The Chronicle of the Horse
MagazineNewsHorse SportsHorse CareCOTH StoreVoicesThe Chronicle UntackedDirectoriesMarketplaceDates & Results
 
Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 20 of 63
  1. #1
    Join Date
    May. 30, 2004
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    421

    Default 'You Don't Know How I Feel'

    (Disclaimer: this is mostly just for me to get this off the brain)

    I was hanging out with a guy friend the other night. We were at Best Buy getting some adapter I needed for the tv and we were idly chatting about something. The topic of phone calls came up, about how no one in our generation (mid - late 20's) really calls anyone any more. I said the only phone calls I get are business related and then joked that none of my friends love me (since all I get are texts from them). His response: 'You don't know how I feel.' (said in a kinda joking / kinda serious tone).

    What?!? O_o

    I don't know what that means. Lol. We do not have a strictly plutonic relationship, but we are just friends. He has a girlfriend and while there is a major attraction between us (there's no point in denying it) there's nothing going on. We hang out, enjoy each others company, play video games, play pool, go to the shooting range. I do admit that we flirt, a lot. Its just natural with him and I; we've done so since meeting 2 years ago. We have never discussed 'feelings' or anything of the like because, simply put, I'm not good at that and neither is he. So, help me stop freaking out about this so things can go back to normal. Tell me he was just joking. Or just ignore this post, that's ok too . Geeze, I feel like I'm 10 years old again! And have no idea why this threw me for a loop.
    If you really think about it, what can you blame on a horse?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec. 16, 2008
    Posts
    458

    Default

    I sympathize with feeling 10 years old. I am in a sort of similar relationship and feel the same way. BTW, I hope you two are not really in a PLUtonic relationship! That could have explosive possibilities! Or be very cold indeed!

    Maybe he was saying he identifies with you? Sort of like someone else might say, in the same sort of tone, "I know how you feel!"?

    I might have said, in his same kinda joking/kinda serious tone, "How DO you feel, buddy?" or maybe "Tell me about it." Or maybe both.
    Rack on!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2007
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    43,103

    Default

    Pluto, the Disney dog or the planet?

    This is 2014, last I looked and I know for many, anything goes, but maybe you ought to clear the air there a bit about his girlfriend before playing around.
    Just think how you would feel if you were his girlfriend and someone else was flirting on another planet with him?


    14 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb. 20, 2010
    Location
    All 'round Canadia
    Posts
    5,965

    Default

    Doesn't matter how he feels, he's in a relationship (and probably tells her to quit being suspicious, you're just a friend). If he ever becomes serious about pursuing whatever hypothetical feelings he has towards you, he should ditch her first. Otherwise he's an a-hole and not worth your time as a friend or anything else.
    Proud Member Of The Lady Mafia


    22 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec. 16, 2008
    Posts
    458

    Default

    The other two replies you've received have started me thinking, maybe all he gets from his girlfriend are "business calls" (telling him what to do, wear, etc.) and texts. Maybe he is looking for sympathy from you, his buddy? Just a thought ...
    Rack on!



  6. #6
    Join Date
    May. 30, 2004
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    421

    Default

    Ha! That's what I get for posting from my phone. We have been friends longer than they have been together and she has seen our 'flirting' first hand as we all used to work together (same department, same shift). What her feelings towards our friendship are, I don't know. We don't hang out and aren't friends. It wouldn't surprise me if she doesn't like it, can't blame her - but at the same time, I've known him longer and am not willing to give up the friendship over any jealousy on her part. If he decided to end it for her sake, I would understand and respect that, but he has given no indication of doing so. If things were to "progress" between us I would absolutely make sure he had ended things with her first. Not sure I want anything to happen though, I like our friendship the way it is as we are comfortable with each other and don't let 'feelings' get in the way if anything. Which is why I had to get that one comment off the brain by posting here.
    If you really think about it, what can you blame on a horse?



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan. 12, 2014
    Posts
    111

    Default

    I'm intrigued. Did he say, "YOU don't know how I feel," or "You don't know how I feel."


    1 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May. 30, 2004
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    421

    Default

    Triplethreat, if I recall correctly, he put more emphasis on the 'you.' So, option number one.
    If you really think about it, what can you blame on a horse?



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2007
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    43,103

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Taken By Storm View Post
    Ha! That's what I get for posting from my phone. We have been friends longer than they have been together and she has seen our 'flirting' first hand as we all used to work together (same department, same shift). What her feelings towards our friendship are, I don't know. We don't hang out and aren't friends. It wouldn't surprise me if she doesn't like it, can't blame her - but at the same time, I've known him longer and am not willing to give up the friendship over any jealousy on her part. If he decided to end it for her sake, I would understand and respect that, but he has given no indication of doing so. If things were to "progress" between us I would absolutely make sure he had ended things with her first. Not sure I want anything to happen though, I like our friendship the way it is as we are comfortable with each other and don't let 'feelings' get in the way if anything. Which is why I had to get that one comment off the brain by posting here.
    Long ago, we used to call that situation "playing with fire" and warn someone was going to get burned.


    18 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan. 12, 2014
    Posts
    111

    Default

    Sounds to me like he was just teasing you. As in, "Hey who are you to tell me I don't?!"


    1 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    May. 30, 2004
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    421

    Default

    Bluey, I would agree but it is a situation where I don't feel I should be responsible for making her feel comfortable about her relationship with her boyfriend. And like I said, if he were to step back because of her feelings, I would respect that. This is purely a situation where recent feelings of lonliness on my part caused me to take a simple comment out of context (in that, I recently ended a relationship and am in the post-relationship slump of 'no one will ever love me!' variety. Lol). Which is why I posted here vs going crazy girl on the guy. I enjoy our friendship and won't give it up unless asked and don't want to jeopardize it by inadvertly changing the dynamic by bringing in a talk about 'feelings' (For the record, the girlfriend has never approached me about being uncomfortable with our friendship despite opportunies to do so).
    If you really think about it, what can you blame on a horse?



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jul. 7, 2013
    Posts
    101

    Default

    My thoughts are very similar to Bluey and Coanteen. Just because you have known him longer does not mean you get dibs on him over his romantic partner. To flirt with an individual that you know is in a relationship is disrespectful. It is a pretty safe assumption that you like him. Or have at least entertained romantic feelings for him. Otherwise his comment would not cause such a response from you.

    I think Bluey summarized very well. You're "playing with fire" and teetering on inappropriate conduct. I think it might be time to level with him or back off and let him tend to his romantic partner.


    16 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Mar. 11, 2007
    Location
    Montana
    Posts
    5,719

    Default

    He's just still flirting-nothing more.

    ETA by which I mean he hasn't had some change of heart. I think it's in poor taste for the two of you to be flirting if he's in a relationship.
    Last edited by cowboymom; Jun. 17, 2014 at 01:14 AM.
    “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey


    5 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jul. 7, 2013
    Posts
    101

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Taken By Storm View Post
    Bluey, I would agree but it is a situation where I don't feel I should be responsible for making her feel comfortable about her relationship with her boyfriend.
    This is interesting. As a friend to HIM, wouldn't you want to be a friend to his relationship? Which would mean respecting his partner, right? Your responses come off very territorial with this guy and his girlfriend.


    14 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Nov. 24, 2010
    Posts
    731

    Default

    I think it "threw you for a loop" because you have feelings for him, and, as you say, you're not good at discussing feelings, not even on COTH! And there's nothing wrong with that.

    Maybe he has feelings for you and he's not good at discussing feelings either.

    You say your relationship is not strictly platonic, but that there's nothing going on. That sounds confusing to me. If it's not platonic, there's something going on.

    TheLily asked, as a a friend to him wouldn't you want to be a friend to his relationship? What if it's not a good relationship to him? If it were, would he be spending so much time hanging out with you? Would he be flirting with you?

    She's his girlfriend, not his wife or fiancee.

    Since he said that as long ago as the other night, why not just let it go? Rather than bring it up again and reminding him of it (he may already have forgotten he ever said it), just go on as before and if it comes up again, then you can ask him what he means (in a not-too-serious way).

    Who knows? Maybe he meant that you don't know how he feels about you and how he feels is that he loves you! (Since you told him no one does.)
    RoanPonyMare


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    May. 30, 2004
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    421

    Default

    Not really territorial, I am just of the mindset that people outside the relationship are not responsible for the feelings of those in the relationship. And what I mean by that is, it is not my responsibility to make sure she is comfortable with me - we are not friends and don't have a lot in common. We (the girl friend and I) knew each other before she entered the relationship with him, she new the nature of our friendship, she has made no attempt to befriend me, and has said nothing to me about being uncomfortable or otherwise about my friendship with him. If she did or if he came to me and said she was uncomfortable then at that point I would take the step back and either dial down the friendship or walk away depending on we decided was best. However, until then I won't give up one of the few friends I have as I don't make friends easily.

    TheLily - I won't say I haven't entertained the idea of a relationship with him, I have been honest that our friendship is not entirely innocent. I don't think many male/female relationships are strictly platonic (ha, spelled it right that time . I think it's natural for any male/female relationship that is built on common interests to tend towards attraction to each other. But at the same time, he and I are good friends and have been for a long time - and I don't intend on ruining that. We are fully capable of 'keeping it in our pants' so to speak.

    This has obviously been blown out of proportion a little bit. It was honestly just me getting the comment off the brain because I was having a personal pity party for myself over the weekend because of a recent break up. It was just one of those comments that threw me for a loop for whatever odd ball reason - probably me missing my relationship and the inkling of an idea that someone else might want to be with me (not him specifically, just another male in general) as I tend to have low self esteem when it comes to dating. Probably should have put that in the first post. Lol
    If you really think about it, what can you blame on a horse?



  17. #17
    Join Date
    May. 30, 2004
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    421

    Default

    RPM - when I say it's not platonic, I mean the flirting and obvious attraction. And no, I am not good about talking about my feelings. When it comes to this guy I try not to let myself think about it at all, I just let things be, because he is in a relationship. And I won't be bringing it up, as I don't see a reason to drag anything out and 'discuss' lol. I truly do like the friendship the way it is. And I'll pretend I didn't read your last paragraph, don't need the confusing thoughts mixing signals the next time I hang out with him!! Oy, seriously, it's like being a preteen all over again and you guys are my group of girl friends I am sneaking off to talk about boys!!

    Thanks, everyone, for being a sounding board!! This forum is great!
    If you really think about it, what can you blame on a horse?



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jun. 27, 2002
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    5,214

    Default

    When I was single, I personally would never have considered someone who was involved with someone yet flirting with me. That says a lot about him. What happens when you get involved with him and the next attraction comes along? He doesn't take his commitments seriously. It doesn't matter how serious he is with the girlfriend....he has some level of commitment to her that he does not take seriously. I have zero respect for a person who behaves as he is and a similar level of respect for someone who would knowingly flirt with a person who is taken. Tacky.

    If he really wants to be with you he'll break it off with her, but if he doesn't, then he isn't serious about a relationship with you either. Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too.


    8 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2007
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    43,103

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Taken By Storm View Post
    RPM - when I say it's not platonic, I mean the flirting and obvious attraction. And no, I am not good about talking about my feelings. When it comes to this guy I try not to let myself think about it at all, I just let things be, because he is in a relationship. And I won't be bringing it up, as I don't see a reason to drag anything out and 'discuss' lol. I truly do like the friendship the way it is. And I'll pretend I didn't read your last paragraph, don't need the confusing thoughts mixing signals the next time I hang out with him!! Oy, seriously, it's like being a preteen all over again and you guys are my group of girl friends I am sneaking off to talk about boys!!

    Thanks, everyone, for being a sounding board!! This forum is great!
    Both of you are young and learning as you go along.

    I think you will do fine sorting this out, because you do stop and think, heck, even come here to ask and get more ideas.

    To consider where we are in life and how we feel and what else we may be missing and where to go from this is an excellent platform to learn about ourselves and try to figure everyone else.

    It would not hurt, if the opportunity comes, to talk about how he and you feel about your friendship and clear the air.
    Don't be surprised if he too doesn't quite know what he wants and how he feels.

    Good luck figuring all this out and remember, feeling like a ten year old may happen at any age and at times, it is ok, on any planet we may be.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jul. 26, 2007
    Posts
    878

    Default

    The guy is dating this other girl. Dating. Not owned by. It doesn't say they're living together, and even if they are, if he wants to go out with his friends, male or female, he is a) entitled, and b) kudos to his girlfriend for not getting all worked up about it, as far as we know, and c) kudos to him for not giving up his long-time friends just because now he has a girlfriend.

    I personally think he was just joking around, just running with the flirting game, and it maybe came out wrong or you were just extremely sensitive to it. Or, maybe Home Depot brings out the pheromones for you. :-) But I am going to say it was just light banter, and even if it weren't, I would treat it as such and let it go, as you do other harmless flirty banter, until such time as either of you want to risk taking it further.

    Of course it is not wrong for you to flirt casually with a long-time friend who, as far as you know, knows you're both just joking around. And as someone in her 50s, I would say that if someone is in theirs 20s, hanging out with friends, male and female, and sometimes getting to know the non-engaged/married ones in different (safe) ways is exactly what someone in their 20s is supposed to be doing.

    It is also not your job to worry about the girlfriend's feelings. Don't try to steal a guy/girl from someone and be respectful and sensitive to others' feelings, of course, but again, it's his girlfriend. It's not his spouse. We don't know if their relationship is solid as a rock, or already on the rocks due to their own dynamic. She is a grown-up and can make her own relationship decisions; their relationship is about them. It's not your business. Just treat other people as you would like to be treated yourself, and that's all you're responsible for.

    And have fun. There will be relationships in your life that, while wonderful and totally worth it, may sometimes require alot of work. Don't rush the "work" part. :-)


    2 members found this post helpful.

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 27
    Last Post: Oct. 16, 2013, 12:27 AM
  2. How would you feel?
    By jumper.jump in forum Hunter/Jumper
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: Jan. 14, 2013, 04:54 PM
  3. Now I KNOW how they feel....
    By shawneeAcres in forum Horse Care
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: Jun. 18, 2011, 07:01 PM
  4. How would you feel if...
    By Catersun in forum Off Course
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: Dec. 3, 2010, 08:16 PM
  5. I feel that I just have to say it....
    By arena run in forum Off Course
    Replies: 48
    Last Post: Jul. 15, 2009, 02:26 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
randomness