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  1. #41
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    Actually, I'm always accused of that. Mostly by people who forget stuff. Seems like making myself remember things is now a fault.

    That's all I'm saying...people have to make themselves remember instead of just hoping it happens...or not. It's no accident that I remember things.

    Quote Originally Posted by PlanB View Post
    Wow, it must be nice to be so perfect so as to never forget anything.
    Ride like you mean it.


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  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angela Freda View Post
    I try to compartmentalize my 'responsibilities'.
    When I am doing task 1, I focus on task 1.
    It's not a perfect 'trick' and I'm not perfect, there are events occurring in our lives all the time that take over our minds and our focus... but I strive to be better tomorrow than I am today.

    I think that is what people are suggesting when they share that they can't comprehend... or their tricks to 'remember'.
    Yes this could happen to any of us. Yes it's rare.
    The question is how do we make it even less likely?
    Put the cell phone down. Maybe. Focus on the task at hand instead of multitasking. Maybe.

    That's not a suggestion that those options will eliminate the incidence, but could it reduce them?
    By no means am I suggesting that it would be futile for people to make more of an effort to remember or to take some kind of precautionary measure that would help prevent a tragedy like a forgotten child from ever occurring.

    What I am saying is that "keep your mind on what you're doing" is great advice in theory that's very difficult to live by day-to-day. A lot of people may feel they don't have the luxury of never making or taking a phone call while in the car with a child. Or they find it difficult, if not impossible, to focus solely on driving or the child in the backseat instead of the work deadline they're facing next week or another child's school project that's due tomorrow or even something mundane like that evening's grocery shopping. Our minds wander in spite of ourselves. Not only that, but I can easily see how a parent driving with a quiet child in the backseat would view that time as a rare opportunity outside of work, home duties and hands-on child care to actually engage in some uninterrupted thought about . . . everything else.

    Which is why it seems like developing a new habit (like always putting your purse in the backseat next to the car seat) is the way to go. You have to form a new habit that decreases the likelihood of your ever forgetting your child even if your mind DOES wander.

    Of course, most people don't do that because the very idea that they would leave their child in a hot car is unfathomable to them.
    Your future is created by what you do today, not tomorrow.


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  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aggie4Bar View Post
    If you're referring to the thread I think you are, there's a radical difference between a baby strapped in a carseat and an awake, alert pre-schooler playing on an iPad. The person that alerted authorities on that mom saw her interact with her son and watched her then walk into the store. And rather than observing the situation, in which mom returned in just a couple minutes minutes, they called it in immediately. Wholly. Different. Scenario.
    Well, that was the discussion in that thread. Whether or not you are willing to leave your child unattended in a car for a few minutes, and whether or not someone who sees you doing so should notify someone.

    Yes, different scenario compared to forgetting your child in the backseat- but either way a child is unattended in a car.


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  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by MyGiantPony View Post
    Should these parents be prosecuted for homocide?

    I can't help but think there's no punishment the court system can come up with that would be more harsh than the self punishment and guilt the parent inflicts on themselves.

    Should prosecutors show compassion or vigorous enforcement?
    I really think it depends on the situation. Some cases are clearly accidents, and my heart breaks for those parents.

    I couldn't finish the linked article about how the brain works. I have a 6-month old, and just the thought of what those babies endure, what the parent finds... I can't mentally go there. I do know someone who killed his own child in a back-over accident almost 30 years ago, and he still re-lives it and has trouble discussing it. No judge or jury could be as hard on him as he's been on himself.
    Jer 29: 11-13


    4 members found this post helpful.

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by ezduzit View Post
    I can say with authority, I never once forgot my child. I'm understand that it happens to some people. What I have a hard time understanding is the blase attitude towards it. Why aren't people screaming for other people to WAKE UP...YOU HAVE YOUR CHILD WITH YOU. Nothing else matters...not your work day; not your shopping list; not a phone call or a text. Nothing else matters.

    That's what I don't understand.
    I have no idea where you are seeing blase attitude. Absolutely no clue.

    Help me understand what you read that inferred 'meh' with regard to forgetting a child was in the car. Everything I've read comes across to me "OH MY GOD that could have been horrible. That COULD have killed my baby. OMG".

    So please help me buy a clue to what you're seeing as 'blase attitude".

    Why aren't people screaming for other people to WAKE UP...YOU HAVE YOUR CHILD WITH YOU.

    When are you envisioning this happening? I hardly so much as glance at, much less look into, other people's cars when I get to work, or the grocery store, or anywhere else. I get there, I grab my stuff, I walk inside. I'm on autopilot.
    Last edited by katarine; Jun. 20, 2014 at 01:24 PM.


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  6. #46
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    Last thread like this suggested leaving your handbag (or briefcase0 in the back seat.
    Proud member of People Who Hate to Kill Wildlife clique


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  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Foxtrot's View Post
    Last thread like this suggested leaving your handbag (or briefcase0 in the back seat.
    I've done this to remind me to bring in the groceries.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by ser42 View Post
    When I was a brand new mother I heard a tip: leave something of your baby's on the passenger seat- like a diaper bag, bottle, stuffed animal, blanket- ANYTHING that might remind you that the baby is back there just in case you go on auto-pilot. I thought it was a very good idea.
    My son and DIL do just this. My son is easily distracted, he's terrified that he could forget his son in the car.



  9. #49
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    What I termed 'blase' is the "it's not your fault" attitude; that there are totally understandable reasons why this could happen. In my simple mind, it isn't understandable and parents are responsible when they leave their kids in the car.

    That would be the yelling and screaming I mentioned. I TRULY don't understand why this gets such a sympathetic (yes, sympathy for the poor child who suffered until she died) pass.

    Another thought is that all this 'mind wandering' while driving is a risk on the roads. I wonder how many children have been injured in accidents because their parents were distracted with mind wandering.

    Yes, I'm a hard ass...and hardest on myself. Make no mistake about that; no hypocrisy on my part.
    Ride like you mean it.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by ezduzit View Post
    I appreciate your criticism but I was referring to the post in which it was said basically we never forget our cell phone. No ignorance but why is it so hard to appreciate the irony that people will remember the phone but forget the child?

    Having a child is a big responsibility. People need to check their autopilot at the car door, stop and think about what they are doing.

    I feel horrible for the parents who have had to endure this...no punishment could be worse than living with this.
    The point wasn't that some people's cell phones were more important than their kids, the point was that if you grab your purse/briefcase/cell phone on your way into the office every morning you are MUCH more likely to remember that you have a kid in the back seat (which you may not have every day and therefore would not be a part of your autopilot routine) when you stick the things that are a part of your routine next to your (quiet, sleeping, not a part of your daily commuting routine) kid.

    It has nothing to do with cell phones being important. You did not read the article for comprehension if you cannot grasp that.


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  11. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by ezduzit View Post
    I TRULY don't understand why this gets such a sympathetic (yes, sympathy for the poor child who suffered until she died) pass.
    Because it is a loving parent's WORST NIGHTMARE. One momentary slip results in your child's death. The parent will have to live with that for the rest of his/her life.

    COMPASSION. It's a thing.
    "Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain" ~Friedrich Schiller


    17 members found this post helpful.

  12. #52
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    My compassion is for the child who has no say in it's care and is truly a victim of it's parents' priorities.

    I'm having a problem with "autopilot" being acceptable and seemingly so common. Allowing one's brain to quit functioning and "wander" must be a new phenon.
    Ride like you mean it.


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  13. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by ezduzit View Post
    Actually, I'm always accused of that. Mostly by people who forget stuff. Seems like making myself remember things is now a fault.

    That's all I'm saying...people have to make themselves remember instead of just hoping it happens...or not. It's no accident that I remember things.
    I also have a very good memory. But I am not perfect. I once forgot to turn off the heater under my desk at work --- I could have burned the place down. I was completely horrified that I could do something like that.

    I think you should really read the article about how the brain works.


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  14. #54
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    What I did to prevent forgetting my daughter was, as soon as I learned I was pregnant (because I'm one of those people who always imagines the worst), starting looking in my car EVERY time I walked away from it, making it a habit. Its amazing what you notice (expensive items left in sight, etc.).

    I still check the backseat of my car every time: my DD is 25.

    There are plenty of good suggestions on this thread to prevent such a tragedy; maybe instead of the public service reminders that come out this time of year that just say "Don't Forget" it would be better to suggest such things as checking car every time, putting a purse or phone in the backseat, etc. to make it a habit, just like not leaving the phone or purse behind is.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  15. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by ezduzit View Post
    What I termed 'blase' is the "it's not your fault" attitude; that there are totally understandable reasons why this could happen. In my simple mind, it isn't understandable and parents are responsible when they leave their kids in the car.

    That would be the yelling and screaming I mentioned. I TRULY don't understand why this gets such a sympathetic (yes, sympathy for the poor child who suffered until she died) pass.

    Another thought is that all this 'mind wandering' while driving is a risk on the roads. I wonder how many children have been injured in accidents because their parents were distracted with mind wandering.

    Yes, I'm a hard ass...and hardest on myself. Make no mistake about that; no hypocrisy on my part.
    How wonderful to be you, so unfailingly attentive to whatever you're doing and so wholly incapable of even a moment's lapse of focus or judgement.

    For you:

    http://thinkprogress.org/wp-content/.../04/cookie.gif
    Your future is created by what you do today, not tomorrow.


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  16. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by ezduzit View Post
    . Allowing one's brain to quit functioning and "wander" must be a new phenon.
    This isn't about "allowing the brain to quit functioning," it's about the fundamental way brains are designed to work. It IS the brain functioning, in the way it evolved to do, sorting out tasks without our conscious input and allowing us to perform routines without conscious thought about each individual step.

    Sometimes that awesome trick of brain development turns against us. In the world we evolved in, it was an advantage, but our biology has not caught up to our modern world, really.

    It's not about allowing our brain to quit functioning at all, it's about our brain functioning quite well and not meshing with potential modern consequences.

    I'm glad you're so well able to to keep your focus at all times and would never ever have a situation where it could be remotely possible that your brain would function this way. The rest of us remember that these things are possible and take extra steps just in case. Because the people this happens to also thought they were super focused and were also super horrified by people who did this and thought it could never happen to them.
    "smile a lot can let us ride happy,it is good thing"

    My CANTER blog.


    10 members found this post helpful.

  17. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by ezduzit View Post
    My compassion is for the child who has no say in it's care and is truly a victim of it's parents' priorities.

    I'm having a problem with "autopilot" being acceptable and seemingly so common. Allowing one's brain to quit functioning and "wander" must be a new phenon.
    It's actually not.

    “The quality of prior parental care seems to be irrelevant,” he said. “The important factors that keep showing up involve a combination of stress, emotion, lack of sleep and change in routine, where the basal ganglia is trying to do what it’s supposed to do, and the conscious mind is too weakened to resist. What happens is that the memory circuits in a vulnerable hippocampus literally get overwritten, like with a computer program. Unless the memory circuit is rebooted -- such as if the child cries, or, you know, if the wife mentions the child in the back -- it can entirely disappear.”
    By insisting that good parents wouldn't allow themselves to go on autopilot and would thus never leave their kid in the car you are a part of the problem - AGAIN, IF YOU'D READ THE ARTICLE, you'd see that there have been alerts, alarms and solutions proposed but there is no market for them because pretty much every parent is too egotistical to think it can happen to them.

    There are a few aftermarket products that alert a parent if a child remains in a car that has been turned off. These products are not huge sellers. They have likely run up against the same marketing problem that confronted three NASA engineers a few years ago.

    In 2000, Chris Edwards, Terry Mack and Edward Modlin began to work on just such a product after one of their colleagues, Kevin Shelton, accidentally left his 9-month-old son to die in the parking lot of NASA Langley Research Center in Hampton, Va. The inventors patented a device with weight sensors and a keychain alarm. Based on aerospace technology, it was easy to use; it was relatively cheap, and it worked.

    Janette Fennell had high hopes for this product: The dramatic narrative behind it, she felt, and the fact that it came from NASA, created a likelihood of widespread publicity and public acceptance.

    That was five years ago. The device still isn’t on the shelves. The inventors could not find a commercial partner willing to manufacture it. One big problem was liability. If you made it, you could face enormous lawsuits if it malfunctioned and a child died. But another big problem was psychological: Marketing studies suggested it wouldn’t sell well.

    The problem is this simple: People think this could never happen to them.

    Source


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  18. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by ezduzit View Post
    My compassion is for the child who has no say in it's care and is truly a victim of it's parents' priorities.

    I'm having a problem with "autopilot" being acceptable and seemingly so common. Allowing one's brain to quit functioning and "wander" must be a new phenon.
    It's not "acceptable," it happens. Commonly. And no, it is not a new phenomenon. There are loads of research on it. Google is your friend, better yet PubMed.


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  19. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by fordtraktor View Post
    Every time this topic comes up I post this article. All parents should read it, and anyone who feels like "I could never do that" and needs to develop some empathy should too: http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifest...a52_story.html
    I haven't read through this all, but thanks for posting this. This is a view that I honestly have never really considered.

    I can't get that photo of the man holding his child's teddy out of my head.


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  20. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by ezduzit View Post
    My compassion is for the child who has no say in it's care and is truly a victim of it's parents' priorities.

    I'm having a problem with "autopilot" being acceptable and seemingly so common. Allowing one's brain to quit functioning and "wander" must be a new phenon.
    Think about it this way. Have you ever once walked out or started to walk out of your house without your car keys, or water bottle or coffe mug, or purse, or any other item. Have you ever had to walk back to your car because your cell phone is in there, or purse, or glasses, or water bottle.

    Because it only takes once. Unlike other items, however, you don't 'use' your child at work. If you walk out of your house without the keys, you can't go anywhere. If you forget your cell phone in the car, there is likely a time you realize there is a phone number that you need or you need to text someone. With food/beverages - you realize when you cannot find it to consume it.

    With a child, once you are at work, you are not looking for your child because you have no reason to interact with your child at work.

    So, just imagine that one time you left something somewhere. That is the child in the car.


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