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  1. #81
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    Sep. 7, 2009
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    Lexington, KY
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    Quote Originally Posted by cloudyandcallie View Post
    OP has been on Coth since 2010. And the creepy guy story is totally typical of a stalker. They are everywhere, although most people don't realize they are being stalked unless the guy is persistent, like this one.

    You are in NY, OP? NYC or where? Go to your local precinct and talk to the cops. In person. Don't call. Get your beat cop(s) to come by often. Nothing like a cop in uniform visiting you to change the guy's focus to someone else. And your cops can run his name and DOB on NCIC to see if anyone with that name and birth date has a record. And if there is a cop who works the dog park, ask him to come observe you when you walk your dogs. And alert all the others in the dog park to look out for you. Dog owners stick together and help each other in big cities. Stay alert. You do not want to get pushed into your car and taken off. Or caught outside your door to your house or apt. So tell you neighbors to watch out for the guy.

    Don't carry a gun or knife unless you know how to use it and you are sure you can use it. My father always said NOT to get shot with my own gun. A key held between your figures can help protect you. Go take a self defense course. The eyes and the crotch are the targets women are told to aim for, or the instep, but you don't want to get to a physical state. Get your local cops to help you and keep this guy away from you. Go visit them now. You know, cops love to be invited in for a cup of coffee or to use a clean restroom when hey are on duty. No one messes with a woman with cop friends if the guy sees the cops around you.

    (You don't have to date a cop. One of our deputies in Atlanta bought my sports car and changed the bumper sticker from "A women's place is in the house and in the senate" to "Sleep safe tonight, sleep with a cop." Everyone thought I still owned that car, LOL.
    You need to listen to C&C. She gives excellent advice.
    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanuel Kant


    11 members found this post helpful.

  2. #82
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    Sep. 7, 2009
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    Lexington, KY
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    Quote Originally Posted by moonriverfarm View Post
    Sounds like an overly nerdy socially awkward harmless but annoying dingbat. The problem with people like him is you have to get ugly to make them leave you alone.
    Unless you're wrong and then we never hear from the OP again. Would you be willing to stake your life on it, because she might?
    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanuel Kant


    5 members found this post helpful.

  3. #83
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
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    Alabama
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    9,274

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    Answer his texts one time only, and say "I am not interested in any type of relationship, do not contact me again for any reason". If he doesn't stop, or if he's waiting for you anywhere, or follows you, call 911, and go to the nearest public place. Tell the people you meet that you need help, and are waiting for the police to come. He may go away, or he may get worse, but you can keep a copy of the text to prove you told him to stop, and go away, and he didn't. If he doesn't stop, then I'm betting he had a record from previous complaints, or charges.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    4 members found this post helpful.

  4. #84
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    Mar. 18, 2005
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    In the state of Illinois you can send a text saying "Leave me alone. Do NOT call or text this number again." If they text or call even a reply you can take it to the police and have harrasement charges filed.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  5. #85
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    Apr. 18, 2010
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    I hope he is not a stalker. Imo ( and I am just taking an educated guess), send him one text that you are too busy to hang out and that you won't be able to return any more texts. That will clarify your response once and for all. If he is just a hopeful guy and not a stalker, then he should not text or bug you after that. If he keeps texting after that message, then you will know he is a stalker and imo at that point go to police, show them the texts (don't erase them ) and see if they have suggestions.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #86
    Join Date
    Jul. 21, 2006
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    South Carolina
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    See, I wouldn't even text him the one more time. A normal guy would've got the picture long before this. A stalker will just be encouraged by any contact whatsoever.

    You don't owe him any explanation, OP.


    10 members found this post helpful.

  7. #87
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    Aug. 12, 2002
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    Calera, AL
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    Quote Originally Posted by twotrudoc View Post
    The Mr. Number I linked blocks calls but records when they call, in a log
    See, I was kind of got the OP when she said she really didn't want to block him. I'd want to KNOW if the fruitbat was still stalking/texting me; however, a log from mrnumber would be good enough for me. I wouldn't want to have to deal with the phone co. every time I wanted to check and see - plus, the phone co. would probably charge me god knows what for the logs.
    "Dogs are man's best friend. Cats are man's adorable little serial killer." -- theoatmeal.com


    4 members found this post helpful.

  8. #88
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    Apr. 18, 2010
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    If he's a stalker, he already is and one more text or lack of a text won't matter to him. If she texts him ONCE and once only, that she can't return any more texts and is not interested in hanging out, she will forever clear up any doubt in her mind, or his, where she stands.

    From that point on it will be very clear and she can take steps then to radically change things if need be and go to police with his texts etc. I would recommend a sudden move away from the building to another area of town, if he keeps texting after the message is made clear.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  9. #89
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    Mar. 11, 2007
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    Montana
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    Leave it to COTH to go straight to a conceal carry and pepper spray! LOL

    I think the guy is weird but he should at least get the social cues spelled out in plain speak once. Considering where this has gone I would text him and say "I won't be texting back; life changed. Wish you luck but don't text me any more"

    To the point, clear, but not all freaky. If he needs to be hit with a brick wall at least do that. And THEN you can threaten.

    But no matter what, you should be as prepared before as you are now to have a creeper bother you. It can happen any time, you have your radar up now but you should always be careful. Raise your awareness now in case he is a nutjob. More likely he is someone that noticed you more than you noticed him and he's weird and he can't believe that you talked and everything and now you won't answer.
    “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey


    9 members found this post helpful.

  10. #90
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    Feb. 20, 2010
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    All 'round Canadia
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anne FS View Post
    And really, if he texts you again you're going to the police? The first thing they'll say is "Did you block his number?" and when you say, "I kinda don't want to" they might very well dismiss you.
    The lowest form of stalking in NY is 4th degree, the only degree of stalking that might even remotely fit what the OP is experiencing, except:

    causes material harm to the mental or emotional health of such person, where such conduct consists of following, telephoning or initiating communication or contact with such person, a member of such person's immediate family or a third party with whom such person is acquainted, and the actor was previously clearly informed to cease that conduct
    (whether the OP is experiencing "material harm" is arguable, but in any case, the first thing the police would ask the OP is whether she told him to stop.)

    Without that, it's not stalking. Not legally. It's just a guy the OP texted with before, went on a walk with, made dinner plans with, and is just not replying to right now.

    I don't disagree that he sounds creepy as hell. But for crying out loud, tell him to quit contacting you, and keep that text as proof. Not for him, not to "explain", but to satisfy that legal requirement in case he does not stop.
    Proud Member Of The Lady Mafia


    17 members found this post helpful.

  11. #91
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    Feb. 22, 2009
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    Wisconsin
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    Talk to the cops. I felt bad and thought a guy was just a little socially awkward and pretty much let him stalk me into dating him. Worst two months of my life. After I broke it off he would drive by where I WS living and call and say he hasn't seen my truck. That's because I had moved. Then would bug me he just wanted to be friends and make sure I was ok etc after I had surgery. I told him no. Then one day he "ran into me" ya right, and got all spazy and when I went to get in my car ended up braking one of my ribs. I ended up using the handheld cattle prod in my purse (long story) and while he was down beat the crap out of him. Then had a very very large guy friend who had no qualms in making it known he would disappear if he ever went near me again. If I would have just not ignored the signs I would have saved myself much trouble.


    8 members found this post helpful.

  12. #92
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    Sep. 20, 2009
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    703

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    Quote Originally Posted by Coanteen View Post
    The lowest form of stalking in NY is 4th degree, the only degree of stalking that might even remotely fit what the OP is experiencing, except:



    (whether the OP is experiencing "material harm" is arguable, but in any case, the first thing the police would ask the OP is whether she told him to stop.)

    Without that, it's not stalking. Not legally. It's just a guy the OP texted with before, went on a walk with, made dinner plans with, and is just not replying to right now.

    I don't disagree that he sounds creepy as hell. But for crying out loud, tell him to quit contacting you, and keep that text as proof. Not for him, not to "explain", but to satisfy that legal requirement in case he does not stop.
    Yup. If you don't tell him to stop, the police cannot do a thing.

    You have to respond once and say "do not contact me again" in some way.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  13. #93
    Join Date
    Jan. 24, 2011
    Location
    Midwest
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    I think you really, really need to go ahead and contact the police and give them all the information about him that you can. For all you know? There are rapes or murders or peeping tom complaints in that area and this may be the break they need to solve them.

    He also could be a mental patient on meds...OR off them. Or be out on parole for who knows what.

    But you need to at least let police know what is going on. And I would alert anyone in your building too, as you don't want someone to let him in your building to wait for you.....or for them to be comfortable with him hanging around there.

    And if any of your windows face his? Then keep your shades drawn at all times.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #94
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    Mar. 15, 2007
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    (throw dart at map) NC!
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    Quote Originally Posted by pAin't_Misbehavin' View Post
    I wouldn't care if he went away mad, so long as he went away. If you're saying she might provoke him into doing something nasty by calling the police - I disagree. If he's not a stalker, he may be horrified but he'll stay away. If he is a stalker - well, yeah, he might get mad if thwarted. But if he's a stalker, I think the sooner the police are involved the better.
    I hear what you're saying! Honestly, and I know this will shock some people, but I'm not nearly as concerned as others here are. Seems to me that the guy has a crush on her. They had a great conversation, they exchanged numbers, agreed to go out then she cancelled. And cancelled again. He lives near her and apparently knows her car (I used to know the cars men I've had a crush on drove), and can see her walking her dog from his window. He's probably been looking for her in the dog park that he can see from his window. In my opinion, this isn't "OMG, call the police!" material. This is either tell him to stop texting/contacting or ignore him material. He *could* be a real stalker. He *could* be a great guy with awkward social manners and a real crush on the OP.
    Proud member of the Colbert Dressage Nation


    6 members found this post helpful.

  15. #95

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    Quote Originally Posted by J-Lu View Post
    I hear what you're saying! Honestly, and I know this will shock some people, but I'm not nearly as concerned as others here are. Seems to me that the guy has a crush on her. They had a great conversation, they exchanged numbers, agreed to go out then she cancelled. And cancelled again. He lives near her and apparently knows her car (I used to know the cars men I've had a crush on drove), and can see her walking her dog from his window. He's probably been looking for her in the dog park that he can see from his window. In my opinion, this isn't "OMG, call the police!" material. This is either tell him to stop texting/contacting or ignore him material. He *could* be a real stalker. He *could* be a great guy with awkward social manners and a real crush on the OP.
    BINGO.
    LarkspurCO: no horse's training is complete until it can calmly yet expressively perform GP in stadium filled w/chainsaw juggling zombies riding unicycles while flying monkeys w/bottle rockets...


    5 members found this post helpful.

  16. #96
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    Mar. 11, 2007
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    Montana
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    which is nearly exactly what I said but whatever... I must be on some people's ignore list!
    “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey



  17. #97

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    Quote Originally Posted by cowboymom View Post
    which is nearly exactly what I said but whatever... I must be on some people's ignore list!
    Not on my ignore list . But I think those with horrible experiences feel very strongly about erring way on the side of caution. I agree with you and J-Lu. If she says stop without any question and he continues, then I'm worried. But she hasn't said stop and she hasn't ignored forever. Not a judgment, just facts.
    LarkspurCO: no horse's training is complete until it can calmly yet expressively perform GP in stadium filled w/chainsaw juggling zombies riding unicycles while flying monkeys w/bottle rockets...


    4 members found this post helpful.

  18. #98
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    Mar. 11, 2007
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    Montana
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    My tolerance for being ignored is puny tonight... sometimes I feel like a voice in the wilderness!

    Just want the OP to be ok, after all.
    “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey


    1 members found this post helpful.

  19. #99

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    Quote Originally Posted by cowboymom View Post
    My tolerance for being ignored is puny tonight... sometimes I feel like a voice in the wilderness!

    Just want the OP to be ok, after all.
    Well, you are in Montana! I wouldn't survive five minutes in the wilderness .

    I find COTH fascinating. There are so many other opinions...I have friends of different cultures, professions, blah blah blah. I'm not exactly sheltered, grew up partially overseas, etc.

    But...I think that I learn more about the different ways people think here than I do sometimes in "real" world conversations. I think that my friends and I tend to handle situations very similarly, so even when we have our girl posse meetings, we tend to agree.

    When I read some responses, I really think, "huh. Really?" Then I do think about it and wonder and sometimes can really see another point of view. Sometimes not , but sometimes.

    It's like the "when you hear hoofbeats think first of a horse, not a zebra." But sometimes I want to be sure it's not a zebra first, then assume it's a horse.

    I hope your tolerance for rambling is better than your tolerance for being ignored .
    LarkspurCO: no horse's training is complete until it can calmly yet expressively perform GP in stadium filled w/chainsaw juggling zombies riding unicycles while flying monkeys w/bottle rockets...


    3 members found this post helpful.

  20. #100
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    Mar. 11, 2007
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    Montana
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    Rambling is good; ignored trips triggers! Just a little hang-up I have; my bad!

    MT is good for a lot and I love it... but I like what I can learn here b/c I am very much in the minority as far as COTH is concerned!
    “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey



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