and then there's just not even giving a $hit about understanding.

    Leaving a horse in a trailer is so far removed from the circumstances in which a child is left in a car, it's laughable.
    Everyone is entitled to my opinion.


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  5. #105
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    I believe that in most of these cases in which the parent has been prosecuted the jury has come back with a not guilty verdict because once they hear the circumstances as well as understand the unrelenting torment of guilt that the parent is going through, they cannot convict.

    So it is one thing to glibly say, "oh, I'd never do that. What a terrible person." It is another thing entirely to walk a mile in that person's shoes.
    "Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain" ~Friedrich Schiller


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  6. #106
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    Quote Originally Posted by ser42 View Post
    Have you read the article posted?

    You wouldn't leave your horse in the trailer on accident as you wouldn't haul your horse to work. Likewise with the dog and the cat- you probably aren't ever driving them to work with you.

    It's when people are driving their normal route to work or home, when they normally DON'T have the kid in the car but happen to do so that one time because the other parent can't drop them off, that the vast majority of these cases happen. Your brain is on autopilot because it is what you normally do every.single.day.
    It's totally besides the point but actually, yes, I take my horse to work quite often and I haul my trailer almost every day.

    Sorry y'all can call me a heartless bitch but there are some "mistakes" you just don't get to make. Roasting your child alive in a car is one of those.
    “While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.” Mark Twain


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  7. #107
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    There but for the Grace of God go I.

    Anybody with other things on their mind, person out of routine, Grandma babysitting on occasion, husband on way to work when mother doing some other unusual errand...can make such a mistake.

    Nobody goes out intentionally to be forgetful. It seems so obvious as none of us are perfect and some could attempt to be more understanding.

    Also, Thank goodness for the new back-up cameras that will eventually be in all cars, one of the best innovations ever.
    Proud member of People Who Hate to Kill Wildlife clique


    7 members found this post helpful.

  8. #108
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    Quote Originally Posted by tabula rashah View Post
    Sorry I truly don't see how anyone could forget they have a child in their car?????? I'm never left my horse in the trailer, the dog or the cat in the truck, heck I don't even leave my phone in there and none of those things even compares to forgetting your child.
    To be honest, this was exactly my first reaction when I heard of someone forgetting their child in the car.

    After reading the article posted (maybe a year ago when it first came out?), and learning more about brain function, and hearing the individual stories (including the father who tried to take a police officer's gun to shoot himself when it happened), I completely changed my opinion.


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  9. #109
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    Quote Originally Posted by tabula rashah View Post
    It's totally besides the point but actually, yes, I take my horse to work quite often and I haul my trailer almost every day.

    Sorry y'all can call me a heartless bitch but there are some "mistakes" you just don't get to make. Roasting your child alive in a car is one of those.
    You haven't read the article, because you obviously don't understand what I said.

    If you haul your horse to work routinely and haul your trailer almost every day, IT'S YOUR NORMAL ROUTINE. SO YOU WOULDN'T FORGET. AUTOPILOT WOULD INCLUDE UNLOADING SAID TRAILER.


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  10. #110
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    Quote Originally Posted by tabula rashah View Post
    It's totally besides the point but actually, yes, I take my horse to work quite often and I haul my trailer almost every day.

    Sorry y'all can call me a heartless bitch but there are some "mistakes" you just don't get to make. Roasting your child alive in a car is one of those.
    I really think too much of you to call you names. I do ask that you read the article.


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  11. #111
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    Quote Originally Posted by ser42 View Post
    You haven't read the article, because you obviously don't understand what I said.

    If you haul your horse to work routinely and haul your trailer almost every day, IT'S YOUR NORMAL ROUTINE. SO YOU WOULDN'T FORGET. AUTOPILOT WOULD INCLUDE UNLOADING SAID TRAILER.
    Well bless your heart deary, I suppose that is what you said in a round-about, convoluted way. Maybe you missed my "totally besides the point" lead in to what I wrote. Should I have bolded it for you?
    BTW, yes, I read the article. It did not change my opinion.
    “While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.” Mark Twain


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  12. #112
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    OK so you read it. I'm surprised you have no compassion, it sounds like, for the parents who made the mistake that you don't get to make.

    Am I 'hearing' that wrong? Do you have compassion for the parents who made that mistake?


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  13. #113
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    Quote Originally Posted by tabula rashah View Post
    Well bless your heart deary, I suppose that is what you said in a round-about, convoluted way. Maybe you missed my "totally besides the point" lead in to what I wrote. Should I have bolded it for you?
    BTW, yes, I read the article. It did not change my opinion.
    You were the one that first mentioned that since you never forget your horse in your trailer, you can't understand how someone would forget their kid.

    Next time try reading for comprehension.


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  14. #114
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    Well, it is very strange that the DA in Cobb has chosen to tell the cops to arrest and charge the father of the latest kid for murder. Given that, the DA was not, uh, shall we say a smart or good trial lawyer when he worked briefly in the Fulton DA's office way back when. But recently a child care worker and her dau.in another county in metro area were tried and convicted of lesser crimes for leaving a child in a van all day. so maybe old Vic is trying to get a plea out of the father? Who knows. Cobb county is a different world from Atlanta and Vic got elected over there. (That's the county with the famous "Mathis murders" screwup. 2 doctors killed, murder convictions reversed, a history of screwups.)

    I just cannot figure out how a parent could forget a child in the car. Don't people check the back seats when they get in and out of a car? The guy over in Cobb actually supposedly got into his vehicle after work and drove away and then pulled into another shopping center when he discovered his dead child in the car. And it's confusing as to where he parked his car while he was at work. Some reports say it was in a mall and some say elsewhere. There may be something else we haven't read in the AJC.com that shows that the father was grossly negligent in this case. But gross negligence is not murder in GA. DA might be trying for felony murder, with the underlying felony being something we don't know about, but it's probably "just" a manslaughter case. Dead child though.


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  15. #115
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    Quote Originally Posted by katarine View Post
    OK so you read it. I'm surprised you have no compassion, it sounds like, for the parents who made the mistake that you don't get to make.

    Am I reading that wrong?
    I honestly can't even imagine the agony that those parents are going through or that of the other family members. I guess what I'm saying is how could you let yourself make a "mistake" that would haunt the rest of your life? If you knew you were a forgetful person, why wouldn't you take on the responsibility of doing something to remind yourself to take your kid out the car? I don't know how one would live with themselves afterwards.
    “While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.” Mark Twain


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  16. #116
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    Quote Originally Posted by PlanB View Post
    To be honest, this was exactly my first reaction when I heard of someone forgetting their child in the car.

    After reading the article posted (maybe a year ago when it first came out?), and learning more about brain function, and hearing the individual stories (including the father who tried to take a police officer's gun to shoot himself when it happened), I completely changed my opinion.
    I completely agree, PlanB. That article is so powerful.

    The other thing that cemented my opinion was having small children and confronting the level of exhaustion that many parents face. Especially that first year. It's hard to imagine. Even last week, my 14 month old had a raging ear infection that hurt when he laid down, and the only way he could sleep was if I held him for three nights. After getting snippets of a few minutes sleep here and there in a recliner holding a fretful, sick baby with a temperature of 104 for three days (his fever always managed to go sky-high in the middle of the night when it's most worrisome and is normal when you take him to the doctor during the day, sigh) -- you are so tired you could see yourself doing just about anything. And that's because you are a good, loving, worried parent who is trying to comfort a sick baby, not because you were out partying with your friends until the wee hours. The third day I went to the grocery store and had to stop in the aisles and just stand there, blank, to try to recall what on earth I was there to buy. And yes, I forgot some things my husband requested. I don't see how anyone can claim not to make mistakes. It's just absurd. My mistakes didn't have any serious repercussions but they were still mistakes. Knowing I was tired, why didn't I make a list? I usually do. because I was tired, maybe. I don't know.


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  17. #117
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    Quote Originally Posted by tabula rashah View Post
    I honestly can't even imagine the agony that those parents are going through or that of the other family members. I guess what I'm saying is how could you let yourself make a "mistake" that would haunt the rest of your life? If you knew you were a forgetful person, why wouldn't you take on the responsibility of doing something to remind yourself to take your kid out the car?
    So maybe you didn't read the article. Not carefully anyway. It can happen whether you tend to be "forgetful" or not. That's really kinda the whole freaking point. That it happens to people who never dreamed they could do such a thing.
    Everyone is entitled to my opinion.


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  18. #118
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    So then, based on that article, what is the solution? Are we all doomed to fall victim to this at some point?

    Is it impossible to suppose it can't be overcome?
    Ride like you mean it.


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  19. #119
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    Quote Originally Posted by cloudyandcallie View Post
    I just cannot figure out how a parent could forget a child in the car. Don't people check the back seats when they get in and out of a car?
    I don't know the details of this case. But as the article everyone's been talking about says, it's usually a perfect storm of factors. C&C, let's say you go home the exact same way every day. You've been going the same way for years. One day, you're supposed to stop at the store, but you're tired, it's been a long day, and your favorite song comes on. A few miles later, you realize you missed the turn for the store and have to go back, and probably you don't even remember doing part of the drive. That's basically how this happens.

    Let's say Alice is a mom. She is up 3-4 times a night with her baby, who sometimes stays up for an hour in that time frame, not going back to sleep. So Alice is pretty sleep deprived (and honestly should not be driving or working anyway, but what choice does she have?). She usually goes to work early, and her husband takes baby to daycare later, so it's her job to pick him up when she gets out of work. She does this routine for months. Get up, pump the boobs, get dressed, go to work. Get up, pump the boobs, get dressed, go to work. One day, dad can't take the baby in, so Alice will have to do it. She is as sleep deprived as ever. She gets up, pumps the boobs, gets dressed, and sticks baby in the car in his rear-facing carseat (that is always in her car, it's just usually empty in the morning).

    Alice goes on her way, the baby falls asleep within five minutes. Traffic is a bear, and she has an early meeting, so she starts to stress about that. Her mind starts thinking "I'm late I'm late I'm late I'm late" and she's thinking about how her boss is going to react, especially since she was late the week before one day and he wasn't pleased about it. What if she gets fired? He fired someone else after they were late two times.

    After sitting in the car fretting about this for forty minutes, she finally reaches work. She is so frazzled about getting to the meeting she practically leaps out of her car, grabbing her phone and purse. Now, she's exhausted and probably not thinking clearly or calmly. She's late. She's just completed her usual morning routine. She's parked and on her way into the building. She never brings the baby to daycare in the morning, she's used to seeing the carseat there and the baby has not made a peep this whole time. She might even be worrying about getting OUT of work on time to pick up the baby, or if the baby was good for dad that morning. Her brain has totally reverted to her usual routine, it is giving her all the signals that all her commute tasks have been completed.

    That's how it happens. I know it sounds crazy. I know it sounds like something we would never do. But if you've ever left something in your car, if you've ever missed an exit you meant to take, or started your commute home when you meant to go somewhere else, or forgotten to brush your teeth in the morning because you did your morning routine in a different order, this is the same mechanism in action. Especially with rear facing car seats - you can see the things back there but not the kids in them, even if you're next to the back doors of the car.

    Now, I'll give Alice the benefit of the doubt, and say that three steps from the car she smacks her head and realizes what's happening. After a moment of real fear and anxiety, that she could do such a thing, she turns around and goes to daycare, all the while really angry at herself and blaming mommy brain. But it could have easily gone the other way.

    I like very much to think I would never, ever, ever forget my son in the car. I can't imagine doing it, he is my heart and my life and my soul. But because I have done this very thing with lesser things (thankfully, things that were minor, like missing exits or forgetting to brush my teeth or turning into daycare instead of work), I know it is possible. It is a remote possibility, so unlikely that I probably should just say I'd never do it. But the possibility exists, I know this. I know the parents who have done this never thought, in their wildest dreams, that it could be them. So I took measures to make sure. I put stuff in the back seat. I make a habit of checking. I always look at the carseat before I get out, it's as automatic as putting on my seatbelt or checking my blind spot when changing lanes. But if I thought that this would never happen to me, and that other people were just deficient, would I have started those habits or made a point out of changing my routine?

    I think recognizing that it's possible for just about anyone to do this is actually what prevents it.
    "smile a lot can let us ride happy,it is good thing"

    My CANTER blog.


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  20. #120
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    Quote Originally Posted by ezduzit View Post
    So then, based on that article, what is the solution? Are we all doomed to fall victim to this at some point?

    Is it impossible to suppose it can't be overcome?
    As others have mentioned, it's about changing habits, inserting things into the routine so that checking the back (or what have you) is as automatic and unconscious as all the other things you do without thinking. (like, putting purse and phone in the back seat, or what have you).
    "smile a lot can let us ride happy,it is good thing"

    My CANTER blog.


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