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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan. 7, 2007
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    lexington, ky
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    Default controlling boyfriend

    My mom has found her a boyfriend and we were happy for her until we got to know him. No one in the family likes him and we all have seen the signs that he's controlling. I'm the only one who had said anything to her, but I do know no matter how much you try to convince them, they have to have it click for themselves before they see the light.

    Now this is where it gets really scary. My sister told me recently that he has been looking into my mom's financial statements. He's always taking her on expensive trips, dates, dinners, etc.. He also has been talking about buying a house in FL and another house on Cape Cod. My sister has been to his place and it's a shit hole. Doesn't look like he's maintained it in years. To us it sounds like he's trying to play it off like he has money and is trying to get my mom to make these big purchases and have her pay for them.

    We're worried that she might get suckered into something like that. Is there anything the family can do to protect her?



  2. #2
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    Apr. 9, 2012
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    Default

    TIME FOR AN INTERVENTION!!! I would not do it alone.
    Born under a rock and owned by beasts!


    11 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
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    Default

    I have tried to get the family to rally together. I think they're afraid of what happend with me will happen to them. Even though they don't like him they say well she's happy and deserves to be happy. Sigh...


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
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    7,017

    Default

    Is your mom:

    -Stupid?
    -Senile?
    -Needy?
    -Used to her husband "taking care" of her life's requiremens"?
    -Afraid of being alone?

    Sounds like time to hire a detective to look into the boy...but, and it's an Mooshel-sized-Butt, she won't listen to you. But, perhaps HE will find out you're onto him and might decide to head for easier pickens. Plus, if he's doing it to your mom, guaranteed he's preyed on other women.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"


    12 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2003
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    Massachusetts
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    Default

    Listen to your gut, it is telling you something for a reason.

    You won't have much luck if mom is willing to be able to take care of herself, even though she may be very vulnerable to being taken advantage of. My friends mom had that happen. The guy came in, swept her off her feet, spent/stole all her money including retirement savings and then left.

    After the fact, the kids did a background check on this guy and found out he was a felon with a pretty serious record.

    So, if I were you, I would pay for a background check ASAP. If you find anything of concern, you can present her with the facts and keep on her to help with the denial. In that way, maybe she will be more cautious when he wants her to make big expenditures.


    10 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
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    Aug. 6, 2002
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    NJ, USA
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    Default

    Echo the background check.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2007
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    Hollowed out volcano in the South Pacific.
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    Default

    I'd definitely look into the guy. He sounds like a shady version of Sam Axe from Burn Notice.
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have, at this moment, been thrown up from below!


    3 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar. 17, 2003
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    North Texas, US
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    Default

    Hey, Sam X rocks, Lex!
    www.debracysporthorses.com
    Home of Sea Accounts xx
    AHS/HV, ATA, GOV, RPSI, JC, AQHA, APHA, APtHA
    "LIKE" www.facebook.com/SeaAccounts


    3 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
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    Jul. 8, 2003
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    South of the North pole...... barely
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    Default

    Forget trying to convince your mom he's no good.
    I agree with Trakenhner, go right to the source. Once a slimy, money grubber always one.
    Let him know your looking into his past relationships, spending habits, etc.... If he thinks the gig is up, he'll move onto greener pastures in a heartbeat.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
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    Jan. 7, 2007
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    Default

    I'll have my sister look into that more. She knows more about him then I do. He doesn't talk to me anymore since I called him out on the POS that he is. My sister asked our mom if she had looked into his finances and she said no. They have been together for almost two years and it's just getting uglier as we find out more. I hope for her sake he's not a criminal with a track record and hopefully things will come to light before something drastic happens. Thanks


    1 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
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    Alabama
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    I agree with Sketcher. I know of three older women who had some money, and all three had losers latch onto them, married them, and proceeded to buy a lot of expensive things for new hubby. All three ended up broke, dumped, and with the ex keeping everything, and two of the exes went back to their girlfriends they had all along. Contact a private investigator, give them everything you know about him, and see if he's still married, has a criminal record, etc. If there's nothing provable about him, then your mom won't dump him. Even if you find out he's still married, or a criminal, your mom may choose him over you anyway. You can't fix a case of denial in some cases.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    3 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Oct. 14, 2010
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    3,086

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by spotted draft x filly View Post
    I'll have my sister look into that more. She knows more about him then I do. He doesn't talk to me anymore since I called him out on the POS that he is. My sister asked our mom if she had looked into his finances and she said no. They have been together for almost two years and it's just getting uglier as we find out more. I hope for her sake he's not a criminal with a track record and hopefully things will come to light before something drastic happens. Thanks
    A criminal record might be a good thing. An outstanding warrant could be gold. I mean it might be easier to convince Mom the guy is a tool if the criminal justice system has been involved. That way you guys aren't the only ones out to get him.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
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    Jan. 7, 2007
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    Default

    True that would help a lot. I mentioned the background check to my sister and she thought it's a great idea. She'll be able to do it since she knows his name, birthdate, and address.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Apr. 9, 2012
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    Default

    Also do a Google search. You might find a mug shot on there!

    Now if the background check and search come up empty, you can still have a talk with her... I would avoid talking about the guy as much as you can. Avoid any judgmental language. The conversation could go something like... "Mom, are you considering buying another home? I just want to understand this, are you moving? Why do you need another home?" Ask a lot of "why" and open-ended questions and get her thinking.
    Born under a rock and owned by beasts!


    3 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
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    Default

    I checked google and only found his FB page. She is living with him and I have asked her if she was going to sell her house. She said no and that she does go home occasionally.



  16. #16
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    Jun. 24, 2005
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    You can also do zabasearch, and see what other cities he's lived in. You can hit pay dirt if you put his full name in quotation marks, the state name after it, and search on Google. Some states have criminal records online, and some don't, but many have all civil and legal actions online.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Aug. 9, 2007
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    Default

    I agree with Trakehner.

    Also, to assist your private detective, as the P.I.should have friends in the police dept who have access to NCIC, make sure you acquire the boyfriend's fingerprints. A glass he used (no condensation on it) and other items that he touches can be quietly picked up and put in a paper bag and given to your P.I. You don't want porous things, but anything glass or plastic or anything like that is good to retain prints. Ask him to move a Bose radio, prints are pretty easy to get off of that plastic. Ditto plastic book cover or plastic items that have a flat surface for the prints. When you pick up a glass or glass bottle that he's left, make sure you put your fingers inside of the glass or bottle. People can be run by name and approximate age, but to be sure, since people use aliases, fingerprints are the best way to find out someone's record.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
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    Jan. 14, 2003
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    Massachusetts
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    Default

    Well, you should post his info here. The COTH sleuths will leave no stone unturned (Just kidding. Sorta )


    7 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
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    Jan. 26, 2006
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    Fort Worth, Texas
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    Default

    oh just buy some pot, put it his car then report car being driven erratically


    3 members found this post helpful.

  20. #20
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    Jun. 24, 2005
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    Alabama
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    Make sure you use a P.I. who has real law enforcement training.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    1 members found this post helpful.

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