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  1. #101
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    Jan. 14, 2003
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    Massachusetts
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    Quote Originally Posted by bellaalexander View Post
    I really am so thankful for all the help and support from everyone. This is such a shitty situation, and I am so thankful for everyone's advice and helpful comments.
    Saw the attny today and we went over what my husband wants... Full custody , not support and he claims I owe him money bc he has supported the horses... I spent the martial assets on horses. He want all money from the house and does not owe me a dime from his law firm.
    I'm so upset. How could he saw this? Or do this? He has spent zero time with the kids. He doesn't want to pay me.

    My atty is going to fight for me as my fight is gone. I'm really so sad. How could he be such an a hole.
    Ugh.
    Yep. Well, sad and lacking in any fight is exactly what he wants. Sorry, he can tell you he wants everything but the real world does not work that way and I would love to see the look on the judges face when he presents that.

    So, let him and his lawyer continue to make asses of themselves and get angry that he thinks you will be so easily beaten down.
    Family judges have seen it all and they will certainly know of his scumbag lawyer and any judge worth his/her salt will size your soon to be ex up before he ever opens his mouth in a courtroom. So, you just make sure that lawyer of yours fights back just as hard. You want the house, alimony (if applicable), child support, the horses, half of any retirement monies, oh yeah, half of anything he bought overseas for his girlfriends and your portion of the law practice. Also, if he is the main bread winner, you want him to pay for college. You can make demands which are just as asinine as his, in the end he cheated on you so who do you think it going to garner the least sympathy of the court?

    And remember, he is the one who cheated on you and squandered money on girlfriends. He has a sleazebag lawyer who is going to be paid to grind you down and screw with your head. So, yes, let your lawyer deal with it and spend your energy on making sure your lawyer is doing right by you.

    In the end, it will work out ok for you. He is actually scared shitless that you are going to own his balls in the end - as he should be.


    18 members found this post helpful.

  2. #102
    Join Date
    Mar. 10, 2007
    Location
    Montana
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    7,456

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    OP-sisterfriend- you can't be tired and out of fight yet.

    Find a way to put the Feelings in one compartment and the Divorce in another or you're going to let down your kids and horses and yourself. You gotta get some gravel under your tires.

    Remember what I said about depression.

    Please don't be someone that wrings their hands about "how can this be happening" the whole time that it's happening and never saves themselves. Roll in it as you need to but then get up and fight otherwise he's going to take you to the cleaners.

    Get a doctor/therapist, get a box of wine, get some girlfriends with attitudes and get fired up. It's going to suck but lots of people end up going to battle when they didn't want to be there and won.


    11 members found this post helpful.

  3. #103
    Join Date
    Apr. 26, 2000
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    3,267

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    Quote Originally Posted by bellaalexander View Post
    I really am so thankful for all the help and support from everyone. This is such a shitty situation, and I am so thankful for everyone's advice and helpful comments.
    Saw the attny today and we went over what my husband wants... Full custody , not support and he claims I owe him money bc he has supported the horses... I spent the martial assets on horses. He want all money from the house and does not owe me a dime from his law firm.
    I'm so upset. How could he saw this? Or do this? He has spent zero time with the kids. He doesn't want to pay me.

    My atty is going to fight for me as my fight is gone. I'm really so sad. How could he be such an a hole.
    Ugh.
    First - BIG giant hug for you. This does suck but you will get through it - I promise.

    Without going into all the crazy details (b/c it was like something off TV it was SO WHACK), ExH asked for EVERYTHING at the get go. He had all these "reasons" to justify his claims & requests. Part of this tactic is emotional warfare, another just negotiating - ask for way more than you expect to actually get. Don't let this beat you down and DO let your attorney go to the mattresses for you...that's what you're paying for. Your kids need your energy way more than you need to be spending your energy on the soon to be ex. Letting your attorney fight isn't giving up the fight...it's fighting SMART.

    It is SO hard to believe that someone who promised to love you forever could be such an ass and so deceptive, etc...it just destroys you piece by piece if you focus on that part of it. So don't focus on it. (I know easier said than done.) Like others on here, my divorce was a 3 ring circus of lies, deceit and treachery....my ex did everything he could to try and tear me to pieces and hang me out to dry. I had done nothing wrong either...he was the one with multiple affairs, hidden lives... the list goes on. Break down when you have to but don't be afraid to lean on good friends and make sure you don't forget about taking care of yourself through all this. Even if it's just a girls night out to see a movie and eat a $40 bucket of movie popcorn.

    Again, BIG hugs to you!!


    3 members found this post helpful.

  4. #104
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
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    Dutchess County, New York
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    My sister-in-law divorced a lawyer (and got the largest divorce settlement in Illinois history, at the time!) but since then her husband has appealed the settlement three times and she's ended up paying $$$$$ in legal fees to respond.

    I wonder if there's a way to put in your settlement that your legal fees in any appeal will be borne by your husband, or failing that, if your husband appeals and loses then he has to pay your legal fees.

    Pass this point on to your lawyer -- I imagine you have a lot on your mind!


    7 members found this post helpful.

  5. #105
    Join Date
    May. 18, 2006
    Location
    Richmond, VA
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    279

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    I did not have a difficult divorce, went to mediation. Interestingly, the mediator asked about the horse. Since we got him when we were married and I expected to care for him while married, XH (unfaithful #$%^) had to agree to split any vet bill over $500 for the next 7 years (half of the period of time we were married). A little unexpected bonus for me. He was not happy and said to the mediator, “Do you know what colic surgery can cost?” She did not care. I smiled.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  6. #106
    Join Date
    Jul. 29, 2004
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    Desert Southwest (finally)
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    3,818

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beau's mom View Post
    He was not happy and said to the mediator, “Do you know what colic surgery can cost?” She did not care. I smiled.
    Good thing I did not have a mouthful of coffee or my monitor would be wearing it now.

    Nicely done!!


    4 members found this post helpful.

  7. #107
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    Sep. 11, 2008
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    Snohomish, WA
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    Document the behavior with the kids. Document document document - and anything else you can think of.

    Quote Originally Posted by bellaalexander View Post
    So horses are boarded. It is a private gated farm and the Bo will not release them.
    This is my first appointment with attn. I know him personally as he also has horses. Hopefully that will be helpful...
    Husband attempted to take kids today, brought the baby back after an hour because he was fussy.... Geez. Then bought the older boys 7,9 an extremely violent video game and an x box... To keep at his new house...
    I'm currently looking through my panties drawer for a pair of big girl panties! As I am pissed!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  8. #108
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    May. 16, 2000
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    5,094

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    Quote Originally Posted by Finzean View Post
    Part of this tactic is emotional warfare, another just negotiating - ask for way more than you expect to actually get. Don't let this beat you down and DO let your attorney go to the mattresses for you...that's what you're paying for. Letting your attorney fight isn't giving up the fight...it's fighting SMART.

    Again, BIG hugs to you!!
    Ugh. So depressing reading about the OP’s and other’s breakups. Giant hugs to all of you! You’ve shared some amazing advice as well.

    A friend of mine is in a situation that mirrors yours almost exactly. Her not-soon-enough-to-be-ex is waging “emotional warfare” on her. After commiserating with friends who have gone through divorces, we have found that this is not uncommon. But, as Finzean said, let your attorney fight this battle. At $500/hour, he should be doing the heavy lifting, not you. You already have enough on your plate Take care of yourself and your kids and follow your lawyer’s advice to avoid finding yourself on the wrong side of any important issues. It sounds like things are going to be ugly for a while but, in the long run, you will be better off. This is not the type of person you want in your life or raising your children.

    It’s none of my business, but have you asked yourself what he would do if you capitulated and agreed to give him custody of the kids? It is pretty telling that just one hour with the baby pushed him over the edge. Also, would the “girlfriend” want custody of all 3 kids? Something to think about. He’s trying (and succeeding in scaring you). Maybe you should turn the tables on him. If nothing else, let him see how it feels.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  9. #109
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    May. 1, 2006
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    487

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    How utterly pathetic of your husband to do this... Keep your head up. Take care of your kids and yourself and let your attorney fight the fight. I am so very angry for you and I hope your attny does what needs to be done...



  10. #110
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    Aug. 5, 2007
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    2,116

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    First of all, you are not defined only by your marriage to XX.

    You are a wonderful, valuable person whose input during this marriage earned you the right to 1/2 of everything that grew or benefitted from that.

    Certainly there is no monetary value for your children, but EVERYTHING else in your marriage has a pricetag/ net value and you earned 50% of that.

    Set aside your emotional response to this and address the finances of the property.

    If you haven't asked for bank statements and company balance sheets going back as far a you can, do so or have your lawyer do so immediately, get appraisals and net values on all property including real and personal acquired or paid for during your marriage.

    Start with this, and think of it as protecting your children if that gets the momma bear in you going.

    This is your new job, get busy.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  11. #111
    Join Date
    Feb. 10, 2011
    Location
    Central Kentucky
    Posts
    18

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    I didnt read the whole thread, so forgive me if this was said. Everyone always looks for recommendations for a lawyer, and rightfully so. But sometimes what is overlooked is this:
    Find the friend or coworker or whomever that got SCREWED - and then find the ex-spouses attorney. THERE is your shark!


    4 members found this post helpful.

  12. #112
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    Jul. 20, 2010
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    Texarkana, AR
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    Honey, he's just effing with you with those demands. His lawyer knows that. They all ask for the sun, moon and stars to just mess with your head, they will settle for a lot less.

    BTW, if you have a Facebook or any other social media account, delete it. Be careful of what you say on the internet. You don't know how many times I've used a parents' Facebook account against them.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  13. #113
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2003
    Location
    Deep South
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    16,179

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    Show him your middle finger ! He must be an awful lawyer.
    ... _. ._ .._. .._


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #114
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    Aug. 9, 2007
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    9,835

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    Do not act or speak in any way that you would not want a judge or jury to see or hear. This means on the phone, in private, or in emails, etc. You can videotape your husband when he is with you. And he can videotape you and yours conversations when he is with you. Never give him ammunition to use against you. In atlanta, parties in divorce cases were always taping each other, and catching each other acting like idiots. Turned off judges and jurors.

    The problem with a lot of women in divorces is that they get upset, and react to what the husband says and does. You have to have a plan and act on it. This includes as others have said, documenting everything. And recording, via cell phone or tape recorder, everything that you are a party to.

    And as someone said, hire the lawyer who screwed everyone else in divorces. There were a few in Atlanta who were relentless. I saw them in court, and they were the ones that I recommended to people. And too many divorce lawyers, male and female alike, do not care about their clients. You want someone with such an ego and drive to win, win, win, that he will represent you well. Not because he likes you, but because he wants to win for himself.

    You have to quit worrying about why your husband is doing this, and start thinking about helping your children and saving your animals and making a living. The court will order child support, but you will have to work to make enough to take care of your children and your animals and yourself. Get some counseling too. You cannot collapse because of your children. You have to be strong. Get support from family and friends.


    13 members found this post helpful.

  15. #115
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    Jul. 20, 2010
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    Texarkana, AR
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    Quote Originally Posted by Equibrit View Post
    Show him your middle finger ! He must be an awful lawyer.
    He's not an awful lawyer, he's just a lawyer. If he were representing the OP, he'd ask for the same thing on her behalf. Its what we do. You start off making big demands knowing you aren't going to get them and negotiate from there. Its called horse trading. But as Cloudy said, you do want someone who likes to win and isn't a pushover. A shark or a pitbull. She also gave you good advice about watching what you say and do. Don't give the jerk any ammo.

    My niece is going through a similar situation, minus the horses. She put her asshat husband through pharmacy school and now that he's finished and is making good money, he started cheating and now wants a divorce. To add insult to injury, she had a stroke right after the birth of their child and can't work in her profession, dental hygiene. But she won't get mad and fight because she still "loves" him and doesn't want to make him mad. I think she's still wanting him back. I say BS get his balls, have them bronzed and use them for paperweights.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  16. #116
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    Oct. 16, 2008
    Location
    Central Oklahoma
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    You guys are scaring me.... Ignorance really is a bliss...Yike


    1 members found this post helpful.

  17. #117
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    May. 16, 2000
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gloria View Post
    You guys are scaring me.... Ignorance really is a bliss...Yike
    Yup. It is scary. I hope you never find yourself in the OP's position, but at least you know where to come for good advice and genuine support.



  18. #118
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    Mar. 31, 2012
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    Coastal NC
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    Just another general FYI while I am thinking about it, beware of social media! I am amazed at how many cases I hear these days where a spouse's social media is brought up. Honestly, it would not hurt to totally eliminate it altogether. I continue to be amazed by what people insist on putting out there for the whole world to see or read.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  19. #119
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    May. 16, 2000
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    Quote Originally Posted by quarterhorse4me View Post
    Just another general FYI while I am thinking about it, beware of social media! I am amazed at how many cases I hear these days where a spouse's social media is brought up. Honestly, it would not hurt to totally eliminate it altogether. I continue to be amazed by what people insist on putting out there for the whole world to see or read.

    YES! YES! and YES! Don't provide him with any ammunition.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  20. #120
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    Jul. 11, 2004
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    Quote Originally Posted by bellaalexander View Post
    Saw the attny today and we went over what my husband wants... Full custody , not support and he claims I owe him money bc he has supported the horses... I spent the martial assets on horses. He want all money from the house and does not owe me a dime from his law firm.
    I'm so upset. How could he saw this? Or do this? He has spent zero time with the kids. He doesn't want to pay me.

    My atty is going to fight for me as my fight is gone. I'm really so sad. How could he be such an a hole. Ugh.
    Divorces bring out the worst in everyone...nature of the beast (and the lawyers and some friends just make it worse).

    We've only heard one side of this...and there are always 2 sides.

    Forget about Pre-nups...the courts keep negating them using all sorts of weak excuses.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"


    2 members found this post helpful.

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