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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul. 3, 2012
    Posts
    11

    Default Failure to get anywhere on time, specifically work

    Does anyone else have this problem? I've had a problem with getting to work on time my entire career. It has been the case no matter where I've worked, or who I report to.

    Last year, I was diagnosed with ADHD, and while having an explanation for why I lose track of time is helpful, and the medication does make it better, I really have to find a way to fix this problem.

    I am not a morning person, never have been. And experts that I have consulted on this issue have said that it isn't something that can be changed. Nevertheless, I have studied my sleep habits, and I know that if I get up at 5:30 rather than 6:00, I have an easier time waking up.

    Ok, so I know I can do that. But as an example, this morning: I get up, get dogs walked, DH out the door, horses fed, and am back in the house before the sun comes up. I begin to piddle about in the kitchen, doing things I need to do before work -- making up my lunch etc. and before I know it, it is 8:25 and I should be walking out the door, not getting in the shower to get dressed. Totally lost track of time --completely classic "Oh, look, a squirrel!" moment. My kitchen is clean, the dishwasher is running and I took the trash out, but I was 25 minutes late!

    I have the same problem in leaving work -- frequently 45 mins to an hour after I should have left, I am still sitting here.

    I am friends with my supervisor this morning, and we've had the uncomfortable conversation about whether I'm just taking advantage because we are friends, and that she is feeling disrespected because of it. I had to explain to her that if it is something she's doing wrong, she shares it with every supervisor I've ever had.

    I get up and get going every morning with the intent that I'm going to arrive early, and I never do. My ex-husband used to describe the problem as an "inertia problem" -- i.e. once I was in a place, it was very hard to get me going again and out the door to the next place.

    I can get places that are out of the ordinary on time -- I have some professional meetings that start really early, and those are not a problem because it is unusual and I can get the adrenalin going to get me there early. Same thing for a court appearance.

    But, for the every day routine of getting to work, I can do it by scaring myself for a while, but the drama of living in panic mode wears off and I'm back to wandering around, in distraction mode.

    I am going to set a new arrival time for myself of an hour earlier and perhaps I will start to show up only a little late for that, which will be still earlier than 9, which is our drop dead last time we are supposed to arrive.

    Anyone ever have this problem and fix it? Any other folks out there with tips?

    I am so frustrated with myself -- I understand that it appears that I have no respect for rules/authority/arriving on time when everyone else does, but I have never succeeded in fixing it.

    Help.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb. 8, 2010
    Location
    Flyover State #1
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    348

    Default

    Are you engaged in your work? I'm not one of those people who can get "into" something I don't care about. When I was younger my teachers would get so frustrated because I would literally have 100% in classes that intrigued me and barely pass classes I simply wasn't interested in. Smart, capable, but just did not care lol.

    Also, if I don't have to "clock in" I have a hard time getting to work on time. I apparently just don't do well in less-structured environments. Even jobs I didn't like, if I had to clock in I'd be on time. My current job I struggle every day to get there because I don't HAVE to be in at 8. In fact, the lights aren't even on in the office until at least 8:10-8:15 anyway...

    I'm trying to set rules for myself, but that's not going well either lol. I recruited my bf to help enforce these rules, we'll see if that helps.
    Team Ginger



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct. 28, 2007
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    4,027

    Default

    My family tends to run late to most things. Frankly I see some of it as passive regression and kinda rude.
    It is a choice, whether you are conscious of it or not.
    I'd look at your attitude towards your job.
    Very few people would be late to a meeting with the love of their life, or a meeting to collect a million dollar check.


    19 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov. 30, 2000
    Location
    Kentucky
    Posts
    7,451

    Default

    It does appear that you have no respect for the your job or the people you work with. If you own a watch, you should use it. If you do not own one, you should buy one.


    8 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar. 24, 2004
    Location
    Pottstown, PA (East Coventry)
    Posts
    2,998

    Default

    For startes try to limit what you do in the morning before work to those things in your routine that are done every weekday.
    Feed horses, walk dogs, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, get lunch out of fridge and get out the door.
    DH is an adult, let him get himself out the door.

    Make your lunch the night before. Set out your work clothes the night before. The things that do not change and that you do HAVE to do every morning you should be able to figure out how long you need to get it done.

    Do NOT ever add anything in the morning that is not part of your normal morning routine. If you absolutely HAVE to do something non-routine in the morning use the oven timer/egg timer to remind yourself that you only have 5 minutes to change the laundry/clean the kitchen. Or set a cell phone alarm to remind you that you need to be in shower by 8:00 am. This way it is harder to loose track of time when the cell phone/oven timer is squawking at you.

    Really take a look at the things that you do in the morning that you HAVE to do. Walk dogs, feed horses, shower and get dressed seem non-negotiable. Make lunch- nope, that can be done the night before or make a few lunches on Sun night. so all your need to do is grab the already prepared lunch. No dithering about- what am I in the mood for, do I have all the ingedients for that. Where is the new bottle of mustard for the sandwich- I know I bought some last week, where did I put it.

    Breakfast- if you eat at home that is a HAVE to do. But plan your breakfast the night before- such as check to make sure you have milk for your cereal and don't spend time pouring cereal in bowl, go for milk, oops no milk. Pour cereal back in box, dig around in fridge for yogurt, oops out of that too. Find eggs and cheese for omelet, spend time making omelet, eating omelet, cleaning omelet pan, put away pan. Darn where did that 10 minutes go?

    It sounds like the big thing for you is when you go off script and do something that is not part of your normal daily routine. You get distracted and lose track of time. It may be that you cannot ever do anything before work that is not part of your 'normal daily routine'.

    As far as leaving on time, use your calendar through your email and set a daily meeting as your quitting time and have it start to remind you 15 minutes ahead, snooze, 10 minutes ahead, 5 minutes ahead.

    Good luck.
    Oh, well, clearly you're not thoroughly indoctrinated to COTH yet, because finger pointing and drawing conclusions are the cornerstones of this great online community. (Tidy Rabbit)


    18 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct. 6, 2002
    Location
    Philadelphia PA
    Posts
    15,329

    Default

    Everything that can be done the night before (making breakfast, setting out clothes, etc.) should be done. Leave the minimum amount in the morning to do.
    ~Veronica
    "The Son Dee Times" "Sustained" "Somerset" "Franklin Square"
    http://photobucket.com/albums/y192/vxf111/


    5 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul. 21, 2006
    Location
    South Carolina
    Posts
    4,934

    Default

    I used to be chronically late. But I fixed it.

    First thing is to put into your head that your actual arrival time is 15 minutes ahead of when you're actually supposed to be there.

    Second thing is to figure out
    a. what tasks must be accomplished before you can leave the house and
    b. exactly how much time you can allot to each thing

    Then you keep yourself on your schedule, for example:
    I must finish feeding horses by 7:00 am
    Be out of the bath by 7:15
    Dress and do hair and makeup by 7:45
    Out the door by 8
    Or whatever tasks are on your schedule. That way you don't suddenly run out of time at the end because you thought you had enough time to wash dishes when you got the horses fed by 6:55. You might be tempted to do this if you think you still have over an hour left before you have to leave the house - but by breaking time down into incremental deadlines you'll realize there's no way you can wash dishes and get your bath done by 7:15.

    And surprisingly, you can change from a night to a morning person. I did it. I used to be the Queen of the Night, but now I find I'm sleepy by 8 or so and wake up even without an alarm by 5:30 am. It just takes practice - and don't let yourself change your schedule on the weekend by more than an hour.


    8 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr. 25, 2011
    Posts
    856

    Default

    It IS a choice and shows disrespect for others. I have a friend who was chronically late and was actually fired for it.

    I finally told her if she was more than 10 minutes late with no call, I would leave for wherever. After finding me gone a couple of times, it stopped being a problem.


    25 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul. 4, 2000
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    1,804

    Default

    SonnysMom has some excellent ideas. I am not ADHD by any means, but I am hyper-organized about some things, like the morning routine. Not because I lose track of time but because I am not a morning person and frequently not very alert in the morning. Having a routine I can do on auto-pilot means I have a certain level of confidence that everything gets done ... and the gates are closed, lights / coffee pot turned off, etc.

    *star*
    "Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit."
    - Desiderata, (c) Max Ehrman, 1926


    1 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct. 22, 2003
    Posts
    1,692

    Default

    Being late to work is extremely disrespectful. It requires ZERO SKILL to get to work on time.

    Start making lists of things you have to do in the morning to get out of the house. Make the lists the night before. If it's not on the list, do not do it. If you have to, allocate portions of time (5 minutes, 10 minutes, etc) to each task and stick to it.

    I get the impression from your post that your attitude is "whelp, I've sought out doctors, therapists, etc, I've got this diagnosis, I guess I've done everything reasonable, right? Tell me I have and I just have to live with it"

    You don't need doctors. You need a life-coach or a time management consultant.
    "The nice thing about memories is the good ones are stronger and linger longer than the bad and we sure have some incredibly good memories." - EverythingButWings


    4 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2006
    Location
    Maine
    Posts
    1,747

    Default

    What about going to the gym in the morning to get yourself moving?


    1 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2003
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    5,700

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LaurieB View Post
    It does appear that you have no respect for the your job or the people you work with. If you own a watch, you should use it. If you do not own one, you should buy one.
    Quote Originally Posted by happymom View Post
    It IS a choice and shows disrespect for others. I have a friend who was chronically late and was actually fired for it.

    I finally told her if she was more than 10 minutes late with no call, I would leave for wherever. After finding me gone a couple of times, it stopped being a problem.
    Typical responses from people who are not ADD and who have no clue.

    OP, I am ADD as well and it can drive those around me insane. It can also be paiinful, due to attitudes like those displayed by those above.

    I have a friend who is chronically late but is NOT ADHD. SHE is disrespectful. There is a huge difference between the two.

    When I used to commute, I made sure I had nothing to do in the mornings short of one or two things such as feeding and putting out the dogs. And then I was out the door. Get up, dressed, feed the dogs, out the door. The same routine every day. I did not make lunch because then that necessitates remembering to grab it on the way out. I do not make coffee, same reason. I would leave 1.5 hours ahead of time for a 50 minute commute and stop at D&D on my way in. This left time for traffic and a long line at D&D. The same routine, very short, no tasks for the morning.

    As far as the end of the day goes, meh...if you are getting work done it tends to buy some brownie points with the boss. Although, admittedly I sometimes have to work extra time to compensate for 'high distractability' days. When you get sick of working late, you will remember to get up and go...


    9 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct. 12, 2001
    Location
    Center of the Universe
    Posts
    6,901

    Default

    I begin to piddle about in the kitchen, doing things I need to do before work -- making up my lunch etc. and before I know it
    easy answer: don't do this kind of stuff. Do the bare minimum in the morning- walk the dogs, feed the horses. DH is an adult and you don't have to "get him out the door". Calculate how long it takes you to shower, dress, walk the dogs, feed the horses, and then add twenty minutes and that is how much time you have before your leave for work time, and set your alarm accordingly. Pack your breakfast and lunch the night before so you can grab them and eat at work.
    Just make it NOT OPTIONAL to be late, and don't give yourself excuses. The only acceptable excuses for being late are real emergencies, like the horse colicked or the house burned down, or the roads were gridlocked due to a huge crash somewhere.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Mar. 10, 2007
    Location
    Montana
    Posts
    4,897

    Default

    If it was important to you, you'd do it. You're already doing the things that you think are important: dogs, horses, ect...

    It's totally a choice you're making and somewhere you've given yourself permission to keep it up. It's disrespectful and a power trip. You're getting in a funny little dig at whatever you're late for that you can do it.

    DH used to have a job where he was late all the time and they didn't really care; they would grumble at him and give him a hard time but not enforce it. So he was late, daily.

    New job-if you're late, you're fired. He's never been late. Started leaving 10 minutes early.

    He used to make ME late until I started just leaving on time without so much as a word to him. He had to drive himself to a few family functions and a wedding and he started listening when I said "I'm leaving at 10:45"... and that was all I said.

    You're being too easy on yourself-ramp it up.


    12 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Feb. 27, 2004
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    Posts
    984

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    People being tardy for their job is the reason I could never be in management be ause it drives me nuts! I think it's something nurtured in childhood as is being on time. Both my DH and I have travel delay (detour, car trouble, trains etc) factor into our travel times. Of course that means we are more often early. I learned years ago that management doesn't seem to care so much and only uses tardiness to get rid of people that that don't want there. The person above gave good ways to organize your time so you can be on time.

    I find that most people who dawdle didn't grow up with a parent who would leave them if they weren't ready on time. LOL


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2005
    Location
    Upstate NY
    Posts
    11,672

    Default

    Another vote that it is fixable, which is clear by the fact that you can be on time when you know you have to be.

    You have been given lots of great advice above. Get your clothes out at night. Get your lunch together at night. Heck, even pre-measure all your horse feed the night before.
    Then set a schedule for the morning and do not let yourself ignore it.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Oct. 25, 2008
    Posts
    2,120

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    Quote Originally Posted by sketcher View Post
    Typical responses from people who are not ADD and who have no clue.

    OP, I am ADD as well and it can drive those around me insane. It can also be paiinful, due to attitudes like those displayed by those above.

    I have a friend who is chronically late but is NOT ADHD. SHE is disrespectful. There is a huge difference between the two.

    When I used to commute, I made sure I had nothing to do in the mornings short of one or two things such as feeding and putting out the dogs. And then I was out the door. Get up, dressed, feed the dogs, out the door. The same routine every day. I did not make lunch because then that necessitates remembering to grab it on the way out. I do not make coffee, same reason. I would leave 1.5 hours ahead of time for a 50 minute commute and stop at D&D on my way in. This left time for traffic and a long line at D&D. The same routine, very short, no tasks for the morning.

    As far as the end of the day goes, meh...if you are getting work done it tends to buy some brownie points with the boss. Although, admittedly I sometimes have to work extra time to compensate for 'high distractability' days. When you get sick of working late, you will remember to get up and go...
    So it's OK to be late if you have ADHD, but if someone DOESN'T have ADHD, then THEY'RE being disrespectful? Sorry, no. Chronic lateness is disrespectful, period.

    YOU obviously found a way to manage your own potential for lateness by streamlining your morning routine... I'm sure OP can do the same.
    *friend of bar.ka

    "Evidently, I am an unrepentant b*tch, possible trouble maker, and all around super villian"


    17 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2003
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    5,700

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    Quote Originally Posted by cnvh View Post
    So it's OK to be late if you have ADHD, but if someone DOESN'T have ADHD, then THEY'RE being disrespectful? Sorry, no. Chronic lateness is disrespectful, period.

    YOU obviously found a way to manage your own potential for lateness by streamlining your morning routine... I'm sure OP can do the same.
    Yes. There is a difference. ADHD is actually a diagnosable disorder and it can wreak havoc on jobs and relationships. Not all people saddled with the diagnosis are over medicated kids who hop around in their seats at school.

    There are a multitude of everyday things that can throw someone with ADHD 'off' You just have no clue whatsoever.

    Obviously OP is taking it seriously but you just have no clue...just no clue at all...how difficult it can be to live life with this disorder. What most people think is so simple..pay bills, schedule and remember appointments, dress in a matched fashion in the morning, remember anniversaries, keep your car registered and your license renewed, have a coherent conversation about current events because you tend not to focus all the way through a newspaper article or the news or the conversation itself. You just have not one iota of a clue.

    Half the battle with this disorder is figuring how to deal with it without letting it destroy you relationships and get you in trouble at work/with bills/credit cards/mortgage/registry.... While other half is dealing with the misperceptions and judgements of people who do not know anything about it and the pain that that brings, especially since your self esteem is already pretty well battered.


    13 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jan. 16, 2011
    Posts
    30

    Default

    First off, you are extremely lucky. 25 minutes late to work on a regular basis is quite a lot. I consider myself to be horrendously late constantly and am quite embarrassed about it... I average 10 minutes. Generally to work I would say it's about 5 minutes, it's important to me to be there however I have very poor time management.

    I understand how hard it is, OP. My entire family has a tendency to run extremely late (they're usually hours late to every function, my father missed my son's baptism, he was an hour late to my wedding, my sister was 3 hours late for my son's birthday party, I've been left at the airport for hours... It's constant). In fact, I don't think THEY would ever label me as chronically late. But once I met normal people... Being late is just not something that most people do.

    Mine is... multifaceted. I lose track of time, and I push it to the very last minute. On the other hand, I have a hard time meeting deadlines (especially ones I know are "soft" deadlines), and I procrastinate like crazy and am very disorganized. I realize all of this is a problem, and while I wouldn't say I have eradicated it, I try very hard to keep on top of it.

    My thought is that you view work as a "soft" deadline. Let's face it, OP, you know you can be late. Yes, she'll give you a hard time but... Well, you're still working there aren't you?

    What would happen if you did not feed your horses or your dogs? If you didn't put gas in your car? Well. It would be a big deal, no? Work is just as important.

    I absolutely agree with people who stated to make a schedule and stick to it. However, since I know I tend to really lose track of time, I make contingency plans. I shower the night before if it's an early morning, and I change all the time back 10 minutes on every clock I have. Including my cell phone. While I do "realize" I did that, it really keeps me moving.

    By showering the night before, I can really get dressed and leave. Or you could shower first thing when you wake up or when you come in from the horses. And dress for work. So ALL that stuff is done before you do anything "optional". You can run out the door at any time.

    While I am not saying don't feed your dogs or horses or anything, your work needs to be the #1 thought in your mind. Set alarms, whatever but make it your most serious priority. It does give me anxiety to worry about this all the time, but really, I'd much rather not lose my job and stress over it.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
    Location
    washington state
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    6,531

    Default

    It sounds like priorities. I know some folks like you, one of my staff is like you actually. My guy had a real problem, he was late around 3 or 4 times a week sometimes just a few minutes, other times more. I feel it is unacceptable to be continuously late to work, and just reminders and an almost write up weren't helping. Here is what worked for my guy, we had a good frank discussion about what was up and worked out a game plan for improvement. I could tell it was just priorities mixed in with a little time management. We made an arrangement that he would text me even if he thought he would be a second late and he had to text before he late, preferable a half hour before he was late.. It fit into our policies at work and was something we both agreed could help as we both text, find it easy to use, and could see where it would help him to know when he was late. It did help, he has been late very few times. The thought of having to text if you are going to walk in at 8:01 requires pre-planning and that requires organization and that requires effort. Now, this may not work for you and your sup but you should be thinking about ways to be on time and this may get you thinking outside of the "crap I'm already late what do I do!" box.

    Also, I don't care what sort of ADHD or medical diagnosis a staff member may or may not have, that is personal business and if it is something that impacts work and is covered by a labor statute/workers rights then we acquiesce to HR for guidance and clarification. Medical issues are something we make accommodation for and work with, not something that gives a worker a free pass to behave as they see fit
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.


    5 members found this post helpful.

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