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  1. #161
    Join Date
    Jun. 25, 2004
    Location
    Carolinas
    Posts
    4,777

    Default

    OP you bore 3 children who are depending on you to take care of them. You have critters that you are also responsible for. Now is the time to take a hard look at MR Hotpants and see him as he really is, a cheater and a big wuss.
    He wants to have your horses appraised, fine but only with your approval of the person doing the appraising. Same for anything of value you possess, you have full and equal say as to who does the appraisal. Then have all of his items appraised and give him the same right to approve the appraiser.
    Document everything, make notes of conversations, bills paid/unpaid. Fight for your kids and for your future but don't fight just to fight. Get calm and determine which are the important battles and let the rest go. Spend your energy and resources wisely. Take care of yourself.

    Do not under any circumstances say anything bad about him or his girlfriend(s) in front of the kids. My late sister gave her ex the opportunity to be a father to their 3 sons. She never said anything to the kids about him. Her oldest was nearly 30 when he discovered our family totally despised his father. Mainly because he cheated on sis and his next 2 wives, not to mention the beatings he gave sis.
    Your ex is acting like a total jerk now, but he "could" straighten up at some point and be a father to your kids. Leave that alone and give them the opportunity at some future date to know each other. If he is a real creep, they will learn and be hurt soon enough.
    "Never do anything that you have to explain twice to the paramedics."
    Courtesy my cousin Tim


    3 members found this post helpful.

  2. #162
    Join Date
    Aug. 9, 2007
    Posts
    9,077

    Default Let your lawyer play hardball........

    Well your lawyer should subpoena all the records, both business and person, credit cards, bank statements, debit cards, etc., of your husband's business and his personal accounts and those of the girlfriend(s). Business trips that have 2 people, dinners that have two people, etc. And any jewelry and cars he purchased for her or them. You'd be surprised and how business expenses are used to funnel money out of a marriage. And make sure your lawyer subpoenas hubby's office manager/assistant/secretary. She knows what he was up to. And if she was one of his women, subpoena all of her records as well. This is why you want the lawyer who will do all of this. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to find out where assets went during a marriage. Just takes subpoenas and cross examination. You don't want to be the one playing hardball, you want your lawyer to be the one putting the pressure on hubby. He'll cave in if he finds out that your lawyer is going to discover how much $ he's been spending on other women and himself living the high life.

    I once went downstairs where a friend of mine was representing Richard Pryor in a hearing against his agent who had taken a lot of Pryor's money and spent it on himself and his wife. While this was not a divorce case, it was interesting to see that the mayor's law partner, who was the agent/defendant in question, was crying "poverty" on the stand. I told my friend to subpoena all the dude's business records and his wife's records and banks statements and credit cards, etc., for he'd fine a lot of money funneled thru the business and the wife. Dude settled once everything was subpoenaed. Richard Pryor didn't get all his money back, but he did get more than he'd have gotten if he'd believed his agent crying that he was broke.

    You have to make sure that your children are cared for adequately. If your husband remarries and the girlfirend/newwife has a child, he'll try to say he cannot afford child support. I saw a lot of wealthy men in atlanta use that defense, and once the judges locked them up in jail, the guys came up with the cash for back child support. But you don't want to be without money for months while hearings are held and your husband cries poverty.
    Last edited by cloudyandcallie; Sep. 6, 2013 at 03:28 PM. Reason: typo & autocrorrect.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #163
    Join Date
    Feb. 14, 2010
    Posts
    2,993

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Malda View Post
    I just wanted to add that if he still has his mistress(es) then you're not only fighting your husband, you're fighting her too. The husband probably just wants out of the marriage, the mistress wants to destroy you.

    I watched this happen with my sister, 20 year marriage where he cheated for 15 years with different women. The last one (whom he married) did everything she could to ruin my sister financially and socially, and and managed to do some damage. She even convinced the husband to give her the children's 80k college fund, my nephews now attend community and local state colleges, instead of the private universities they were accepted to, all the money is gone. California laws are brutal, my sister, a housewife for 15 years, can not touch her ex's retirement, alimony is short-term and the courts don't care about infidelity. She'll work for the rest of her life and never catch up.

    The only thing that saved her from complete ruin was that she acted fast. Don't hesitate, if your lawyer says do something, do it. Make phone calls immediately. Get the papers you need now. Don't give him and his mistress a chance to act first. And don't let them bankrupt you, they tried to do that to my sister.

    BTW, my husband and I have traveled to the Philippines several times, where husband stealing is an art. These mistresses have friends giving advice and help.
    There are some really sick people out there...talk shows make a fortune with them.



  4. #164
    Join Date
    Aug. 21, 2007
    Posts
    646

    Default

    When it comes to divorce a good accountant is as important (or maybe more important) than a good lawyer. A good accountant can look at financial statements and smell a rat a mile away.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  5. #165
    Join Date
    Aug. 21, 2007
    Posts
    646

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by wireweiners View Post
    Honey, he's just effing with you with those demands. His lawyer knows that. They all ask for the sun, moon and stars to just mess with your head, they will settle for a lot less.

    BTW, if you have a Facebook or any other social media account, delete it. Be careful of what you say on the internet. You don't know how many times I've used a parents' Facebook account against them.
    I was thinking that your attorney should be looking at the girl friend's facebook page. If she's a 20 something chances are there are pictures of them together and posts about what they have been up to. With any luck, she will have said something about not wanting/liking his kids. Just a thought.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  6. #166
    Join Date
    Jul. 29, 2006
    Location
    Colorado- Yee Haw!
    Posts
    2,854

    Default

    Can I recommend the book Putting Children First it's about how to help kids of all ages through divorce and has a lot of tips for communicating with an ex even if they are spiteful.

    Also, there are a lot of therapists who specialize in helping people through divorce. There are so many emotions it might be good to have someone help you differentiate the helpful ones from the hurtful ones.

    I wish you the best of luck- look towards the future and what you need and want.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #167
    Join Date
    Jan. 28, 2002
    Location
    Alberta, Canada
    Posts
    4,597

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by bellaalexander View Post
    Husband wants to have horses appraised ....
    This is a good thing for both of you! As a professional Equine Appraiser who regularly gets asked to do cases like this, I'll give you some advice. You have a right to get your own independent appraisal done...unless both sides agree to use the valuation done by an appraiser agreed upon by both parties. It's important to understand that not all appraisers and not all appraisals are created equal. A large part of my business is dedicated to being hired as a rebuttal witness or hired to pick apart a poorly done appraisal. There are many less than adequate appraisals being done out there!

    It is extremely important to realize that if an appraisal is needed for a court case, it is important to choose an appraiser who will see the horse(s) in person, and not convince you that the appraisal can be done off of photos, videos, etc. There are certain types of appraisals that do not require the horse(s) to be seen in person, but with something as important as a lawsuit/court case, it's important to realize that a sight unseen appraisal can potentially get thrown out of court if the other party has an appraisal in which the horse was seen in person!

    It's also important to follow the advice of your attorney. I agree with others that selling your assets after divorce proceeding have already started is only going to end badly. Possession of registration papers does not prove ownership/title! I wrote an article on the subject a few months back:
    http://www.equineappraisers.com/sellingonpayments.html

    Hope that helps!
    Tracy Dopko
    Daventry Equine Appraisal Services
    www.equineappraisers.com
    www.DaventryEquestrian.com
    Home of Welsh Pony, ISR/Oldenburg & RPSI pony stallions Daventry's Power Play, Goldhills Brandysnap LOM & Alvesta Picasso
    Also home to www.EquineAppraisers.com


    4 members found this post helpful.

  8. #168
    Join Date
    Aug. 5, 2009
    Posts
    897

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Daventry View Post
    This is a good thing for both of you! As a professional Equine Appraiser who regularly gets asked to do cases like this, I'll give you some advice. You have a right to get your own independent appraisal done...unless both sides agree to use the valuation done by an appraiser agreed upon by both parties. It's important to understand that not all appraisers and not all appraisals are created equal. A large part of my business is dedicated to being hired as a rebuttal witness or hired to pick apart a poorly done appraisal. There are many less than adequate appraisals being done out there!

    It is extremely important to realize that if an appraisal is needed for a court case, it is important to choose an appraiser who will see the horse(s) in person, and not convince you that the appraisal can be done off of photos, videos, etc. There are certain types of appraisals that do not require the horse(s) to be seen in person, but with something as important as a lawsuit/court case, it's important to realize that a sight unseen appraisal can potentially get thrown out of court if the other party has an appraisal in which the horse was seen in person!

    It's also important to follow the advice of your attorney. I agree with others that selling your assets after divorce proceeding have already started is only going to end badly. Possession of registration papers does not prove ownership/title! I wrote an article on the subject a few months back:
    http://www.equineappraisers.com/sellingonpayments.html

    Hope that helps!
    Tracy Dopko
    Daventry Equine Appraisal Services
    www.equineappraisers.com
    How fascinating - thanks for sharing your expertise!
    "Let's face it -- Beezie Madden is NOT looking over her shoulder for me anytime
    soon . . . or ever, even in her worst nightmares."


    Member, Higher Standards Leather Care Addicts Anonymous



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