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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun. 4, 2007
    Posts
    113

    Default Lower pay, less stress? and making big life changes?

    I haven't been settled into my new job very long. I am working as an RN on a medical/surgical floor. That job is stressful all by itself, as well as being a brand new nurse. I am on night shift, and I stay awake fine at work, but am a zombie my first day off... which is usually spent sleeping. My sleep schedule flip flops completely every 2-3 days.

    DH is working offshore, usually a one month gone, one month at home schedule. I pay a close friend to watch our 20 mo old daughter while I am at work and he is gone. Recently my friends made some comments that lead me to believe my daughter is burden on them. They also referred to her as "a monster" for keeping them awake crying one night. It was said somewhat in jest but I do not want her to be there if they consider her a burden. She is, for the most part, a delightful giggly loveable thing. And it breaks my heart to go to work and leave her there, although I know they love her, she is not theirs, and I am finding we have different parenting philosophies.

    I have no family nearby, and my other friends work or would be unable to watch her. I don't know how to pick basically a stranger from an ad to trust with my child. The thought makes me sick... after all, you never know people behind closed doors. Even with interviews, and references.

    I want to quit my job. I need to stick it at least 6 months to give myself a shot of finding a better job or day shift. But I am miserable because I hate leaving my daughter overnight, and the inherent stress of my job causes me to go on crying jags on the way to work. Or maybe that is the lack of sleep. DH is so appalled by my stress level he told me I could quit... but once again, I need the experience. On the bright side, I have the nicest coworkers a new nurse could dream of. They are more experienced, but also get overwhelmed by the patient load, understaffing, and the new POS computer system we just went to.

    I told Dh I want to make serious plans about moving back home. I want to try to sell or rent our house, and get back to the WV/MD/VA area where our family is. I am tired of never getting to see them, and they have said they would gladly watch our daughter when needed. We are no longer tied down to this area, other than the house.

    Dh could support us if I quit. It would be tight, but doable. His job is flexible, and will transport him from wherever we live in the US to his worksite.

    Here are my questions. Everyone close to me has told me to stick it out for 6 mos. Except Dh, who told me I could quit. He should never have said that, because its all I cling to on my way into work.

    Should I just stick it out?
    How do I find trustworthy night childcare? She already has an excellent daycare that I trust. Yeah... I sound like mother of the year. My baby goes to daycare and nightcare on certain days. I feel bad just typing that.

    Is it stupid to consider a massive pay cut for a less stressful job? Like, I want to quit and work at Starbucks or something. I don't hate nursing, but I don't have time to do "nursing." I am a med passer-outer, who does massive amounts of paperwork, and occasionally gets to care for my patients the way they should be. It sucks. I have been deployed to Baghdad, and it was less stressful on me. But I have also not had time to settle in and say for sure its not for me. All I know is night shift is not for me, with a child, and with Dh gone half the time, and worrying about my friends watching her and whether they resent it.

    I don't know what I'm looking for. Somebody give me permission to quit. Or tell me to keep going. That I am not wasting my child's most precious years being too busy for her. I am overwhelmed with guilt. And I should be asleep so I can work tonight.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul. 14, 2000
    Location
    midwest
    Posts
    10,961

    Default

    Call a family member today and see who you could bunk down with for a couple months back home until you can find work and a permanent place to live. See if that offer to watch your bumpkin is real and how long they are willing to do that for you. Then give two weeks notice at work. Meet with a Realtor to arrange to get the house on the market and start packing.

    Your husband supports you emotionally and financially. And no, you are not stupid to consider a massive pay cut for less stress. I left my last job of 10 years where I was paid very well because the owners became whacked out- nothing was predictable and they were not professional and I was tired of covering up for them. Patient care was lax. I was told by a good friend "you are who you work with" and with that in mind I walked away and have never looked back.

    Finding safe childcare in any town is hard, especially hard when you don't know anyone personally. I don't think you would regret leaving your bumpkin with a family member or someone they could recommend.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul. 29, 2006
    Location
    Colorado- Yee Haw!
    Posts
    3,329

    Default

    I don't have any great advice. I just want to send some hugs. 10 mo- 1 year was the hardest time for me with my daughter. It does get a little easier after that. I can't imagine the stress of a night job (I work days and do daycare too though and understand the feeling of being mom of the year.)

    Is there a co worker who has different nights that you could do a childcare co-op with? You watch theirs on their night and they watch yours on your night?

    I agree being near family would be great with a little one- but that presents a whole new set of stresses.

    Good luck!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2009
    Location
    CA to Costa Rica to WI
    Posts
    1,137

    Default

    I'm probably not the best person to take advice from since I don't have a family and I headed to another country when I couldn't find a job a liked.

    However... have you considered a nanny? I have several friends who nannied (is that a word?) and I had considered it right out of college. If you have room for them in your house you can exchange work for rent + a small stipend. Either way your daughter gets to stay in her home and have a consistent caregiver. Can you ask the other nurses or local college for suggestions? There are also agencies that specialize in hiring nannies who often provide references and background checks. True, you still never know someone completely, but most of the girls I know who nanny vs babysit really love kids and often want to work with them as a long term career goal.
    Proud member of the "I'm In My 20's and Hope to Be a Good Rider Someday" clique

    Fourteen Months Living and Working in Costa Rica


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec. 2, 2009
    Posts
    3,791

    Default

    You are not crazy. I have 3 kids and made myself literally insane trying to "make it" while working 70 hours a week. It. Sucked. My quality of life, and theirs, was so far reduced that I couldn't parent effectively because I was so freaking exhausted all the time. With my DH traveling for work, I honestly started to have nervous breakdowns.

    We rearranged our lives so that we can afford to live on his salary, and money I make from my business is "fun" money. I am here for the kids, I can take care of the property, and we are all so much happier!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan. 5, 2013
    Posts
    255

    Default

    Hugs...

    I don't have kids, so not going to weigh in on that part.

    I work for a really large staffing firm, so I am only going to address the part about sticking it out for 6 months... if you are an RN, there are jobs available where ever you go. It's not like an office job or an accountant where your perfect resume, tons of progression and sticking with one employer for large segments of your career is as crucial.

    If you are that stressed out, you may inadvertently do something to get in trouble. It is always better to leave on your own terms with great references than to get into a sticky situation where work performance is affected. Especially if you are looking to relo, you have a young child and your husband is only home every other month - a 6 month gap in your resume is probably not going to matter that much if you are credible when you talk about it. If you are going to move, you might put in 6 months where you are now and then change hospitals in 6 months, so you are just starting over anyway. Is the cost of all the stress worth it?

    I know I do bad thing when stressed and exhausted, even if it is sometimes just my tone. If you get let go, your work performance suffers, you make a mistake... those are going to be problems with references and the question from future employer of, "Is XXXXXX eligible for rehire?" So consider that side of the equation while you are working through all the options.

    There are many jobs for nurses, even if you don't want to do patient care and with the median age of nurses so high, the ACA coming on line, well, you are going to have really great job security.

    Family first and then the rest works its self out. Good luck to you.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr. 16, 2002
    Location
    ontario, canada
    Posts
    2,521

    Default

    Have you looked in your area to find daycare centres that specifically deal with shift workers' kids. I know of at least one in my area, and I don't even have kids. There are lots of people out there with jobs with odds hours, so chances are there is someplace near you that can help. I think you need to do that on the short-term front. If you are a new nurse, I would imagine that this initial experience is crucial to your future job opportunities. It may mean paying A LOT for childcare in the short term, but it basically sounds like you need to do whatever is necessary to get through the next 6 months sane and with good career prospects.

    You can then look into other jobs/moving and make some bigger life decisions.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun. 12, 2007
    Location
    CT
    Posts
    6,418

    Default

    I would talk to her daycare place first. Maybe one of the people there would take her home and care for her on your late nights? Or maybe they have run into this before with doctors/nurses kids and know where to send you.

    Personally, I'd stick it out until you have some marketable experience, or you may just get stuck with night shift in the next place you go.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul. 29, 2006
    Location
    Colorado- Yee Haw!
    Posts
    3,329

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by joiedevie99 View Post
    I would talk to her daycare place first. Maybe one of the people there would take her home and care for her on your late nights? Or maybe they have run into this before with doctors/nurses kids and know where to send you.
    This is great advice! We found a teacher we love at DD's daycare. I work some nights later and DH travels a fair deal. She has made it all possible. On days I can't get home before 6 or 7 she drives DD home from daycare AND cooks dinner AND cleans up after. I get off my calls and come home to a happy DD who loves playing with her teacher and her two daughters who usually come along too and dinner cooked for me!

    Seriously, I have no idea what I would do without her. I can usually text her last minute if something comes up at work. Sometimes that means DD going and watching her daughter's softball games, or dance class, but she thinks it's fun.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan. 18, 2002
    Location
    canada
    Posts
    392

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Wonders12 View Post
    I'm probably not the best person to take advice from since I don't have a family and I headed to another country when I couldn't find a job a liked.

    However... have you considered a nanny? I have several friends who nannied (is that a word?) and I had considered it right out of college. If you have room for them in your house you can exchange work for rent + a small stipend. Either way your daughter gets to stay in her home and have a consistent caregiver. Can you ask the other nurses or local college for suggestions? There are also agencies that specialize in hiring nannies who often provide references and background checks. True, you still never know someone completely, but most of the girls I know who nanny vs babysit really love kids and often want to work with them as a long term career goal.
    This times 2, Get yourself a live-in nanny. That way the kid gets to stay in
    their own home. Go to a reputable agency to help you find that person.
    I would not quit a job, just shortly after i started it. Try and stick it out for
    at least 6 months, and then move back closer to your family. Use the 6 months and the nanny to help you get the house ready to sell.
    Good luck.
    www.tayvalleyfarm.com
    My other home.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 2001
    Posts
    11,017

    Default

    Your health, your child and your husband are the most important things in this equation. Take care of those things first.

    RNs are in demand everywhere and though you may have some 'splaining to do about leaving before 6 months, it's do-able. 6 months is an eternity to a 20 month old and you'll never get that time back. This is doubly important because your husband isn't a permanent fixture (from her perspective)
    See those flying monkeys? They work for me.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jul. 21, 2011
    Location
    Co
    Posts
    5,176

    Default

    If you are crying and worried, give notice , plan for the future, then make the change to go back to work.
    RN's do have jobs (not always on the day shift , even after 1 year) so, do what you need to do now for your sake and for the sake of your child and get back on the night shift when you have the care of your child assured, with people whom you are comfortable with.
    Go with your gut.. Hugs to you.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Dec. 31, 2009
    Location
    Area 51
    Posts
    1,792

    Default

    Could you find a day job at like a nursing home? Good luck to you!
    I LOVE my Chickens!



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Oct. 16, 2006
    Posts
    908

    Default

    OP I am an RN (a relatively new one) but not a "young person" as my kids are older.

    I am worried because I don't hear any joy in your post about caring for your patients. It is almost impossible to be happy as an RN if you don't take some joy in caring for them as the work is so hard. (Not being critical - just think it makes a huge difference for YOU as well as the patients)

    I have so many questions for you about your work environment:
    Community or teaching hospital?
    What is your patient load?
    General or specialized med/surg?
    How long have you been doing it exactly?
    Which computer system?
    What kind of training did your hospital offer for both patient care and adapting to the new computer system?

    I know many people who start at a new institution and HATE their coworkers. The fact that your coworkers are supportive is huge.

    You will always need this first job for experience, it will always suck and be stressful because it is new, your child will be young for a long while -- I'd stick it out.

    BUT

    Consider switching your childcare arrangements. (Consider switching your entire sleep schedule to "days" you will feel less stressed if you are more rested. Maybe your daughter should switch her schedule entirely too.)
    Yes, it will be expensive but if you can get a solid year in while your daughter is young, and frankly won't remember this period, you will be in good shape for the future.

    There are not as many nursing jobs out there as people think and certainly not for new graduates.

    I would be happy to discuss any of this by PM or on the thread some more.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Mar. 25, 2011
    Location
    Pennsylvania
    Posts
    5,345

    Default

    Life is short and the best thing you can do is minimize the regrets you have on your deathbed. Are you going to be at that stage and wish you hadn't quit your job, wish you had been more available for your kid, wish you hadn't made yourself sick with stress? You have to decide which move would result in the worst regrets (I figure you'll have some regrets anyway so you have to decide which is the greatest).

    I know what I'd do in your position, but that's me. What do you want to do? Then do that. You know what you want to do.

    Paula
    He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).


    1 members found this post helpful.

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