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  1. #41
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    Oct. 17, 2013
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    Quote Originally Posted by rivenoak View Post
    Our destination was Las Vegas. About 37 friends and family flew in from all over the US.

    This tour took up the time between the ceremony and the dinner at a restaurant. DH & I used the time to decompress a bit before meeting everyone for the meal.
    .
    THIS!! We did the same thing (well minus the Elvis..we had a more "traditional" ceremony/reception). Honestly NOWHERE we would have picked would have been cheap or convienent for anyone. We are in Europe, and i didnt want to spend my life planning. MY parents are in Sonoma ($$$$$$$$$ if you even THINK the word wedding) and my dad wont fly. So westcoast ish it had to be. His folks are in Colorado, but we didnt know anywhere to do it at besides the church (not our thing...plus colorado in feb? Cold!).

    All of our bridal party was in DC and Texas and quite a few in Florida. Vegas turned out to be the cheapest option for everyone (us included!). No rental cars needed, hotels from 20-2000 a night and usually fair inexpensive airfare. We felt horrible still that people had to fly in and pay so much, but there really was no cheaper/better option.

    It turned out to be a BLAST. We invited about 120, thinking most people wouldnt come...we had a little over 100 show up.

    So OP, it can be done! But try to give people as much time to plan for it as you can, and personal phone calls to talk to them about it are a nice touch.



  2. #42
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    Feb. 4, 2004
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    I've been to several that were great (one in Greece, another in Tahoe). I've had to turn down others, too, because of costs or timing. Same with non-destination weddings that are far away (we have a lot of family/friends on the other coast).

    I think they are fine. As a potential invitee, I don't feel that I have a "right" to a date/destination that I can afford/attend. But that has to be the same for the couple. I have seen some ugliness when couples were offended that guests couldn't make it, or had attended other weddings/gone on other vacations and not made it to their wedding. That really isn't fair. Especially during the "peak" wedding age when you are getting invited to many each year.



  3. #43
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    Apr. 12, 2002
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    Texas
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    And who I want to celebrate my wedding with is my SO. Beyond that, I don't care if anyone shows up or not. I'm not talking about it's all about me, bridezilla style. I'm saying that if I want to get married on an island somewhere far away, it's my perogative. From what I've read here, if I invite people, they will bitch about how much this puts them out, even though I don't expect anyone to come, and if I don't invite people, they will bitch because they weren't invited to share in my happiness. Really, when did a wedding become about the guests? This all just makes me even more glad that I don't plan on inviting anyone, or even telling anyone until after the deal is done. So yes, I do want to remember my wedding being all about me and my SO. No one else is going to take control of my marriage for me after the wedding is done, so why do they get control of the ceremony itself?
    Rhode Islands are red;
    North Hollands are blue.
    Sorry my thoroughbreds
    Stomped on your roo. Originally Posted by pAin't_Misbehavin' :


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  4. #44
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    Feb. 22, 2012
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    MS Gulf Coast
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    I'm with most everyone else who says that their vacation time is precious and would rather spend it doing something/going somewhere of their own preference.

    I'm in the middle of wedding planning myself. Future Mr. Neon and I sat down with our draft guest list to decide where we were going to have the wedding. Since about 2/3 of our guest list is up north, we decided to have our wedding back home in PA. It means that we have to travel for our own wedding, but it also means that some family and close friends who wouldn't be able to travel to MS should be able to come. Its easier for our friends in MS to travel. And since its only a weekend, its not that big of a deal.

    Speaking of which, I just thought of another family member (mom's cousin) who I need to send a Save the Date. She was there for my first time riding a horse, and reminded me of that in her Christmas card this year!
    My May boys: Beau , Neon, Criss



  5. #45

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    Quote Originally Posted by RacetrackReject View Post
    And who I want to celebrate my wedding with is my SO. Beyond that, I don't care if anyone shows up or not. I'm not talking about it's all about me, bridezilla style. I'm saying that if I want to get married on an island somewhere far away, it's my perogative. From what I've read here, if I invite people, they will bitch about how much this puts them out, even though I don't expect anyone to come, and if I don't invite people, they will bitch because they weren't invited to share in my happiness. Really, when did a wedding become about the guests? This all just makes me even more glad that I don't plan on inviting anyone, or even telling anyone until after the deal is done. So yes, I do want to remember my wedding being all about me and my SO. No one else is going to take control of my marriage for me after the wedding is done, so why do they get control of the ceremony itself?
    Of course you're right. But this isn't a destination wedding you're describing, it's an elopement.
    LarkspurCO: no horse's training is complete until it can calmly yet expressively perform GP in stadium filled w/chainsaw juggling zombies riding unicycles while flying monkeys w/bottle rockets...


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  6. #46
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    Apr. 12, 2002
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    Texas
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    Quote Originally Posted by right horse at the right time View Post
    Of course you're right. But this isn't a destination wedding you're describing, it's an elopement.

    Even if I were to invite guests, I would still do the destination thing and not feel bad about it. Again, no one is forcing anyone to go or waste their vacation time/money/etc. I'm capable of speaking in generalities. =P I'm just even more glad that we aren't inviting people after having read this thread..lol.
    Rhode Islands are red;
    North Hollands are blue.
    Sorry my thoroughbreds
    Stomped on your roo. Originally Posted by pAin't_Misbehavin' :



  7. #47
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    Apr. 16, 2002
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    ontario, canada
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    Quote Originally Posted by GucciJumper View Post
    I find them very, very selfish if you expect people to show up. It is a huge financial burden on a lot of people. If you just elope with the two of you then it is fine, but I hate how people who do them expect friends to shell out thousands of dollars to watch you say I do?
    I don't have a problem with destination weddings, but the key, I think, is that many couples that opt for destination weddings do not expect all their friends and family members to attend. Obviously there are exceptions, but the couples that have had destination weddings that I've been invited to have made it very clear that while attendance would be appreciated, it is NOT expected. I suppose I just pick good friends! Frankly, if someone in my life was genuinely upset about my inability to attend a destination wedding, or frankly ANY wedding for a legitimate reason, it would be a sign that perhaps it isn't someone that I want to keep in my life.

    Now, obviously you can't quite control what people are born or marry into your family, but you can decide how you will deal with them and what role they will play in your life.

    By the same token, it would make sense for a couple contemplating a destination wedding to consider making a list of really important guests (typically parents, siblings, very close friends) and engage in a discussion about the feasibility of a destination wedding. If you can't imagine your wedding day without your sister by your size, make sure she is willing, able and eager to make the trip.



  8. #48
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    Apr. 25, 2007
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    I operate under the assumption that guests are invited to weddings in order to bear witness to the commitment the couple is making and thereby being invested in the continued success of said relationship. I find the entire concept of a destination wedding childish and selfish. It's not a party, it's a life altering ceremony of commitment. Guess I am an old fuddy duddy.


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  9. #49
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    Jul. 8, 2007
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    Maryland
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    We had a semi-destination wedding. My family vacations on Long Beach Island together every year, a two hour drive for most of my family. Mom had rented a big ocean front house as usual and when DH proposed that winter we made plans to get married at the beach house. We had it catered and did the decoration and set-up ourselves. We went ahead and rented a second cheaper house a few blocks inland for out friends in the wedding party to stay in with DH and I so we could all spend the week together. It was AWESOME!! So much fun, no one had to put out money and our wedding was super cheap compared to renting out a banquet hall. Not sure if this link will work: https://www.facebook.com/reitz27/med...9327115&type=3



  10. #50
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    Oct. 26, 2000
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    I think one thing that worked in our favor of everyone who was invited being able to attend our wedding was that only one couple had children. And, they had parents at home who were able to watch the grandchildren for the weekend.

    Some years ago, we were invited to the wedding of one of DH's cousins, in Chicago. It was specifically a kid-free ceremony and reception.

    The logistics of us all going were impossible. His parents would be at the wedding. Mine were in Detroit and we had no family in Phoenix to watch our son. I stayed in AZ while DH attended.

    I saw his cousin later and she was very disappointed that I hadn't made it.
    ~ Horse Box Lovers Clique ~



  11. #51
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    Jan. 9, 2014
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    My fiancée and I are purposely picking a destination wedding for a few reasons.
    The first- we LOVE to travel. What better way to represent 'us' than by traveling for our wedding (our parents also love to travel, all are retired and spend most of their time traveling!)

    The second- to keep some family members that we 'have to' invite (yes, I know it's our day, and we only have to invite who we want, but not inviting DF's sister and her massive brood of children would lead to family chaos) from attending.

    We want a smalllll wedding, our parents and 2 of our closest friends each and my Grandma (all of which we know can afford to attend/have expressed interest in attending)

    DF saw what his sister did at his brothers wedding, and wants to avoid that like the plague (short version: sister invited 1)her husbands WHOLE extended family 2) 2-3 friends for EACH of her 4 children 3) Did not remember to mention this to ANYONE)

    So needless to say, he has to invite her, but he knows that she won't be able to swing a trip to a different continent for the 70+ people she invited to the last family wedding, (fingers crossed she won't even be able to swing it herself!) so a destination wedding makes sense



  12. #52
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    Mar. 27, 2008
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    We went to my niece's wedding in Costa Rica this year. Half of my sisters and their families could go, and we had a good time. But half of my sisters and their families couldn't afford to go. They are very close to my niece and were sad to miss out on the wedding. It made them feel really guilty that they chose not to spend the money. My costs ended up being a lot more than I thought for our family.

    Most of my niece's friends could afford to go and they all had a great time (all 30ish with decent jobs). Her husband's family could afford to go, but had to stay at a pretty crappy place and could not afford to take advantage of the things to do. It seemed like a party for the 30-somethings.

    Would I attend another destination wedding? Probably not. Seems like that is what the honeymoon is for.



  13. #53
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    Apr. 2, 2003
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    Quote Originally Posted by NCRider View Post
    Destination weddings can be fun if most people involved are wealthy. When the cost of attending the wedding eats up the entire year's vacation days and budget (or more) for a large % of the people who feel like they have to attend (family and close friends) then the bride and groom are being selfish.
    For those brides who are saying, "It's my day, it should be exactly how I want it, if you don't want to come, you can watch it on TV", know that half of your guests resent you for the time and trouble you've put them through and at least half of the people who don't come feel awkward, guilty and resentful that you put them in the position of having to decline the invitation and your relationship with them will never be the same unless you go out of your way to act like their failure to attend was no big deal.
    I think you're assuming I'd send an invite in the first place, which I would not, as the point of doing destination is that a very select group is invited to attend.

    Someone who would feel that way about coming, wouldn't be on the list in the first place, and I couldn't really feel any less guilt about the way another person has made themselves feel about MY wedding to MY husband.



  14. #54
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    Apr. 2, 2003
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ponyclubrocks View Post
    I operate under the assumption that guests are invited to weddings in order to bear witness to the commitment the couple is making and thereby being invested in the continued success of said relationship. I find the entire concept of a destination wedding childish and selfish. It's not a party, it's a life altering ceremony of commitment. Guess I am an old fuddy duddy.
    What, exactly, is wrong with wanting to make that committment totally alone, if that is what suits the bride and groom?

    I guess I don't get the sense of entitlement that not only should I invite you into that moment, but that there is some expectation that I will do it in a way that is convenient for YOU.

    But I guess I'm a millenial. We would have had no one there if my mother hadn't threatened to disinherit me if she missed her only daughter's wedding.


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  15. #55
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    Mar. 27, 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by soloudinhere View Post
    What, exactly, is wrong with wanting to make that committment totally alone, if that is what suits the bride and groom?

    I guess I don't get the sense of entitlement that not only should I invite you into that moment, but that there is some expectation that I will do it in a way that is convenient for YOU.

    But I guess I'm a millenial. We would have had no one there if my mother hadn't threatened to disinherit me if she missed her only daughter's wedding.
    well I would call that eloping. I don't have a problem with that. I have a problem with invitations being sent and then the bride/groom saying don't worry if you can't afford to come. It's not always a small select group who can all afford to go.


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  16. #56
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    Jun. 27, 2002
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    My husband and I got married in Antigua, just the two of us, with our toes in the sand, and it was the most amazing experience of my life. I would not have done a thing differently. We spent a week at Sandals and did the free wedding package with a few upgrades. We wanted something very simple and stress-free, and we got it. Our minister was great, the ceremony and private reception (for just us) was perfect, and our photographer was fantastic. We had a candlelight dinner on the beach that night and slept in with room service the next morning before having a couples massage and an afternoon on the beach. It couldn't have been better!

    But, most people want family included so this probably doesn't work for everyone. My husband (then fiance) had just returned from Iraq and we desperately wanted some "us" time, so we wanted to go alone. The day after we returned home we had a lovely reception with friends and family, then went out for a night on the town with our friends. We felt like we were able to share our joy with everyone but still go away on our own for our special nuptials.


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  17. #57
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    Jun. 29, 2013
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    Quote Originally Posted by Emryss View Post
    I couldn't possibly afford such a thing, and it would make me sad to miss a wedding I would otherwise love to attend.

    I'm old-fashioned (old) enough that I firmly believe that the ceremony is for celebrating with family and friends, and the dream destination is for the honeymoon.
    I agree with this.

    My bff is planning a wedding for next year and was torn about doing a destination wedding. She would have used their wedding budget to pay for each of their immediate families to attend and a few additional guests. It would actually have been cheaper for her than the huge party she's throwing now lol. She made the ultimate decision not to have a destination wedding when she realized her older relatives would be devastated. It's not fair to expect a few 90 year olds to fly to her wedding, and they would have been crushed to miss her wedding.

    Personally, I might do a destination wedding only because I want a super tiny ceremony. (so more along the lines of eloping!) But I don't think it makes sense if you want more than a handful of people there.



  18. #58
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    Nov. 15, 2005
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    Quote Originally Posted by soloudinhere View Post
    What, exactly, is wrong with wanting to make that committment totally alone, if that is what suits the bride and groom?

    I guess I don't get the sense of entitlement that not only should I invite you into that moment, but that there is some expectation that I will do it in a way that is convenient for YOU.

    But I guess I'm a millenial. We would have had no one there if my mother hadn't threatened to disinherit me if she missed her only daughter's wedding.
    It's called being considerate and compromising.

    Interestingly enough one of DHs coworkers was very upset at work the other day as her son is marrying and doing a destination wedding...
    Co-worker was ready to schedule her flight and room to attend but was told she was not allowed to attend because the brides parents can't afford to also attend.
    What is that?

    At what point/to what extent should the wedding planning consider those the couple loves and cares about and what they would want/like and can afford?
    I dunno'.
    But to me you're not just marrying the fiance, you're joining their family... seems kinda' rude to not care about them from the get go.
    Yo/Yousolong April 23rd, 1985- April 15th, 2014

    http://notesfromadogwalker.com/2012/...m-a-sanctuary/


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  19. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by Angela Freda View Post
    It's called being considerate and compromising.

    Interestingly enough one of DHs coworkers was very upset at work the other day as her son is marrying and doing a destination wedding...
    Co-worker was ready to schedule her flight and room to attend but was told she was not allowed to attend because the brides parents can't afford to also attend.
    What is that?

    At what point/to what extent should the wedding planning consider those the couple loves and cares about and what they would want/like and can afford?
    I dunno'.
    But to me you're not just marrying the fiance, you're joining their family... seems kinda' rude to not care about them from the get go.
    The parents can all afford to go. If they couldn't we'd pay for it, but they are fine. We're paying for the sister who's a college student and my MOH who happens to be a member on this board (Hi!!). Nobody else needs to be there. I don't need cousins, aunts, uncles, third cousins twice removed, the parent's best friend I haven't seen in 15 years. Weddings have always been about the social standing of the bride's parents, I am rejecting that notion and doing what I want because it's my commitment.

    I don't say that in a bridezilla way. I'm not throwing an 'it's my day!!!' tantrum. We asked, everyone was super excited about having a reason to go away, and off we go.

    Those who can't can watch it online. I don't understand the aversion to it, as I see it as a way to include those who can't go for either financial, physical, or timing reasons.



  20. #60
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    Feb. 26, 2011
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    I really wanted a destination wedding, since DH's family and mine live 2k miles apart. I wanted to go to Banff. DH didn't like that idea, because nobody in his family had passports, so we got married in my hometown, so guests still had to travel.

    I think it really depends on your social circle and ages, if destination weddings will work or not. If everybody has kids in school, it might not turn out as expected. I do think it is lovely if couples can afford to cover a couple nights of the stay for guests.



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