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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun. 28, 2010
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    342

    Default Creepy Guy - WWYD?

    here is the backstory for a little perspective...

    A little while before xmas I met a guy while I was walking my dogs in the dog park. He didn't have dogs but seemed to know my dogs by name. I thought he seemed nice and we had had a great conversation about business and networking ect. Anyhow he asked for my number and we exchanged a few texts.

    Then the day after he asked me out to dinner to chat about finidng work and business ect...I thought ok cool. Then he started sending texts about how beautiful I was, he missed me ect. Weird. So I cancelled.

    He asked me out again and I was going to go, cause I felt I kind of owed him for cancelling before and felt guitly. I had an appointment come up and again cancelled. I was appologetic, but I figured I really didn't owe him anything.

    Finally he showed up one afternoon when I was out with my dogs and came for a walk. I found him a bit boring and awkward. We talked about him going away next week for work ect. End of walk I said good bye and hurried off.

    The next day he texts me saying, oh I thought you had underground parking. I saw (a car the same as mine) parked on the street when I drove by.

    Then there were a few more texts asking where I was..
    I finally answered saying I had plans.

    I didn't text him again.

    A few days later when he returns home he texts me saying ..HI there I'm home..I don't reply.

    3hrs later he replies that he texted a few friends and that they all replied within the hour..except for me!

    Again I don't reply.

    now every other day he is texting me are you ok? What's going on? Hello???

    I feel like I should say something but I am afraid to engage....what would you do??



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2002
    Location
    Harrisonburg, VA
    Posts
    824

    Default

    Don't engage and skip the dog park for a while, or go with a friend....


    17 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May. 7, 2004
    Location
    Linden, CA
    Posts
    846

    Default

    I'd reply once, say "Please remove my number from your phone." and THEN don't engage further. Block if necessary.
    Quote Originally Posted by HuntrJumpr
    No matter what level of showing you're doing, you are required to have pants on.


    10 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb. 18, 2003
    Location
    Alberta
    Posts
    5,280

    Default

    Let him know to not contact you anymore then block his number.......lesson learned, never give out your number to somebody you've just met! Does he know where you live? If not, start to park somewhere a little different, keep your eyes and ears open and if he keeps contacting you after you have told him to stop, then I'm afraid it's time to probably look into a restraining order.

    I've never had to deal with this so I'm not sure if this is the correct steps but if your alarm is going off there's probably a good reason for it!
    Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!


    4 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5

    Default

    Anything from a stalker to someone socially awkward. Seriously, this could be someone who just doesn't know how to be social.

    I've had a stalker and many socially awkward.

    Note everything and keep a record, first.

    You are clearly not interested . Then I would just stop responding. No contact at all, nada. If you see him out, and he approaches you, just say you treasure your time walking and don't want to share it. If he persists then you could tell him under no uncertain terms and that you are uncomfortable and don't want to be friends or acquaintances.

    If you think he is benign and just doesn't get it, and if he asks what he did wrong, I would tell him that his behavior was stalkeresque and let him figure it it from there. But not everyone is comfortable doing that.

    If you feel unsafe, let law enforcement know.
    LarkspurCO: no horse's training is complete until it can calmly yet expressively perform GP in stadium filled w/chainsaw juggling zombies riding unicycles while flying monkeys w/bottle rockets...


    9 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug. 23, 2003
    Location
    Mississippi, U.S.A.
    Posts
    796

    Default

    I would write, "You are bothering me with your constant emails. It borders on harassment. We are not friends. No offense to you, but our relationship didn't work out. Do not call or email me anymore. Thank you."


    7 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun. 28, 2010
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    342

    Default

    the car on the road wasn't even my car. More than just me drive a Fiat dude...haha

    Yeah lesson learned. I should have been more upfront in the beginning but I figured cancelling would scare him off.

    The crappy part is that he lives in the building across the street from me. And I avoid the one dog yard where we met as once I was out there he texted me" nice green coat on your dog.." so can watch the yard!!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep. 20, 2009
    Posts
    689

    Default

    First, you don't owe anyone anything if you cancel a date because you get a strange vibe. There is no reason to feel guilty. You have instincts for a reason. Besides, if you have a strange vibe are you reall thinking you want a long term relationship with him? It'd be more unfair to let him think he's got a shot by going on a date with him. You don't owe anyone a date, you don't owe anyone a chance... Let go of that thinking.

    Second, how does he know your dog's names and what kind of car you drive... And where you park? That's really creepy.

    I'd reply with a very straightforward response. "I am not interested in a friendship or relationship with you. Do not contact me again."

    I would avoid that park for awhile. It creeps me out that it seems like he was trying to bond with your dogs so that they won't see him as a threat.


    12 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep. 20, 2009
    Posts
    689

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by HorsefaceDee View Post
    the car on the road wasn't even my car. More than just me drive a Fiat dude...haha

    Yeah lesson learned. I should have been more upfront in the beginning but I figured cancelling would scare him off.

    The crappy part is that he lives in the building across the street from me. And I avoid the one dog yard where we met as once I was out there he texted me" nice green coat on your dog.." so can watch the yard!!
    But if you cancel and then keep texting and "feel bad" and make other plans... You still seem interested.


    9 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    8,219

    Default

    Never give a number, or other information to someone who you met in the dog park, and who seems to know too much about you already. I would text him, tell him you are not interested in a relationship with him, and that he is not to contact you again. Then block his number. If he comes to the dog park, tell him you are calling the police if he doesn't stop bothering you. Do not engage him in conversation, only talk about him going away and leaving you alone, and do not give him mixed signals by being anything but direct. If he approaches you, or comes to your car, or home, call the cops, do not let him get near you, and carry a fully charged phone with 911 in the contacts with you at all times. He may be harmless, but he sounds like a person who has no boundaries, and needs to leave you alone.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    13 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Dec. 29, 1999
    Location
    Harrisburg, PA USA
    Posts
    5,730

    Default

    Do not engage; block him from your phone; do not go to the dog park. If you can take a friend with you when you walk your dogs elsewhere, do that.

    If ever you run into him, don't act scared or panicky, but calmly tell him do not contact you in any way. You owe him no explanation, no matter how many "but why?" or "Just tell me what I did wrong?"'s you get.

    If after refusing contact he still harasses you, report it to the police to get a paper trail going that this guy's a problem.

    Hanging out at a dog park without a dog = STALKER. Without being distracted by his own dog he can observe who's there and select his sheep from the flock. He's watched you enough to learn your dogs' names as he's heard you say them. CREEPY.

    He's let you know he's watching for your car. CREEPY. And is letting you know that he either knows personal stuff about you or is trying to find out more personal details i.e., the underground parking stuff. EXTRA CREEPY.


    30 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2004
    Location
    King, NC
    Posts
    1,862

    Default

    Sounds like you already had a stalker, and he just maneuvered to be able to speak to you. Be clear about not being interested, block him then be sure and document any other contact in case you need a restraining order at some point.

    It could get scary fast, be prepared. Sorry you have to go through this!
    HaHA! Made-est Thou Look!


    7 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
    Location
    washington state
    Posts
    6,911

    Default

    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Mar. 3, 2007
    Location
    North-Central IL
    Posts
    3,259

    Default

    He sounds socially awkward. If you gave him your number, texted back and forth, and accepted plans twice, even though you cancelled, you seem interested. A lot of people don't take the hint if you just ignore them. So text him something explaining that you don't wish to be contacted again. If he persists after that, worry about stalking.
    Quarry Rat


    7 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Dec. 29, 1999
    Location
    Harrisburg, PA USA
    Posts
    5,730

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JanM View Post
    Then block his number. If he comes to the dog park, tell him you are calling the police if he doesn't stop bothering you. Do not engage him in conversation, only talk about him going away and leaving you alone, and do not give him mixed signals by being anything but direct.
    JanM and I posted at the same time; her whole post is really good and I emphasize the above again, which is what I meant when I said don't act scared or panicky - that gives him the upper hand, and don't feel that you owe him for cancelling - he can prey on that feeling of guilt and weakness. Calm, strong, firm, non-emotional on the outside, I know not so easy on the inside.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jun. 28, 2010
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    342

    Default

    he tried the guilt thing with an urgent text...omg are you ok??? please let me know



  17. #17

    Default

    Block the number. No need to engage.

    Or if you want, say your acquaintance list is full and don't contact you again. Then block number.
    LarkspurCO: no horse's training is complete until it can calmly yet expressively perform GP in stadium filled w/chainsaw juggling zombies riding unicycles while flying monkeys w/bottle rockets...


    1 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Dec. 29, 1999
    Location
    Harrisburg, PA USA
    Posts
    5,730

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by HorsefaceDee View Post
    the car on the road wasn't even my car. More than just me drive a Fiat dude...haha
    Right. That's what I meant. He's letting you know he's looking for you in your car and he knows what you drive. And he's watching you.

    Quote Originally Posted by HorsefaceDee View Post
    The crappy part is that he lives in the building across the street from me. And I avoid the one dog yard where we met as once I was out there he texted me" nice green coat on your dog.." so can watch the yard!!
    Holy schmoly! That kicks it up a notch.

    He's definitely watching you and watching for you.

    Are your windows on his side of the building? Even if not, make sure your window shades are down and don't show shadows.

    Ugh. Ugh. ICK.


    8 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Sep. 20, 2009
    Posts
    689

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by HorsefaceDee View Post
    he tried the guilt thing with an urgent text...omg are you ok??? please let me know
    Why should this make you feel guilty?

    You need to disengage.

    You do not need to feel badly for this guy.

    It doesn't matter if he doesn't know better or if he's just awkward. Stop feeling badly.

    Tell him you are not interested and do not respond.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Aug. 9, 2007
    Posts
    9,022

    Default

    Stalking is a misdemeanor in most states the first time someone is charged with it. But before you go to the courthouse, ask your local police officer to talk to the guy. Everyone should know the name of his/her local cops, both at work and at home. There are usually 3 "watches," so you will have 3 local cops per home or work, and maybe an "umbrella"" car cop who covered shift change. Your cops will watch over you and help you out.

    So go talk to you local cop. Usually a little talk with the cop will turn a guy off and get him to leave you alone. I've tried aggravated stalking cases, the felonies, and it's not funny when someone follows someone around after she has gone to the cops. People disappear. This guy could be harmless. He could also be crazy and make you disappear. I've only been stalked by ex-boyfriends. And they were stupid cause I'm the one who had a gun and worked in the courthouse. But guys actually think they "own" you, so you have to be careful. Call your cops at work and at home, and go meet with them and show them the texts and get them to go have a talk with this guy.

    And call your cell provider and have his calls blocked. DO NOT TALK TO HIM OR RETURN HIS TEXTS. One woman who worked for the FAA in Atlanta was stalked by a guy who was a private security guard whom she'd never dated who followed her around and eventually he drove her off the road and tried to kidnap her. I put him in jail. He'd stalked another woman when he had been a security guard over at the IRS but no one had prosecuted him. And a female solicitor in misdemeanor court next door in Atlanta quit her job and moved back to Miami when her ex-boyfriend stalked her and no one at her office would help her.


    1 members found this post helpful.

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