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  1. #21
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    I don't know how anyone of high school age could not know the facts of sex in this society. My mom never actually gave me "the talk" but I had sex ed in I think 5th, 7th, and 9th grades, and I read books and novels and watched tv and had friends who talked. This was even before the Internet! I


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  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by saratoga View Post
    I don't know how anyone of high school age could not know the facts of sex in this society. My mom never actually gave me "the talk" but I had sex ed in I think 5th, 7th, and 9th grades, and I read books and novels and watched tv and had friends who talked. This was even before the Internet! I
    People choose to purposefully be ignorant, or as in highschool, you take the word of the class big-mouth as gospel. It's amazing how many times I had to set people straight throughout college (and this was just a few years ago) on truly, truly basic things. One girl thought that she could get pregnant during her sugar pills week, for goodness sake!

    I have learned, throughout my life, that not everyone likes to KNOW things in the way that I do (read the prescription insert sort of KNOW things) and that goes way beyond birth control/their own bodies.


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  3. #23
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    I think it REALLY imprtant for a teenager to have a trusted family confidant who is not a parent. I think you can broach the subject with her with out going all details on her. I try to be super open and non-judgey with my daughter, but she still always tells my sister in law things first. I will never ever get mad at her for doing this so long as she's going to someone (and I trust my SIL to tell me if it were something of importnance). I'd let her know you're there and that there are risks, even when using protection, we we know from the other thread.

    If it were me? I'd risk having Mom upset with me versus an uninformed teenager.


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  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by saratoga View Post
    I don't know how anyone of high school age could not know the facts of sex in this society. My mom never actually gave me "the talk" but I had sex ed in I think 5th, 7th, and 9th grades, and I read books and novels and watched tv and had friends who talked. This was even before the Internet! I
    OK, sure, pretty much everyone knows *how* sex works. That's not the real issue. It's all the details of birth control and avoiding STDs that really need to be understood, and I would be that most teenagers probably don't really know as much as they should. I can say that until I wanted to get pregnant in my 30s, I didn't realize the full complexity of my cycle - for example, that all women don't ovulate on day 14, or have 28 day cycles, and how to know when you are fertile (and when you aren't)...and how oral birth control really works, so you can find the one that works best for you, etc. etc.

    Add to that the peer pressure, wrong information, and lack of easy access to birth control...teens are really in need of more help than they realize. Not to mention they are the most fertile at this age than they will ever be again...talk about irony.

    I've been reading this thread with interest because I'm thinking hard about exactly how to give "THE talk"...to my 15 year old (not "the talk about birds and bees"...she already knows THAT stuff....we've had "the talk" many times.) But...what is the right way to be the supportive mom without embarrassing her, and also trying to instill the idea that no matter what the pressure is (and from whom), sex is still a choice that she can say no to - and that I hope she will for a while.


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  5. #25
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    I would approach her and tell her that you are happy to help her if she ever needs anything or needs to confide in a family member. Explain that if she ever has academic issues, you will help her get a tutor;needs help looking at colleges, you will take her; has questions about alcohol, drugs, sex or birth control, you will answer them or take her to someone who can answer them. Explain that she is a wonderful person and that you have high expectations for her. Help her find a mentor in a career of her choice. Young women who have well planned career paths rarely get pregnant as teenagers.

    My daughters went to an all girls, very career oriented, high school. Not one young woman at the school had a baby during the years my daughters were in high school. The students had lots of mentors, lots of sports, and spent 1 day per week working in an actual workplace that was related to the student's projected career path.

    Contraceptive knowledge is important, but it needs to be combined with the desire to use contraception or abstinence because the young woman has goals that don't include being a teen mother.


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  6. #26
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    I'm a parent and I'm amazed at how little is taught in schools these days. My daughter is in a public middle school in a fairly liberal suburban community and has no sex ed so far. There's a little discussion of periods and general health stuff, but nothing really on the mechanics or contraception. I've talked to her and given her books, but it's a different world than when I grew up. Talk to her.



  7. #27
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    We are an abstinence only school (public school), so our students learn nothing about BC, condoms, etc... in sex ed.
    No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle. ~Winston Churchill
    For Hope, For Strength, For Life-Delta Gamma
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  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by dghunter View Post
    We are an abstinence only school (public school), so our students learn nothing about BC, condoms, etc... in sex ed.
    I have no idea what our public schools teach because we homeschool. But a public school girl told my dd some years ago (and admittedly, they were only 11, so it's not like I expected her to *know* anything): "If you want to have sex with a boy, but he's "not the right boy for you" then "it won't fit" and you can't get pregnant." OMG. What crazy information goes around! Needless to say, we had a very explicit impromptu sex ed lesson that night, and I explained that yes, all the boys can get you pregnant - even the ones with bad breath and who pick their nose and eat it. My kids thought it was funny, but it was really a scary thought that sex ed starts that early and probably continues -- advice about how things work from children who have no idea themselves. Obviously they learn more as time goes on, but it does make you wonder what teenagers really *know* about birth control and STDs.



  9. #29
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    I guess I owe my sister a dept of gratitude...She wanted to know from early on how things worked, and made damn sure I knew what she knew!

    (not to mention we had magazines telling it like it is, complete with pictures! Ask any German raised person about 'Fragen sie Dr Sommer!' )

    but yes, what passes as 'Sex-ed' around these parts is criminal!
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



  10. #30
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    I also want to add that parents shouldn't just be concerned when their child is in a relationship. I know some people whose first time did not involve a true relationship beforehand.

    I completely agree about sex ed. Parents aren't always teaching it, schools aren't either. Where are they getting information? I had a friend (almost 30) tell me today that boy sperm swim faster than female sperm. I've heard students say you can't get pregnant while having sex in water.
    No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle. ~Winston Churchill
    For Hope, For Strength, For Life-Delta Gamma
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  11. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by dghunter View Post
    I also want to add that parents shouldn't just be concerned when their child is in a relationship. I know some people whose first time did not involve a true relationship beforehand.

    I completely agree about sex ed. Parents aren't always teaching it, schools aren't either. Where are they getting information? I had a friend (almost 30) tell me today that boy sperm swim faster than female sperm. I've heard students say you can't get pregnant while having sex in water.
    I do believe the boy sperm does swim faster than girl sperm...but that is not always a plus...

    but I do agree, it's dysmal...
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



  12. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alagirl View Post
    I do believe the boy sperm does swim faster than girl sperm...but that is not always a plus...

    but I do agree, it's dysmal...
    I've had a few OBGYNs tell me that recent studies are finding that it's not true. The interwebs still seem to be split 50/50 on the front page of google (truly reliable )

    I bet there are some horror stories out there about things people have heard kids say!
    No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle. ~Winston Churchill
    For Hope, For Strength, For Life-Delta Gamma
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  13. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by dghunter View Post
    I've had a few OBGYNs tell me that recent studies are finding that it's not true. The interwebs still seem to be split 50/50 on the front page of google (truly reliable )

    I bet there are some horror stories out there about things people have heard kids say!
    Ah, dang...used to be learning stuff on TLC...not how to breed more babies...
    I mean, the difference was minute, but they found a whole bunch of interesting variations in the little swimmers...a tad faster vs a tad more resilient...not that it really matters. Unless environmental issues impact the outcome, the results are vaguely 50/50...
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



  14. #34
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    As a teacher in a public high school, I can confirm, first-hand, that the sex-ed is horrifying.

    I have had LOTS of conversations with teens about Fact vs. Fiction and what appropriate methods of birth control are and how to avoid STD's. I had one girl tell me that "pulling out" was BC, and another girl tell me the Sex Ed teacher told her you can't get pregnant if you've never had a real period. AGH.

    I think the OP needs to be a tiny bit careful- maybe feel the girl out a bit before just plunging into the conversation. It's possible, though unlikely, that having had an intense religious upbringing, she is also intensely religious. I think the idea of starting the conversation with if she has an questions about anything she is not comfortable talking with her parents about is great, and then depending on where the conversation goes, or how conservative she's being, ease into a talk about BC options.

    I just don't think hitting her up at the family Christmas Dinner with a statement about PP and BC pills would be the best start, but it all depends on the kind of girl she is I guess.



  15. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ruth0552 View Post
    I had one girl tell me that "pulling out" was BC
    It is one form of birth control. Its not high in effectiveness, but is one.



  16. #36
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    Please talk to her, and be sure she is VERY clear on what contraception is and how to use the various versions of it.

    I grew up in a church going, fairly conservative family. I'm not sure how I managed to come out alright...I guess I got just enough of a mixture between what little my mom talked about (which was very little), sex ed, and figuring stuff out on my own through trashy romance novels, sneaking peeks in the "Joy of Sex" type books at the book store, and what itty bitty bit of porn I saw as a teen. (not necessarily GREAT resources, but better than abstinence only!!!). I know several kids I grew up with, most from families even more conservative than mine, who ended up pregnant/impregnating. One girl had THREE kids outside of wedlock (from at least two different dads), and I think was pregnant with number FOUR when she finally managed to marry one of the daddies (and she was the younger sister of a friend of mine...she's not yet 30!). The brother of one of my best friends got his gf pregnant not once, but TWICE before someone thought to mention maybe they should get married. I have knowledge of other kids in similar circumstances. And because all of these families are also rabidly pro-life, all of the babies were kept. Most of these people, if they were lucky enough to get through high school, are now barely scraping by because they have had no college and no serious career training.

    My theory with these types of stories is that because the ONLY thing these kids hear growing up is "sex before marriage is a SIN!!!!" they learn nothing about safe sex practices. They have no clue (or very little of a clue) on how to prevent babies before they are ready. And, because hormones are often stronger than doctrine, they still have (guilt ridden) sex. And then have babies.

    So, please, as a survivor of the "sex before marriage is a SIN!!!" school of sex ed (thank god for the public school sex ed classes I DID get!!!!), talk to her!


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  17. #37
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    Definitely talk to her. Let her know it is her choice -- and also let her know that she can get pregnant -- even the first time. I've ended up having some form of "the talk" with various teens. I figure they really can't hear it too much.



  18. #38
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    Good grief! Don't the schools teach sex ed anymore?
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  19. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by microbovine View Post
    Good grief! Don't the schools teach sex ed anymore?
    Many don't because of funding. They were offered more $$$ to teach abstinence only.
    No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle. ~Winston Churchill
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  20. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by microbovine View Post
    Good grief! Don't the schools teach sex ed anymore?
    Some religious parents will pull their kids from school for those classes so they don't get corrupted.
    Ironically my DH went to a private Catholic all boys high school. He had better sex ed than I did. They learned about ovulation and how the various methods of BC worked. Yes, the priest told them why each method was against Catholic doctorine but a least they learned it.
    In my middle school they separated the boys and girls for the sex ed classes and were not allowed to discuss BC at all. The woman health teacher was embarrassed to teach basic anatomy. She would stumble over the word penis and would not look at the class.
    By the time my brother came through a 5 years later they could at least discuss BC.
    The only sex-ed we had was 8th grade. In 6th grade the girls had a group talk with the nurse about periods.
    I live in PA.

    I think sex-ed being taught in public schools is very dependent on which area you live in. I get the impression abstinence tends to be taught in the Bible belt areas.
    Oh, well, clearly you're not thoroughly indoctrinated to COTH yet, because finger pointing and drawing conclusions are the cornerstones of this great online community. (Tidy Rabbit)


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