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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr. 12, 2002
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    3,448

    Default An open letter to your neighbor

    If could write one or a few of your neighbors a letter, what would you say?

    Dear Neighbor on the corner,
    While I can appreciate your need to grade away all of the roadside ditches surrounding your property so that it's easier to mow, the fact that you planted no vegetation on the open soil means that you have to keep regrading due to erosion every time we get the slightest bit of rain. That issue primarily concerns you, so you might be asking why I have issue with it. I have issue with it because every time we get the slightest bit of rain, and we had over an inch in one hour this morning and the same about 5 days ago and will again on Saturday, is because all of that dirt that is eroding away goes into the road at the intersection in front of your house. We now have a huge mudpit that you cannot even tell once resembled paved road and it will never dry up because there are no ditches now to divert the water off of the road and no one is scraping the multiple inches of mud off of the road either. So now, while your property looks smooth and uniform and well-groomed, you have created a giant pain the ass eyesore for everyone else that is a safety hazard as I'm sure I am not the only one that slid through the stop sign at the intersection due to all of the crap and no, I was not speeding due to the following reason.

    I know you have a new JRT puppy. He's cute, he really is, but you have no fenced yard and you let him wander about all day while you are gone. Your precious pup likes to wait in hiding for me to come by. Every morning and every evening he runs out in front of my truck and bites at my tires and I have to drive .005 miles per hour to get around the corner at your house and avoid running over the pup. I'm sure you are aware of this issue as you stated that you yourself have already ran over the pup once. Your pup is going to die in the road and it will probably be me that runs over him. I'm sure you probably don't care, but I will be quite upset when this happens.

    Dear Neighbor that I let bale my fields and keep the hay:
    You are a great neighbor! I was suprised to come home and find a whole butchered deer in a cooler on my back doorstep the other day. I've already had some jerkey made and cooked some venison steaks and it is all yummy! Thank you for the heads up yesterday that you might bring me another deer this weekend. I'm sorry that the other neighbor you brought venison to sold it for beer money and had the nerve to tell you they did so. Oh, and thanks for the fresh butchered turkey you brought over as well. I already have one for Thanksgiving, so I will save it for Christmas.
    (This neighbor brings everyone in the neighborhood something when he butchers his herds. Grass fed beef, pork, turkeys, chickens, etc. His wife also sends baked goods!)
    Rhode Islands are red;
    North Hollands are blue.
    Sorry my thoroughbreds
    Stomped on your roo. Originally Posted by pAin't_Misbehavin' :


    9 members found this post helpful.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar. 24, 2010
    Location
    Tucson
    Posts
    5,786

    Default

    Dear neighbor to the south:

    Next time I collect your garbage from my horse's pen, it's going in your pool.

    I love the joyous family parties, kids running around yelling, chasing the goats, racing their bikes, etc. Please keep that up while I'm riding, as it will make our excursions away from home so much more pleasant! Please just refrain from shooting guns so close to my horse, as if you were to hit him, I would not need a gun for retribution.


    Dear neighbor to the north,

    I really did mean it that you can come by and meet the horses when I'm around any time. We appreciate that you check them when it's stormy since you can see the back of the barn from your windows and we can't. Knowing if anything is wrong has been very helpful.
    My horse is a dressage diva so I don't have to be.

    Quote Originally Posted by katarine
    If you have a fat gay horse that likes Parelli, you're really screwed



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2005
    Location
    Upstate NY
    Posts
    11,732

    Default

    Dear neighbor around the corner,
    Thank you for all the help. Over the years you have been an amazing source of wonderful information and lovely produce. Thank you for helping when we bale hay. Yes, driving the tractor is help. No need to apologize for not helping with hard part. If you were not driving the tractor one of us would be doing it, that means twice as much hard work for the other.
    We are certainly blessed for having moved to your neighborhood.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov. 11, 2011
    Posts
    17

    Default To my neighbors

    Dear neighbor to the west, I'm sorry you had to see me at 7 a.m. running around your back yard in my red pajamas trying to get my naughty dog who got through the fence.
    Dear neighbor to the north-west, thanks for the great parties you have always invited me to. Your home and property are beautiful and you are too.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb. 23, 2005
    Location
    Spotsylvania, VA
    Posts
    12,773

    Default

    Dear neighbor who called to tell me that there were brown horses loose in the subdivision, thank you for NOT reporting me to the nice people at Snowden when you saw me in my green PJ's and pink crocks driving around the subdivision at 7 AM in my golf cart looking for loose horses who weren't even mine.

    Dear neighbor whose horses were loose at 7 AM, If I'm outside chasing your horses in my PJ's please don't say "I'll be out as soon as I get dressed" If I can run around in my PJ's so can you. Dignity is over rated

    Dear neighbor who was at work when I called to ask if there was someone on your property handwalking horses, I'm not a stalker just a horseperson who gets nervous when she sees horses who seem to be alone and where they shouldn't be. Please do the same if you see anything out of the ordinary on my farm
    I wasn't always a Smurf
    Penmerryl's Sophie RIDSH
    "I ain't as good as I once was but I'm as good once as I ever was"
    The ignore list is my friend. It takes 2 to argue.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov. 4, 2003
    Location
    Dallas, Georgia
    Posts
    16,552

    Default

    Dear Neighbor to the south: Please PLEASE trim your goats' feetsies. Barley-goat is limping from one half of a rear hoof that's turned in on the other I feed them hay in the winter, pet them thru the fence and return them when they escape, so please do your part as the OWNER to care for them too.

    Dear Neighbor to the front of our barn: Please clean up your junk from the backyard. I realize you repair old lawnmowers for extra money, but there's truly no need to stack them 5 high around a tree, rusting away.

    Dear Neighbor to the north: Thank you for letting us use your gawjus riding ring and never charging us for when we have to use the lights. So appreciated!!!!
    <>< Sorrow Looks Back. Worry Looks Around. Faith Looks Up! -- "When they try to tell you these are your Golden years, don't believe 'em.... It's rust."


    3 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar. 25, 2011
    Location
    Pennsylvania
    Posts
    5,041

    Default

    Dear neighbor,

    Thank you so much for coming over with your chainsaw and chopping up all those trees that came down in the storm. And thank you so much for stacking the wood so that I'll have fuel next year from it.

    Cheers,
    Paaula
    He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul. 23, 2008
    Location
    Da UP, eh
    Posts
    758

    Default

    Dear all Surrounding Neighbors:
    Why are you ALL named 'Dan'? It's very confusing for me...
    Dear Dan Down the Road: Thanks for checking up on me occasionally and offering to come shoot the coyotes/dogs if they ever bother the horses. I actually appreciate the offer. Oh, and you're poodle is adorable.

    Dear Dan across the street: Thanks for wanting ALL of my horse manure for your gardens. And collecting it out of my empty fields all on your own! My pastures look great because of you, and you never mess with the horses without me there. Oh, and the horses loved the pears you brought them.

    Dear Dan Up the Road: Sorry for that time when my horses were hiding behind your swingset. The got scared and bolted through the fence, but I swear they are really nice. I really appreciate you driving up the road to let me know (and giving me a ride to go catch my horses!). Feel free to bring your girls over anytime and I'll introduce them to the horses properly.

    Dear Dan Nextdoor: I appreciate that you are doing the whole family farm thing, but if I have to come over to let you know that there is a calf/cow/pig in my front yard again, I'm going to start getting irritated. Also, Sorry about last weekend when you and your buddy were out hunting (I can see you in your hunter orange) and that big buck was in my field. I know you thought about shooting it, and if you had asked to hunt on my land, I might have let you. As it is, guess you'll have to wait til next year to bag that guy.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov. 5, 2002
    Location
    way out west
    Posts
    3,087

    Default

    Dear Neighbor to the South: While I think it's nice of you to let your hunting dogs that live in the kennel at the back of your property loose every day to run around, I don't appreciate that they immediately run to my front lawn to poop. Please don't be offended when I return their offerings by slinging it over the fence to your yard.

    Dear Neighbor to the North: I can't thank you enough for coming to my aid last winter when you saw I was unloading hay in a snowstorm. It was so much easier with you and your son helping.



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 2009
    Location
    Lexington, KY
    Posts
    16,791

    Default

    Neighbor to the left...you are the best neighbor ever! Thank you for drilling post holes in the middle of a drought and thank you for helping to pound in 1000 feet of poles just this fall.

    Neighbor to the right. This is a small town. When you tell the landscape guy to inflate your quote from $400 to $4,000 on the damage my horses did in your yard after the straight line winds snapped my fence posts off at the ground and then told the insurance company that my horses pulled the fence down...I no longer feel bad about it. I hope you hit every divot out there every time you mow. Be happy none of the horses fell in your pool, which BTW is not fenced off. And thanks for putting wire fence up on my wood plank fence without asking because you didn't want to put up a pool fence and thought that would be a cheap substitute. We thought my horse was going to lose an eye. And thanks for piling all the debris you trimmed from your trees along my fence line because you don't want to walk your dogs and they kept getting into my pasture. You have red maples you idiot, you could have killed my horses. However, thank you wife of idiot neighbor who made your husband put in an electric fence for the dogs. Thank you child of idiot neighbor and your friend. The coke bottles you threw into my pasture broke when one of my horses stepped on it and then fell, puncturing his neck. The vets at Hagyard thought he had been shot. I'm grateful you are now 16 and have a driver's license...go party somewhere else. And when you pull a snow saucer behind your golf cart on the road over the dam after an ice storm, it's just a matter of time before one of you dies.

    BTW, the insurance company didn't buy it that the horses pulled the fence in on themselves either...and I did lose my roof at the same time, what a coincidence.

    Note...we really haven't had any trouble with the idiot neighbor for about 2 years now. Thank heaven!
    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanuel Kant


    1 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jan. 27, 2004
    Location
    Yonder, USA
    Posts
    2,561

    Default

    Dear neighbor to the west-

    Remember how you made such a point that the trees alongside the boundary fence were YOURS, YOURS, YOURS and I should stop 'stealing' the branches I had to pick up so I could mow? Guess what? Two of YOUR trees are deader than a hammer, and the one is going to be a real PITA to get down safely. Have fun with that!


    Dear neighbor to the east-

    Thank you for having guinea fowl. They make me laugh and laugh (from a distance).
    ---------------------------


    1 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Feb. 4, 2005
    Location
    San Antonio, TX, or thereabouts
    Posts
    685

    Default

    Dear neighbors on both sides,

    We love you! Thank you for letting us swim in your pool anytime. We finally believe you that we should Just Come Over without asking, Anytime, after hearing that for a number of years. We have been delighted to help you over the years, and count ourselves very blessed to have you (mom/dad on left, daughter and her family on right) as neighbors!

    :-)
    a
    "And now," cried Max, "let the wild rumpus start!"



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct. 26, 2008
    Posts
    187

    Default

    Dear neighbor next to the front part of our property,

    Even though you are slightly eclectic, and your place is a little trashy looking, at least you are a friendly, upfront sort of guy. You always come over to say hi when you see us outside, and we appreciate your friendliness.

    Dear neighbor next to the back part of our property,

    I really hate you. It makes me mad that you bulldozed TWO tractor widths of OUR property because you were too cheap to get YOUR property surveyed first. It makes me even madder that you then tried to bury your water pipe on our property without our permission (and that you got mad when we told you no). It makes me even madder still to find that after we told you NOT to bury your water pipe on our property, you waited until we were gone and still buried it directly under where our fence will be going. And only two inches in the ground. You are going to be really thrilled when we start putting up fence soon and either pull up the pipe and toss it onto your property, or dig our holes six inches from our property line (on our property) as we TOLD you we were going to go, and start punching holes in your water pipe. Sorry. We tried to be friendly, but you make it really really hard. Especially when you set two fires on our property line IN THE MIDDLE OF A DROUGHT. I don't think we will ever get along with you, and I am relieved that we will (hopefully) be moving within the next six months.

    DH offered to help you get the area cleared that you needed cleared to get your pipe moved, and you never took him up on the offer. Your tractor has also been sitting on our property with a flat tire for two weeks. If you don't move it soon, we will be calling to have it impounded, as you didn't have our permission to have it there in the first place.

    To our other two neighbors:

    I've never met either of you (and we've lived here two years), but that's ok. You don't bother us, you aren't obnoxious, and so I'm ok with the fact that you don't come over when we are around. I'd rather have quiet keep-to-themselves neighbors than the crazy trashy type that set fires and cause problems.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Nov. 11, 2009
    Location
    The dusty desert
    Posts
    98

    Default

    I thought I had neighbor problems but after reading through this thread I think I have it pretty good


    Dear unknown anonymous neighbor,

    You called the city inspector over 20 minutes of me riding and dust accruing. It is too bad you couldn't come over and introduce yourself, we could have worked it out. On the plus side, you and everybody else on the street pretty much keep to yourself and don't go outside, so thanks at least for otherwise being quiet.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jun. 16, 2008
    Location
    AB
    Posts
    610

    Default

    Dear neighbour,

    Please, for the love of gawd stop building ugly, crap little sheds on your property. Honestly, are you hoarders? Cause there are no less than 20 ugly little sheds in and around your house and barn and none match, half are falling down, and you put up a new one every month when someone offers you a tiny bit of scrap lumber or a free tarp. Seriously. It looks TRASHY!

    Also, please cheat on your husband in privacy. I don't want to see you screwing the 80 year old in your driveway while I'm trying to ride my horse. Go inside you gold-digging ho....

    Sincerely,
    KitKat


    5 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Dec. 17, 2007
    Location
    Meadowview VA
    Posts
    2,147

    Default

    Dear Wonderful Neighbors to the East:
    You have been so helpful since we moved in 4 years ago. Thank you for letting our 4 graze on your property until you got your (very sweet) horses. Thank you for being nosy since our house is not visible from the road and you check out anyone who drives up our driveway.
    Oh, and it's OK if you give my hubby a beer or two while you two are either solving the problems of the world or putting up fence. He gets silly when he's had a few "refreshing beverages".

    Dear Neighbors to the West--who have passed away--
    I covet your fields. Sorry. But I just had DH and another guy-from-on-the-road help bring our 4 back to our place. We can't get anyone to fence our pasture down the road so our poor equines have to survive on hay and TC feed, plus some a scoop of sunflower seeds/oats. The grass calls to them the grass calls to them the grass calls to them.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Dec. 18, 2006
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    4,329

    Default

    Haha, these are hilarious!! All my neighbors are nuts but luckily we don't see any of them often. And can't see any of them from the house.

    But...

    Dear Neighbor down the road,
    I know you have great parties and have lots of friends that enjoy fireworks. But please don't release those chinese lanterns again -- one caught my deck on fire at 10:30pm , and I found another in my pasture the next day....I can only imagine what my horses thought of it.....(falling fireball)

    Otherwise, we really don't mind the fireworks...just please don't burn our house down.



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Feb. 14, 2008
    Posts
    921

    Default

    To my trainers wonderful neighbor across the street,

    Thanks for being such a wonderful guy, you always look out for the horses when no one is around. thanks for the great chicken eggs whenever we want them. Thanks for letting us wonder around your dairy farm and hang with the cows and the babies

    And most of all, thank you sooo much for looking out for my great trainer and always having her back, it is much more appreciated than you will ever guess.

    PS, thanks for loving my boys even though I 'make them look like girls with their braids'............


    1 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2002
    Location
    Woody's house
    Posts
    516

    Default

    Dear Neighbor to the East.
    For the love of god and all things holy, PUH-leaze stop letting your stupid dancing poodle come over and shit in my yard. Yes she's cute, but when she is dancing in my front lawn and crapping all over my OWN dogs are in the house tearing my house apart, because she annoys them too. We also live in the middle of nowhere for pete's sake, and stop calling me crying every time you find one of your chickens dead. Yes, I know I have a bird dog, but she is usually tied up AND has an electric fence collar on. And yes, I am sure no one let her out of my locked house while I was at work. And really? If you tell me one more time about the pig that sleeps in the bed with you I think I will lose my mind.
    Dear Neighbor to the West.
    You're a pretty good neighbor. For the most part you leave me alone, and sure, I don't mind helping clear the property line once a year because your wife "likes it to look pretty" when she's driving up the drive. However, when she calls me and tells me to "move that plow truck" because she doesn't like to look at it, that's a little much. It's parked in my yard. Also, when she calls me that she doesn't like the color that I painted my house, I'll tell her every time that it's a good thing she doesn't live here then.
    Dear Down the Street Favorite neighbor.
    I love you, you rock. You are the best neighbors anyone could possibly ask for. I wish I could clone you. And by the way, I love the maple syrup you make yourself, and you make kick-a$$ chili.
    ~Rest in Peace Woody...1975-2008~


    1 members found this post helpful.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jun. 30, 2005
    Posts
    2,185

    Default

    Dear Crazy Neighbor to the North:

    You are psycho and I am very glad that we no longer speak When your horse is lame you shouldn't ride it and better yet game on it. You and your DD's horsemanship skills suck and it is apparent by the many times that you both fall off and get hurt. Don't you find it odd that you cannot tie your horses anymore because you have taught them to pull back I feel sorry for your horses!!

    All the neighbors know that you and your daughter broke in our other neighbors barn and stole one of their saddles, we know it was you who tried to poison their horse as well because you were jealous that they had a better horse and are better riders and were going to kick your butt at fair

    Don't you realize that none of the other neighbors like you because of the hollering and yelling, the loose poultry & dogs, four wheeling in your front yard and your red neck ways but in your crazy mind it is everyone else who has the problem huh
    RIP Sucha Smooth Whiskey
    May 17,2004 - March 29, 2010
    RIP San Lena Peppy
    May 3, 1991 - March 11, 2010


    1 members found this post helpful.

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