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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by fordtraktor View Post
    I keep my purse in front of the baby's car seat, so I have to go back there to get it. But I don't know if I would have thought to do that if I hadn't read that horrific article.
    I always did this too. I was terrified of forgetting, especially since I am prone to being on autopilot (especially when tired, and I was chronically tired all through the first year and a half). And this may be horrible, but there were occasions when I was sick, etc, that I would drive kiddo in to daycare myself instead of having my SO do it, just because I know he is prone to autopilot too (a lot of times when we were still working in the same place, if he drove, he'd start to turn into our building instead of driving to the daycare. Probably happened 90% of the time that he drove).

    Of course now, daycare is so autopilot I will drive in and park even when kiddo stays home... but the number of times I've driven halfway home before realizing I forgot to go a different way for an errand, or the number of times I've started to drive to work on a weekend when I meant to go grocery shopping, have me pretty convinced that this kind of thing can actually happen to just about anyone given the right circumstances.
    "smile a lot can let us ride happy,it is good thing"

    My CANTER blog.


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  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by ezduzit View Post
    What a very sad commentary this is. A cell phone is remembered, a child is forgotten.
    The willful ignorance here is staggering. READ THE WASHINGTON POST ARTICLE.

    It's very often the parents that are secure in the knowledge that they would NEVER do something like this who end up in this situation.


    19 members found this post helpful.

  3. #23
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    I appreciate your criticism but I was referring to the post in which it was said basically we never forget our cell phone. No ignorance but why is it so hard to appreciate the irony that people will remember the phone but forget the child?

    Having a child is a big responsibility. People need to check their autopilot at the car door, stop and think about what they are doing.

    I feel horrible for the parents who have had to endure this...no punishment could be worse than living with this.
    Ride like you mean it.


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  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by fordtraktor View Post
    Every time this topic comes up I post this article. All parents should read it, and anyone who feels like "I could never do that" and needs to develop some empathy should too: http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifest...a52_story.html

    It could happen to anyone, and the Pulitzer Prize-winning article explains how. Devastating.

    My baby often sleeps in the car. Have fun singing and talking to a sleeping baby, Angela Freda. it feels pretty stupid. You can't engage a sleeping infant

    I keep my purse in front of the baby's car seat, so I have to go back there to get it. But I don't know if I would have thought to do that if I hadn't read that horrific article.
    I read the article.

    It's interesting that my honesty, that I can't imagine doing it is jumped on, while my caveat that any judicial punishment is no comparison to what the parent themselves will dole out is ignored.

    Yes there were time I sang w/my son or otherwise interacted with him. That was an example of why I find it hard to imagine. I did not nor do I intend it to be a proclamation of being 'holier than thou'... but whatever.

    As I wrote previously, and as the article detailed... it's a confuddling issue, one in which all those interviewed waffled between prosecute or not as well.
    Yo/Yousolong April 23rd, 1985- April 15th, 2014

    http://notesfromadogwalker.com/2012/...m-a-sanctuary/


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #25
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    I can say with authority, I never once forgot my child. I'm understand that it happens to some people. What I have a hard time understanding is the blase attitude towards it. Why aren't people screaming for other people to WAKE UP...YOU HAVE YOUR CHILD WITH YOU. Nothing else matters...not your work day; not your shopping list; not a phone call or a text. Nothing else matters.

    That's what I don't understand.
    Ride like you mean it.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  6. #26
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    I don't see any blasé attitudes. If anyone had noticed these children they would have been saved. Nobody willfully ignored them in favor of their work day or shopping list or phone, they were forgotten. And nobody thinks it is not a big deal either. I see nothing but horror in any of these posts.


    8 members found this post helpful.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by ezduzit View Post
    I can say with authority, I never once forgot my child. I'm understand that it happens to some people. What I have a hard time understanding is the blase attitude towards it. Why aren't people screaming for other people to WAKE UP...YOU HAVE YOUR CHILD WITH YOU. Nothing else matters...not your work day; not your shopping list; not a phone call or a text. Nothing else matters.

    That's what I don't understand.
    I don't think that anyone sincerely believes that anything at work or that any errand is more important than a child in a hot car. Obviously, that is the most important thing in anyone's day.
    That said, sometimes you have to acknowledge that the human brain isn't always adapted to modern life. People remember their cell phone not because it is more important than the baby, but because it is their habit to get their cell phone out of the car and take it with them. They forget the baby because they are sleep deprived, the baby is asleep, and they aren't used to dropping the baby off in the morning. It is just how our brains are wired. It is easy to tell people to turn off autopilot, but it is something that happens in the moment. It makes more sense to help people develop systems, like putting a big stuffed animal in the car seat when the baby isn't there and the front seat when the baby is there, or always putting their purse or briefcase or phone next to the baby, because that is how our minds and memories work. Acknowledging that we are all human and our minds our not perfect will do more to prevent these tragedies than anything else. Car seat alarms should also be pursued.

    ETA: As a kid I never talked to my parents in the car, because cars have always put me to sleep. If I couldn't sleep they'd drive me around and I would almost instantly go to sleep. It doesn't necessarily have to be early in the morning for a baby or child to be sleeping. Even now, if I'm a passenger in a car, I'm probably sleeping of fighting sleep.


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  8. #28
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    There but for the grace of god goes anyone.

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifest...a52_story.html

    These incidents increased when it was required to put babies in the back seat. There are alarms available that will sound when a car is shut off with the car seat occupied. These should be mandatory.
    "Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain" ~Friedrich Schiller


    6 members found this post helpful.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by fordtraktor View Post
    I don't see any blasé attitudes. If anyone had noticed these children they would have been saved. Nobody willfully ignored them in favor of their work day or shopping list or phone, they were forgotten. And nobody thinks it is not a big deal either. I see nothing but horror in any of these posts.
    I don't see blasé attitudes either. I see people who realize that given the right circumstances and without active prevention every single time, it could happen to anyone. Yes, it won't happen to us....until it does.
    Join the Clinton 2016 campaign...Hillary For America. https://www.hillaryclinton.com/


    8 members found this post helpful.

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by ezduzit View Post
    I can say with authority, I never once forgot my child. I'm understand that it happens to some people. What I have a hard time understanding is the blase attitude towards it. Why aren't people screaming for other people to WAKE UP...YOU HAVE YOUR CHILD WITH YOU. Nothing else matters...not your work day; not your shopping list; not a phone call or a text. Nothing else matters.

    That's what I don't understand.
    Wow, it must be nice to be so perfect so as to never forget anything.


    8 members found this post helpful.

  11. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by fordtraktor View Post
    I don't see any blasé attitudes. If anyone had noticed these children they would have been saved. Nobody willfully ignored them in favor of their work day or shopping list or phone, they were forgotten. And nobody thinks it is not a big deal either. I see nothing but horror in any of these posts.
    But, then there's the thread from a couple of weeks ago in which many posted they wouldn't alert authorities if they saw a child left alone in a car.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  12. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by ezduzit View Post
    I can say with authority, I never once forgot my child. I'm understand that it happens to some people. What I have a hard time understanding is the blase attitude towards it. Why aren't people screaming for other people to WAKE UP...YOU HAVE YOUR CHILD WITH YOU. Nothing else matters...not your work day; not your shopping list; not a phone call or a text. Nothing else matters.

    That's what I don't understand.
    What I see you suggesting is that nothing else should be on a parent's mind when his or her child is in the car with them. In a perfect world, yes. In the real world, what you're suggesting simply isn't realistic. Yes, even with your child in the car, other things DO matter. They don't matter more than the child, obviously, but they matter. People DO have jobs and other kids and other responsbilities to be mindful of, and our brains are not perfect. We all forget things. Our minds wander, or we operate on auto-pilot. Most of the time when this happens, the consequences are inconvenient, not catastrophic. That's what you don't seem to understand -- that when a child is left in a car, it's often a function of our brains working the way they normally do, 95 percent of the time with no earth-shattering consequences.

    A dead child is a mercifully rare example of when the consequences are utterly devastating.
    Your future is created by what you do today, not tomorrow.


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  13. #33
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    It's interesting that some people take active, intentional measures- they put their purse next to the baby in the back seat or something to remind of the baby in the front seat or on their key chain... Because they recognize how easy it would be to be distracted and forget the kid.

    Stating you've never forgotten your kid is not a claim at perfection or that you've never forgotten 'anything'. It's a statement of fact [or fact to this date].
    Why the snark at those who share the common thought that 'those people' are somehow different than 'us'?
    That very thought process, that those who do forget their kids are somehow different, is part of this problem. Snark doesn't help solve it though.
    Yo/Yousolong April 23rd, 1985- April 15th, 2014

    http://notesfromadogwalker.com/2012/...m-a-sanctuary/


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  14. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Windsor1 View Post
    What I see you suggesting is that nothing else should be on a parent's mind when his or her child is in the car with them. In a perfect world, yes. In the real world, what you're suggesting simply isn't realistic. Yes, even with your child in the car, other things DO matter. They don't matter more than the child, obviously, but they matter. People DO have jobs and other kids and other responsbilities to be mindful of, and our brains are not perfect. We all forget things. Our minds wander, or we operate on auto-pilot. Most of the time when this happens, the consequences are inconvenient, not catastrophic. That's what you don't seem to understand -- that when a child is left in a car, it's often a function of our brains working the way they normally do, 95 percent of the time with no earth-shattering consequences.

    A dead child is a mercifully rare example of when the consequences are utterly devastating.
    I try to compartmentalize my 'responsibilities'.
    When I am doing task 1, I focus on task 1.
    It's not a perfect 'trick' and I'm not perfect, there are events occurring in our lives all the time that take over our minds and our focus... but I strive to be better tomorrow than I am today.

    I think that is what people are suggesting when they share that they can't comprehend... or their tricks to 'remember'.
    Yes this could happen to any of us. Yes it's rare.
    The question is how do we make it even less likely?
    Put the cell phone down. Maybe. Focus on the task at hand instead of multitasking. Maybe.

    That's not a suggestion that those options will eliminate the incidence, but could it reduce them?
    Yo/Yousolong April 23rd, 1985- April 15th, 2014

    http://notesfromadogwalker.com/2012/...m-a-sanctuary/


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  15. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by ser42 View Post
    But, then there's the thread from a couple of weeks ago in which many posted they wouldn't alert authorities if they saw a child left alone in a car.
    What?? I must've missed that thread.

    Heck, if I see a dog left in a car in hot weather I enter the nearest building yelling "who left their dachshund in the yellow Toyota out front?!" at the top of my lungs. And half the time, some other nosey old biddie has beaten me to it and the embarrassed owner's already on his/her way out the door. If I don't get a response, I call the police, cause this is against the law where I live.

    So I'm having a real hard time figuring out how people wouldn't say anything if they saw a child left alone in a hot car.

    I can understand how it's easy for passersby to miss seeing a child, though, if it's sleeping or unconscious. But to see it and say nothing? Nope, don't get it.

    I think that article was incredibly scary. I don't have kids, but my brother has 3, so I have an idea of how stressful it can be getting kids where they need to go while both parents are also trying to work outside the home. I totally get how this can happen to people. I can't imagine how they get past it.


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  16. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by pAin't_Misbehavin' View Post
    What?? I must've missed that thread.

    Heck, if I see a dog left in a car in hot weather I enter the nearest building yelling "who left their dachshund in the yellow Toyota out front?!" at the top of my lungs. And half the time, some other nosey old biddie has beaten me to it and the embarrassed owner's already on his/her way out the door. If I don't get a response, I call the police, cause this is against the law where I live.

    So I'm having a real hard time figuring out how people wouldn't say anything if they saw a child left alone in a hot car.

    I can understand how it's easy for passersby to miss seeing a child, though, if it's sleeping or unconscious. But to see it and say nothing? Nope, don't get it.

    I think that article was incredibly scary. I don't have kids, but my brother has 3, so I have an idea of how stressful it can be getting kids where they need to go while both parents are also trying to work outside the home. I totally get how this can happen to people. I can't imagine how they get past it.
    It was an off-shoot of the original topic, and the scenario wasn't on a hot day, but still.... here's the link:

    http://www.chronofhorse.com/forum/sh...ld-walk-a-mile



  17. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by ser42 View Post
    But, then there's the thread from a couple of weeks ago in which many posted they wouldn't alert authorities if they saw a child left alone in a car.
    I will start by saying I didn't read that thread. If I stop at the local convience store where you run in for three minutes and it isn't too hot out I would not alert authorities if I saw a child safely restrained in the car.
    I would not alert authorities if I saw an 8 year old locked in the Wal-mart parking lot happily playing an electronic device- if it wasn't too hot/cold out.

    Would I report an unattended child in the parking lot at work, the casino, when it is hot, when the toddler is up and could knock the car out of gear? Sure I would.
    For me the not reporting versus reporting is situational. I do not believe that every child left alone in a car every single time is reportable. I am sure my mom left me in the car to go pay for gas before credit cards were accepted at the pump, I am sure she left me in the driveway for a minute or two to run back in the house for something she forgot. I am sure I was left in the car while my mom returned the shopping cart before there were cart corrals.

    If the child is safely contained in a child seat or seat belt, parent has the keys, car is locked and parent is out of sight for a minute or two I don't view that as a big deal. (Depending on the neighborhood, weather and child).

    There are probably greater dangers in the child's own home when they are out of sight. As a three year old I unlocked and opened the back door, stood on a chair to unlatch to pool gate and jumped in the pool while my mom went into the next room to answer the corded phone. She heard the splash and I could doggie paddle so all was good. I was out of sight for about 120 seconds, but I didn't want to wait to go for my promised swim.

    Pools, steps, dressers not secured to the wall, cords for window blinds, etc... are probably a more common and bigger danger to most children that being left in the car for two minutes when it isn't hot.

    I keep mentioning the casino since this has been an ongoing local problem of a parent leaving a child in the car for hours in the local racetrack casino parking lot to go in an gamble.
    Oh, well, clearly you're not thoroughly indoctrinated to COTH yet, because finger pointing and drawing conclusions are the cornerstones of this great online community. (Tidy Rabbit)


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  18. #38
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    I do not know of my sister-in-law or brother taking active measures to not forget their children, and do not know them to have ever forgotten a child in the car.

    However - my niece (the eldest) would be a very difficult child to forget. Even as an infant, unless it was her nap time, she would constantly talk/make noise. Really hard to forget where she is as she is hanging out in the back seat "chatting" away, even as an infant and unable to talk.

    My nephew, I can see him being forgotten because he is much more quiet, however he very rarely goes anywhere without his big sister and she plays with him in the car a lot and never forgets her little brother, sitting right next to her.

    The only time my nephew goes somewhere without his big sister is on the weekends when the kids end up split up because niece is going to dance, then a birthday party and nephew stays at home with other parent.

    All the "forgotten child" stories in the article are related to going to or coming home from work (only one story was coming home from work). So, the parent that forgets their child in innocence is likely stressed from work, possibly over tired, etc. This effects how well the brain is functioning. I have been there and forgotten work papers/cell phones/etc. Not having any kids, I don't forget them in cars.

    It seems the children left at the mall/stores are more likely (though not always) neglectful parents.


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  19. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by SonnysMom View Post
    I will start by saying I didn't read that thread. If I stop at the local convience store where you run in for three minutes and it isn't too hot out I would not alert authorities if I saw a child safely restrained in the car.
    I would not alert authorities if I saw an 8 year old locked in the Wal-mart parking lot happily playing an electronic device- if it wasn't too hot/cold out.

    Would I report an unattended child in the parking lot at work, the casino, when it is hot, when the toddler is up and could knock the car out of gear? Sure I would.
    For me the not reporting versus reporting is situational. I do not believe that every child left alone in a car every single time is reportable. I am sure my mom left me in the car to go pay for gas before credit cards were accepted at the pump, I am sure she left me in the driveway for a minute or two to run back in the house for something she forgot. I am sure I was left in the car while my mom returned the shopping cart before there were cart corrals.

    If the child is safely contained in a child seat or seat belt, parent has the keys, car is locked and parent is out of sight for a minute or two I don't view that as a big deal. (Depending on the neighborhood, weather and child).

    There are probably greater dangers in the child's own home when they are out of sight. As a three year old I unlocked and opened the back door, stood on a chair to unlatch to pool gate and jumped in the pool while my mom went into the next room to answer the corded phone. She heard the splash and I could doggie paddle so all was good. I was out of sight for about 120 seconds, but I didn't want to wait to go for my promised swim.

    Pools, steps, dressers not secured to the wall, cords for window blinds, etc... are probably a more common and bigger danger to most children that being left in the car for two minutes when it isn't hot.

    I keep mentioning the casino since this has been an ongoing local problem of a parent leaving a child in the car for hours in the local racetrack casino parking lot to go in an gamble.
    Pretty much.

    HUGE difference between forgetting an infant in the car for 8 hours and locking the doors to the car, where a kid is occupied with playing on an iPad, while you run into the store for three minutes on a cool, cloudy day.


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  20. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by ser42 View Post
    But, then there's the thread from a couple of weeks ago in which many posted they wouldn't alert authorities if they saw a child left alone in a car.
    If you're referring to the thread I think you are, there's a radical difference between a baby strapped in a carseat and an awake, alert pre-schooler playing on an iPad. The person that alerted authorities on that mom saw her interact with her son and watched her then walk into the store. And rather than observing the situation, in which mom returned in just a couple minutes minutes, they called it in immediately. Wholly. Different. Scenario.
    Jer 29: 11-13


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