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  1. #261
    Join Date
    Mar. 25, 2012
    Posts
    228

    Default

    Very happy to hear the update!



  2. #262
    Join Date
    Jun. 22, 2007
    Location
    SE CT
    Posts
    984

    Default

    Thank you so much for letting us know you are OK, I'd been checking this thread numerous time per day...Sounds like everything went as well as it could, now take a deep breath, and relax....take lots of time for you!

    Remember, DO NOT give in if he starts to want contact.

    If you have not done so, PLEASE read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. Your ex-F is described in there, to a T. The book will give you lots of insight into "why do they do what they do" ?

    Good luck in the future, best wishes always to you


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #263
    Join Date
    Mar. 24, 2004
    Location
    Pottstown, PA (East Coventry)
    Posts
    3,014

    Default

    Glad to hear the dogs, horses and you have all made it out safely. I hope you continue to stay safe.
    Oh, well, clearly you're not thoroughly indoctrinated to COTH yet, because finger pointing and drawing conclusions are the cornerstones of this great online community. (Tidy Rabbit)



  4. #264
    Join Date
    Sep. 22, 2008
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    1,730

    Default

    OP- so glad to hear you're out and safe. It takes real balls to up and leave, even when you know it's exactly what you needed to do.

    Find a range, up your practice time and carry everywhere. On your body at all times even at home, on the nightstand at night. Don't be paranoid, but TRUST your gut. Never let your guard down.

    If you need anything, reach out here. While I am fortunate to not have been in your shoes many others have. There's a wealth of knowledge and help here, not just horse related.

    Stay strong and stay smart. You remain in my prayers.
    You can't fix stupid.... but you can breed it!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #265
    Join Date
    Dec. 22, 2000
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    14,890

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Bristol Bay View Post
    This was starting to remind me of the chicken in the oven thread.
    Omg. I'm glad I'm not the only one who was thinking of that thread!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #266
    Join Date
    Nov. 24, 2002
    Location
    Northern KY
    Posts
    4,461

    Default Leave, take the dog, load your gun.

    I'll share a true story. Good friend had an abusive ex, who continued to show up at her place of business (boarding barn) and knock her around. His family had money, etc. I interrupted it one day, when he turned to me, I coldly told him who my DH was and asked him if he felt lucky.

    I told my friend to get a gun and use it the next time he showed up. She never did.

    A friend of hers married the guy a couple of years later (you would think she'd have known better wouldn't you?). He was the same abusive asshole. She left, he went over to her house on Christmas even and shot and killed her. They knew it was him, found the weapon, he confessed and is in prison.

    My friend was guilty for years and said she should have blown his head off when she had the chance and that never would have happened.

    She was right.

    This guy Will Not Change and It Isn't YOU, it's HIM.

    Get gone, change all numbers and all emails. Tell the cops.


    12 members found this post helpful.

  7. #267
    Join Date
    Aug. 4, 2013
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    10

    Default

    I'm a long time lurker (for years lol!) & the many COTH members who took the time to write such wise, supportive, and non-judgmental messages to FLeventer in this thread inspired me to start posting.

    This thread contains a wealth of information that is beneficial not only to FLeventer, but to other people who may find themselves in the same position. When you are with someone who is controlling and abusive, it can be easy to get into a "paralyzed" frame of mind, where most of your thoughts and energy are going into the day to day protection of yourself and a lot of energy is used up in fear. This becomes a big hurdle to seeking out the information you need in order to safely leave and start a new life. To have all of this good advice and encouragement in one thread will certainly help others who have found themselves in the same predicament as FLeventer.

    FLeventer, I am so proud of you for being strong enough to advocate for your dogs and horses and your self. I found myself in much the same position as you, with a young child and an extremely controlling, violent husband. Under threats towards my life and my childs, I left while he was at work, with literally the clothes on my back and a few armfuls of my childs belongings. I completely understand what you have just undertaken and want to tell you that it is worth EVERY moment you spend reorienting yourself and creating a new life.

    I took years away from any type of dating while I started the process of healing from that relationship. I am now married to my best friend and live in a peaceful, safe, loving, joyful home, to a man who is gentle, respectful, madly in love with me and is a wonderful father figure to my child. I am sharing this as more encouragement to you that you absolutely can have the type of relationship you envision for yourself.

    One of the positive things about being in a relationship like you have been in is that you have a better understanding of the red flags that seem innocent when they take place, but in retrospect should have a huge impact on your impression of that person. Unfortunately, people who are very controlling and narcissistic are incredibly good at fooling you into thinking they are someone they are not, so please DO NOT blame yourself for for ending up in the type of relationship you were in. You did the right thing once it was painfully clear what type of person you were involved with.

    I wish you MUCH peace and I hope you find much comfort & happiness as you start your new life. Enjoy your new place, and enjoy spending time with your horses. Be proud of yourself for being brave enough to do what you just did. Stay vigilant about your safety. Wishing you all the best FLeventer!


    34 members found this post helpful.

  8. #268
    Join Date
    Jul. 26, 2003
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    635

    Default

    OP, I'm another who has been checking this thread for updates because I was so worried about you. Congratulations on taking that first big step! Remember all the good advice you've been given, and please stay safe.

    Updates appreciated, LOL.



  9. #269
    Join Date
    Mar. 16, 2000
    Location
    Chatham, NY USA
    Posts
    4,100

    Default

    FLE, I am so glad to hear that you made the move uneventfully. Lots of continued good suggestions here - we all wish you well, safe, and a happy future.

    MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! This (your freedom) is the best present you'll ever get -and you gave it to yourself!
    www.ayliprod.com
    Equine Photography in the Northeast


    2 members found this post helpful.

  10. #270
    Join Date
    Feb. 14, 2010
    Posts
    2,993

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JanM View Post
    Congratulations! Never look back, just forward. I'm so happy you and your animals are safe. Block his phone calls, and texts. It doesn't cost extra to do 90 blocks on up to five numbers, at least with most carriers.
    If you don't block through the carrier certain smartphones have their own blocking, you just have to look around on the phone. That way you don't have to worry how many numbers you have to block or when the carrier's blocking expires.
    Proud Member of the "I Don't Do Facebook" Clique



  11. #271
    Join Date
    Feb. 14, 2010
    Posts
    2,993

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by sketcher View Post
    You do not need to apologize or explain yourself to the people who like to stir the pot with little regard for those who are living real life problems.



    Hopefully he does. Hopefully he does not drink. I do not mean drink like an alcoholic but I hope he does not go come home on Friday night and drink himself into a pity party. I believe this type of scenario could be the most dangerous. So, unfortunately it is likely that OP will have to stay on her toes for months.

    For me, it was a long, long time before I was not looking over my shoulder. I used to hear his motorcycle slowly drive by my house at night when I was lying in bed. He never came in but I knew he was there.
    The distance that she went should help, hopefully.
    Proud Member of the "I Don't Do Facebook" Clique



  12. #272
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    8,216

    Default

    Ruby-my carrier Verizon, only lets you 90 day blocks, and five numbers, unless you subscribe to the usage controls, then I pay about $6.00 a month, can permanently block 20 phone numbers or emails. I think mine is worth every penny to get certain people off my phone.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    1 members found this post helpful.

  13. #273
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2007
    Location
    NW Louisiana
    Posts
    5,193

    Default

    Very proud of you for doing this. More women in these situations should be so brave. Stay strong, don't look back, and move on with your life.



  14. #274
    Join Date
    Apr. 1, 2008
    Posts
    4,536

    Default

    Thank you so much for checking in OP. Good for you for making the changes you did. Be strong. Be well. But most of all, be safe.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  15. #275
    Join Date
    May. 15, 2005
    Location
    Australasia
    Posts
    1,113

    Default

    Glad you and the furs are out and safe!

    Stay safe, all the best
    where am I, what day is it, am I still having a good time?



  16. #276
    Join Date
    Dec. 27, 2006
    Location
    Western NY
    Posts
    1,652

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JanM View Post
    Ruby-my carrier Verizon, only lets you 90 day blocks, and five numbers, unless you subscribe to the usage controls, then I pay about $6.00 a month, can permanently block 20 phone numbers or emails. I think mine is worth every penny to get certain people off my phone.
    I can block numbers right on my phone. What happens is that they get kicked right to voice mail, then just delete the messages if you want.



  17. #277
    Join Date
    Apr. 13, 2008
    Posts
    954

    Default

    Zenequestrian, thanks for taking the time to tell your story as well. Im sorry that weve learned to be doubters re: internet drama- but also many here have enormous hearts that have the best interests of the posters in mind. So thankful that FLeventer is out safe, for the time being- please keep cautious, so proud of women (and men) who break the cycle and escape safely. My personal friend was not so lucky, so every successful break I think of as in honor of my friend Laura. Thanks for letting us know.



  18. #278
    Join Date
    Dec. 30, 2002
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    908

    Default

    So glad that you're safe



  19. #279
    Join Date
    Sep. 18, 2007
    Location
    FL
    Posts
    643

    Default

    don't let down your guard, allow some time to pass, stay vigilant, for a while. It takes time to 'get over' a break-up and he may still get angry though distance helps.



  20. #280
    Join Date
    Aug. 4, 2013
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    10

    Default

    Hi Griffyn, Thank you for your comments. I am sorry you lost your friend Laura, and I think you have found a beautiful way to honor her memory.

    I think it's sensible for there to be some level of doubt when it comes to forums & internet drama, so I don't view it as inappropriate of those who expressed doubts. Topics like these can really tug at hearts and cause a lot of concern, and I found the amount of good information and advice shared in this thread impressive. It is great to read about the successful breaks that others shared too, and I am thankful FLeventer was able to get her dogs & horses moved and take the big step of starting a new life that she can enjoy!


    2 members found this post helpful.

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