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  1. #61
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    Aug. 30, 2011
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    Quote Originally Posted by french fry View Post
    This isn't entirely fair. Women are conditioned to downplay these things and are afraid to ruffle any feathers or embarrass anyone (including themselves.)

    .
    Yeah. For some reason, it's difficult for many women to set boundaries period.

    Remember- scream "FIRE" not help if you get into trouble.
    Unrepentant carb eater


    2 members found this post helpful.

  2. #62
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    Aug. 9, 2007
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    As for calling for help if you are attacked:

    I learned, while living in St Louis, that if you call for help, someone may or may not come. But if you yell "FIRE" everyone comes to your rescue. And no, you won't be charged for saying "FIRE" if you are being attacked.

    oops, I was typing while poster above was posting. She's right, scream "FIRE" and keep screaming it till help comes.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #63
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    Jul. 21, 2006
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    South Carolina
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    5,016

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    Quote Originally Posted by J-Lu View Post
    PS. after reading a couple of posts, I highly disagree with contacting the police just yet. You want the guy to go away, not stew in anger at you because you complained to the police about his "genuine concern for a woman he was dating".
    I wouldn't care if he went away mad, so long as he went away. If you're saying she might provoke him into doing something nasty by calling the police - I disagree. If he's not a stalker, he may be horrified but he'll stay away. If he is a stalker - well, yeah, he might get mad if thwarted. But if he's a stalker, I think the sooner the police are involved the better.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  4. #64
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    Jun. 22, 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by cloudyandcallie View Post
    As for calling for help if you are attacked:

    I learned, while living in St Louis, that if you call for help, someone may or may not come. But if you yell "FIRE" everyone comes to your rescue. And no, you won't be charged for saying "FIRE" if you are being attacked.
    I've heard this as well. It is a contentious topic. In this situation, provided the OP is in a public or semi-public space, I still think "help" is the better choice. I've never witnessed good Samaritans lacking when someone is calling for help on the street. If you were behind closed doors in a house, apartment, it may be different.



  5. #65
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    Dec. 29, 1999
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    Harrisburg, PA USA
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    Quote Originally Posted by HorsefaceDee View Post
    ah no! you are reading that wrong.

    I mean, if I block it and he texta I won't know it's him. I prefer to know who texts me ect and can ignore.
    Thanks for clarifying. Yes, I can understand this, wanting to keep an eye on him, as it were.

    But for those of us who have unfortunately been through this creepy stalker stuff before, we're less hesitant to cut off all contact fast, esp. with a just-met person.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #66
    Join Date
    May. 1, 2006
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    PNW
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    Just my opinion, but prior to contacting the police perhaps you could send a text (only if he texts you again) and simply ask that he not contact you as he has made the situation uncomfortable for you. Then if he ignores you, make a complaint with the police. As of now, it sounds like it he has not been told that he has made you uncomfortable with his texting and comments.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  7. #67
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    Oct. 26, 2005
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    Deep South
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    4,598

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    Sounds like an overly nerdy socially awkward harmless but annoying dingbat. The problem with people like him is you have to get ugly to make them leave you alone.
    SPAY/NEUTER/RESCUE/ADOPT!
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    2 members found this post helpful.

  8. #68
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    Apr. 16, 2002
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    ontario, canada
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mosey_2003 View Post
    He sounds socially awkward. If you gave him your number, texted back and forth, and accepted plans twice, even though you cancelled, you seem interested. A lot of people don't take the hint if you just ignore them. So text him something explaining that you don't wish to be contacted again. If he persists after that, worry about stalking.
    This. It sounds like he may have difficulty reading social cues/situations or think you are playing hard to get. In fairness, send him a short note explaining that you are not interested and ignore any future texts. If he really persists, take a hard line as some others have suggested (i.e. this harassment, please stop or else I will contact the policy) but I really think you should give him a firm no first. You have given him some confusing signals by accepting and then cancelling on a couple of occasions. Many guys would clue in, but not all


    3 members found this post helpful.

  9. #69
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    Jan. 2, 2007
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    Alpharetta
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    Just bore him with text replies. IE. when he text you, text him back yea I'm good, busy at work, or WE. Next time yea hope your are good too, I have to help my mom today, see ya.etc...

    Just keep him a arms length away and he will get bored with you and move on to someone else he can actually manipulate, cause that's what he's trying to do.

    Next time he wants to get together, say my dad is on his way over, etc. brother, sister, BBF. Just keep putting off, he'll move on, and no, you can't ask me how I know this either



  10. #70
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    Dec. 4, 2005
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    washington state
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    Summit, that is the most passive aggressive wishy washy thing I have EVER heard
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.


    21 members found this post helpful.

  11. #71
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    May. 26, 2001
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    Mid Midwest
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    859

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    Screw this. He should just move on from the lack of return text. Do not engage. Full stop.

    Quote Originally Posted by Summit Springs Farm View Post
    Just bore him with text replies. IE. when he text you, text him back yea I'm good, busy at work, or WE. Next time yea hope your are good too, I have to help my mom today, see ya.etc...

    Just keep him a arms length away and he will get bored with you and move on to someone else he can actually manipulate, cause that's what he's trying to do.

    Next time he wants to get together, say my dad is on his way over, etc. brother, sister, BBF. Just keep putting off, he'll move on, and no, you can't ask me how I know this either


    14 members found this post helpful.

  12. #72
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    Sep. 20, 2009
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    Quote Originally Posted by french fry View Post
    I've heard this as well. It is a contentious topic. In this situation, provided the OP is in a public or semi-public space, I still think "help" is the better choice. I've never witnessed good Samaritans lacking when someone is calling for help on the street. If you were behind closed doors in a house, apartment, it may be different.

    Yelling "help" didn't do me a whole lot of good when a drunk creep mistook me for someone else, grabbed my arm and shook me and screamed in my face while yanking me so hard I was nearly falling. I was in a crowd--it was a fireworks display and it hadn't started so there was no excuse that people didn't hear me. I was screaming I didn't know him and begging for help. People just stood and stared. I was 8 months pregnant.

    I finally punched him, thankfully hard enough to get through his drunken stupidity, and he ran. I sat down and cried. Not one person came to see if I was okay. I don't think crowds or yelling "help" always works.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  13. #73
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    Aug. 9, 2007
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    I do not know the psychological term for it, but with stalkers, anything you say or do to them, even in anger, causes them to be more determined to win you over for whatever purpose they have in mind for you. You don't presume that someone who acts like this is i"socially awkward." You presume that he is mentally disturbed. And fixated on you. No contact with him, no texts, no conversations, no nothing. Go to the cops in person and let them go talk to him. They will let you know if he's been arrested before. Heck, he could have lots of pix of you in his apt. And he may have plans for you that don't include dinner and roses. Too many dangerous people walking around this world. If you guys ever worked in law enforcement, you'd be freaked out by how many criminals and crazies are out there.

    Here's an example: Young Woman in Atlanta goes to the upscale dating bar near her upscale apt. She meets cute nice guy, early 20s. They date for 2 weeks. She introduces him to her mother. Cops get call one day to apt complex. Cute guy is sitting in parking lot with part of the woman's liver in a glass jar, and he's cut off his own thumb with the big knife he had. Woman's body is found in her apt, dismembered. Her heart was never found. Turns out, cute guy from "good family" had murdered his grandparents in FL as a juvie, so when he got out at 21, from insanity plea as juvie down there, his parents paid him to move to Atlanta and supported him there. Parents were afraid of him. Not my case, but was a case in our office. I used to think that we should choose our friends by our own instincts when we meet people. After that case, I decided I wanted to run the prints of every man I dated. And meet his family to make sure he'd not killed off any family members.


    20 members found this post helpful.

  14. #74
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    Apr. 16, 2002
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    ontario, canada
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    Quote Originally Posted by twotrudoc View Post
    Summit, that is the most passive aggressive wishy washy thing I have EVER heard
    And mean, in my view. You know what? I used to be the worst when it came to being passive aggressive with guys. Tired of dating or decided I wasn't actually interested? I'd ignore calls, maybe respond in a boring/non-committal way at best, etc. With a bit more maturity, I appreciate how unfair that was and try to communicate clearly when I'm not interested or looking to end things. While I was only once on the other side of the passive aggressive fade-out, it was a good lesson in how not to treat other people.

    And in any event, if this guy does have stalker-ish tendency or is somewhat unhinged, this will probably be perceived as an expression of interest. We're talking about a guy that by all accounts isn't very good at reading social cues.


    11 members found this post helpful.

  15. #75
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    Dec. 29, 1999
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    Harrisburg, PA USA
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    Quote Originally Posted by Summit Springs Farm View Post
    Just bore him with text replies. IE. when he text you, text him back yea I'm good, busy at work, or WE. Next time yea hope your are good too, I have to help my mom today, see ya.etc...
    Do not do this.


    28 members found this post helpful.

  16. #76
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    Dec. 29, 1999
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    Harrisburg, PA USA
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    Quote Originally Posted by SarEQ View Post
    Yelling "help" didn't do me a whole lot of good when a drunk creep mistook me for someone else, grabbed my arm and shook me
    Geez, SarEQ, that's awful. I'm so sorry. In your case yelling Fire instead of Help certainly wouldn't have helped - they were right there staring at you and could see you needed help. {{{shivers}}}

    In a pinch, though, don't not yell because you think no one will help. Scream your head off. If you don't it may be taken as consent.



  17. #77
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    Feb. 23, 2005
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    Spotsylvania, VA
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anne FS View Post
    Depends on where she lives for concealed carry. NYC for example - not easy to get one.

    And let's be realistic: here we have someone who cannot deal with an unwanted casual acquaintance. And you're going to encourage her to pull a loaded gun? In two seconds a creep is going to grab that gun out of her hands and blow her head off or bonk her on the head with it.

    Reality check: if you have a loaded gun, you had damn well better be strong & confident and accurate in using it in times of stress & panic. Very few people are. Dithering will get you killed. And if you pull a gun you had better be prepared to kill someone with it. And fast.
    That is the reason I suggested pepper spray and a LOUD personal alarm.
    I wasn't always a Smurf
    Penmerryl's Sophie RIDSH
    "I ain't as good as I once was but I'm as good once as I ever was"
    The ignore list is my friend. It takes 2 to argue.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  18. #78
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    Mar. 19, 2010
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    'Not fair indeed, but reality. We have to deal with what is happening, not what should be happening.'
    Arcadien

    Hey that's a brilliant line, may I use it?

    And Mother Mary and Joseph , the way some of you are suggesting the OP respond makes me realize how creeps get away with this nonsense!


    10 members found this post helpful.

  19. #79
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    Sep. 13, 2000
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    Greenville, MI,
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    All the damn texting. Don't answer.
    Plain and simple. If he calls you say I am really sorry, MY life is too busy right now to get involved. End of subject. Find a new dog park.
    "you can only ride the drama llama so hard before it decides to spit in your face." ?Caffeinated.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  20. #80
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    Jun. 28, 2010
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    NY
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    thanks for all the support and good ideas everyone....I am more aware and don't feel so silly being a bit concerned by this.


    2 members found this post helpful.

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