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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct. 7, 2006
    on and off the bit

    Default I Am the "Husband-Safe" Horse

    Nope, not that one over there with the bell boots and the banged tail.
    Yep -- here I am. Hanging by the gate that overlooks the mares' pasture. Yep -- me with the hooves like pizza pans and the profile of a pro football.
    Hay. How's it hangin'? Well, I think there's some shavings caught in it right now, and some kind of twig or something I just ... can't .. quite ... see ...
    But hay. It's my tail, dude, and that twig means I can hit the horseflies, the really big suckers ...
    Ow! Hay! Muck, that hurt!
    OK, you get that twig out. What are fingers for, anyway?
    Oh. Yum. Mmm. Yeah. Holding apples is something fingers are good for. Just ... no ... hold it right there, where I left it, if you move it a quarter of a hand you'll put the whole setup out of alignment and I'll have to readjust my teeth and your hand and ... oh, but yeah, cold apple juice just really hits the spot on a hot day ...
    OK, what are you doing now? Oh, yeah, that's my halter, the one with the three-ply triple-stitched black heavy-duty thread and the three-gauge brass hardware. Yeah, those suckers shine, don't they? ... yeah, I know, gotta work on that bulldog snap, but hay--what else are fingers for?
    OK, open it up ... no, you gotta ... you gotta push that bar this way, and then lift with your foot, and pull on the hasp, and ... OK, you got it. Yeah, I know, gotta oil that hinge ...
    Sigh. Yeah, I know she said she wanted to ride with us today, yeah, it's OK, Siegfried told me ... nah, he's cool, man, he just talks that way, but hay ... he's a cool red-blooded warmblood, which is just a draft-cross with an accent ...
    OK, so just brush that gritty stuff off my back, don't worry about getting every single little speck of dirt ... except ... there's ... this ... thing ... stuck under my shoe .. feels like the Rock of Gibraltar under there ... no, the other shoe ... hay, check out that nail, is that loose? ... feels a little loose ... you know, she got that new farrier out here last week and I don't think he had a clue, he used some new kind of rasp and he didn't tweak the shoes enough while they were still hot ... you know you gotta work on 'em when they're red-hot and not just that sort of yellowy-orange glowy color they get if you let the temperature drop one single degree below ...
    Hay, dude, that's my back, man -- that saddle's a real kidney-buster. You gotta lay it on me, not slam-dunk it ... oh, hay, watch it, that tickles ... whatta you mean, blow it out? You're always telling other people to suck it up ...
    OK, OK, over the teeth and past the gums, and on the bars and behind the ears ... buckle that ... hay. Not so tight. It's a throatlatch, not a necktie ...
    OK, here we go ... yeah, I guess you better grab the helmet ... you know what she'll say if you "forget" it ...
    OK, just drag it up just behind my front foot ... on the level ... nope, still not quite steady ... you turn your corner this way and I'll take a step over that way ... get it all aligned ... little bit more ... just about a hair ... hay, beats trying to tweak my trot once you're up here ... watch the ribs, watch the ribs ... watch your ...
    Sheath! Man ... !
    Yeah, I know, buddy. But hay. You're on. We're cool, dude.
    Here she comes. Lookin' good, Siegfried!
    Here we go.
    Last edited by Wellspotted; May. 29, 2013 at 11:55 PM.
    Founder of the People Who Prefer COTH Over FB Clique
    People Who Hate to Rush to Kill Wildlife Clique!
    "I Sing Silly Songs to My Animals!" Clique

    7 members found this post helpful.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct. 25, 2012


    Love it! Here's to what they put up with from us, everywhere!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul. 12, 2009
    Heart of the Midwest


    pace, path, balance, impulsion and ??

    Don't panic! Ralph Leroy Hill

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul. 21, 2011


    "he's a cool red-blooded warmblood, which is just a draft-cross with an accent".. I can hear the husband horse saying this.

    1 members found this post helpful.

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