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  1. #81
    Join Date
    Aug. 12, 2010
    Location
    Westford, Massachusetts
    Posts
    3,470

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    OP, I know you weren't asking for advice on your relationship, but I think that the reason the thread has derailed a bit is because so many people are getting the feeling that the reason your sister's engagement upset you is that you are feeling insecure about whether your BF will marry you.

    An enagement isn't that big of a deal...needing time to get his "ducks in a row"? Come on. A guy who really wants you and is ready to commit to you will MAKE things happen, NOW, before someone else gets there. If he wanted to get married badly enough, rather than feeling pressured and buying time, he could probably make arrangements to get the ring and talk to your father in a day.

    DH and I were living together and had a two year old...I was the foot dragger, not sure I saw any need to get married. One day, I said something to the effect of "I guess I might be ready to get married soon"...he grabbed his car keys and told me to "get in the car, we're going to Town Hall right now to get a license, before you change your mind". No ring, no asking anyone, no nothing...we were married three days later (waiting period in Mass), before I could change my mind . No ring, no "permission" from anyone, no anything...get the deed done, pronto, this is what you've been waiting for .


    9 members found this post helpful.

  2. #82
    Join Date
    Oct. 26, 2007
    Location
    San Jose, Ca
    Posts
    4,948

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    Weird - why if he wants to marry you, why can't he just propose? Just because you get engaged - doesn't mean you are getting married tomorrow - he doesn't have to have "everything ready".

    But this is coming from someone that made it very clear to her BF that marriage was not important to me!

    Two years in he proposed. We have been together almost 12 years now. I am happy wearing my ring, still with no plans for a wedding (do not really want one, but maybe someday we will actually get married!).

    Any way, if he WANTS to marry you, I do not see what the hesitation is about. He can propose at any time - you can talk about weddings later.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  3. #83
    Join Date
    Feb. 25, 2011
    Location
    So California
    Posts
    2,538

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    Quote Originally Posted by LadyNeon01 View Post
    Oh I know the ring on my hand won't change anything. We've been living together for just short of 2 years now. The decision wasn't based on money, it was based on convenience and wanting to move forward in our relationship. We were practically living together before that, just we were at either his place or mine. For all intents and purposes we act married. We just aren't legally and I want those protections and benefits.

    Also, not sure where anyone got the idea I gave an ultimatum. It was more of a rational discussion where I told him what I needed to know, we agreed on a time frame for getting answers back to me, and I could do whatever I wanted based on those answers. In this case, he told me that he wants to marry me. He admitted that he'll never be 100% sure, but then again no one is. He even volunteered a time frame for when our engagement would happen. The way he's been acting and talking tells me he's serious. On the flight home from vacation Monday, he even jokingly asked about a double wedding (haha, never gonna happen).
    I suspect most people are 100% sure that they want to marry, especially at the time of the engagement. It's one thing to have sudden doubts in hours pre-ceremony, but I think it's really odd to have doubts about getting engaged. Why do it if there are doubts? And more important, why would you want to marry someone who is not really sure he wants you? That sounds sad.


    14 members found this post helpful.

  4. #84
    Join Date
    Jul. 13, 2011
    Location
    East Longmeadow, MA
    Posts
    3,184

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    ^^^^ This. I have refrained from commenting on this thread so far but I think the OP seriously needs to go talk to a counselor. The whole view of this situation is just so not reality based.
    What's wrong with you?? Your cheese done slid off its cracker?!?!


    5 members found this post helpful.

  5. #85
    Join Date
    May. 31, 2013
    Posts
    2

    Default I know how you feel

    I'm so glad I'm not the only one. My younger sister was just married yesterday and I was her maid of honer, gave a pretty good toast and I am genuinely happy for her. But even though I wish I could just be happy for her I have very conflicted feelings. I've been dating (and now living with) my boyfriend for three years and I have yet to see a ring. We've talked about it and we both want to get married but he wants us to be "financially ready" before we get married. Watching my dad give her away before me was probably one of the hardest parts. Don't worry about having conflicting feelings, it's natural and it doesn't take away from your happiness for your sister.



  6. #86
    Join Date
    Jul. 24, 2008
    Posts
    2,943

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    My husband and I were together for 10 years before he proposed, during which time my younger sister got married, and then divorced, and it never crossed my mind at all to be anything but happy for her. I think the "grow up" suggestions are most appropriate.

    Hubby & I got together very young (we were 18 when we started dating) and so the first 5-6 years was just about getting our lives organized; finishing school, getting jobs/cars/moving out of our parents' houses. I was never in a hurry to get married because I never wanted all the hoopla to go along with it. We also didn't want to spend all that money on a wedding! At about the 7-9 year mark we started talking about it a little more, and then after 10 years he proposed.

    I hated every minute of wedding planning! Good gravy it was one of the most stressful things I've ever done. Never, NEVER again! lol.
    Jigga:
    Why must you chastise my brilliant idea with facts and logic? **picks up toys (and wine) and goes home**


    2 members found this post helpful.

  7. #87
    Join Date
    Sep. 20, 2009
    Posts
    686

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    I'm curious to know if OP is engaged.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  8. #88
    Join Date
    Sep. 30, 2007
    Posts
    2,711

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    It's interesting how things work out with siblings and marriage. I have two older brothers. The middle brother met his future wife when he was a junior (21) and she was a freshman (18) in college. They got married three years later (1984)- Still married (I don't think my brother would have gotten married so soon but my sister in law REALLY wanted to get married). The oldest brother seemed to be the perpetual bachelor. He met his future wife when he was in his mid 20's but she was involved with, and later married to, someone else. That marriage didn't work out. She and my brother were together for 7 years and bought a house together before getting engaged. They got married about two years ago (she was 48 and he was 51 at the time). I had numerous long term relationships over the years but and had pretty much given up on the idea of finding someone that I would want to marry (that also wanted to marry me). I met my fiance at my oldest brothers big wedding celebration (7 months after their tiny wedding). I was almost 49 and he had just turned 58. He proposed on our one year anniversary last july- we don't have a wedding date set (he has said "the sooner the better" but I don't feel any sort of rush). Besides we will both be relocating to a different town and will be paying for the wedding ourselves so I'm hoping to save some money first. I'll be getting married much much older than I had "planned" when I was younger (hoped it would be before 30) but that's how life works sometimes.
    Last edited by Mukluk; Oct. 14, 2013 at 11:59 AM.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  9. #89
    Join Date
    Feb. 22, 2012
    Location
    MS Gulf Coast
    Posts
    569

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    Just a quick update. Yes, I'm engaged. And my sister is driving me up a wall by not telling me important details about her wedding, which is a month from tomorrow (but that's a whole other issue). I just started a thread earlier today about planning a wedding from 1200 miles away. So I'm going to be busy trying to do that now.
    My May boys: Beau , Neon, Criss


    1 members found this post helpful.

  10. #90
    Join Date
    Sep. 30, 2007
    Posts
    2,711

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    CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! Wishing you happily ever after!


    1 members found this post helpful.

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