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  1. #21
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    Ugh. I see these stories and my heart breaks. Bless him for being so brave - his bravery should be rewarded thousand-fold!
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  2. #22
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    Errr...I would be more careful than to fully rush into "what a wonderful child". I mean, he's wonderful in the way most human beings are, but this turnaround from his previous difficulties and physically-expressing-anger issues is about 3 months in duration here. He needs an adoptive (or foster) home that has some skill with serious anger issues, not an optimist touched by the article. Perhaps that is why there have been a couple of inquiries but no bites - the agency in charge is filtering out those who might not be able to handle the issues.
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  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coanteen View Post
    Errr...I would be more careful than to fully rush into "what a wonderful child". I mean, he's wonderful in the way most human beings are, but this turnaround from his previous difficulties and physically-expressing-anger issues is about 3 months in duration here. He needs an adoptive (or foster) home that has some skill with serious anger issues, not an optimist touched by the article. Perhaps that is why there have been a couple of inquiries but no bites - the agency in charge is filtering out those who might not be able to handle the issues.
    I do think it's wonderful that he's making a real effort to improve himself, and I hope that he finds a permanent family. But I also agree that he needs a family that is willing and able to help him work through any issues that resurface.

    A few times I've contemplated adopting an older child, because I really do feel for their predicament, but ultimately I have to admit that I'm ill and tired, and I don't have the energy or emotional resources to be as supportive as most of those children need a parent to be. And I'm also concerned about the safety of my son. While outbursts are understandable coming from the kinds of circumstances some of those kids are coming from, that doesn't necessarily mean that I want to subject my son to them, nor do I want to direct my time and energy away from him. Yes, that's probably very selfish of me, but part of the reason that I only have one child is so that I don't have to divide my somewhat limited resources up between multiple children.
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  4. #24
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    You do NOT have to adopt or foster to make a difference in a neglected child's life. You can be a big brother or big sister, and you can donate time and money and gifts to homes where children in the foster system live. Between foster families, those kids go to homes, like I guess the one where this kid is, where someone takes care of them and is paid by the state.
    Drop off some chic-fil-la, or some games, or a tv, or give gift certificates for clothing or food, etc. A trip to Six Flags is always a treat. But you don't have to accept the liability or the time to make a big change in a kid's life. i used my own car and own money and own time, and couldn't drink those Friday nights I was sitting a chuckie cheese with kids.

    Here's a true story: When I was at my first barn (I kept my horses at home growing up, so did not board till I got C&C) the foster kids were already gone. Some 28 or 32 over the years, home schooled (no problem with clothing for school) and brought to the barn to work in afternoons and weekends. Kids who had ponies at that barn told stories that would make your hair stand on end. Anyway, one boy was graduating from my old high school the year that I got C&C and boarded them at that barn. Kids were talking about how badly he'd been treated by the BO when he was fostered by her and her husband. So a few years later, the old farrier at another barn told me how he got a letter from that kid, now in the Navy in California, thanking farrier for being nice to him. Turns out the old farrier had felt so sorry for the way he'd seen the boy treated, that on Saturdays he'd take the boy with him to barns to work, and paid the kid for helping him. That kid said, when he was in the navy, that old Gerald had saved his life and given him hope. I hope Aaron is somewhere now with a family, and happy in his life.

    One act of kindness can make a difference. Repeated acts of kindness can save a life. Do one act and then see how it goes. I'm going to see if I can send the kid in FL some gift certificate for clothes or sports items. He may grow up to be the 3rd black president........Clinton was the first, according to my friends.


    10 members found this post helpful.

  5. #25
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    Apr. 8, 2005
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coanteen View Post
    Errr...I would be more careful than to fully rush into "what a wonderful child". I mean, he's wonderful in the way most human beings are, but this turnaround from his previous difficulties and physically-expressing-anger issues is about 3 months in duration here. He needs an adoptive (or foster) home that has some skill with serious anger issues, not an optimist touched by the article. Perhaps that is why there have been a couple of inquiries but no bites - the agency in charge is filtering out those who might not be able to handle the issues.
    Definitely. Call me a pessimist, but these kids are excellent manipulators...they've had lots of practice. CPS is also not known for their complete honesty in disclosure of a child's issues.

    I work in a psych facility. My facility doesn't usually get the worst of the bunch, but in working there for three years or so I can only think of a few kids that I'd have been willing to take home with me.


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  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by shakeytails View Post
    Definitely. Call me a pessimist, but these kids are excellent manipulators...they've had lots of practice. CPS is also not known for their complete honesty in disclosure of a child's issues.

    I work in a psych facility. My facility doesn't usually get the worst of the bunch, but in working there for three years or so I can only think of a few kids that I'd have been willing to take home with me.
    Oh he's definitely honeymooning. Adoption of older children is rough. But I still hurt for him.


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  7. #27
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    Sep. 5, 2007
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    I have friends who adopted a 17 year old boy. I do not know his circumstances, but they love him as their own. I think it's pretty awesome that they did this. Yes, they could have just let him with them and then "age out" but they wanted to be his parents.

    They also adopted a severely disabled baby after their own severely disabled daughter passed. They loved their daughter so very much, and wanted another child who was severely disabled to have the same kind of life- loved, adored and cared for.

    I hope this kid finds a great family. If he puts his mind to it, he can change his whole life.



  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by shakeytails View Post
    Definitely. Call me a pessimist, but these kids are excellent manipulators...they've had lots of practice. CPS is also not known for their complete honesty in disclosure of a child's issues.

    I work in a psych facility. My facility doesn't usually get the worst of the bunch, but in working there for three years or so I can only think of a few kids that I'd have been willing to take home with me.
    How sad that you feel that way and work with these kids. It is burnout work for sure.

    I have worked in an intensive residential treatment program for teenage girls and also in residential settings for kids in DSS custody and there are not many of them I would not have brought home even with the understanding of the disruption and chaos they would bring with them due to their trauma backgrounds. I did not bring any home because my spouse would absolutely not have the skills to cope and it would have been very hard on our relationship and I decided it was too much to ask of her.

    Of course they are manipulative. They are teenagers and in a very screwed up system no matter which state you are from. Look at what some of these kids have suffered . "Normal" teenagers are manipulative. Imagine what a kid who has been seriously abused or neglected or one dealing with mental illness must do to survive?


    3 members found this post helpful.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by cloudyandcallie View Post
    I then made it my mission to have some of my privileged white male dopers volunteer at that home, and give thousands of dollars to it. The home got a new furnace from one of the stockbrokers who had mistakenly offered a free snort of coke to a narc standing in line behind him at an event!
    CAC, you are awesome. This is the perfect solution as it keeps the craphead privileged idiots working and still helps others.

    and for what it's worth. If this kid were so wonderful, where are his teachers/friends/neighbors/acquaintances to help him in his hour of need. Call me cynical, but I agree with those who urge caution.....


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  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by threedogpack View Post
    and for what it's worth. If this kid were so wonderful, where are his teachers/friends/neighbors/acquaintances to help him in his hour of need. Call me cynical, but I agree with those who urge caution.....
    Wow. Really? These kinds of attitudes just enrage me. You have not a clue the kind of lives these kids live in these programs staffed with low paid people who are most (but not always) caring but sometimes barely employable elsewhere.

    They are subjected to incredible indignities and unpredictable environments and do not have the opportunity to form friendships and stable attachments. They have nothing. Quite literally. They get their hopes raised and get sent to a foster home and more often than not, that is not a good situation and often it does not last.

    Some of them are physically and sexually abused in foster care and some of them just neglected but an extra income stream for their foster parents who may not get a ton of money for them but do not spend everything they get on the kid.

    And some of them grow up in this system. The lives these kids live is so unbelievably unfair.

    Where do you suppose they are finding all these wonderful teachers/neighbors and acquaintances when they have no stability in their lives? Geesh.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  11. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by sketcher View Post
    Wow. Really? These kinds of attitudes just enrage me. You have not a clue the kind of lives these kids live in these programs staffed with low paid people who are most (but not always) caring but sometimes barely employable elsewhere.
    then you will be going to get this young man and bring him into your home sketcher? Give him the better life that has been denied to him?


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  12. #32
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    Dec. 12, 2010
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    Here's a follow-up article on this kid:

    http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/wil...164213337.html

    His story has gone viral. The agency has gotten over 300 calls about Davion. I hope it turns out well for him!!!!!!!!
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  13. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by threedogpack View Post
    then you will be going to get this young man and bring him into your home sketcher? Give him the better life that has been denied to him?
    Just because I am not jumping to bring this kid to my lesbian household containing one partner who does not doo particularly well with teens, in a white-bread fairly wealthy and rural town does not mean I can not feel sad that people have less than educated attitudes about these unfortunate kids.

    Yes, if were not married to someone not suited for the job I would consider it. In fact I would likely have a houseful of them.


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  14. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by sketcher View Post
    Just because I am not jumping to bring this kid to my lesbian household containing one partner who does not doo particularly well with teens, in a white-bread fairly wealthy and rural town does not mean I can not feel sad that people have less than educated attitudes about these unfortunate kids.
    am I the one referred to as "less than educated attitude"?



  15. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by threedogpack View Post
    am I the one referred to as "less than educated attitude"?
    Well yes I suppose you could be one of them on the basis that you expect a kid who has likely been tossed around in such a system to have so many of these teachers, neighbors and such who are supposed to be singing his praises. And obviously he is evil devil spawn because it is apparent to you that he does not have any of these things. That suggests to me that you have made a judgement about this kid without educating yourself on the facts of what his circumstances truly are.


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  16. #36
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    This makes the concept of maintaining a guest room seem ridiculous.

    I am part of a group of people who work with orphans in Honduras...we've passed this young man's video around FB and had some pretty frank discussions today about what our responsibility is in a situation such as this. I have space in my home; DD would love a sibling (we can't have anymore biological children); and we could afford it. Why don't we just do it??? I have a litany of excuses...none really that good. The guilt I feel over this....well, I can't really explain it. It weighs heavy on my heart and mind to be so selfish and such a hypocrite - talking the talk about changing the world through building relationships and encouraging/empowering, loving others, and doing it for the most part...but maybe not doing it big enough. :-/


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  17. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by sketcher View Post
    Well yes I suppose you could be one of them on the basis that you expect a kid who has likely been tossed around in such a system to have so many of these teachers, neighbors and such who are supposed to be singing his praises.
    if he's a great kid, but simply tossed into circumstances beyond his control, if he's in school (and there was a mention of grades falling), then there likely would be a teacher, guidance counselor or *somebody* who would have seen this diamond in the rough. Perhaps he is, but I think the odds are against him (with the mention of anger management in the article). It is more likely that he has more baggage than was indicated in the article.

    And obviously he is evil devil spawn because it is apparent to you that he does not have any of these things. That suggests to me that you have made a judgement about this kid without educating yourself on the facts of what his circumstances truly are.
    The only facts you OR I have is what was in the article and those aren't always true facts. I make my judgement of his circumstances based on over 20 years of dealing with kids who have the same or similar backgrounds as this one. He's had 15 years of learning to make decisions based on a criteria that I do not use and you probably do not use either. Is it unfortunate? Very. Is it sad? Very. Neither of which eliminate him from being a great possibility or....not. I highly doubt he's the devils spawn, but I doubt he is a misunderstood saint either.



  18. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by sketcher View Post
    Of course they are manipulative. They are teenagers and in a very screwed up system no matter which state you are from. Look at what some of these kids have suffered . "Normal" teenagers are manipulative. Imagine what a kid who has been seriously abused or neglected or one dealing with mental illness must do to survive?
    Thank you so much for posting this ^^^^^.

    When children grow up in a Lord of the Flies environment where it's truly a game of do what you have to in order to survive, they become masters at doing so. So many of these kids have NEVER even witnessed a semi-healthy home or school environment where they have felt safe. They don't choose the ass hats that create the situations in which they are reared...


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  19. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Finzean View Post
    Thank you so much for posting this ^^^^^.

    When children grow up in a Lord of the Flies environment where it's truly a game of do what you have to in order to survive, they become masters at doing so. So many of these kids have NEVER even witnessed a semi-healthy home or school environment where they have felt safe. They don't choose the ass hats that create the situations in which they are reared...
    they do not choose how/where they land. I also agree they have to do what they need to in order to survive (& sometimes thrive). That said, I think it often takes more than witnessing a different life, to make them want or make them able to see the value in it.



  20. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by threedogpack View Post
    if he's a great kid, but simply tossed into circumstances beyond his control, if he's in school (and there was a mention of grades falling), then there likely would be a teacher, guidance counselor or *somebody* who would have seen this diamond in the rough. Perhaps he is, but I think the odds are against him (with the mention of anger management in the article). It is more likely that he has more baggage than was indicated in the article.



    The only facts you OR I have is what was in the article and those aren't always true facts. I make my judgement of his circumstances based on over 20 years of dealing with kids who have the same or similar backgrounds as this one. He's had 15 years of learning to make decisions based on a criteria that I do not use and you probably do not use either. Is it unfortunate? Very. Is it sad? Very. Neither of which eliminate him from being a great possibility or....not. I highly doubt he's the devils spawn, but I doubt he is a misunderstood saint either.
    He is a kid. He will have a lot if issues that will likely be a lot to deal with for whomever gets him. But really, I'm not sure if you have worked with these types of kids all these years where you see all this stability and relationships with teachers and all these others that are supposed to be stepping up for him.
    THAT is that part of what you said that bothered me.



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