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  1. #101
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    Quote Originally Posted by twelvegates View Post
    OP -- It sounds like you have already done what many have suggested and are doing your best to try to control you daughter's behavior.

    I am concerned, however, about what you are doing to take care of yourself, as it sounds as though you are walking a very frightening tightrope while exhausted, physically and emotionally. Your daughter knows you care about her. Be sure to take care of yourself.

    I can't offer any advice that hasn't already been given, other than to decide when "enough is enough" and to have a plan in place. That plan may require that you connect with State/County/LE professionals and know what the final decision will be. If your daughter crosses your "line in the sand", you need to protect yourself and everything else that you love.
    ^ This.
    Proud Member of the "I Don't Do Facebook" Clique



  2. #102
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    OP, people who do drugs are also often into dog fights using bait dogs to train other dogs to be aggressive to fight or to guard their stash. Some also use dogs as drug "mules". I do hope that this is not what has become of your dogs, especially bearing in mind what the other poster said about the leap from cruelty to animals to cruelty to people. This would be truly awful if this is something your daughter has done or enabled.
    Proud Member of the "I Don't Do Facebook" Clique


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  3. #103
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    Feb. 26, 2011
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    OP, just wanted to give you hugs! You are an amazing parent, and nothing you did or didn't do caused this. Please take care of yourself, and keep showing your DD that nothing she does can push you away. That no matter how low she goes, you are there for her, that you love her, and that she is worthy of being loved for who she is. Not saying you should allow her to steal from you , or hurt you physically, but per my friend raised by someone else, she needs to know that whatever she does, you won't let her go


    4 members found this post helpful.

  4. #104
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    Jun. 7, 2005
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    OP, your daughter is an addict. She needs to be in a residential treatment program. Insurance often pays for this, and there are resources to help pay for it as well. Don't feel guilty or that you have failed. Simply pack her up and get her into treatment, they can help her with her addictions and her mental issues. You should get involved in Al-Anon or a similar program for family members of addicts.

    I wish you the best.


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  5. #105
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    Jul. 3, 2013
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    Quote Originally Posted by brightlily View Post
    OP, your daughter is an addict. She needs to be in a residential treatment program. Insurance often pays for this, and there are resources to help pay for it as well. Don't feel guilty or that you have failed. Simply pack her up and get her into treatment, they can help her with her addictions and her mental issues. You should get involved in Al-Anon or a similar program for family members of addicts.

    I wish you the best.

    Did you read the updates. It's not that easy. The daughter needs to do 90 days of outpatient treatment for insurance to consider paying for inpatient treatment. It is simply not an option at this time. Inpatient treatment costs per day are staggering and astounding. Think in the hundreds if not thousands of dollars per day. Most families can't swing that.

    You cannot wiggle your nose and get there. Right now she is doing all she can and if things do not improve or get worse in 90 days, she can cross that bridge.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  6. #106
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    Apr. 1, 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alagirl View Post

    This is nothing to take lightly.
    oh believe me, I'm not taking this lightly. But get rid of her? No. She's a minor and her mother is still responsible for her.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #107
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    Apr. 1, 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by RubyTuesday View Post
    Sometimes, it comes to that. I believe there is a legal process that can be done, not sure what the laws are now.
    what I think you are referring to is adjudication of a minor. This is a process by which a court orders either another guardian or the minor to be considered an adult. It is a process and it does not happen (usually) without some other criteria being met. I don't think the OP is at that point yet



  8. #108
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    Nov. 2, 2001
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    Quote Originally Posted by threedogpack View Post
    oh believe me, I'm not taking this lightly. But get rid of her? No. She's a minor and her mother is still responsible for her.
    and sometimes the responsible thing is to find a different place for a minor to be at.

    I don't believe I suggested to set her out.
    Although I do have to say, that with the timing of daughter trouble and the disappearance of three of the OP's dogs...I have to say that things do not look really good at this point.

    IMHO there are really only two options: Shape up or ship out.
    The girl is heading down a road that has her end up in jail or the morgue....'getting rid' of her by making her go to residential treatment.....seems easy to me.

    Oh, and there is the little bit of the habit breaking change of scenery....

    But then again, you did not read everything I posted in regard to Trak's ideas....


    Here was however another thought I had, and I hope I can count on the COTH ladies to correct me if I am wrong: But are symptoms as described in the OPs post also sometimes/often presented in/by victims of assault of the sexual kind?

    Which of course would not make it any better in regard to consequences, but somewhat of a reason, outside of suddenly falling in with the bad crowd....

    And believe me, I hope I am 100% wrong....
    Quote Originally Posted by Bristol Bay View Post
    Try setting your broomstick to fly at a lower altitude.



  9. #109
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alagirl View Post
    and sometimes the responsible thing is to find a different place for a minor to be at.
    and how to pay for this? If you read Show Boots posts, she has to do out patient first for insurance to pay for in patient.

    I don't believe I suggested to set her out.
    Although I do have to say, that with the timing of daughter trouble and the disappearance of three of the OP's dogs...I have to say that things do not look really good at this point.
    you did not, Trak did. What I quoted from you was simply that you seemed to think I was taking this lightly and that is absolutely not the case. This is very very serious, the daughter is not just dabbling here.

    IMHO there are really only two options: Shape up or ship out.
    The girl is heading down a road that has her end up in jail or the morgue....'getting rid' of her by making her go to residential treatment.....seems easy to me.
    and again, treatment isn't inexpensive and there are channels that need to be followed. My guess will be that daughter will end up in prison somewhere, hopefully a county jail that will set in motion the psychiatric care and counseling that will be needed. With any luck, the judge presiding will court order it and the mothers insurance or the county will be able to fund a residential facility.

    Oh, and there is the little bit of the habit breaking change of scenery....
    you know, I don't know about this part. Some of my thoughts are that no matter where she goes, she's going to find dealers if she wants to and right now....she wants to. The other part says that she won't work that hard, but addicts go to some incredible lengths to get their fix.

    But then again, you did not read everything I posted in regard to Trak's ideas....
    acutally I did. Several times. Which is why I only snipped the bottom part.


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  10. #110
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    Mar. 14, 2010
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    OP, Im so sorry youre going through this. I just had a friend die from addiction/overdose and it is just so tragic. Do not give up. I don't even know what else to say but I know that his family would want me to tell you not to give up and keep fighting for your daughter.
    Charlie Brown (1994 bay TB X gelding)
    White Star (2004 grey TB gelding)

    Mystical Moment, 1977-2010.



  11. #111
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    Quote Originally Posted by threedogpack View Post
    and how to pay for this? If you read Show Boots posts, she has to do out patient first for insurance to pay for in patient.



    you did not, Trak did. What I quoted from you was simply that you seemed to think I was taking this lightly and that is absolutely not the case. This is very very serious, the daughter is not just dabbling here.



    and again, treatment isn't inexpensive and there are channels that need to be followed. My guess will be that daughter will end up in prison somewhere, hopefully a county jail that will set in motion the psychiatric care and counseling that will be needed. With any luck, the judge presiding will court order it and the mothers insurance or the county will be able to fund a residential facility.



    you know, I don't know about this part. Some of my thoughts are that no matter where she goes, she's going to find dealers if she wants to and right now....she wants to. The other part says that she won't work that hard, but addicts go to some incredible lengths to get their fix.



    acutally I did. Several times. Which is why I only snipped the bottom part.
    You think that jail will provide the psychiatric help this girl needs?
    I don't think this is how the system works.

    Regardless, I am not getting into a contest with you, who is right or who is wrong.
    That was not the point of what I said.
    The OP is in a tough spot and I wish her the best.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bristol Bay View Post
    Try setting your broomstick to fly at a lower altitude.



  12. #112
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    Aug. 1, 2013
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    Major ((HUGS)) to you OP. I can't imagine how tough this is for you.

    I would definitely look into the self-medicating theory. While now, yes she is addicted, maybe this all started because she saw these drugs as being her way to survive. Not everyone responds the same way to situations.



  13. #113
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    Nov. 15, 2005
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alagirl View Post
    You think that jail will provide the psychiatric help this girl needs?
    I don't think this is how the system works.

    Regardless, I am not getting into a contest with you, who is right or who is wrong.
    That was not the point of what I said.
    The OP is in a tough spot and I wish her the best.
    I'm sad to say I know too much about this and Ala is right, Jail doesn't rehab, and in fact they can learn even worse behaviors while keeping up their addiction in jail.

    I think offering all ideas and thoughts and letting OP suss out what she can afford or what is possible in her area is the best way to 'help'.
    Arguing back and forth? Not so much.
    Yo/Yousolong April 23rd, 1985- April 15th, 2014

    http://notesfromadogwalker.com/2012/...m-a-sanctuary/


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #114
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    Nov. 15, 2005
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    Quote Originally Posted by RubyTuesday View Post
    Why not have the cell provider block text messaging/voice mail on certain lines? I've done it.
    Because sometimes the info you can glean from those texts and voicemails messages can help when the merde hits the fan.
    Yo/Yousolong April 23rd, 1985- April 15th, 2014

    http://notesfromadogwalker.com/2012/...m-a-sanctuary/



  15. #115
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    Mar. 24, 2004
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    OP- I feel for you. I have no real practical advise other than that somebody raised the possibility of an pregnancy. I am sure you don't need that complication.

    Have you considered something like the depo-provera shot where you take her to get it every 3 months? Is Norplant available again? How about an IUD? BC where there nothing she needs to remember to take or do so no daily BCP- unless you are willing to hand it to her every morning and watch her take it. I know these won't prevent STDs but at least should prevent a pregnancy.

    Yes, I realize the goal is to get her under control and keep an eye on her so she doesn't have the opportunity. But she has already snuck out once, teenagers can be pretty resourceful so it may happen again. Better safe than sorry and reducing/eliminating the chance for pregnancy is one less thing to worry about.
    Oh, well, clearly you're not thoroughly indoctrinated to COTH yet, because finger pointing and drawing conclusions are the cornerstones of this great online community. (Tidy Rabbit)



  16. #116
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    Sep. 2, 2005
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    Upstate NY
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    Quote Originally Posted by SonnysMom View Post
    OP- I feel for you. I have no real practical advise other than that somebody raised the possibility of an pregnancy. I am sure you don't need that complication.

    Have you considered something like the depo-provera shot where you take her to get it every 3 months?
    The OP has already done that. This quote is from page 3.

    Quote Originally Posted by wireweiners View Post
    I have gotten her tested for stds and a Depo Provera shot for birth control.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  17. #117
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    Nov. 13, 2006
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    One other thing to check into. I know those affiliated with most racetracks have financial help available towards rehab programs. I'm not sure what your horse involvement is, but as a long shot check with your breed organization or performance registry.



  18. #118
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    Feb. 25, 2012
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    Hope OP is feeling supported in this!
    I would add only that truly, safety does come first, hers, the family and her daughter. It does not mean we love anyone less to set hard boundaries. I have gone through this myself with a stepkid, and as a kid myself, when my family disowned me and would not allow me on the property. They were right. But these are hard decisions and no one not in the situation with OP really knows what options she needs to take.

    I do wonder if your therapist can't go to bat with you with the insurance co. If there are significant safety issues (and this is a girl who has been in ICU and an acute psych ward in a relatively short period of time) one could argue that the risks of postponing a more structured environment are substantial. Again, I dont' know your situation, or your insurance, but have definitely argued (and documented) with others that there are significant risks. There are criteria for an emergency inpatient placement, so someone would have to document these, and I am just thinking your therapist could do this for you.

    This is the advantage of getting professionals involved; they can take some of the heat off you!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  19. #119
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    Oct. 14, 2010
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    Is there any hobby or activity that your daughter loves? Horses 'save' so many teens from traveling this hard path...is there something that she enjoys? Can you ensure she gets to participate in that? Depriving all activities that engage DD won't give her an outlet for energy and positive feelings. Is there a dad or uncle or other adult male that gives her appropriate attention (some guys are clueless and flirt with teens - stay away from them.). Healthy father-like attention often helps girls who are off the rails.

    Time - spending time with her in positive, engaging activities can help divert her and focus her attention on positive activities. If she leaves school immediately and doesn't have anything to do all afternoon and evening - that's a lot of time for boredom and dis-engaging for the good things in life.

    Attending Alanon or drug support groups might also help you understand your DD behavior and give you some tools to handling crisis - plus info on resources for teens in crisis.

    Good luck!



  20. #120
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    Dec. 2, 2004
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angela Freda View Post
    Because sometimes the info you can glean from those texts and voicemails messages can help when the merde hits the fan.
    Carroll O'Conner, whose son Hugh died b/c of drug use, once said "Get between your kids and drugs any way you can if you want to save the kid's life." I remember him further adding that at this stage they HAVE NO PRIVACY RIGHTS. He used to do a PSA television commercial, remember that? The adult needs to do anything they can to know what is going on.
    About the only time losing is more fun than winning is when you're fighting temptation.
    -- Tom Wilson, actor & comedian


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