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  1. #81
    Join Date
    Oct. 25, 2012
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    4,783

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    Kids at this age are generally leaving The Horse Phase, regrettably. Hormones are surging, they've discovered Boys, and their-friends-their-friends-their-friends have FAR more sway over their attention than any auntie is ever likely to. This is about HER choices (with typical teenage shortsightedness) and NOT about YOU.

    Are you sure you're really not pi$$ed because you were about to get your retired horse productively off your payroll?

    Unfortunately, this is perfectly normal and expected behavior for this age group; and if you think THAT'S bad, ask around what goes on at boarding schools!

    If she has parents, not your problem. This too shall pass!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  2. #82
    Join Date
    Mar. 9, 2006
    Posts
    1,830

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    OK, so maybe the kid really did call off the party, and maybe her friends really did show up and pressure her into it. You know, sometimes it's good for a kid to learn your friends can get you in trouble and leave you holding the bag. Learning to stand up to people who don't have your best interests in mind is an important lesson. Since LBM told kiddo that having a party would result in no horse, I think the consequences need to follow.


    10 members found this post helpful.

  3. #83
    Join Date
    May. 6, 2003
    Posts
    1,888

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    What carp said.

    Regardless of whether we think the punishment was too harsh, once LBM laid down the marker it was absolutely incumbent on her to follow through. There is more than one lesson being taught here. One is that behaviour has consequences. The other is that there is at least one adult in her life who keeps promises, good and bad.

    I'd now set something up to allow kid to earn back the right to the pony, but she's not my teen.
    According to the Mayan calendar, the world will not end this week. Please plan your life accordingly.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  4. #84
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    1,982

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady Eboshi View Post
    Kids at this age are generally leaving The Horse Phase, regrettably. Hormones are surging, they've discovered Boys, and their-friends-their-friends-their-friends have FAR more sway over their attention than any auntie is ever likely to. This is about HER choices (with typical teenage shortsightedness) and NOT about YOU.

    Are you sure you're really not pi$$ed because you were about to get your retired horse productively off your payroll?

    Unfortunately, this is perfectly normal and expected behavior for this age group; and if you think THAT'S bad, ask around what goes on at boarding schools!

    If she has parents, not your problem. This too shall pass!
    Actually it will cost me more to move him. About 200 more a month.
    mykidshavefourlegs.blogspot.com


    1 members found this post helpful.

  5. #85
    Join Date
    Aug. 14, 2010
    Location
    San Francisco, CA
    Posts
    634

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    Hey, don't group us all in the same category!

    I hope your niece knows how lucky she is to even have had that opportunity, I would be thrilled. I'm currently working my butt off to save up a horse of my own but my parents won't let me do a full lease until I get my license.

    I'm still in the horse phase as much as I ever was
    Proud member of the COTH Junior (and Junior-at-Heart!) clique!


    3 members found this post helpful.

  6. #86
    Join Date
    Feb. 25, 2012
    Location
    Montana
    Posts
    2,855

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    Well still think you totally did the right thing and I would not be in any hurry to let her earn it back. Not that you might not in the future, but for sure not now. I would move on and be warm and friendly and whatever - she made her choice so it must have been what she wanted, and I would not put one iota of energy into this issue. I would still be supportive in other ways. It's not like she has been cast off to the sands of the sahara to make her way with only a bag of rice and a set of jumper cables;this is one relatively small consequence that may not even feature highly for her. I would give her the respect of knowing exactly what she was doing! Otherwise you are saying that you think she is incompetent, which, teenager or not, she does NOT sound like she is!

    There is the story of the two monks who are not to have contact with women, They get to a river where there is a woman stranded and who needs a ride across the river. One monk agrees to carry her although the other admonishes him for it. They cross (with the woman), set her down and continue on their way. Hours later, the second monk again expresses his disapproval that the first monk had contact with the woman. The first monk looks at him and says, "are you still carrying her? I left her at the river!" I would go enjoy my BABY and horse(s) and move on. She is very lucky to have you! And she will likely respect you quite a bit!


    5 members found this post helpful.

  7. #87
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2005
    Location
    Kentucky
    Posts
    4,148

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    I think you did the right thing. I used to teach a young lady whose parents had bought her a horse when she was on the fence between "good kid/bad kid". After the purchase of the horse, she fell firmly on the bad kid side of the fence despite the best efforts of everyone at the barn to keep her busy there and hopefully out of trouble. Her parents would not follow through with their threats to sell the horse which meant no consequences to her escalating bad behavior. I believe if they would have followed through in some way, just once, it would have shaved years off her drug problems.



  8. #88
    Join Date
    Apr. 7, 2003
    Location
    OR
    Posts
    356

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    LBM, I am the parent of a 15 year old girl and think you did the right thing.

    You know what I think of when I think of harsh consequences? How about getting expelled from school? Getting arrested? Getting killed or maimed or killing or maiming someone else due to driving under the influence? Developing a substance abuse problem?

    That's why parents, or in this case, other adults in a position to give guidance, set up safe, but firm boundaries and consequences and follow through with them. It's so that kids and teens can practice learning that consequences to actions are REAL in a safe scenario where the consequence is disappointing and tough, not devastating and likely to alter the course of one's entire adult life.

    As the parent, it SUCKS having to deal out a really tough consequence and as others have mentioned is often more trouble for the parent. In my experience, through, the times when it's been hardest to follow through because I knew the consequence was going to be really tough for my daughter have hands down consistently made the biggest impact in her changing her behavior for the better.


    3 members found this post helpful.

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