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  1. #21
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    Aug. 2, 2004
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    Well, all the police insults aside, yes, go ahead and call.

    Restraining orders aren't worthless. Right now, he texts you, he may or may not be charged with harassment. I can tell you that here, if you called me with just your information, I'd recommend an order and recommend blocking his number through your cell provider. Maybe give him a courtesy call that you've contacted LE, and tell him to cease and desist or he's flirting with a harassment charge. With an order, he texts you and bam, he's going to be charged with violating the order. And judges don't like it when their orders are violated. A harassment or etc charge, he can argue that you led him on, or what have you, but an order is clear cut. The judge says thou shalt not, and they mean it.

    How much about your life does this guy know? Obviously he knows what school you attend, does he know your class schedule? What you look like? That you take a train? Does he know where you live or work or keep your horse? How did you two connect?? How did he get your number? Have you ever met in person before?
    COTH's official mini-donk enabler

    "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl


    11 members found this post helpful.

  2. #22
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    Feb. 22, 2009
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    Wisconsin
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    2,726

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    Restraining orders don't keep people away BUT they give the police the ability to arrest and prosicute the person who stalks or assaults you. Call the cops. Get a restraining order so that when the guy snaps there is more that you can do legality wise.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  3. #23
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    Mar. 23, 2005
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    SF Bay Area
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    Quote Originally Posted by SAcres View Post
    Never met this guy in person, but he's telling me he's in love with me and he will "wait two years until I come around"..
    How did he get your name and phone number? a dating site? or somehow else?

    (and I agree with others who say to take this seriously and talk to the police)


    5 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
    Join Date
    May. 4, 2008
    Location
    Virginia
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    Where are you? Close enough to NOVA to come stay in my fully finished/furnished basement with bath/bed/kitchenette/seperate entrance until you can get enough on this guy to get him out of your life for good? Seriously, you need to listen to what your God given fear response is telling you and make sure you get clear of this asap! Change your number, change your address, and get a restraining order. Also tell everyone around you what is going on and what this guy looks like so they can be looking out for you too. If you aren't comfortable carrying personal protection like mace, get comfortable with it. Or even a taser. You only get one chqnce at this before you become that person speaking at events about listening to your gut. Please don't wait a moment longer to start making changes!
    Sorry to see xtranormal is gone
    For funnies, search youtube for horseyninjawarrior!

    http://www.gofundme.com/pancreatitis


    7 members found this post helpful.

  5. #25
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    Mar. 19, 2010
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    332

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    Quote Originally Posted by SAcres View Post
    I have records of everything. All of this has mainly happened through text. I never answer his calls.

    I don't want to overreact to this, he has never threatened me or anything like that, he is just way too attached.

    I don't want to get him in any sort of trouble with the cops because really he has never actually "done" anything, he is just delusional.

    I'm 21, hes a little older, a few years…23-24 I think. School is college. But he could easily get on campus, my school is small, only one main building, so it would be super easy for him to find me. He couldn't actually get into the school, but with one exit/entrance, it would be easy to run into him.

    I will call the police…non-emergency line, and ask what they recommend. He lives far enough away, at least an hour, so I don't think I'm in any immediate danger of him randomly showing up.

    I honestly don't know how I did this, I was very clear that no relationship was ever going to happen, I have been ignoring him, etc. But when he starts going on about showing up so we can talk, I usually respond because I really don't want that to happen. I feel so bad because I'm sure I led him on, gave him mixed signals, something.
    OH FOR F*%#S SERIOUSLY! You Feel Bad because you must have done something?!
    Haul yourself into this century, slap yourself upside the head for being so fricking stupid and stop taking responsibility for some jerkwad.
    Get your butt down to the cop shop pronto and put a stop to this nonsense.

    *I'm making it as plain as I can because OP you seems to think there is a possibility of mixed signals in text conversations.... I don't want to seem ambiguous


    10 members found this post helpful.

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
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    Packing my bags
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    Some guys are lead on if you don't tell them NO with a sledge hammer.

    'I must have led him on', that's the way to get yourself talked into being a victim!

    You have gotten some good advice! it's nothing you did, besides the failure to see the need to kick him in the shins the first time.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bristol Bay View Post
    Try setting your broomstick to fly at a lower altitude.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  7. #27
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    Jun. 24, 2005
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    Alabama
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    9,518

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    The Jenners and others on here are exactly right. Get a spine, and stop trying to make excuses. Tell him to stop bothering you, tell him never to contact you, then take everything printed out, and go see the police. Getting a paper trail is the first step, and telling him to stop is important. He's bothering you, and he's creepy, don't be a statistic or end up on some TV show about crime. Keep safety, and protect yourself. We are all taught to be too nice to people, stop worrying about his feelings, and stop him now.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  8. #28
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    Feb. 1, 2012
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    Vermont
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreamwalker View Post
    OH FOR F*%#S SERIOUSLY! You Feel Bad because you must have done something?!
    Haul yourself into this century, slap yourself upside the head for being so fricking stupid and stop taking responsibility for some jerkwad.
    Get your butt down to the cop shop pronto and put a stop to this nonsense.

    *I'm making it as plain as I can because OP you seems to think there is a possibility of mixed signals in text conversations.... I don't want to seem ambiguous
    This.

    You are gambling with YOUR LIFE here. You may not think so right now, but this could get ugly in the blink of an eye.
    "If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple payments..."



  9. #29

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    Like everyone else says. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You cannot control someone else's actions. This is the guy's fault for not taking no for an answer (it's unfortunate, but many guys are taught that if they just keep pushing a girl eventually she'll realize she really wants to be with you and say yes. Look at any romcom).

    This guy has already proven he doesn't care about what you want. Changing your phone number is a good start, making sure everyone who knows you knows that you're cutting this guy out of your life and that he is a problem is also a good start. Getting a police report cannot hurt, nor can getting a restraining order. That's what they're there for.

    Stop answering his texts until you change your number. Don't engage with him at all.

    And remember, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT AND YOU SHOULDN'T FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS.
    The Trials and Jubilations of a Twenty-Something Re-rider
    Happy owner of Kieran the mostly-white-very-large-not-pony.



  10. #30
    Join Date
    Mar. 8, 2009
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    Montreal, Qc
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    Quote Originally Posted by SAcres View Post
    I don't want to overreact to this, he has never threatened me or anything like that, he is just way too attached.
    No. He is crazy.

    Yes, he did threatened you. Because of HIM, you are scared. HE is putting you in a weird situation. HE is making you feel bad, anxious and scared. HE makes sure you can't ignore him, even if that's what you want.

    No one is allowed to make you feel scared.

    I'm trying not to let this get to me but its getting to be too much and I'm getting nervous.
    And with good reasons! The situation he's putting you through is NOT normal.

    I don't want to get him in any sort of trouble with the cops because really he has never actually "done" anything, he is just delusional.
    Yes, HE is ''doing'' something. HE is annoying you. HE is not listening to you. HE is treathening you to come visit you when you expressively told him you don't want to see/talk to him.

    HIS delusional state is HIS problem, not yours. HE is crazy and you shouldn't have to suffer from it.


    I will call the police…non-emergency line, and ask what they recommend. He lives far enough away, at least an hour, so I don't think I'm in any immediate danger of him randomly showing up.
    Please do so.

    Maybe not in an immediate danger, but an hour drive is not that long...for a crazy stalker.


    I feel so bad because I'm sure I led him on, gave him mixed signals, something.
    NO YOU DIDN'T. The only mixed signals HE gets are from HIS sick delusional brain. NO YOUR FAULT.

    (and really, even if you did - which I don't believe you did -...you are now saying NO.) (It is like a woman who gets beaten and says it must be her fault...)


    4 members found this post helpful.

  11. #31
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    Nov. 2, 2001
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    Quote Originally Posted by alibi_18 View Post
    No. He is crazy.

    Yes, he did threatened you. Because of HIM, you are scared. HE is putting you in a weird situation. HE is making you feel bad, anxious and scared. HE makes sure you can't ignore him, even if that's what you want.

    No one is allowed to make you feel scared.


    And with good reasons! The situation he's putting you through is NOT normal.



    Yes, HE is ''doing'' something. HE is annoying you. HE is not listening to you. HE is treathening you to come visit you when you expressively told him you don't want to see/talk to him.

    HIS delusional state is HIS problem, not yours. HE is crazy and you shouldn't have to suffer from it.




    Please do so.

    Maybe not in an immediate danger, but an hour drive is not that long...for a crazy stalker.




    NO YOU DIDN'T. The only mixed signals HE gets are from HIS sick delusional brain. NO YOUR FAULT.

    (and really, even if you did - which I don't believe you did -...you are now saying NO.) (It is like a woman who gets beaten and says it must be her fault...)
    quoted for emphasis.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bristol Bay View Post
    Try setting your broomstick to fly at a lower altitude.



  12. #32
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    Sep. 20, 2009
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    703

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    Quote Originally Posted by alibi_18 View Post
    No. He is crazy.

    Yes, he did threatened you. Because of HIM, you are scared. HE is putting you in a weird situation. HE is making you feel bad, anxious and scared. HE makes sure you can't ignore him, even if that's what you want.

    No one is allowed to make you feel scared.


    And with good reasons! The situation he's putting you through is NOT normal.



    Yes, HE is ''doing'' something. HE is annoying you. HE is not listening to you. HE is treathening you to come visit you when you expressively told him you don't want to see/talk to him.

    HIS delusional state is HIS problem, not yours. HE is crazy and you shouldn't have to suffer from it.




    Please do so.

    Maybe not in an immediate danger, but an hour drive is not that long...for a crazy stalker.




    NO YOU DIDN'T. The only mixed signals HE gets are from HIS sick delusional brain. NO YOUR FAULT.

    (and really, even if you did - which I don't believe you did -...you are now saying NO.) (It is like a woman who gets beaten and says it must be her fault...)



    All of this. You told him no clearly enough that he has said what he'd do if his calls were blocked. That is NOT giving mixed signals and not being unclear. That is not leading him on. This is not your fault.

    A lot of people seem to feel that if a woman is clear enough and strong enough and tough enough, she'll never have an issue with a stalker/attacker/rapist/creepy man/abusive boyfriend. That's not true. Guys can be creepy, stalker jerks even if you clearly say NO. It sounds like you have. It's time for the next step.

    I'd tell your friends/RAs/campus security/professors/etc that there's a guy who you've told NO and who has threatened to show up and that you are afraid. Ask them to warn you if they see some guy looking for you and walk with others as often as you can.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  13. #33
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    Sep. 8, 2011
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    439

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    Quote Originally Posted by Guin View Post
    Grow a vagina and STOP RESPONDING. Call your cell provider and block his texts and calls. All you are doing is encouraging him! Go to the police and campus security with printouts of all his past messages and a photo of him if you have one.
    If he's really off the rails ignoring him won't be enough. When I was in my 20s I lived in Baltimore, in a center city row house Out washing my car curbside one morning and an older guy came by and said something to the effect I was doing a good job. I laughed, said thanks and didn't think anything else of it. Except he started drifting by every Saturday morning. And afternoon. And evening. After exchanging casual conversation with him a couple of times I started getting the definite oogies and began going back inside whenever he showed up, without talking to him. So he started showing up at night, and early Sunday morning, banging on my door and asking me if I wanted to have breakfast or whatever with him. At one point I met him at the door holding the collar on my 90# German Shepard, who was on her hind legs and barking like she meant it. I told him to get off my porch and quit bugging me or the next time I'd let the dog go. Didn't stop him. And did I mention that I lived literally a block from a local police station? It took me and my neighbors (also in their 20s) MONTHS to figure out who this guy was. I didn't know his name, where he lived, what he drove and this predated cell phone/digital cameras so I couldn't even get a picture of him. In the meantime he tried to break into my house, DID get into the house by walking in right behind my visiting little sister one day (thankfully he was confused by her presence and he left without doing anything), left footprints all around the back alley doorway etc. Thank God for the dog, because he was afraid of her. In the meantime I kept a log of all the 'appearances'. Finally we got lucky and my neighbor saw his license plate. I went out the back door straight to the police station and was lucky because MD has just passed their stalker law, so they were able to pick him up on that. Turned out this guy had a long history of mental issues. During our hearing the judge ordered him evaluated and he went bonkers. Baltimore PD put a plainclothes policeman on the corner of my block for a couple of days. I do think they were able to confine him because I didn't see him again for several years, but he was eventually released because I saw him driving downtown one time.

    My advice: take your 'log' to the police. Not the campus police, the city police. They will work with the campus police if they need to. If he's not a student the campus police may not be effective. Do NOT return calls, texts, emails etc. Try to make sure that you have friends with you or are on your cell phone with someone when you travel in areas where you think he knows you will be. Don't go anywhere without someone knowing what time you are expected to arrive and who they should call if you don't show up. And above all, do NOT feel like you need to 'let him down gently' or 'be nice'. I'm a well-mannered person and that completely backfired for me. Stop the communications and if he persists, inform him that you are going to the police and will let them take it from there. If that threat doesn't stop him cold, you really are dealing with a whole different kettle of fish and need to take your personal safety into consideration. Please treat this seriously. I can't tell you how shocked I was when this guy lost it in the courtroom. Up until that point I thought he was just some crackpot. The city attorney helped me out the back door of the court because they had to put him in restraints. I could only imagine what would have happened if he'd 'gone off' like that early one morning when I was alone in the house. You need to imagine that too.


    12 members found this post helpful.

  14. #34
    Join Date
    Oct. 26, 2005
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    Deep South
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    Isn't this the second stalker post where the stalked person hesitates to do anything about it? GEEZ!!!!!!!
    SPAY/NEUTER/RESCUE/ADOPT!
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    4 members found this post helpful.

  15. #35

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    Nothing new to add except my voice to those telling you to take this seriously.

    The news is full of people who are attacked, or killed, because of stalking that seemed "innocent" at first and then escalated out of control.

    He HAS threatened you. He is manipulating and controlling you. He knows full well you don't want to see him, and that's why he's threatening to come over if you don't answer his texts.

    Do you know him well? Have you known him long? If not, you have no idea what he's capable of doing. He may have priors somewhere else for doing exactly this. He might even have a warrant out -- and the only way to know is to get to the police NOW.

    People like this believe that through this behavior, they can make you love them, and when you resist, they snap. The longer you resist, the closer you get to that point.



  16. #36
    Join Date
    Aug. 12, 2010
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    Westford, Massachusetts
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    Quote Originally Posted by moonriverfarm View Post
    Isn't this the second stalker post where the stalked person hesitates to do anything about it? GEEZ!!!!!!!
    I don't think that's uncommon at all...stalkers have a gut instinct for picking victims who will feel guilty or bad about "hurting their feelings", they know exactly what they are doing. Women who they know will tell them to get lost, in no uncertain terms, without wasting one second feeling guilty or "too mean" about it are not very attractive to manipulator or predator types.



  17. #37
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    Aug. 9, 2007
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    9,218

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    Isn't alittlegray great to offer a place to stay to OP?

    And yes, women are taught to be accommodating and compliant and to think that they are overreacting in situations such as this. But women have to realize that this is why women become victims of stalkers. Then when something bad does happen, women are told that it is their fault for not being more forceful at the start. You can't win: If you are nice, you are "leading him on," and if you call the cops, you are "overreacting." So call the cops. Be safe, not sorry.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  18. #38
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    Jan. 27, 2002
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    I agree, littlegrey ROCKS!!

    op, take this seriously, PLEASE before he escalates.
    he may not of course, but what if he does?


    2 members found this post helpful.

  19. #39
    Join Date
    Jan. 24, 2011
    Location
    Midwest
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    You also should google the fool and see if he is in trouble for any of this. Odds are good that he has a record, unless he has skated under radar.

    And frankly, now that I am thinking about this more. You REALLY need to google your own name, as he could have a whole blog about you. That has happened before and could be used to commit him possibly. He may have something under your name and his, or a combination of same too.

    If you aren't good at doing this type of thing, you can PM particulars to one of us that are, to see if we can find anything.

    And I would also be contacting the law where he lives, as they may be all too familiar with him.

    I actually don't have the type of personality to deal well with this....afraid his picture would be on a milk carton.....

    Shame you can't send him my way....we have about 16 inches of snow....abandoned wells...and know plenty of places down south with gators....

    Just offering....


    3 members found this post helpful.

  20. #40

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    Someone I know has a son who was convicted and sentenced to a year in prison for cyberstalking. Yes, it is a crime, and yes, the police will arrest and prosecute. Contact your local police department NOW.


    2 members found this post helpful.

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