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  1. #41
    Join Date
    Sep. 30, 2010
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    SE PA
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    488

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    I'd like to say that you are all so very brave to post under your names here. You have my utmost respect. If someone cannot, that's fine too.

    I foster teenage boys who were all sexually abused. I can't say too much, so I have to be careful. But they are raped in the same way that girls would be, and that was a shock to me at first.

    Sexual abuse is spreading like a disease, those (males usually) who were abused go on to abuse more.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  2. #42
    Join Date
    Oct. 21, 2003
    Posts
    8,698

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    My uncles friend used to try to fondle us girls in the swimming pool when we were around 10-12 years old. In the summers we would spend time at their ranch riding horses and swimming and he'd want to "play games" in the pool, then try to touch us under the water. Looking back, the weird thing is we never told any of the adults but we talked about him as the dirty old man and we would just avoid him, we made fun of him as the creep. I sometimes wonder if he ever went all the way to molesting any of the girls or his own daughters.

    We were all pretty mature and tough kids and I never felt ashamed or anything about it...more like "ew, stay away from the creepy Chester the molester.."

    When I was 14 I caught a different uncle having sex with a 14 year old gypsy girl. He was "helping" the family. I screamed at him and he attacked me. I ran and locked myself in the house and called the police. When they came and I told them what happened, they put me in the car and scolded me! I was a punk back then, a tough kid, and he told them I was making things up and had attacked him. I still to this day cannot believe it happened. When I was in my 30s my cousin told me that several of the neighbors confessed that he had been molesting them through their childhood, and they were all in counseling as adults and coming to terms with it. He had been molesting kids for 30 years, from the ages of 6-14 year olds.

    He's long dead. No one in the family talks about it. That whole side of my family has fallen apart since my grandparents died, and now my aunts and uncles are dying.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #43
    Join Date
    May. 6, 2006
    Location
    rapidan,virginia
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    1,640

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    PP, that makes me so mad they didn't believe you!!
    "Can you imagine what I would do if I could do all I can?" Sun Tzu, The Art of War
    Rainy: http://tinyurl.com/kj7x53c
    Stash: http://tinyurl.com/mmm3p4e


    4 members found this post helpful.

  4. #44
    Join Date
    Aug. 9, 2007
    Posts
    9,180

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    once a neighbor tried to molest me. I always rode my horse bareback in the summer, me in short shorts and a tee shirt. I always stopped and talked to people in our neighborhood and one retired man often was tending his roses when I rode by. He was retired and lived with his wife, and he was old and probably getting senile. One day he was stroking my horse's shoulder and he started stroking my thigh. I pulled my horse away and went home. No I did not tell because my father would have killed the old guy. And I did not want my father to go to jail. I would never stop and chat when I rode by the guy's house again. And I quit riding in short shorts. I was 12 yoa. The old guy yelled to me that he wouldn't do it again, but I wasn't going to chance it. Years later, when my sister and her best friend were swimming off of his dock, I told my mother not to let her go there alone. I was always the little child that strangers tried to pick up out in public, so my parents had always been worried that someone would molest me and had made me afraid of most adults.

    Interestingly, now an article in the NYTime about a study of child molestation victims says it is cathartic for victims to testify in court. I've thought that for many decades. While everyone else told victims of rape and child molestation to get over and forget the crimes, I always told them to go to trial and testify and that would be cathartic for them. I've tried many child molestation cases and rapes of kids (and adults), and the process allowed the victims to realize that the judges and juries were supportive of them. Thank God almost every jury convicted the criminals. I always told my victims to tell the truth and then the jury will do the right thing. Almost every time, the jury did. And it was great to see how the victims felt after a guy was sent to jail to be punished for hurting them. Support for victims is very important. I've had so many jurors who told me that they had been molested and that no one had done a thing about it. I've never understood why a child or woman who was a witness to any crime but a sex crime was easily believed by everyone, but when a child or woman says that someone raped or molested them, everyone wants evidence besides the victim. The prejudice against women and children victims of sex crimes by both men and women is astounding to me. What we wear and where we go should not be considered when we are attacked by anyone.


    9 members found this post helpful.

  5. #45
    Join Date
    Apr. 20, 2013
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    Area IV
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    I was amazed on the other BB I post on how many said that when they did tell, they weren't believed. Some here spoke of how it polarized the family when it was a family member and you felt blamed for that. That is one of the main reasons I never said anything as a child. I am also pretty sure that my uncle probably continued abusing. More than anything, more than the abuse, was when I finally got the nerve to tell my mother, she brushed it under the rug and still has a good relationship with her brother. Wouldn't you at least broach it with your family member if someone accused them of molesting a child?

    I never had children, never wanted any but it always makes me wonder if any of this fed into it.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  6. #46
    Join Date
    Jun. 11, 2006
    Location
    Berryville, VA
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    2,933

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    I was abused growing up. I finally had enough when I was 13yo and told my Mom I was moving in with my Grandparents. She knew my father was verbally and mentally abusive, but didn't know about the rest. They divorced and I refused to visit him. He never forced the issue. When I was 18 years old, he came back from where he was living several states away and stalked me. Mom came home that day to find me in a fetal position on the bathroom floor unable to move. I was literally paralyzed with fear. I told her everything, not in detail, just why I was terrified of him and why he had come back to shut me up. We went to the police. I was not yet mentally ready to press charges. Unfortunately, by the time I was mentally strong enough to go through a trial, the statute of limitations had expired. The only person that didn't believe me was my Grandmother (his mother). She said I was lying. She continued to say that until two of my cousins stepped forward and stated he abused them as well. His side of the family has actually been very supportive. I think they feel bad that he is a monster.

    I did end up with terrible PTSD that basically ruined my life for almost 15 years. I had severe panic attacks, flash backs, and lived in complete fear every day of my life. Therapy wasn't enough and I ended up going to the PTSD unit at Sheppard Pratt almost 3 years ago. After a short stay there, I started to get back on my feet. For the first time in my life I feel "normal". I'm an RN and after I was released from Sheppard Pratt, I took a position on a Behavioral Health Unit. It was so therapeutic for me helping others work through their own traumas. I love who I am and I realize this was part of my journey and does not define who I am. We are all given a cross to carry. This is mine. I do not call myself a victim. I am a survivor.
    Boarding for Show, Pleasure, and Retirement horses. www.LockeMeadows.com


    16 members found this post helpful.

  7. #47
    Join Date
    Aug. 4, 2006
    Location
    Branson, Missouri
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    382

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    I was sexually abused by my mom's boyfriend's father from the ages of 6-9. The worst part about it is that he had been in prison for molesting girls, and my mom still left me alone with him. And, when I finally told her at the age of 13, she was outraged that the would do something like that to her. No sympathy for me...but sheer outrage that he would dare touch her daughter.

    I still have clear memories of the abuse. It has taken a lot of therapy and many years to get to the point I am today.
    "I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way."


    4 members found this post helpful.

  8. #48
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 2004
    Location
    Medford Oregon
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    926

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    My mothers father was a serial child molestor who victimized untold numbers of kids of both genders. Its left a horrible legacy in our family even though he's been dead thankfully over 20 years. After my Mom died when I was 15 I was taken in by grandparents and in front of my whole family I said I would only go if he left me alone. They now claim they didn't understand that was what I meant, which is just convenience on their part. No one wanted to listen or protect me and even now though I have forgiven their inaction it is hard to forget it. No one else as far as I know told because we did have men in the family who would have killed him I think. It is sad to me that I think my Mom died at a young age totally blocking out what he did to her only because she was never able to understand why he upset her so much or why she didn't like her parents when for her era that was what you were supposed to do. I often wonder if her blocking it all out is what in the end killed her because of stress and inability to be comfortable at the doctors. He was such an evil person I worry about how many lives he ruined in our family and outside of it. He moved a lot to stay out off the radar and not get caught.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  9. #49
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
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    Alabama
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    I hope there is a special part of hell for abusers, and for those who refused to believe a child saying someone was abusing them. It takes a very pathetic excuse for a human being to trade their child's safety for monetary or social reasons. It is beyond fathoming that anyone would blame a child for being abused, but I know it happens frequently. I've heard of cases where the mother has actually witnessed abuse and still ignored it, and that is such a horrible thing to do that I can't believe that person thinks they were any type of a parent. I read that it is estimated that the average abuser molests something around 100+ kids before they are reported, and from the heart rending stories on here I certainly believe it.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    4 members found this post helpful.

  10. #50
    Join Date
    Jan. 25, 2005
    Location
    upstate New York
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    3,405

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    This may be the saddest and most horrifying thread ever. I am speachless and honored to hear your stories of survival. Strength to all of you.


    15 members found this post helpful.

  11. #51
    Join Date
    Apr. 20, 2013
    Location
    Area IV
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    This, to me, is very therapeutic. Mostly because other than my mother, I have never told anyone. No my ex husband of 20 years, not my current SO of 7+ years. Oh wait, almost forgot, I did tell my BFF. She has been my BFF for over 30 years. I felt more comfortable telling a female. I don't ever plan on telling my SO.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  12. #52
    Join Date
    Oct. 20, 2006
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    902

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    I have always wondered if a higher % of horsewomen had been molested as a child and turned to horses as an emotional outlet.

    I am another.

    I told my mother. Lack of evidence as I was a younger child, so the police did nothing. The person did it again (x2) and was incarcerated on those charges. Too bad it had to continue.

    I also told my grandmother who ignored it. Then again, my mother was too and she also denied/ignored that one, so there you go. Very sad.



  13. #53
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    Aug. 12, 2008
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    424

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    Quote Originally Posted by starrunner View Post
    I have always wondered if a higher % of horsewomen had been molested as a child and turned to horses as an emotional outlet.

    I am another.

    I told my mother. Lack of evidence as I was a younger child, so the police did nothing. The person did it again (x2) and was incarcerated on those charges. Too bad it had to continue.

    I also told my grandmother who ignored it. Then again, my mother was too and she also denied/ignored that one, so there you go. Very sad.

    I'm so sorry.


    I have to agree with you. Horses saved my life. While I look back and see my mom as my long term constant, the horse that I had as a teenager/young adult saved I my life. While I didn't fully understand my Mom's support as a teenager (who really
    Does??), my horse was there.



  14. #54
    Join Date
    Feb. 18, 2011
    Location
    Phillipsburg Ohio
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    602

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    Quote Originally Posted by starrunner View Post
    I have always wondered if a higher % of horsewomen had been molested as a child and turned to horses as an emotional outlet.
    I certainly turned to animals in general, including horses. I have also been diagnosed with a form of autism, and it is very hard sometimes to sort out what is from the autism and what is from the abuse. My therapist has been trying.

    Generally I find humans to be scary, dangerous, unpredictable creatures. I am afraid of many things that make no sense. Some I can puzzle out:
    fear of police- that's the abuse, and conditioning so I wouldn;t tell
    fear of people yelling- could be either
    fear/discomfort of calling people on the phone- that;s probably the autism

    It is very hard to talk about or explain- I am very very smart (iq is over 140), but I am socially off. I make people angry without meaning to, I do things that seem odd, etc. On the whole, I prefer animals. I understand how horses see the world very very well- I;m probably more "spooky" than they are.
    ~Former Pet Store Manager (10yrs)
    ~Vintage Toy Dealer (rememberswhen.us)
    ~Vet Tech Student
    Mom to : 1 Horse, 4 Dogs, 3 Cats, 6 (Former) Stepkids


    6 members found this post helpful.

  15. #55
    Join Date
    Apr. 17, 2002
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    between the barn and the pond
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    I imagine many mothers refuse to think through their daughter's situation because of their own past. Too close to home, I mean. Molestation is not a new thing. They were likely abused too, told to hush, denied.

    Just something I wonder about.



  16. #56
    Join Date
    Jan. 27, 2002
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    4,973

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    how many of us have reported our molesters to the authorities?
    I actually called the state to ask about this many years ago.
    I decided not to press charges though I had cause until my mother passed away.
    she was horrified and broken hearted at my info and very conflicted about the nephews she knew and loved as babies and youngsters and their behavior as teenagers.
    but after she died I got busy with life and didn't do it.
    it's been something like 45 years since my cousins touched me and I wonder if there would be any value in reporting it now.
    and of course I worry if they touched children after me---


    1 members found this post helpful.

  17. #57
    Join Date
    Aug. 30, 2013
    Location
    Outside the Emerald City
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    I was abused by an older neighbor boy when I was 11-14. It finally stopped when my parents divorced and we moved to the other side of town. I still had to see him at school, though. I never told anyone. To this day, I don't think I would have the strength to tell anyone. His family and my family were friends, we all grew up together.

    I saw him a few years ago at the lake when I was visiting my home town with my husband. My sister told me he is an upstanding member of the community, with a job that some people claim makes him a hero. He has kids now. Daughters.

    As far as the effect it has had on my life...I'm not sure. I'm happy, well adjusted, have been happily married for 11 years and don't have any profound emotional problems as far as I know.

    I've never really been tempted to tell anyone, then or now. I'm too ashamed and embarrassed that I let it happen.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  18. #58
    Join Date
    Oct. 9, 2007
    Location
    Central NJ
    Posts
    1,091

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    Hugs to you all. I am amazed at your strength and ability to survive.

    Mojito - It is NOT your shame, it is your abuser's shame. An 11 or 14 yo is not responsible for the actions of another. Do not accept this shame - it does not belong to you, give it to the one who owns it.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  19. #59
    Join Date
    Oct. 9, 2007
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    Central NJ
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    1,091

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    Double
    Last edited by skykingismybaby1; Jan. 5, 2014 at 04:34 PM.



  20. #60
    Join Date
    Apr. 17, 2002
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    between the barn and the pond
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    Quote Originally Posted by suz View Post
    how many of us have reported our molesters to the authorities?
    I actually called the state to ask about this many years ago.
    I decided not to press charges though I had cause until my mother passed away.
    she was horrified and broken hearted at my info and very conflicted about the nephews she knew and loved as babies and youngsters and their behavior as teenagers.
    but after she died I got busy with life and didn't do it.
    it's been something like 45 years since my cousins touched me and I wonder if there would be any value in reporting it now.
    and of course I worry if they touched children after me---
    My parents did- they were told w/o physical evidence, to just leave it alone, there was no proof.

    Alabama, 1982.


    1 members found this post helpful.

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