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  1. #121
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    Feb. 6, 2007
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    Don't sweat about the custody thing. Unless he can prove you're completely unfit, there's no way any judge will take a child away from one parent for no good reason (well, any MORAL judge) Unfortunately for you if he want's joint custody, he will probably get it, the days of getting full custody simply because you are woman are long gone.

    Did he start the practice after you were already married? If so, he's on the hook to pay you half the value no matter how much he may kick and scream that he doesn't owe you a dime.

    The courts are most likely going to make you go to mediation, now do you WANT half of his business value? Wanting half the value of his business but then getting pissy when he goes after your most prized possessions is pretty hypocritical.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  2. #122
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    Aug. 9, 2007
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    And please do not say anything in front of children about your husband or the divorce or anything about the horses, etc. When a judge takes a child back into chambers and asks what mommy said about daddy, the children will say what they've heard.

    Schedule a time when you can shut yourself in the bedroom or bathroom and cry and scream in private each day. In front of kids and everyone else, you have to be calm and rational. Which I know is hard to do, but which you must do to prevail in a divorce.


    9 members found this post helpful.

  3. #123
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2010
    Location
    Upstate New York
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    Sorry to hear he wants everything. Well, don't they all.

    If you have/can find, a good counselor for yourself, that can be key. Gives you the strength you need to face this. Helped me a great deal.

    Know you retained an attorney who has horses. Please get the best attorney you can, that others have given high praise of. Having a common interest is nice, and may help with the horse evaluations. The cost sounds like he/she should be good, but make sure someone you know/trust has used them successfully, or others have verifiable connections who have.

    Finally, and this is what I found most important in my divorce, and what my attorney strongly conveyed - judges hate liars. The party flat out lies on discovery documentation, during hearings, in court, they aren't taken seriously from then on.

    Fortunately, my ex couldn't help himself. My attorney couldn't wait to get him up on the stand, and first day of trial, knocked his knees out from under him. His earlier deposition, and supporting documentation - was full of lies - easily proven. To try to keep most assets for himself - had the nerve to say I wasn't with him when he was working in the Middle East - hoping he could keep his retirement. I was there 6 of the 11 years he worked there, and back and forth in between. When she found this out during discovery, thought his attorney was going to have apoplexy. She was highly rated, lambasted him after that hearing, and he then moved on to a real toad of an attorney, who constantly fumbled and dropped the ball.

    After his beginning testimony in trial, confirming that what he swore to initially wasn't true, my word was taken from then on. He could try to say something, but it was obvious who the judge was going to believe. I'm not talking about the over-the-top allegations everyone makes in an initial complaint, but in supportive, factual documents, testimony, etc.

    Sometimes you get lucky, and they just hang themselves. Just make sure you don't get caught in any lies/inconsistencies at all, in any papers filed, or during any hearings, or in testimony.

    Get the counseling, get your case together and be familiar with your situation, and be armed.

    He is a skunk, it's true and undeniably tragic that there are people in this world who turn into something we never would have imagined.

    But, you will get through this, and be a stronger woman for yourself, and your children, as a result.

    Oh, and as far as assets overseas, they should (but again, depends on the state) count as assets the same at home - depends on when they were acquired, bought/maintained with individual assets or commingled funds, etc. Talk it over with your attorney.

    Best of luck!
    Being right half the time beats being half-right all the time. Malcolm Forbes


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #124
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2003
    Location
    Massachusetts
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    5,785

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trakehner View Post
    Divorces bring out the worst in everyone...nature of the beast (and the lawyers and some friends just make it worse).

    We've only heard one side of this...and there are always 2 sides.

    Forget about Pre-nups...the courts keep negating them using all sorts of weak excuses.
    Yeah. yeah, what-ev-a....

    Usually the guys side in a case like this is that his wife got fat after having all is children and isn't interested in all the sex that the 20 year old girlfriend wants.

    Sorry, this is a typical case, guy makes good money, has girlfriends in different locations, dumps wife for someone 20 years younger.

    If he were so unhappy and unfulfilled by his current marriage and met someone his own age that he clicked with, that would be a different story. Life happens.

    As soon as a 20 something GF and multiple mistresses in different cities comes into the picture there is no viable or sympathetic "other side of the story". He is a sleaze who can not keep his pants zipped and quite happily led a double life while is was convenient for him.


    8 members found this post helpful.

  5. #125
    Join Date
    Aug. 5, 2007
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    1,087

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    bellaalexander,
    Please remember online posts are forever and could come back in court to bite you.

    Either edit or remove that last post because this board is anything but private.

    -yes, empathizing with you on the situation you are in.

    understand the emotion and its' outpouring.


    Still, recommend you edit.

    Good Luck, and stay strong.
    A Private Investigator may be useful to your case.
    Follow your lawyer's advice.
    Get all the assets inventoried.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  6. #126
    Join Date
    Oct. 14, 2010
    Location
    Horse Heaven
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    1,892

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    Totally empathize -- but D_BS is right. Delete your post. And take someone's advice to tuck yourself away somewhere private/quiet a few times a day to vent / scream / cry.

    Keep putting your kids first and taking the high road. It won't lead you astray.

    Best wishes.
    Last edited by Justa Bob; Aug. 29, 2013 at 01:04 AM.



  7. #127
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2003
    Location
    Deep South
    Posts
    14,750

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    Document, document, document, document. Especially all that equity and horse sales funds that you had outside the marriage. It seems that you could claim a percentage of all his future earnings too.
    ... _. ._ .._. .._


    2 members found this post helpful.

  8. #128
    Join Date
    Feb. 15, 2004
    Location
    Ontario
    Posts
    7,989

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    delete the post, but I am happy to see you are showing guts... anger is good. He won't walk all over you if you are angry!!!



  9. #129
    Join Date
    Aug. 9, 2007
    Posts
    9,075

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    Yes, what you post on here is admissible in court. You can tell us what you contributed to the marriage by selling horses, etc., but do not vent about your husband on here. He can use it in court. And beware your "friends." Friends can testify for your husband. He can also compel your family members to testify. You can say what he did and said, but don't state your own opinion about him to anyone. When you get into court, it all comes out and will make you look bad. And remember, both male and female judges hate divorce cases. My judge in Atlata, with his multiple marriages, said both sides lie under oath. And one judge (in the sticks when I retired and went to work for the state in the sticks) that my friend's own lawyer agreed to use, had the ex-wife who left him for another lawyer and rejected one of their sons. Talk about a judge who didn't like women in divorces. I made my friend switch to a lawyer who was a part time judge and the anti-female judge's best friend, LOL. That part-time judge/lawyer had been shot by his first wife for cheating on him and was in a wheelchair because of the shooting. And to keep this horse related, my friend Wendi is the person who helped me find Cloudy years ago. She got her divorce hearing, finally, after I pushed it, and she got custody of her 2 boys, now grown.e Because I knew the judge she was going before and I knew his background and dislikes. Judges and jurors bring their prejudices into the courtroom with them.

    I know this is very serious, but I had to laugh about people who marry lawyers. I dated law students over at UVA when it was a law school with almost all men, and I thought the guys were so professional and cool. (I was undergrad at women's college.) But then when I went to law school, one of only 3 women at UGA, I found out that the guys were all egotistical, well, not what I liked. Of course I was going with a law student at a nearby college, so i got a double-dose of how lawyers were. And with over 30 yrs in the business, I saw the male lawyer ego all the time. Including when I was a law clerk and dated the US Atty & later dated for 2 yrs a guy in our Atlanta DA's office. They are male, and they are lawyers, and they are selfish. Oh wait, so are male doctors, but at least they know how to have fun.

    Good luck. Redact all your posts.



  10. #130
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
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    6,890

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    Quote Originally Posted by sketcher View Post
    Yeah. yeah, what-ev-a....

    Usually the guys side in a case like this is that his wife got fat after having all is children and isn't interested in all the sex that the 20 year old girlfriend wants.

    Sorry, this is a typical case, guy makes good money, has girlfriends in different locations, dumps wife for someone 20 years younger.

    If he were so unhappy and unfulfilled by his current marriage and met someone his own age that he clicked with, that would be a different story. Life happens.

    As soon as a 20 something GF and multiple mistresses in different cities comes into the picture there is no viable or sympathetic "other side of the story". He is a sleaze who can not keep his pants zipped and quite happily led a double life while is was convenient for him.
    Phew...little projecting there and hatred of guys? 70% of all divorces are initiated by the wife...fact, not bias. The man isn't always the bad guy nor women always the victims.

    Bellaalexander deserves to be happy, I hope she has a great lawyer and can prove everything she says happened. There's nothing wrong with hate during a divorce and afterwards, just keep it from poisoning the kids and your future relationships. Be by yourself with your kids and horses for a good long time...I hope she has good friends who will help and not the types who just sell their own poison to her.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"


    2 members found this post helpful.

  11. #131
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    Aug. 5, 2009
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    897

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    Really Trak? 70% may be initiated by women -- because their husbands (much like my dear ex) don't want to spend the money to retain the attorney to actually file for the divorce THEY wanted in the first place!

    Bella, will PM you, but yes, delete the above post ASAP. Also, find the book Unbridled Injustice by Ellie Boatman - true story, and very educational when it comes to divorce with horses. Used for $0.01 on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Unbridled-Inju...dled+injustice

    As far as you selling assets to pay off his student loans + selling horses to finance his firm startup . . . seriously?! He must not be a very good attorney, because DUH . . . do the math, Sparky.
    "Let's face it -- Beezie Madden is NOT looking over her shoulder for me anytime
    soon . . . or ever, even in her worst nightmares."


    Member, Higher Standards Leather Care Addicts Anonymous


    4 members found this post helpful.

  12. #132
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
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    6,890

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    Quote Originally Posted by 2horseygirls View Post
    Really Trak? 70% may be initiated by women -- because their husbands (much like my dear ex) don't want to spend the money to retain the attorney to actually file for the divorce THEY wanted in the first place!.
    Just can't stop insulting and ascribing blame to guys for any behaviour...very sad.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"


    1 members found this post helpful.

  13. #133
    Join Date
    Nov. 8, 2001
    Location
    Cambridge, IA
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    1,678

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    Trak,
    I like men a lot. My dad and grandpa were great and I'm married to the same guy for 20 years. But I have to say that the "70% of divorces being initiated by women" statistical fact may be due to many factors, many of which are not negative about women.

    More men hurt or kill women than women hurt or kill men, by about 300%. http://www.americanbar.org/groups/do...tatistics.html The atmosphere that leads up to that is a solid reason for divorce.

    Love you men, but, as a group, you have some anger management and communication work to do.
    Last edited by Camstock; Aug. 29, 2013 at 02:50 PM.


    12 members found this post helpful.

  14. #134
    Join Date
    Aug. 9, 2007
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    Well, see? Some men solve the problem of divorce by killing their wives. My friend Wendi had her own large hay farm and her QHs. A guy who leased the hay field next door to her farm started dating her. They married, but after she had 2 boys, her husband got tired of her. But he wanted her horse farm. So he tried to kill her when she separated from him and filed for divorce. He did kill one of their friends whom she started dating while they were legally separated. It still took a while after I convicted Wendi's husband of murdering his friend for me to get a judge to handle the divorce for her.

    oh yeah, her husband didn't like the 2nd child, because then Wendi couldn't go everywhere with him with a child 4 yoa and one 2 yoa. (And the husband had cheated on his first wife and on Wendi as well. Not like he was the innocent party.And he'd threatened to kill Wendi if she divorced him and threw him off of her farm Took years to get the divorce AFTER I convicted him and solved the custody issue. And took me getting a 3 yr old murder case-he'd been out on bond and stalking Wendi-- on a friday afternoon to try it the next tuesday. Drunk DA didn't want to try it.)

    Yes both sides can be at fault. But even if they are, it is important to make sure that the children are protected, and that both parties equitably divide the assets from the marriage. Too often, the women get screwed in court because they don't have the shark attorney and they get too upset to think rationally.

    And if women were compensated, even at minimum wage, for every 24/7 shift they served as mother, wife, maid, cook, cleaning woman, chauffeur, etc., they'd all be owed millions in a divorce settlement.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  15. #135
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 2005
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    The Prairie
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    Putting aside your emotions will be hard but you will just have to do it and do not let yourself get beaten down. Sounds like it will be a long race and you will need the stamina to see it though. Don't give up, don't settle for less than what is fair and don't lose hope.

    You are CEO of a company, bellaalexander and kids inc. and you have to make good decisons for your future company.

    If you let your emotions take over you will make it worse for yourself and your kids. Think also of the future, not just the next 5 years.

    A friend of mine, while divorcing her doctor husband 20 plus years ago, was such a wreck she burned through several lawyers (ultimately owing them all money) because she was incapable of dealing with anything. She would leave meetings in tears and not sign papers. It drove me crazy, I knew she was screwing herself and could not get that through to her. After leaving several very very good lawyers she ended up using a dufus friend of her brothers who just got it done by making a bad deal.

    Now my friend, who is older and has a disability and is basically unemployable and raised 4 kids for him, after working to put him through medical school, will soon no longer get a dime in spousal support from him. And he is the head of an orthopedic surgery progam at a prestigious hospital.

    So...be tough and fight for what is fair for you and your kids.
    I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  16. #136
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    Nov. 8, 2001
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    Cambridge, IA
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    Is it just me, or does cloudyandcallie sound a whole buncha crazy? One person can not convict another, for starters. Candc, if you are trying to make a case for women being rational, this could be construed as a fail.

    I also could be reading it wrong, so if so, sorry.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  17. #137
    Join Date
    Jul. 25, 2003
    Location
    Boston Area
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    I believe C&C is an attorney.
    Equine Ink - My soapbox for equestrian writings & reviews.
    EquestrianHow2 - Operating instructions for your horse.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  18. #138
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    Sep. 20, 2005
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    3,504

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    Quote Originally Posted by Camstock View Post
    Is it just me, or does cloudyandcallie sound a whole buncha crazy? One person can not convict another, for starters. Candc, if you are trying to make a case for women being rational, this could be construed as a fail.

    I also could be reading it wrong, so if so, sorry.
    Pretty sure prosecutors can convict people. (Have people convicted? They have a "conviction rate" anway...)

    Also pretty sure that CandC is a prosecutor.

    So...
    "Are you yawning? You don't ride well enough to yawn. I can yawn, because I ride better than you. Meredith Michael Beerbaum can yawn. But you? Not so much..."
    -George Morris



  19. #139
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    Sep. 8, 2006
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    Fredericksburg, VA
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    Quote Originally Posted by cloudyandcallie View Post
    And if women were compensated, even at minimum wage, for every 24/7 shift they served as mother, wife, maid, cook, cleaning woman, chauffeur, etc., they'd all be owed millions in a divorce settlement.
    I really dislike this line of thinking (and -- gasp! -- I'm a woman, albeit not a homemaker or a mother). Women do get compensated in the form of room and board, car(s), etc. that are provided to them but for which they do not pay in money.

    I should be declared legally insane for posting this here, but if you're going to make the "women should get paid for running the home and raising the kids" argument, then the counter argument is that the man who holds the paying, outside-the-home job is owed a substantial sum because he's the one footing all the bills.

    The breadwinner's primary contribution to the home is financial, the homemaker/at-home parent's (regardless of that person's sex) primary contribution is labor. Both are critical to the home and neither owes the other anything as long as that "agreement" is entered into with the full knowledge and consent of both parties.
    Everyone is entitled to my opinion.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  20. #140
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    Nov. 8, 2001
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    Cambridge, IA
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    Ok, good piece of information, Bogie and SNL, thank you. Without that, I had to think she was a little nutty. Sorry CandC, honest, ignorant mistake. Carry on.

    I guess what threw me off the marked trail was the "I convicted" part of the sentence. Technically, the "people" convict, no? Minor point, but at least some explanation for my comment.

    Again, sorry, though. I still don't mean to offend.


    1 members found this post helpful.

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