My daughter will be 16 in a month and so will begin dating. She has had a few boyfriends in the past that she has gone to the movies and school functions. She has a boyfriend now for about 3 weeks and they want to go to his house or his grandmother's to watch Netflix and play video games. I have allowed this a few times because I trust DD but I'm not wholly comfortable with it. Is this the new norm for dating? In my day, the boy called for you and you went to the movies or to eat or to some school function. You didn't go to his house to "hang out". But then its been "several" years since I was a teen.
I think that with the high cost of everything these days (I was appalled to learn how much movie tickets cost these days!), I would be very happy with the arrangement your daughter and her boyfriend have now. Hanging out at his house or his grandmother's house, properly chaperoned of course, I think is a good thing. Shows he and his family have a good relationship.
I am way over 16 now and enjoy hanging out with male friends and watching TV. Very relaxing, and affordable. We don't need chaperoning at our age, though!
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As long as parents/grandparents are around, I don't have a problem with my DD going over to her boyfriend's house to hang out. He does have a job, but he's saving money for college. And Wellspotted was correct, movies are EXPENSIVE.
My daughter is 15. She has had a few boyfriends (although she is more interested in the attention than in having a boyfriend). Yes, she will sometimes go to her boyfriend's house to watch a movie or hang out.
I'm fine with it provided the parents are home. And yes, I check.
I have only boys, two are grown and gone and one is too young to date.
As long as parents are home and awake on the other end, I wouldn't worry about it. "Dating" is much more casual than it was when I was young. Actually, I think I'd rather have them at someone's home than driving around in cars at night.
Does she invite the boyfriend over to watch TV at your house? If not, encourage it, it will give you an idea of what's going on.
My daughter, who is 18, and her boyfriend, who is 20 (they have been dating for 6 months) typically hang out at either our house or at his parent's house. He is in college, but still lives at home, and his parents are ALWAYS around, as am I. They don't have a ton of money to date (they both work, but are savers and use it for school). At my house they hike, or fish, and at his they swim in the pool, or play video games (they help with chores at either, but after they are done there is time for other stuff).
So yeah, that's kinda the norm when there is little money for movies (darn they are expensive these days) or when gas is so high. But they should be supervised.
I was a teenager not too long ago (I'm 25). My parents allowed me to go over to my BF's house when I was 16. There was always a parent present and I was a trustworthy kid. I never did "anything" until I was much older
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I took my granddaughter to the movies recently. Tickets were $5.50 each. I got popcorn, she got candy, I got a water, she got a small coke; total for food was $21. I nearly fell over. $32 for two people? Hello? Way too expensive. Let them 'hang out' but make sure an adult is close and just happens to meander thru from time to time.
I am a few years away from having a teenager but from what I hear from my friends, what you describe is pretty normal. When kids do go out it tends to be in groups as well, not so much one on one dating.
As Canaqua suggests, encourage her to have him over as well. Gives you a chance to vet him.
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Also not a parent, but 23 so not super far removed from that age.
I agree that this is becoming very normal. However, encourage them to spend time at your house as well. Take them both out to dinner then let them have the living room for a movie. Also try to build a relationship with his parents. This will give you a better idea of what the situation is like at his house.
Don't go banning visits to his house. This will just lead to a daughter like me who spent her high school years sneaking around and telling my parents I was out to the movies when I was really at a guy's house. Ironically, I was actually a really "good girl" and didn't get into trouble this way, but I think that's pretty rare. So be protective and be involved, but don't make her feel trapped.
Looking back on it, I always spent more time at my bfs' houses than they did mine. (So did my sister and my other girl friends.) I think this is because guys' families tend to be very inclusive. They're always happy to meet me and excited that their son is dating a nice girl. Where I believe most parents of girls tend to start the relationship with a protective attitude. They're more wary of the boyfriend at first. So do your best to be positive and inclusive of the relationship.
It's a tough one if you don't know or trust the other parents. If you do, then it seems totally appropriate. If not, then that's very different. My dd is turning 15 and I would not hesitate to let her go to some boys' homes, others not so much. Supervision is very different to different parents, and I think that's the key.
I am 34 now - spent lots of time hanging out at my high school BFs house, he spent lots of time at mine. We also went on hikes, car trips, concerts, etc (as did our friends).
He was a good kid (valedictorian, better student than me!), I was a fairly responsible kid.
But my parents always gave me lots of independence (started going to the barn by myself and riding all day when I was 11), and with that came responsibility and confidence.
We didn't get into any trouble, lived to tell the tale, and grew up to be fairly well adjusted adults.
Teach her well, and let her start being responsible for her self. In two short years she will be off to college where you will not be able to control her daily coming and going. From what I have seen - those who have been able to express some independence, and learn how to make choices on their own, do better when they first move out of the home.
It was the really coddled kids that seemed to get into trouble (alcohol poisoning, unwanted pregnancy etc) their freshman year at college.
Edited to add:
Oh, and regarding "going to the movies" besides the expense(!) I have witnessed teens getting pretty hot and heavy in the back of dark movie theaters. I think I would rather my daughter be at someone's house with parents home!
My younger son and his girlfriend are 14. They have (oddly enough) been "together" since 5th grade, so they are farther along than most kids their age with the dating stuff. She comes here, he goes there - with parents, home -obviously. They have been to movies and ball games and theme parks together, and she has been horse camping with us several times. It's a gamble, and we are constantly assessing the level of supervision they require. Her step-dad is the most conservative of the parents involved, and I worry sometimes that they will decide to do the crime, since he has pretty much already found them guilty of it. I think they are pretty innocent, and they are responsible, level-headed kids. I think that kids who are determined to get intimate will manage to do so, regardless of parenting/supervision. I am worrying a bit about band camp!
I have a 16 year old son and have found that the kids generally prefer to hang out at each others houses and watch movies, sports or video games. We allow his girlfriend to come over as often as she likes. Either my husband and I or my older daughters are home. Because we don't have a family room, we allow them to watch TV in his room, however, he understands that we have full access to his room at all times and his sisters are relentless with checking on them. His current girlfriend is from a good family and I feel like we've instilled good values in our kids, so I feel comfortable with how we handle. We are definitely on the more trusting side, but it works for us. My kids are very open with us about any and all issues or questions they may have and they are a very close group, so my son always has his sisters to help him as well.
Yep, that's pretty much the norm OP (I'm 16). Movies are expensive, but honestly it depends on the guy too. My ex-bf was not exactly very thoughtful or creative so we never did anything too special. I did get to spend a lot of time with him and his family though. My friend seemed like a pretty awesome boyfriend though when he was still with his ex. He always took her to nice places to eat (especially for a teen "couple") and they always did more interesting things. So the cost of things right now is definitely a factor, but so is the guy she's dating.
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